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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I work for a complete narcissist..

561 replies

Pebbledashery · 22/04/2021 12:52

I'm leaving my job in a few weeks.. Currently working my notice..moving onto a new role elsewhere.
My CEO is a complete narcissist.. Today she has pushed me to the absolute limit and I've broken.. She then tells me she doesn't need me crying and putting that on her as well as everything else.
I'm on a part time contract and I'm working full time hours. I'm a single parent but never ever let my personal circumstances get in the way of work. I think I'm a hard working and professional EA. I've got 15 years of experience in the industry.
I've resigned primarily because of her.. I actually feel bullied by her. Nobody seems to tell her she behaves inappropriately or speaks awfully to colleagues.. We have no proper HR department in our company..
I hate every day I have to work here. They've kept me to my 4 weeks notice and asked me to work an extra couple of days to help because its a ridiculously busy time. I agreed because I'm a good person but now feel like telling them to stuff it. I hate it. I hate my job and I hate her. I don't respect a CEO that is a bully.
No point to this thread just wanted to vent because I've been in tears all morning.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/04/2021 12:54

Never mind just telling them to stuff the extra days, @Pebbledashery - If I were you, I'd be leaving right now, going to the GP and getting signed off with stress for the rest of your notice period. Your mental health matters too much for you to put yourself through more weeks of this.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/04/2021 12:55

And I am sending you a massive hug, right now.

lissie123 · 22/04/2021 12:55

Sorry to hear you are in such distress over your job. It sounds like you are doing absolutely the right thing. Your mental health and well-being come first over a job.

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 22/04/2021 12:58

Thank you. Appreciate your comments. I finish my current role on a Friday and start my new job on a Monday and I feel like she wants to break me before I leave.. I've just asked for a catch up with another colleague and will say I will work my full notice but I need two days to recuperate before the new job. If she wasn't such a cow I'd be happy to work extra days.

OP posts:
duggeeismynewbestfriend · 22/04/2021 12:58

I would also take advice from
An employment lawyer in regards to constructive dismissal.

Bullying in industry in longer tolerated in the same way it once was.

IWantAllTheDogsInTheWorld · 22/04/2021 12:59

I echo everyone else. GP now, ask for a sick note to cover the notice period and stuff her! What's she going to do, sack you? You already have a job to go to so if she does dismiss you can start there a bit earlier if necessary.

gwenneh · 22/04/2021 13:00

I've been in that position -- with a proper HR department that refused to do anything about the manager in question, unfortunately.

I agree, go get a sick note and don't give her even one SECOND extra.

TheKeatingFive · 22/04/2021 13:01

GP now, ask for a sick note to cover the notice period and stuff her!

Exactly. You owe them nothing. And what is she going to do?

Merryoldgoat · 22/04/2021 13:03

A friend of mine was EA to someone who was such a bully they made the national papers. It’s disgusting how vile people can be.

Just count down the days - you’re nearly done

Horehound · 22/04/2021 13:05

Go to the Dr and get signed off with stress for the remaining time.
In fact you may even be able to request a Dr note on their website x

user1471462115 · 22/04/2021 13:05

Are you being paid for full time ?

If not just do the part time hours. Or go sick.

idontlikealdi · 22/04/2021 13:05

This struck a chord with me, I've been in that position as an EA and was reduced to a complete sobbing wreck one day by an absolute loon of a boss. She was an absolute fucking bitch t be frank, and her turnover on staff is ludicrous.

HR stepped up that day and I was moved way from her, I resigned, left and it was the best thing I ever did.

I have an EA now and she is my most respected team member, couldn't function without her and I tell her every day. I will never treat anyone the way I was.

Tell them that you can't do the additional days, walk out with your head high that you are better than that person. New job, new horizons. I wouldn't bother with CD or anything else, just go for the clean break. the firm will keep her on regardless as she is obviosuly bringing in £££££

Brownteddybear · 22/04/2021 13:07

Ah it's shit isn't it. I've been there too so I know how you're feeling OP. At least you will be in a better place pretty soon whereas your ex boss will still be a pathetic bully.

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 22/04/2021 13:07

Will it not go down on my employment record that's how I left though? My new role is in the NHS and I've already had my employment checks so I don't need anything further from my current employer.. All I worry about is if I burn bridges with my current employer and it doesn't work out at the NHS for whatever reason then I'm stuck... That's how awful she's made me feel.. I really am looking forward to starting my new job. The people I met in my interview came across as so lovely and welcoming. I got offered the job on the spot..
She's just awful :(

OP posts:
CarmelBeach · 22/04/2021 13:07

Have the references been done for the new job? Do you have the contract?

CarmelBeach · 22/04/2021 13:07

Cross post

Go off sick.

ginoclocksomewhere · 22/04/2021 13:09

@duggeeismynewbestfriend

I would also take advice from An employment lawyer in regards to constructive dismissal.

Bullying in industry in longer tolerated in the same way it once was.

Kelly

Agree with this. Have you recorded all of the incidents?
Original poster
Pebbledashery · 22/04/2021 13:09

@idontlikealdi this is lovely to read. I bet you're a great boss. My new boss at the NHS comes from the same industry as I am leaving prior to joining the NHS.. He also used to be a PA in his younger years as well so knows the pressures of the job. I just cannot wait to join there xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Pebbledashery · 22/04/2021 13:10

@CarmelBeach references done, all employment checks done.. I haven't had the full contract yet but that's standard in NHS. I was given an unconditional offer after my pre employment checks passed and I resigned on that basis.

OP posts:
SilentPanic · 22/04/2021 13:11

If she's pushing you enough that you're crying, you really do need to get out ASAP. A few weeks off will put you in prime position to start your new job in the best of mental health.
Congratulations on your new job.

TinaTurnoff · 22/04/2021 13:15

Do you have holiday entitlements left to take? These would come out of your notice period. Try to be assertive regarding your final commitments and entitlements so that you do no more than you are willing to do.

Hoppinggreen · 22/04/2021 13:15

@Horehound

Go to the Dr and get signed off with stress for the remaining time. In fact you may even be able to request a Dr note on their website x
Might not be a good idea if your new employer is interested in how many sick days you have taken. I’m sorry you are going through this OP but it’s not for too much longer, could you just totally disengage from everything except your core tasks?
ginandbearit · 22/04/2021 13:16

Leaving early wont affect future references etc , and if the nhs doesn't work out you will be very employable elsewhere or even self employed if your skills and values are as good as they sound. You are being abused and no job is worth that ...you are in a strong position with work lined up ..just go ..walk out that door...😉

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 22/04/2021 13:20

@hoppinggreen this is what I thought.. The NHS do ask for sick days and I've had minimal sick days the time I've been here.. But if it didn't work out and I applied for another role then that would come up.. I'm holding on as best as I can but today has been an absolutely awful day. I hate crying because of work. I'm a very strong person but she's pushed and pushed and pushed.

OP posts:
Thomasina79 · 22/04/2021 13:23

I would be a little bit cautious about the reference question. I too have been in jobs where I have been bullied, it is dreadful and wrecks havoc with your self esteem. But. You might need your present company for references etc at a later date and as you say it might go on your record. Years ago I walked out of a job and it took ages to get another job because the bastard managers at that organisation kept giving me bad references. You have only got a short while to go then you don’t ever have to see this bully again.

I hope it all works out for you. You seem positive and strong and in a short while you will marvel that this person was so awful to you. You deserve better.