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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SCHOOL RUN- feel invisible

366 replies

Glitterzzz · 28/04/2021 16:38

Hi

My little one started reception in September this year. We obviously locked down after Christmas and now they have been two weeks.

There are two classes next to each other and about 30 parents at a guess. In all the time I’ve been there not one person has said a single word to me.

I’ve tried to smile ( hard under a mask ) gave warm looks and haven’t been looking at my phone or showing any body language as if I don’t want to interact but it’s so hard ! We all line up in a single line ...

There is a group of about 3/5 mums who have made friends quickly and are the ones there gossiping early for pick up which is fine but I feel invisible. Today for example as we stand in a single line I happen to be stood in between two mums who kinda dominate the playground area and they chat over my head ... I felt so uncomfortable

Another thing they do is come along the line saying to certain mums not all ‘ we will see you at the park yeah? ‘ or ‘ are you coming down to the park ‘ it’s obvious a group of them go but how you get invited I don’t know ... we have a class wattsapp and nobody puts it on there

I’m not the only person who doesn’t speak . When I look around there are about 7-10 of us approx who just stand there like lampposts 😀😅

Part of me is bothered ( more about my little one not being selected for the park visit club) but another part of me wants to just pick up and go and this being my third kid I kinda know the chances of making friends staying friends with these mums once the kids move to high school is slim to none but it’s just the standing in silence ... how can I do that for the next 6 plus years

OP posts:
MammaSchwifty · 28/04/2021 16:42

Go make friends with the lampposts, or just turn up at the park and your child will play with the kids there. Or, send out your own invite on the WhatsApp group, tell everyone you're going to the park after school if anyone wants to join.

MrsTWH · 28/04/2021 16:45

Have you actually tried saying hello? Perhaps they think you don’t actually want to talk to them/ignore them? It is difficult wearing masks.
Perhaps strike up a conversation with other parents who don’t seem to talk to anyone? Does your child talk about any other children? Perhaps invite their friend to the park.

wonderstuff · 28/04/2021 16:46

I'd try chatting to one of the mums who stand like a lamppost. You could try chipping into the park invites or just rocking up to the park? I think you're going to have to start a conversation rather than wait to be invited. The mums arranging a park visit or gossiping may have met long before reception, I knew other mums through pre school and toddler groups. I found when I was new to my area people were receptive to me just introducing myself, I also eyed up mums who looked like I'd get on with them, which worked out well, people who were about my age and dressed in a similar style, but that might just be me.

MyDcAreMarvel · 28/04/2021 16:47

Nobody should be getting there early to chat. I wouldn’t pay any attention, you are picking your child up, it’s not a social event.
You can just stand in silence why would you need to chat?

Mooloolabababy · 28/04/2021 16:47

Ah, school run cliques are shit op. Just chat with the other mums who aren't part of it, or just go to the park on your own, you might find there are other mums there that you can talk to.

ForensicFlossy · 28/04/2021 16:47

Say good morning to people. Be proactive, you're expecting people to welcome you in, you be the welcoming one and talk to others first.

13579db · 28/04/2021 16:49

Arrive later than you usually do

Pretend to be talking on your phone

DONT ever blame yourself for the rudeness of others

Idiots are literally everywhere, unfortunately tons are found at school gates

Piglet92 · 28/04/2021 16:49

We get this on the nursery run. Half of them know each other (neighbours/grown up together) the rest of us just do the lamp post thing but we do smile or say hello. I know it's hard with the masks but just try to say hello every day and eventually conversation will follow.

Original poster
Glitterzzz · 28/04/2021 16:51

Thanks . I don’t drop off I work and my husband takes our little one then for pick up I am there 3/4 days out of five . Even when I was there 5 days a week it’s been the same .

I do get about making the first move but it seems others have done that but not with me , I am just feeling like a outsider I guess but not sure outsider of what if that makes sense 😂

OP posts:
Voomster953 · 28/04/2021 16:55

Why would you want to make friends with these rude queen bees who deliberately talk over your head? Honestly, school politics with other parents can be awful, you’re best off out of it.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 28/04/2021 16:56

I generally ignore everyone unless know them from somewhere else. Could that be how this group knows each other? Whybdont you say hello to someone else. Start up a general chit chat conversation?

