I work for a complete narcissist..

[Pebbledashery]

I'm leaving my job in a few weeks.. Currently working my notice..moving onto a new role elsewhere.
My CEO is a complete narcissist.. Today she has pushed me to the absolute limit and I've broken.. She then tells me she doesn't need me crying and putting that on her as well as everything else.
I'm on a part time contract and I'm working full time hours. I'm a single parent but never ever let my personal circumstances get in the way of work. I think I'm a hard working and professional EA. I've got 15 years of experience in the industry.
I've resigned primarily because of her.. I actually feel bullied by her. Nobody seems to tell her she behaves inappropriately or speaks awfully to colleagues.. We have no proper HR department in our company..
I hate every day I have to work here. They've kept me to my 4 weeks notice and asked me to work an extra couple of days to help because its a ridiculously busy time. I agreed because I'm a good person but now feel like telling them to stuff it. I hate it. I hate my job and I hate her. I don't respect a CEO that is a bully.
No point to this thread just wanted to vent because I've been in tears all morning.

Just seen your update OP. Don't put up with this a second longer. I'd also approach Acas once you've got another job. Sometimes they'll ask why you didnt put in a grievance although if you have enough evidence it might not matter.
Forward all those emails to a private account where they can't be deleted.
I've worked with one of these too. It really messed with my head. She was a total narcissist and seriously unhinged.
I'm so glad to hear you've got another job to go to.

I think she's pushing you for a reaction so I wouldn't give her the satisfaction - count the days OP, count the days

@fourquenelles thank you xx big hugs. Thanks for the support everyone.. Going to try very hard not to let her reduce me to a crying mess today!

Poor you! She sounds completely batshit.

Honestly speaking - if you don’t dance to her tune rescheduling and other ridiculous demands, what could possibly happen?

Nothing much. She can exhaust herself ranting and calling you names, but it makes no difference. You’re obviously not lazy or sloppy or whatever.

Cancel a couple, let a couple stand. She can deal with it, she’s a big girl.

It’s the weekend tomorrow!

Just harden your heart completely and try not to let it bother you. Phone kept on divert (you’re too busy calling people to reschedule anyway and training up the team for your absence ) and don’t react, don’t react, don’t react.

Are you sure you don’t have any holiday days left to take?

And if you’re on a part-time contract don’t you dare work full time during your notice period. Stick your out of office on with your work hours clearly outlined on that.

Seriously- you do not need to bend over to be shafted these 3 weeks. Look after yourself, you are so important.

[quote Pebbledashery]@fourquenelles thank you xx big hugs. Thanks for the support everyone.. Going to try very hard not to let her reduce me to a crying mess today![/quote]
Remember not to give the cow what she wants - a reaction.
A useful technique is to only answer direct questions, so if she says her diary is too full then don’t reply as it’s not a question.
Don’t defend yourself or argue, just say “ok” and leave the room as soon as you can. Picture yourself working for someone sane, as you will be soon, and imagine how great that will be.

If she wrote those comments in email, refer back saying I am not x, y, z I arranged the appointments at your request.

Keep the email trail in case of future problems.

Whilst I think you would be justified in going sick, I dont think that will have a positive effect on your self esteem, it will be like she broke you. Maybe that's even why she is doing it so she can say "yeah pebbles just couldn't hack it in the end". I wouldn't want to give her the satisfaction.

Do the normal work, support your colleagues who will be doing the job after you by passing on your knowledge. Leave on time and do no extras. Leave the job with your head held high knowing you dealt with it.

Don't start the new job with the dip in confidence that being off sick will undoubtedly bring as you will guilty about dropping others in it because you sound like a lovely conscientious worker.

You can do this 3 more weeks 💪💪💪

Hope “grey rock” and “imaginary fuck you sign” are helping!

Thank you everyone.
So the floodgates are open. I've just been spoken to like utter crap for daring to ask someone to help me because I am swamped and literally cannot work anymore hours.
I just got "You only work for me Pebble, why are you delegating work, I cannot think for the life of me what you have on that you're so busy you have to delegate, you really need to tell me if you're asking the team to do your work as it materially impacts the quality of my work"

This is because a colleague emailed me asking if I needed help and they have capacity and can see I'm struggling.. I asked them to just phone one person for me.

It is like she wants to break me and for me to go off sick so she can say I can't hack it.. I'm not going to give her that satisfaction but it is very hard 😢

“You only work for me Pebble, why are you delegating work, I cannot think for the life of me what you have on that you're so busy you have to delegate, you really need to tell me if you're asking the team to do your work as it materially impacts the quality of my work"

You already know she’s a lunatic.

I’d reply factually ‘X called Y so that I found focus on Z. I will be finishing work at X o’clock today as per my contracted hours.’

Let her rant and rave. You’ve got this. Keep the tone neutral at all times.

