My sister won't sign as 'Auntie'

[Boytrio]

I get on really well with my sister, we've always been close even when she moved to America. She doesn't want children though sometimes I suspect it's her husband who doesn't want children and she doesn't have a choice. Either way, I feel sad for her and what she is missing out on and I hope she/they will change their mind. I always assumed she would love my children as if they were her own, like I do my nephew (brothers son). It has come as an unpleasant surprise that she can act so hostile towards them. Sometimes she's wonderful - one was born on her birthday and she said it was the best birthday present ever. She is also an awesome whatsapp dinosaur buddy. And then there are other times when I just wonder what is going on inside her head. She has yet to meet my three year old (I would have been desperate to go to America and meet my niece/nephew if she had one but meeting mine seem to be low priority). She also consistently signs herself by her name without the 'Auntie' title. For me, being an Auntie is a joy. It feels like she is rejecting my children by denying them that special relationship. I've asked her about it and she said it should be their choice whether they call her Auntie or not. Quite frankly I find it bizaare to put that decision making on toddlers - surely you'd just call yourself Auntie and then accept it was their decision to stop when they were older and have more advanced comprehension? Am I being unreasonable to expect more enthusiasm than this?!

I've been an aunty for over 50 years (since I was 6). I'm a great-great aunt now. I've never once signed myself Aunty and it gives me a jolt to hear a grown person call me Aunty (and makes me feel reeeeally old!). I adore them all though OP so don't worry.

Have you thought about getting out of your own arse for even a single second, OP? I’m worried you might suffocate in the being-a-mummy-is-my-only-personality atmosphere.

I have a sister who's much younger than me. In fact similar age to my eldest child.
I'm a card to him she'd write from ' name'
But the youngest two from 'Aunty name.'

However they all just call her by her name without the title.

Altho eldest I school used to like to wind her up by calling her ' aunty' which for the first few months confused teachers thinking he was muddled with cousin. Until they asked me.

It feels like she is rejecting my children by denying them that special relationship.

Goodness.

How would you feel if, when you gave birth, your sister had said, ‘Hmmm, are you sure you should have had a baby? You might change your mind later, you know’? Imagine it - because that’s how would feel if she heard you saying that she should have children and you want her to change her mind. (That’s assuming you haven’t already ‘helpfully’ shared this view with her.) Her decision not to have children is just as valid as yours to have them - and your decision is more difficult to reverse.

How many days holiday does she get a year? Many people in the US get 10 days and are reluctant to use them all due to the work culture and they save them for sickness.
And yes utterly ridiculous that your upset she won’t use Auntie!

Please respect your sister's position.
This seems to be all about you, not your DC or your DSis. My DSis is similarly uninterested in my DC, but do I think that's off or disappointing? Nope. My DC are her DNieces, not by choice, but accident of birth. She is not obliged to have any kind of relationship with them. She does, sporadically and entirely on her own terms, which is fine. I'd hate to think she felt coerced into some kind if compelled display of affection.

Op in the nicest possible way you are being super batshit. You have your life, your sister has hers. She is not on this Earth to shore you up. I am sure she is fond of your kids, but they are not her kids, she has her own life (and she is possibly fed up with you silently judging her for not having the same values as you) and she ditto may have financial and time demands that mean she cannot come rushing over the atlantic to validate your life choices.

Try and appreciate her for who she is, and stop judging and trying to control her, she sounds like a good sister and aunt.

Auntie is a naff title but the way, it’s not cool like uncle. Aunt is a bit better, but it’s entirely up to her, not you.

BOUNDARIES OP

DINO BUDDIES UNITE...

I didn’t mean to upset anyone or come across as smug. It’s just that in our family, we call each other by our relationships to each other. So mum, dad, granny, grandpa, auntie, uncle etc. Even cousins get an occasional ‘cousin Eric’

YABU.

I completely understand your sister’s view because I’m very happily childfree by choice. My siblings have children. They are nice kids, but I still don’t want any of my own. I also insist on being called ‘Susie’, not ‘Auntie Susie’.