MorrisZapp · 28/04/2021 16:59

Why is it rude to chat to people you know? That's just normal.

It won't be six years. Masks off and ordinary milling around will be here much sooner than that.

Wabe · 28/04/2021 17:01

I'd just talk to anyone around if I felt like it, and take my child to the park if he or she wanted -- parks aren't invitation only. If it's only 3 5o 5 parents who've made friends out of 30, then that's a lot of other people who aren't in that gang, and might welcome someone suggesting going to the park after school on the WhatsApp?

But if you aren't bothered, in my experience, it made very little difference to DS's social life -- I worked, and only occasionally did the school run.

Pumperthepumper · 28/04/2021 17:01

Maybe they knew each other already? You can’t complain about nobody speaking to you if you also don’t speak to anyone.

EssentialHummus · 28/04/2021 17:02

The park isn’t someone’s living room OP. Take your child there after school if you like, let them play with the other kids. Put something on the WhatsApp group if you want to. These women might be unfriendly hostile bitches or might have known one another for 10 years, you’ve no idea.

bobblyboob · 28/04/2021 17:02

You don't want to make the first move and talk to people, but you want them to talk to you?

apooagnuandyou · 28/04/2021 17:03

It's quite normal that some parents know each other, preschool, neighbours, friends, older siblings..

It's harder because of Covid. I met most parents when taking my kids to parties, which are just about restarting now. Around here it's extremely rude to drop and run, so it was the best time to actually meet other parents. They are just people, some you will like, others you won't.

What don't you post on the whatsapp group:
"child and I are going to x park after school today/tomorrow, child would love to play with friends there" and go from there.

DarlingCoffee · 28/04/2021 17:03

School mum friends are overrated in my opinion

TruelyWonder · 28/04/2021 17:03

It is harder for you than normal because no class parties or events due to covid.

Definitely avoid anyone that is willing to talk over your head. Calling out quickly to a friend is one thing but a conversation is rude.

Scope out the other parents that are on their own. People get nervous to make the first move. Maybe just stand within hearing distance of a parent and say Hi, I am X mum. Which one is your child. How are they getting with starting school?. Mine likes their teacher etc. Keep it up beat, no moaning yet unless they do. If that person is not friendly try another in a couple of days. You don't want anyone to think you are casing them all outGrin

If no luck then once the kids start having parties or playdates after school again you will probably naturally meet people.

APurpleSquirrel · 28/04/2021 17:04

I was you two years ago when my DD started primary & knew no-one. You just have to bite the bullet & start conversations yourself. They may know each other from pre-school/nursery/groups etc & may think you're being rude by not introducing yourself etc.
Start talking & you'll soon find the ones you click with.
Also you could join the PTA - you'll meet other parents that way. I'm now Chair & now know parents of kids from other classes which is useful & means there are always people to talk to.

Empressofthemundane · 28/04/2021 17:04

Why are you worried about a small minority of women who happen to be friends? Sounds like there is a larger group who are also on their own. Reach out! Strike up a conversation.
It’s not other people’s responsibility to include you in their lives. It’s up to you to make the effort.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 28/04/2021 17:05

In your circs I would post on the WhatsApp. "Little Millie is my third and all this face mask wearing seems to make it harder than normal to chat to everyone. Would anyone like to give to the park after school on Thursday? I'm thr one with the clown face mask.
A

StopCryingYourHeartOut · 28/04/2021 17:05

Do you know which Park they go to?
I would just turn up occasionally so your child can play with them too.

You never know, you might get chatting to those mums there.

apooagnuandyou · 28/04/2021 17:05

You can also join or be involved with the PTA, most are desperate for help and you will meet other parents even if most meetings have to be on zoom for now.

Some posters have horror stories about theirs, but around my kids school, PTA members are full-time working parents trying to get things done.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/04/2021 17:06

So. You haven't said hello to anyone, but are upset that no one has said hello to you?
On the first day, I would have said to whoever I'm standing next to 'hi, I'm x my dc is x, how are you?'
All that's happened here is that the ones who are chatting have actually done this, and made friends whilst the rest of you have stood around waiting for people to chat to you.

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