I work for a complete narcissist..

[Pebbledashery]

I'm leaving my job in a few weeks.. Currently working my notice..moving onto a new role elsewhere.
My CEO is a complete narcissist.. Today she has pushed me to the absolute limit and I've broken.. She then tells me she doesn't need me crying and putting that on her as well as everything else.
I'm on a part time contract and I'm working full time hours. I'm a single parent but never ever let my personal circumstances get in the way of work. I think I'm a hard working and professional EA. I've got 15 years of experience in the industry.
I've resigned primarily because of her.. I actually feel bullied by her. Nobody seems to tell her she behaves inappropriately or speaks awfully to colleagues.. We have no proper HR department in our company..
I hate every day I have to work here. They've kept me to my 4 weeks notice and asked me to work an extra couple of days to help because its a ridiculously busy time. I agreed because I'm a good person but now feel like telling them to stuff it. I hate it. I hate my job and I hate her. I don't respect a CEO that is a bully.
No point to this thread just wanted to vent because I've been in tears all morning.

By working your PT hours you’re not doing the bare minimum, you’re doing the job you’ve been employed for! I don’t know why employers don’t just have PT employees as they usually do hours of unpaid work (unless they’re buddies with the manager in which case they get the hours they want and overtime!).

Your team is not your responsibility. It is totally normal to not want to leave your colleagues in the shift because you are a sensible, conscientious, reasonable person but when it comes down to it, you’ve got to look out for yourself because no-one else will. They will still be there after you’ve left dealing with your boss’ nonsense. You do you.

I’d be responding to her contradicting everything she said in her email and point out that her diary is as she asked it to be. You have no thing to lose by pushing back. She won’t like it but do it for you.

I just left my PT job because of a nightmare boss and it felt so good correcting her shite before I did 😬

Could you spend some time drawing together an account of all her bullying, @Pebbledashery, and send it to HR on your last day?

It might also be helpful for you to write her a long letter, telling her exactly what a bullying bitch she is - with many examples - basically get it all down on paper, to vent all your negative feelings. You don't have to send it - but just expressing it 'out loud' in a letter might help.

I do think that this is one of the occasions when a MN Hit Squad would be useful. A bunch of us with nothing to lose (because we don't work for her) and no fucks to give, could come round to your workplace and tell her a few home truths. Or a lot of them - your choice!!

I hate bullies with every fibre of my being. I was bullied from the age of 10, until I left secondary school at 16, and by 14 years old, I was having suicidal thoughts - wondering how many tablets I'd need to take, or getting my penknife and pressing it to my wrist. The anxiety, depression and low self esteem resulting from the bullying, have blighted my whole life - and I know I am not the only one who has been so badly affected by bullying. I would love an opportunity to verbally slaughter a bully.

Ugh poor you. I've been there before and one day just walked out, took the final month off sick with stress (no one ever cared in my next job about sick days though) and never even went back to get my stuff from the office, just wrote it off.

I'm so glad you're not doing the extra days. How much longer? Is it next week you finish?

Also, of course you don't want the next person to be bullied but it's nothing to do with you. Ideally once she has an externally recruited candidate, she'll finally realise she can't treat staff this way because they keep quitting. (It would of course be better if she just realised she can't treat people that way because they're human beings with feelings too!! But with selfish narcs like this, it's only when it impacts on them that they change their ways.)

I've only read your posts, Pebble, so don't know if this has already been mentioned but Dr Ramani on YouTube gives good advice about dealing with workplace narcissists.

I'm sorry you're going through this, I've been through similar and it's horrendous. I too escaped from an abusive relationship and walked straight into a job with a boss who seemed lovely to begin with ... I ended up having sort of night terrors after he turned on me. I was so grateful that covid put paid to the work!

Are you being paid for the extra hours you're doing? If not you could just take the time off in leiu and you'll be saving her money - how kind of you . You've not got long to go, keep venting here, we can but listen

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

Never mind just telling them to stuff the extra days, *@Pebbledashery* - If I were you, I'd be leaving right now, going to the GP and getting signed off with stress for the rest of your notice period. Your mental health matters too much for you to put yourself through more weeks of this.

Yes this is what I did when i was being bullied and humiliated by a horrid manager. I only had to give one weeks notice but took it off sick so i didn't need to see her again.

I'd phone ACAS and start a constructive dismissal claim and then get a sicknote for your notice period
You poor thing that sounds terrible bless you x

Thanks everyone.. I'm glad i started this thread.. I finish in the second week of May, she wanted me to stay on until they had found a replacement but that would've pissed off my NHS employer as they wanted me to start asap. I'm really looking forward to my new job but I know she wants me to go in to it feeling like crap. I don't get any time off or extra pay for working my additional hours, I've only worked the additional hours because I'm so overwhelmed with the work.. It's basically work of 3 people..

I don't get any time off or extra pay for working my additional hours, I've only worked the additional hours because I'm so overwhelmed with the work.. It's basically work of 3 people..

Then don't do it. Stick to your contracted hours. And read up on Grey Rock technique - that's how to handle her.

I also strongly agree with others that you shouldn't work out your full notice. Leave a few days early so you are rested before you go into the new job. Block her emails and delete her number so any rants can't touch you. If you really have worked excess hours for so long, you can do this with no guilt whatsoever.

