Is bringing food to a bbq rude?

[mamal29]

Just reading another thread and I wondered if bringing something to a bbq - as a gift - is rude?

I always bring a salad and have brought a pie on a couple of occasions (light filo pie) to pop in the oven when it's been a big garden party (only when it's family would I bring a hot dish) to help out.

Reading another thread I get the impression this is really rude?

It's rude to bring food that they need to cook I think. Bringing a salad is nice but I don't think you take things that need cooking, even if it's on the bbq.

Only on MN - in the real word it’s a perfectly normal thing to do

I would always ask what I can bring so there isn't duplicates. If they insist nothing then I'd bring flowers

Don't you just ask the host?

@Angrypregnantlady

It's rude to bring food that they need to cook I think. Bringing a salad is nice but I don't think you take things that need cooking, even if it's on the bbq.

Even though it was my MIL house? They had no hot food and all cold salads. I was just trying to help...

She was actually really rude about it. Saved it till the next day and ate with friends. I'm now thinking I was the one in the wrong!

I think you’ve misunderstood the other thread. Those people bring their own food to eat and don’t eat what’s provided. It’s very different to bringing something for everyone and then eating what’s available.

Honestly not sure how you misunderstood?

I think it's rude not to being anything. Usually at our BBQs with family or friends we would all bring something. Eg one person bring crisps, dips, some fizzy drinks. One being burgers and sausages, another bring kebabs and breadcakes etc

@Clymene

Don't you just ask the host?

Yes, when friends. But with family I always bring something - they're always stressed with young kids and I just try to help!

As well as a couple of bottles of vino!

I usually get the veggie burgers I like - not all veggie burgers are the same . I tend to bring snack type things too - crisps, Doritos etc. Oh and sometimes a bottle of Heinz tomato sauce because some other brands make me fart to much. More food the merrier is the rule of BBQ isn't it?

It's fine.

@Bluntness100

I think you’ve misunderstood the other thread. Those people bring their own food to eat and don’t eat what’s provided. It’s very different to bringing something for everyone and then eating what’s available.

Honestly not sure how you misunderstood?

I know that! I'm just reading the comments though and people saying it's rude to turn up with food full stop! I'm just reading between the lines on other people's comments.

Do people not talk to each other in Mumsnet land?

If I'm invited to a barbecue I send a message back which says "great, we'd love to come, can I bring anything?" And then I bring it. Likewise if a friend offers, I will quite often suggest that they bring a salad or something because it's easily transportable.

And also, if someone brought something with them without being asked, I would thank them. It wouldn't occur to me to be offended!

They had no hot food and all cold salads. I was just trying to help...

Are you serious? If she didn’t ask you to bring anything, then yes that was pretty rude, like you are suggesting her cold offering is not good enough but you are there to save the day.

@Ilovemaisie

I usually get the veggie burgers I like - not all veggie burgers are the same . I tend to bring snack type things too - crisps, Doritos etc. Oh and sometimes a bottle of Heinz tomato sauce because some other brands make me fart to much. More food the merrier is the rule of BBQ isn't it?

Phew! Okay! So it's not breaking some social unknown etiquette?!

Not rude to bring sides or a pudding.
I’m not sure about the pie that needs putting in the oven as that sounds quite “main” and the host might need the oven space for other planned things (even if it’s a bbq I would have some veggie things in my oven) so I would maybe run that by the host but it’s still a kind gesture, not rude but could be slightly inconvenient.

I also don’t know why you wouldn’t just ask.

I would always ask beforehand if there is anything I can bring and if they say no then take lots of wine and some flowers.

I love to host and I find it very annoying when I’ve thought out the perfect menu for someone to turn up with additional food. Last weekend we had some of DPs friends over for a BBQ and one guy brought burgers, chicken, buns, salad and cheese. While it was a lovely thought I did find it very annoying and a lot that I had prepared went to waste.

This feels like a thread where the OP puts lots of faux naivity into it so people can tell her it's lovely to bring gifts

@Aprilx

They had no hot food and all cold salads. I was just trying to help...

Are you serious? If she didn’t ask you to bring anything, then yes that was pretty rude, like you are suggesting her cold offering is not good enough but you are there to save the day.

It was my MIL... I was trying to help her out! She's elderly and I wanted to make sure she was okay. Its a lot to host all the family and cook for everyone.

@TenThousandSpoons

Not rude to bring sides or a pudding. I’m not sure about the pie that needs putting in the oven as that sounds quite “main” and the host might need the oven space for other planned things (even if it’s a bbq I would have some veggie things in my oven) so I would maybe run that by the host but it’s still a kind gesture, not rude but could be slightly inconvenient.

Yes, I am thinking that now and feeling a bit embarrassed

I would first check with the hosts and suggest I could take X as a contribution, and if that's OK. Most hosts will be happy with one less thing to do, I'd expect and IME.
Less ok to take yet another huge bowl of potato salad, for example, without warning and have the two salads from people to choose from - it will seem like there's a competition.
Ok to take something for the oven if they are expecting it.
Not OK to take something the hosts are proud about theirs, but OK to take something you do well or has been complimented in the past. OK if it saves the host a lot of work, not OK if it will add to their tasks.

I always offer upon invitation or a few days before.

I wouldn't bring anything unless it was agreed with the host beforehand.

It would be really odd turning up with a packet of sausages if the host already has loads.

The pie thing - I guess if i was hosting I might be annoyed at having “pop” something in the oven if I’d planned things out either to a. Not have to have anything to do with the oven, or cooking inside, or b. Had other things in the oven and the pie wouldn’t fit / be different timings.

So if it created more work.

But if it’s your MIL surely you could offer to put it in the oven yourself? Or why not bring it cooked.

I agree with pps, it’s not on to bring something they have to cook, unless they’ve asked you to do so. Fine to bring salads / pudding / bread if asked etc

@user1471517900

This feels like a thread where the OP puts lots of faux naivity into it so people can tell her it's lovely to bring gifts

Please? I don't need to be validated by internet strangers. I'm just intrigued by social etiquette and moving forwards...

Even though it was my MIL house? They had no hot food and all cold salads. I was just trying to help...

Yeah sorry I think that's rude. She's not intended to have the oven on and now you've made her put the oven on aswell as kind of making out that what they're putting on isn't good enough.

I'd be a bit put out if someone did that when I was hosting a bbq, I'd be perfectly British about it though and put the oven on for you and cook your pie, but I'd be a bit