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To not want to used as daycare whilst on maternity?

237 replies

GoldieF · 28/04/2021 15:32

DH has slipped in conversation today that at least planning summer holiday care for DSC won't be as stressful this year. When I asked what he meant apparently he just thought it was fine to assume I'd look after all the children because I'm off on maternity.

AIBU to say ermm no!

I don't mind and have before, helped out when things have been difficult but I know DH, he's a workaholic who will think this means he doesn't have to take a day off at all.

We have DSC with us 50:50 3 days one week 4 the next so it would be quite a lot and to be quite honest, I don't want to spend my summer and maternity playing daycare for half the week.

OP posts:

moovinon · 28/04/2021 15:38

Personally, I wouldn't want to look after step kids 3/4 days a week with a baby as well.

Are you pregnant now, or have you had your baby? Also how old are the step kids?


loveheartss · 28/04/2021 15:42

I am pregnant with my second child and was thinking of asking my mum if she could have my first one or two days a week when i'm on maternity so I can catch up on sleep/sanity, let alone taking on multiple children.


GoldieF · 28/04/2021 15:43

I have had baby now, he's only 2 months old though.

I'll be back working not long after the summer as well so I just feel it would eat into such a big amount of my time with baby Sad

They are 12 and 8.

OP posts:

Notaroadrunner · 28/04/2021 15:46

He has no right to expect that you will look after his kids. Be very firm in saying that it is not happening and he will have to take annual leave for the days he has them or he has to organise summer camps for them.


Ginfilledcats · 28/04/2021 15:46

Yeah I'm with you OP. Maternity leave is for
You to recover and bond with your new baby, not be free child care for step children. Yes before and after child care as per your usual arrangements but not all day.
I had my first last year and I could not cope with 3 50% of the time!

I think the kids need to be in child care as they normally would during holiday, and when your husband is on leave they don't need to go to child care and can spend some daddy quality time or quality time with all of you.



Triffid1 · 28/04/2021 15:50

why do 12 and 18 year olds need daycare? I mean, the 12 year old might need some light supervision, b ut surely not the 18 year old?

Personally, I'd be okay with the light supervision but not more. And a 12 year old should have plans for the summer - a few camps based on sport/activity he/she likes, trips with friends etc. And absolutely also some time with his/her actual parent.


cashoncollection · 28/04/2021 15:51

YANBU OP, I wouldn’t want to do it ejther


GoldieF · 28/04/2021 15:51

They are 8, not 18.

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/04/2021 15:53

I knew you’d be a stepmum with a piss-taking man before I clicked on the thread.

Cheeky sod. Say no. It’s for him and their mum to sort childcare between them, as they’d do if you weren’t around or on maternity.


CuriousSeal · 28/04/2021 15:55

No way would I babysit so frequently on mat leave. Book some baby classes on his childcare days as well so you can enjoy some one on one time with the baby.


moovinon · 28/04/2021 15:55

Omgod no, I definitely wouldn't do it with a 2 month old baby. It's hard enough just looking after the baby.

Leave your partner with all 3 for a day and see if he makes it out alive.


ShinyGreenElephant · 28/04/2021 15:58

I do this as I'm a teacher and DH is self employed so it costs us a fortune each day off (he does take some of course), plus we only have DSD eow or less due to the distance so we need to have her lots in the holidays. It is annoying as it restricts what I can do with the other kids - she hates anything active, doesnt enjoy being outdoors, despises museums or anything that could possibly be construed as educational etc etc. But MIL works and it wouldn't be very fair to stick her in a holiday club while I'm home with her sisters and brother - shes not naughty just hard work to keep happy- so I just have to get on with it. Not saying you should have to though, and DH certainly shouldn't assume! If I have plans then my DH makes other arrangements without any issue but as a general rule I do have her and DSS the whole holidays.


GabriellaMontez · 28/04/2021 15:58

He's a cheeky bastard!


Scottishskifun · 28/04/2021 16:03

You need to be firm and say no!
You will be knackered enough as it is just state that he's to set up holiday camps etc for them or take days off!


minniemomo · 28/04/2021 16:11

12 year old doesn't really need care. Can help with 8 year old and baby. The kids will probably prefer being in sports camp or whatever for at least half the contact time


bloodyhell19 · 28/04/2021 16:12

Cheeky bastard, you've enough to be doing without adding on DSC. Your maternity leave doesn't make you a bloody crèche. I'm actually agog that the thought went to his brain and his brain OK'd it to come out of his mouth.


Iwonder08 · 28/04/2021 16:20

Not a chance. The purpose of a maternity leave is to look after the new baby, not provide childcare for his kids. As simple as that


weddingnamechangedrama · 28/04/2021 16:49

He's responsible for his 3 children. You are responsible for your 1 child.

Poor bloke, obviously got his hopes up that he wouldn't have to spend the normal time and money on his kids this summer! Poor lamb. (heavy sarcasm)


LookingForAChange21 · 28/04/2021 16:50

I'm going to go against the grain here...

When I was on ML I was happy to look after DSS. We have him 50:50 too, I see our house as being his home as much as his DM's, so why should he go to childcare when I'd be home with his sibling? I was worried about how he'd feel knowing that we were home but he was going elsewhere.

I do get on very well with him, and his DM, so maybe that's different? And obviously it did change the dynamic of my ML, but I married DH happily knowing that DSS came with him, and he's as much a part of our family as our own DC (who also wouldn't be put in childcare if there was someone at home in a parental capacity who could take care of her.)

I appreciate I'm in the minority here, but I don't immediately jump to the conclusion that your DH is a CF for assuming you'd take care of him (although what you've said about him being a workaholic and therefore not taking a day off is something I'd wanting hashing out as I'd resent that.)


PanamaPattie · 28/04/2021 16:53

Cheeky bastard. You are not free child care. His children. His responsibility.


Leeds2 · 28/04/2021 16:56

What normally happens to DSC during the holidays?


ASandwichNamedKevin · 28/04/2021 16:59

I don't think YABU OP but all those saying maternity leave is for bonding with a baby, would you put your own older DC in daycare just so you could bond with the baby? Not many people I know would.

There must be a compromise OP where you have the DSC some of the time to also facilitate their bonding with their little sibling but not that it's a given that you are available all the time, plan it with DH.


ASandwichNamedKevin · 28/04/2021 17:02

To add, I mean most people in my circle wouldn't exclusively use daycare for their older children, they would still go to clubs or summer camps for a set period, but not for the whole summer holidays.


lanthanum · 28/04/2021 17:03

Why not go for a compromise: suggest that you have them one day a week, or that you'd be okay with them sometimes doing a 9-3 activity instead of 8-6 childcare. After all, if he doesn't have to use up as much holiday on his kids in the summer, you might be more able to get away for a holiday with him and the baby in September before you go back to work.


SwimBaby · 28/04/2021 17:05

What is the normal childcare routine for the 8 year old during the school holidays?

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