My sister won't sign as 'Auntie'

[Boytrio]

I get on really well with my sister, we've always been close even when she moved to America. She doesn't want children though sometimes I suspect it's her husband who doesn't want children and she doesn't have a choice. Either way, I feel sad for her and what she is missing out on and I hope she/they will change their mind. I always assumed she would love my children as if they were her own, like I do my nephew (brothers son). It has come as an unpleasant surprise that she can act so hostile towards them. Sometimes she's wonderful - one was born on her birthday and she said it was the best birthday present ever. She is also an awesome whatsapp dinosaur buddy. And then there are other times when I just wonder what is going on inside her head. She has yet to meet my three year old (I would have been desperate to go to America and meet my niece/nephew if she had one but meeting mine seem to be low priority). She also consistently signs herself by her name without the 'Auntie' title. For me, being an Auntie is a joy. It feels like she is rejecting my children by denying them that special relationship. I've asked her about it and she said it should be their choice whether they call her Auntie or not. Quite frankly I find it bizaare to put that decision making on toddlers - surely you'd just call yourself Auntie and then accept it was their decision to stop when they were older and have more advanced comprehension? Am I being unreasonable to expect more enthusiasm than this?!

Why should you dictate what she does? You are being unreasonable and patronizing towards her choices. She is not denying them a relationship that she was never obligated to offer them. You sound very selfish.

Your being too sensitive

Please don't be so patronising. Just because you think she would be missing out by not have kids, doesn't mean that that's the case. Millions of people lead perfectly happy lives without children.

I cannot believe how many people think you are being unreasonable. Being someone’s auntie is a total privilege and it’s really sad she doesn’t see that. I would have been so upset if my DC had not grown up calling my siblings Auntie and Uncle. It helps foster a sense of family and connectedness for the children as they grow up. I love that my DC understood how they fitted into the family and who they were related to and how, and that they understood the uniqueness of each relationship. YANBU

You're condescending, patronising and unreasonable. I'm an "auntie" several times over & I've never been called Auntie or Aunt, nor do I want to be. I have never prefixed any of my aunts or uncles with their familial title either. You have no idea what goes on inside anyone's head or relationship and your expectation that your sister should bend over transatlantic-ly backwards for your children when she may not even be a "kid person" is bizarre. She may also be dealing with other personal issues. Stop being so self involved and look after your own house.

Surely this is a reverse??

I also would have been upset if my nieces and nephews hadn’t called me ‘auntie’. In fact they still do

YABVU
Your poor sister, there is more to life than focusing purely on your children. They are understandably the centre of your world but won’t be the centre of hers.

You sound sickeningly annoying. Ugh.

I get it! She's "family", and at the end of the day she is their Aunty. If when they were older somebody asked who is xxxxxx is, their reply would be Aunty.

She sounds like hard work. I mean come on, they can decide when they are older? It's not like it's a bloody religion, it's a relationship, a family relation?!

My sister doesn't want kids herself but embraces her role as Aunty to my kids. She is definitely the fun Aunty.
Just cos she doesn't want kids herself doesn't mean that she hates kids full stop.

Or maybe she doesn't "identify" as Aunty.🤦‍♀️

I wouldn't sweat it if I were you, if she wants to be too busy and important then let her. Get busy with the family relations that aren't so pretentious.

If you’ve changed some major details you might be my SIL. Sorry I actually don’t pay that much attention to your child. I’m sure they’re great and all but I have yet to get too enthusiastic about being Aunt to them.

Haha okay thank you, yes you're right. Sometimes it takes the cold hard truth to see beyond your feelings. And for the record, she has at times alluded to wanting a family but that her husband doesn't so yes - I maintain that I do find this sad and I worry she will have regrets later in life, but of course that is because I care about her not because I am projecting my ideals

Being someone’s auntie is a total privilege and it’s really sad she doesn’t see that.

That doesn’t depend on whether you are called auntie or not. It’s relationship not name.

What a farrago of self- important nonsense. She doesn’t need your pity for choosing not to have a child, and what you seem to interpret as ‘hostility’ seems to consist of her not travelling to another continent to see your offspring and not signing herself ‘Auntie’.

DS doesn’t call any of his many aunts ‘Auntie’. Even more horrifyingly, he calls all his grandparents by their first names, and has since he was a toddler.

Definitely unreasonable. Many people seriously dislike being called ‘Auntie’ and would rather pull off their toenails than be addressed in that way. Our children have never called anyone Aunt or Uncle. Our nieces and nephews call us by our Christian names. We don’t love them any less because we use names.

Haha okay thank you, yes you're right. Sometimes it takes the cold hard truth to see beyond your feelings.

Well done for accepting that you were in the wrong. Don’t see that often here!

Oh please. You're being completely ridiculous.
I have 8 nieces and nephews, and only two of them call me auntie. The word auntie doesn't mean jack in the grand scheme of things.
Some people just aren't big children people, it seems your sister isn't one. Just because you enjoy children, doesn't mean she has to. Get a grip.

@PurpleDaisies

Being someone’s auntie is a total privilege and it’s really sad she doesn’t see that.

That doesn’t depend on whether you are called auntie or not. It’s relationship not name.

But if you don’t refer to yourself as ‘auntie’ there is a sort of implied denial of that relationship. What if it was a grandparent insisting that their grandchildren refer to them by name only?

I had to read this twice because I couldn't believe how bizarre it is.

I have two nieces. I LOVE them and really enjoy spending them with them and getting updates on their lives. I have never signed anything with "Auntie". They know I'm their aunt, but it has never crossed my mind to write it in a card...?

But you know, they're not my kids, we live on opposite sides of the country, and I'll go weeks without talking to them because I'm busy and so is my brother's family. I hear updates through my mom most of the time. And that's okay...

Omg. You’re actually insane. Sorry to break it to you but your kids are not incredible angel beings to anyone but you. Presumably your sister was aware her husband didn’t want kids when she married him, if it was that important to her I think it’s reasonable to assume she wouldn’t have married the guy.

@Neonprint

Sorry you lost me at I feel so sad for her because she won't have kids.

You sound really self involved and like a bit of a knob. I can't imagine being so caught up in myself. Wow.

Exactly this. The. World. Doesn't. Revolve. Around. Your. Precious. Child.

@SionnachRua 😂😂

Are you Sam and Billie Faires? They have this weird thing way they just called each other Auntie and not even use their names?

Yes. I’m ‘aunty’ to four but I don’t get called it and I don’t feel comfortable with it.

I am torn. Like @FilthyforFirth I find it unusual for someone who has nieces and nephews to not want to be called auntie or uncle. I am auntie Patti to mine and DH's nieces and nephews, and my husband is their uncle, (and they all call him Uncle Steve...)

I also call the siblings of my parents 'auntie' or 'uncle,' and have never called them by their first name.

As I said, that is just ME, and I appreciate that others have different opinions, and they are entitled to them...

Despite my views and experiences, @Boytrio your sister is entitled to not want to be called auntie.

It could be even that she does wants kids and can't have them, and being called auntie stings her, as it reminds her that she can't have them. However, if this is NOT the case; as previous posters have said, don't assume it's her husband stopping them having kids, because you don't know that.

I haven't clicked YABU or YANBU, because, as I said, I am on the fence... However, I do think you are being given a weirdly hard time on here. Why people have to be so harsh, and mean, and frankly quite nasty, just baffles me.

nb, Steve isn't my husband's name...