Don’t feel sorry for someone who has made a conscious decision not to have kids. You need to learn to respect your sister’s life choices even they are different to your own.

Also I have this irrational feeling that my nieces and nephews are way more likely to visit poor old ‘Auntie Holly’ as she quietly moulders in her nursing home. If I was just ‘Holly’ I might not get a look in

@Holly60

I didn’t mean to upset anyone or come across as smug. It’s just that in our family, we call each other by our relationships to each other. So mum, dad, granny, grandpa, auntie, uncle etc. Even cousins get an occasional ‘cousin Eric’

They key words here being ‘in my family’. What you call one another doesn’t have any bearing on the strength of the relationships in question.

@Holly60

Also I have this irrational feeling that my nieces and nephews are way more likely to visit poor old ‘Auntie Holly’ as she quietly moulders in her nursing home. If I was just ‘Holly’ I might not get a look in

You are right that that is totally irrational.

You feel sorry for someone who has made a perfectly valid life choice??!

Oh, and YABU.

She doesn't want children though sometimes I suspect it's her husband who doesn't want children and she doesn't have a choice. Either way, I feel sad for her and what she is missing out on and I hope she/they will change their mind.

Your arrogance is mindblowing. The topic of your thread is pathetic. If she doesn't want to sign herself as 'Aunt' that is entirely her choice. You having a baby doesn't make you the centre of the universe, if you are so keen for her to see the baby, go visit her in America. I'm not surprised she hasn't been to visit you, I wouldn't either.

I literally have no words

I have 10 nieces and nephews. I have never been called or wanted to be called auntie. How bizarre to be bothered by this, my kids don’t call any of their aunts and uncles anything other than their first names. Madness

@PurpleDaisies

[quote Holly60]
Also I have this irrational feeling that my nieces and nephews are way more likely to visit poor old ‘Auntie Holly’ as she quietly moulders in her nursing home. If I was just ‘Holly’ I might not get a look in

You are right that that is totally irrational.[/quote]
Ahh I’m only being silly. I just like being an auntie really. Makes me feel special when they call me it. Not everyone gets to be their auntie

Good God. Have you heard yourselves or rather read yourself. You sound like a bunch of bullies to be perfectly honest. I fuckin hate people being for want of a better word ganged up

YANBU. As their maternal Aunt she should be taking more interest. OTOH is she going through fertility issues that you don't know about. Could it be a touch of jealousy.

In many cultures it's the done thing to put auntie in front of your name, even to your friends' children (Africa, Asia etc) It's like you treat your friends as an extension of your family. So my sister will never not put auntie in front of her name similar to how my brothers will always put uncle in front of their names for my children, as I will for my close friend's children and they would do the same for mine when signing off cards and things - it's just tradition! Also made things easier when I was a child as I couldn't remember all my parents' friends' names, so I just called them auntie or uncle [insert surname sometimes] cos I could remember my friend's surname.

@Boytrio just don't get upset about it, you can't force your sister to do it. YABU but this is what this AIBU forum is about, some people may come across strongly but that's because it's all text, if they were a friend they'd put it across to you more gently

@longsigh

Are you Sam and Billie Faires? They have this weird thing way they just called each other Auntie and not even use their names?

Auntie is a term of endearment in some families and especially in some cultures.

But to the rest of this thread, wow, what absurd and self-absorbed nonsense.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider yes it's MN rage, easy to be inconsiderate about other people's feelings when typing behind a screen.

^^They key words here being ‘in my family’. What you call one another doesn’t have any bearing on the strength of the relationships in question.

@Wabe I agree but I think what my family likes to do is SIGNIFY the strength of the relationship by using these titles

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

Good God. Have you heard yourselves or rather read yourself. You sound like a bunch of bullies to be perfectly honest. I fuckin hate people being for want of a better word ganged up

YANBU. As their maternal Aunt she should be taking more interest. OTOH is she going through fertility issues that you don't know about. Could it be a touch of jealousy.

So over the top. No one is being ‘bullied’. The attitude that any disagreement with or criticism of an OP is ‘bullying’ or a ‘pile-on’ is so childish and wearing.