Is bringing food to a bbq rude?

[mamal29]

Just reading another thread and I wondered if bringing something to a bbq - as a gift - is rude?

I always bring a salad and have brought a pie on a couple of occasions (light filo pie) to pop in the oven when it's been a big garden party (only when it's family would I bring a hot dish) to help out.

Reading another thread I get the impression this is really rude?

I think the main points here are:
It wasn't a BBQ so any hot food addition would be a faff(unclear whether you or DH knew it would be a cold spread)
Oven cooked food is not generally well received because someone needs to be inside with it.
You asked and they said no(though I do see how that could be seen as his being polite)
You obviously have a culture clash with DH who possibly should have warned you.

As an aside as a vegetarian I have found BBQs a ballache for years. People say they will cater for you then put your veggie burgers on the same grill they have dripping meat. Or if you bring your own and ask they cook it separately you feel bad because it has to go in the oven.

My solution for a few years now has been to bring my own food and a portable BBQ. I'll also bring something like potato salad everyone can share.

Hopefully going forward you can leave dp to do the food and etiquette in future, make him pull his weight.

I always ask the host if there’s anything we can bring, we usually get told just bring ourselves so I take flowers, wine, beers and then treats for the kids. I will often say I will bring desserts if people are doing bbq but always make sure it’s things that can be served without warming up so a tart, cheesecake things like that.

@TheSlayer

I think the main points here are: It wasn't a BBQ so any hot food addition would be a faff(unclear whether you or DH knew it would be a cold spread) Oven cooked food is not generally well received because someone needs to be inside with it. You asked and they said no(though I do see how that could be seen as his being polite) You obviously have a culture clash with DH who possibly should have warned you.

As an aside as a vegetarian I have found BBQs a ballache for years. People say they will cater for you then put your veggie burgers on the same grill they have dripping meat. Or if you bring your own and ask they cook it separately you feel bad because it has to go in the oven.

My solution for a few years now has been to bring my own food and a portable BBQ. I'll also bring something like potato salad everyone can share.

Hopefully going forward you can leave dp to do the food and etiquette in future, make him pull his weight.

You take your own BBQ to someone's house?

I'm veggie but would say to the hosts to put yours on first to stop any cross contamination. I wouldn't dream of rocking up with my own bbq.

Putting theirs on first doesn't stop contamination.
I do my own bucket BBQ so it doesn't mean extra work for the host. It's the best solution I have in thirty years+.

Unless the host knows in advance that you are bringing food you are not helping! If you want to be helpful you will need to tell/ask the host in advance, otherwise they will already have cooked/made enough for everyone!

Just to add further to this thread - and I fully accept I'm a grump - is that I find it a faff when I'm hosting and guests bring flowers! Cos then I've got to fiddle around finding a suitable vase and arranging them, or I dump them in the sink / on the side to sort later which seems rather ungrateful.
So for me, personally, a bottle of wine or chocs is the ideal!
I would absolutely hate to be brought an additional dish that I didn't know about in advance as I tend to plan my events quite carefully and even more so if it had to be heated up!
If it's a pot luck supper or bring your own meat bbq then that's different of course though with pot luck suppers, we've always told each other in advance what we're bringing to avoid duplicates!
But like I said, I am a grump!

I've got a friend who is a feeder and people pleaser. She always brings a number of big dishes despite me asking her not to. I know she's trying to be kind but it really annoys me because then there is far too much food and a lot of what I provided goes to waste!