Which agency are they recruiting your replacement with? I would call them and warn them that whoever they land in that role will have to deal with the psycho bitch from hell. The benefits of this are threefold 1) someone else will not suffer like you, 2) your bitch-boss will have a nightmare being without an EA and 3) how satisfying will that be?! Of course, this is only the case if it will not impact on your team but surely they all have their own jobs to do and she will not be able to rope them into your role.

I think you should definitely have a tummy bug/family emergency/dodgy lateral flow test and not go in again.....

So..
This afternoon she very nicely asks me if I can work to the Friday in my last week which is 4 days after my last day of my notice period.
I've very politely said I need to take some time out and recharge as I didn't want to finish one job and go straight into another, especially with my caring responsibilities at the weekend... Long pause from her....
Then proceeds to tell me I won't last five minutes in my new job if I'm acting like I'm frazzled now.. Her day is significantly longer than mine and she bets her life I couldn't do what she does.
She's been vile to me all afternoon.
I've just emailed the person responsible for the HR type stuff and asked for a meeting first thing on Monday. I'm not going to go off sick because I don't want it on my record.. But I'm going to tell this person everything and say I don't think I'm going to make it to the end of my notice period if she carries me.

She sounds like a right cow.

What a ridiculous thing to say to you. She is just pissed off you're leaving and is making it as difficult as possible before you go. She is nasty.

Stop being polite to her if she’s going to use it against you (which she will).

Pebble, can you please work until the Friday of your notice?

No, LunaticBoss. I’m finishing on Weds Xth at 3pm.

No further explanation.

She doesn’t care about you. So don’t give her ammunition.

Wow, she is a c**t.

I'd tell her she won't have staff that last 5 minutes with her shitty attitude.

Do not do anything for them. I used to work for a bitch like this. Could be the same person, sounds like it.

Everything you did wasn't enough. So shove it up your arse then 🤷🏻‍♀️.

When you speak to the HR person keep it factual too.

HR person, as you know I am contracted to work X hours and have been working Y hours. We’ve agreed I’ll work my notice until X date. LunaticBoss is consistently asking me to alter my hours, work longer and ‘harder’, not allowing me to delegate (which is essential in this handover period) and criticising me in a personal manner. It’s unprofessional and it’s stopping me working to the best of my ability. I would like to leave on a positive note but LunaticBoss is making that difficult despite my best efforts. Please could you clarify that I’m only contracted to X hours and that I will be finishing on Y date, and that any tasks or expectations that can’t be fitted into this timescale must be delegated?

Gp. Sick note. BUT... has your new employer got all the references they need? Are they aware of why you are leaving ie a mental boss? If not, will your ‘sickness’ be stated ina reference? Being signed of with stress may Cause issues with new employers .... but if all is well and they don’t need to get anything from her, then yes, I’d stay off sick. It’s no longer your problem.

Stand up to her! Make it clear she cannot treat people like shit. People like her really piss me off. Tell her straight point out all you have on here then on your last day tell her to get f**ked

Are you in a position resign with immediate effect?

If you have email evidence of this, save accessible copies. Send them to HR along with your resignation citing bullying. That’s what I would do.

If you’ve been there more than 2 years and want to look at a potential constructive dismissal claim maybe think a little more carefully though.

Honestly thought I'd never go from an abusive relationship and then have an abuser boss.
She makes me feel exactly like my ex did and I don't know why I've taken it so long. I don't know why I struggle to stand up to people.

If you are in front of her or taking I call I would record her and then ignore her .

Or just say that you don’t have to put up with her rudeness any more .

And grey rock her.

In a meeting once my boss was having a go and I whipped out a note book to make it clear I was writing down everything he said .

He stopped pretty quickly .

I don't know why I struggle to stand up to people.

Some people you just can't stand up to - it can be either pointless or dangerous or both. Do what you need to do to get through this or get out but telling her what an abusive arsehole she is isn't going to help.

Tell us instead, we hate her already

I don't get any time off or extra pay for working my additional hours

You are getting paid for the hours you're working though?

She’s probably one of these people that will happily spend hours telling people how busy they are instead of actually getting things done. Being hideously over-worked isn’t a positive attribute. It shows that you’re either inefficient or your workload is too large. As she’s the boss, then she needs to take on more staff to help. If she chooses not to then she’s failing her company and employees and it shows she’s rubbish at running a business.

You’ll do brilliantly at your job because you won’t have the dark shadow of Useless NarcBoss hanging over you the whole time! Anything she uses as a stick to beat you with is actually just an illustration of her weaknesses.

@Pebbledashery

So.. This afternoon she very nicely asks me if I can work to the Friday in my last week which is 4 days after my last day of my notice period. I've very politely said I need to take some time out and recharge as I didn't want to finish one job and go straight into another, especially with my caring responsibilities at the weekend... Long pause from her.... Then proceeds to tell me I won't last five minutes in my new job if I'm acting like I'm frazzled now.. Her day is significantly longer than mine and she bets her life I couldn't do what she does. She's been vile to me all afternoon. I've just emailed the person responsible for the HR type stuff and asked for a meeting first thing on Monday. I'm not going to go off sick because I don't want it on my record.. But I'm going to tell this person everything and say I don't think I'm going to make it to the end of my notice period if she carries me.

We will all be with you in spirit in your HR meeting, cheering you on!

OP please keep it factual on Monday with the HR person. You have a contractual end date. You are finishing on that date. You don’t have to justify it. If you were taking a month off before starting your new job it’s no business of theirs and has no bearing on when you stop work. By all means tell HR what a lunatic she is but please concentrate on protecting yourself now. The company, your current team and your successor are not your responsibility.