Is bringing food to a bbq rude?

[mamal29]

Just reading another thread and I wondered if bringing something to a bbq - as a gift - is rude?

I always bring a salad and have brought a pie on a couple of occasions (light filo pie) to pop in the oven when it's been a big garden party (only when it's family would I bring a hot dish) to help out.

Reading another thread I get the impression this is really rude?

[quote Flowersandjellybeans]@daisypond

I wouldn’t for a BBQ though[/quote]
You wouldn’t ask if the hosts said it was ok to bring anything? You would just bring some food along?

I always ask “what can we bring?”, feels rude to show up empty handed! Whether it’s hot or cold food, pudding, choc ices for the kids! Wine!

I’d say it was rude to turn up at a BBQ without some food!

I think BBQs these days are turning into the Anerican “pot luck” where you kind of have to bring something! But maybe only in you ger households is it seem in that way? I don’t think it’s a traditionally british way to do it, but times are changing.

I do wonder if it’s an age thing... my mother would definitely be in the camp of thinking it was a bit weird (although probably not rude) to bring food, when invited to a BBQ at someone’s house.

I think sharing and a more communal flavour to things is more common amongst me and my friends.

Yeah we shouldn't really aim at that unless it's clear to everyone and hosts count on guests bringing food so make less. The food waste rates are abysmal.

Sorry that was at the american pot luck thing

By why does it have to be wasted? If it doesn’t get eaten just take it home and eat it in the week?

That’s what we normally do

@Flowersandjellybeans

I do wonder if it’s an age thing... my mother would definitely be in the camp of thinking it was a bit weird (although probably not rude) to bring food, when invited to a BBQ at someone’s house.

I think sharing and a more communal flavour to things is more common amongst me and my friends.

I'm not sure if it is an age thing. Barbecues weren't a thing at all with my parents or any of their friends - In fact I only went to one BBQ as a teenager (70s) and it was the 'poshest' thing I'd ever been to!!

My circle of friends are mainly early 60s and we always take food to each others' BBQs but always ask what is needed.

Salads don't last a week. If I get 6 extra salads or ehatever, here it will simply not be eaten even if I split them somehown back amongst the guests.

The problem is that everyone here seems to work with the assumption that it's fine to bring something because little bit of extra gets eaten, but if everyone attending thinks that you end up with hell of a lot more than just "bit extra" to be eaten.

I don't think it's age thing. We range from late 20s to mid 40s in my groups. We all do the same.
Always ask and if we are told "nothing" we bring something for the host. Or we are told what's needed so bring that. Not random dishes though

It sounds like the typical Very British Problem of having to guess the etiquette of something out without just asking (because that would be too easy).

Its probably a social class thing. In some circles barbecues are always a potluck but you would ask /suggest roughly what to bring. Only hosts with an enviable spirit of adventure would leave it to chance.

Other circumstances maybe with people you don't know as well or big occasions where you need to plan, it's easier to just cater it all and let guests bring drinks if they must.
Its clear from MN that people are increasingly weird about food so it's probably not a surprise that they won't eat a morsel that they haven't made themselves. What's rude is to know what's been asked for and still ignore it for no good reason.

@Howshouldibehave

I’d say it was rude to turn up at a BBQ without some food!

Even when you had asked in advance and been specifically told not to bring anything?

Are you also like this with "no gifts please" requests?

Lol
Bbq food is the new silver photo frames😂

If you’re going as a guest, just do what feels right to you. There are so many different answers on here about what you ‘should’ do as a guest and what is rude, that there’s no way you could please everyone.

Yes, ask what you can bring in advance. Yes, bear in mind the kind of occasion it is and yes, take something that feels right to you, be that a contribution to the meal in terms of food or drink, or a gift or whatever. Context is everything.

And as a host, try to chill out and accept whatever people do or don’t bring you in genuine good grace and appreciation rather than with a a fake smile and then later a bit of moaning about how the offering was ‘rude’. Enjoy hosting and receiving invitations.

Seriously, the fact that someone doesn't enjoy having bunch of random food brought in after saying "no" doesn't mean they are joyless, bad hosts.

I have to say that I have never encountered the general MN "I will gift what I want no matter if you want it or not" attitude in my circles so yay there😁

If someone says "no, don't bring anything, I have plenty" the only right feeling for people should be "I will grab them some sweets/bottle for later as a thanks" not "Hmmm. I will ignore that and bring my potato salad". 😂

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Lol Bbq food is the new silver photo frames😂

But only "naice/antique" silver photo frames

We always take food, our Braai’s everyone brings something and some drink… you need a different set of friends if they think it’s rude. Unless you’re told you don’t need to bring anything then just by a bottle or something like that as a gesture as that’s just manners 😊

I am an awful guest to invite to a BBQ.

I don't like processed meat - so no burgers/sausages for me.
I don't like mayonnaise either - so no potato salad, dips or coleslaw.
I don't like many salad dressings so am picky about salads!
I don't like spicy foods - so have to watch what flavour the Doritos are...

I hate my palette!!! A BBQ should be simple but it isn't for me.
I have quite happily eaten just bread rolls before now! I haven't let the hosts know though....

It’s rude to take food to someone else’s party unless they’ve specifically said in advance that it would be appreciated. If they didn’t do that, you’re basically forcing them to abandon/waste whatever they’ve provided in favour of your offering. Which, particularly if the host has made something from scratch and you’ve just picked up some old pre-prepared shit from the supermarket, is very annoying.

Well looks like I made a mistake! I'll stick to wine/beers and flowers movings forwards

Or, just ask …… When invited yo a BBQ ask, if they say nothing, it’s all sorted then just take your own booze and a nice bottle and chocolates or flowers for the hosts. Otherwise they will say a salad or desert and you take that. You can’t just rock up with something. What if you take a salad and it doubles with a similar salad the host made or one they organised someone else to bring or something! Christ, no.

In the nicest possible way OP I would not bring any food to someone else’s home unless asked. As a host I would be annoyed and think bringing food was a (well-deserved) slur on my (lack of) talent in the kitchen!
Wine, chocolates, flowers gratefully received!

Family or close friends BBQ, I'd bring something for the table, like pot of salady stuff, dips, something which requires zero maintenance for the host basically.
If epople don't know well and they say bring nothing, would take flowers/booze or chocolates or something.

I would never turn up with something that needs 'popping in the oven'.

Someone did this to me once. I had everything ready, people turned up, I was just starting to chill with my glass of wine and then I had to stick the bloody oven on and go back in the kitchen. And on top of that, the thing which needed cooking wasn't quite assembled yet so I had to pretty much create the dish too. I wasn't hugely impressed.

Another time - same person - I did a Party with buffet food for around 50 of us and every couple brought a dish. We sort of liased to make sure we didn't end up with 25 coleslaws so everyone brought something more or less specific.
This couple, following the previous incident, I asked if they could bring a garden salad. So nothing would require assembling and cooking when they got there.
They arrived with a lettuce, a cucumber, a tub of toms, some radishes and a tub of cress.
Yep, I then had to go and make the damn salad.

@TheFuckingDogs

Only on MN - in the real word it’s a perfectly normal thing to do

^^this!

no meat though, so I thought I was helping

I'm intrigued, a BBQ without any meat and hot food, what did they BBQ?