My sister won't sign as 'Auntie'

[Boytrio]

I get on really well with my sister, we've always been close even when she moved to America. She doesn't want children though sometimes I suspect it's her husband who doesn't want children and she doesn't have a choice. Either way, I feel sad for her and what she is missing out on and I hope she/they will change their mind. I always assumed she would love my children as if they were her own, like I do my nephew (brothers son). It has come as an unpleasant surprise that she can act so hostile towards them. Sometimes she's wonderful - one was born on her birthday and she said it was the best birthday present ever. She is also an awesome whatsapp dinosaur buddy. And then there are other times when I just wonder what is going on inside her head. She has yet to meet my three year old (I would have been desperate to go to America and meet my niece/nephew if she had one but meeting mine seem to be low priority). She also consistently signs herself by her name without the 'Auntie' title. For me, being an Auntie is a joy. It feels like she is rejecting my children by denying them that special relationship. I've asked her about it and she said it should be their choice whether they call her Auntie or not. Quite frankly I find it bizaare to put that decision making on toddlers - surely you'd just call yourself Auntie and then accept it was their decision to stop when they were older and have more advanced comprehension? Am I being unreasonable to expect more enthusiasm than this?!

But if you don’t refer to yourself as ‘auntie’ there is a sort of implied denial of that relationship.

That’s total bollocks.

What if it was a grandparent insisting that their grandchildren refer to them by name only?.
Why would that be any different? As long as the children know and love their grandparents, who cares what they’re calling them?

There is so much wrong with this post im not sure what to think. From the patronising pity over their valid choice to not have children to the irrational fixation on the word Auntie. The whole thing is madness.
You have two young children which Im sure will bring you great joy but possibly a lot of real worries in years to come. Life is hard enough without looking for things like this to stress over. You need to step back and let your sister be herself. You are destined for a life of disappointment if you get so upset by others not seeing things exactly as you do or living up to unrealistic unnecessary expectations

In case anyone has missed it, the op has said she was wrong.

No need to keep battering her.

I cannot bear “auntie.”

All my aunts and uncles have just been known by their first name, the great uncles and aunts too.

I am known by my first name by my nephews. Doesn’t mean I’m not their aunt and that I am rejecting them.

I’ve always thought it was the norm to call each other auntie and uncle??? Is this just my family? I’m gobsmacked. Genuinely never thought to do anything else. Makes me feel even luckier to have my family to be honest

I adore my nieces and nephews. They never call me 'aunt' or 'auntie', they just call me Clymene.

This is a joke...right? You do know the world doesn't revolve around your kids.

I call my aunts by their first name. I called my mum by her first name. I called my grandmother by her first name.

Seriously not a big deal.

I have never, and will never, use Auntie either.

And I have no inclination to want to love your children like they are my own, because they aren't.

You are being utterly batshit.

I have 8 nephews and nieces, none of them refer to me as ‘aunt’ and none of my siblings refer to themselves as aunt / Uncle. Then again, they don’t refer to our parents as grandma / grandpa, they have nicknames for our parents. My own grandchildren call us manma and pampa. 🥰. Names are irrelevant, it’s relationships that count.
OP, I don’t think your children will have a close relationship with your sister if she lives in the US and doesn’t see you much.

@PurpleDaisies

But if you don’t refer to yourself as ‘auntie’ there is a sort of implied denial of that relationship.

That’s total bollocks.

What if it was a grandparent insisting that their grandchildren refer to them by name only?.
Why would that be any different? As long as the children know and love their grandparents, who cares what they’re calling them?

But as a wee one, I knew how PROUD my grandparents were to BE my grandparents, because that is what they called themselves. Only I got to call them the special names (and a select few others ) because that relationship was unique special to me. Other people called them Jim and Penny, I called them something special to me and them.

As previous posters have commented, I only put my name as ‘first name’, I never put auntie/aunt ‘first name’

Mad. I love kids, mine and my siblings', but I've never called myself Auntie, and my brother and sister never called themselves Auntie and Uncle to my kids. Just our names, so what?

@Holly60

I’ve always thought it was the norm to call each other auntie and uncle??? Is this just my family? I’m gobsmacked. Genuinely never thought to do anything else. Makes me feel even luckier to have my family to be honest

Lucky? Really? This thread and some people's mentality just gets weirder and weirder.

I'm not 'auntie' to any of my nieces or nephews. I was a teen when most of them were born, 'auntie' was some twee title held by an old lady that had an unlimited supply of Nice biscuits. Doesn't make me love my nieces and nephews any less, not being called Auntie.

OP, I get it...coming from a culture where any female is called Aunty (pretty much) I could not fathom ever, ever calling my actual blood Aunty anything else. Just feels like a respectful thing to inculcate and reinforces those bonds. Appreciate a lot of people feel differently but I do understand.

I love my nieces and nephews but I don't sign cards Auntie and they just call me by my name. YABVU and totally bonkers to be creating a drama out of this.

But as a wee one, I knew how PROUD my grandparents were to BE my grandparents, because that is what they called themselves

I bet it wasn’t. I bet it was because of how they treated you. Plenty of crap grandparents call themselves nanny.

@Boytrio WHAT IS A DINOSAUR BUDDY?!!!

I sign myself as Auntie in cards to my niece but I don't think she has called me "Auntie Boots" in person since she was about 3ish.

With my DD I do refer to my sister as Auntie so "we're going to meet Auntie X at the park today, isn't that nice?" Etc. My brother/Sil and her dad's siblings are just first name though generally.

BUT it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, it sounds like she does bother with them and a bond is there despite the geographical distance

My kids just call my sisters by their names

@PurpleDaisies

In case anyone has missed it, the op has said she was wrong.

No need to keep battering her.

She started her post with “haha” Yes, she’s admitted she was wrong and clouded by her own hurt feelings. She hasn’t acknowledged how condensing her entire original post was.

OP, your sister can have alluded to having kids previously but since have changed her mind when she realised the benefits of a childfree lifestyle. She might regret her decision but she also might not. You are still projecting your ideals onto her, you just don’t realise you’re doing it.

@Boytrio WHAT IS A DINOSAUR BUDDY?

you can't leave us hanging like this

I have never addressed my aunties and uncles as such, I’ve always used their first names. We’re close and I absolutely adore my family, it has nothing to do with what names we call each other. We all live on different continents and sometimes only see each other every 5 years. We’re still family and it doesn’t mean we don’t care about each other. Life and circumstances mean we don’t get on a plane every 6 months just to meet a new member of the family. Sounds like your sister is a great aunt. Don’t ever let your children feel otherwise.