Solidarity.

It is like she wants to break me and for me to go off sick so she can say I can't hack it.. I'm not going to give her that satisfaction but it is very hard

Why do you see that as giving her satisfaction?

It’s an abusive relationship. Do what you need to do to get away. Now.

Deep breaths op deep breaths.

And then calmly carry on. Because your not reacting is why she's upping her nasty game. That's what shit bosses do.

I work for one. Currently refusing to speak to or acknowledge him for two days because I won't engage when he speaks to me the way he does.

I've worked for him for over 15 years and actually I'm treated like a child although I'm in my 40s.

Not for long though op because like you I'm getting out soon they just don't know yet.

I'm gritting my teeth and reminding myself why I'm not sticking the toxic anymore.

Normally I find they behave this way because actually you can walk away and they can't so it's part frustration even though it's totally wrong.

Just keep thinking of the weight being lifted soon.

You can do it op. You have more respect and dignity than she will ever have remember that.

Detach yourself if you can. It may feel personal but it's not really about you. She's possibly punishing you for daring to leave her.

Work your hours and if things don't get done they don't get done. That's not your problem.

You can't win so don't try just get through. Minimise your interaction as much as possible if you can. Turn off your phone outside of working hours, email rather than phone. Focus on hand over to the next poor bugger and then run like hell!

So she couldn’t hack a day with diary requirements that left her two hours to herself but you can’t get someone who offered to make a phone call for you? I truly hope that you put in a string of meetings with multiple parties that can’t be moved at 8am and 5pm for days on end to kick in after you’ve left as a leaving gift ;)
(I wonder if you can leave subtle warning to the new person in your handover note? )

Great suggestion.

Pack her schedule for weeks after you leave and definitely give the new person the heads up.

Even if you simply say you are thrilled to be leaving and couldn't wait to finish, should be enough to scare the hell out of the new person.
It will give her a warning so that she can walk out the door and not look back quickly, if she wants to.

I'd start singing around the office....this song should work:

Particularly if you sing it in the same way that Louis Armstrong sang it.

She isn't a narcissist, she is coming across as a slave driver. Does your company have a policy on modern slavery?

@EuroTrashed@billy1966 it did cross my mind on my last day to just email all her contacts and get random and pointless meetings booked in after i leave 😂.

She's just asked me if i can start all next week at 8am as it will be helpful to her if i can be online as early as her even though her working day starts at 5.30am...

I've not replied yet......
There's no way I'm logging on at 8am for her.. I'd do it for me and my team.
But not her.

Everyone she does this remind yourself this is classic narcissist behaviour. She is like this as you have chosen to leave and sees it as you abandoning her for someone else. She is trying to make you feel bad about yourself so you don't feel confident enough to leave. She probably doesn't even realise this herself.

I second what others are saying by going off sick, but you could just wait it out until your last week and take the last few days off sick with a "stomach bug" instead, which should not affect your record. The NHS isn't perf

You could helpfully agree to log on by 8am as you remind her that you’ll need to therefore finish by 2pm or 3pm (or whatever), or take the time off in lieu for the extra hours over Friday and Monday...

And definitely plan to finish by Weds of your final week latest. Whether that’s a stomach bug, a 2-day migraine or booked in leave (unpaid, if you like) just do it. Plan it, do it.

Sorry posted too early! The NHS isn't perfect, but generally as a large organisation this sort of bullying doesn't happen often and you are more protected from this and can move department/to another Trust fairly easily.

Font go into your new job this stressed. Take a few days off from it first and don't do any overtime.

I've just responded saying unfortunately i can't start any earlier than 8.30am due to my caring responsibilities which is true.

I've asked my colleague who is responsible for HR that my last working day is the Wednesday and I will finish then. I'm not finishing on a Friday to go into my new job on a Monday feeling frazzled.

I do have huge concerns for the person they recruit into my role, I don't want them to be bullied :(

Not your circus not your monkies op

You must be a good woman Pebbledashery I would be undermining the bitch at every opportunity in your shoes. It must be soooo tempting.

oh you only wanted 50 of those things? I'm so sorry I thought you said 500

Yes, I've booked your 8 am in, It's in city 3 hours away, I said you would want to come to them, they said they would meet you early for breakfast

Oh sorry, did I accidentally forward your nasty email to the whole company? whoops

Good luck with the new job.

@Pebbledashery

Thank you. Appreciate your comments. I finish my current role on a Friday and start my new job on a Monday and I feel like she wants to break me before I leave.. I've just asked for a catch up with another colleague and will say I will work my full notice but I need two days to recuperate before the new job. If she wasn't such a cow I'd be happy to work extra days.

You are owed so many hours from working FT while only being paid PT. Take them in lieu and don't go back in. tell them you are happy to log the excess hours and the bullying with a tribunal if they question your decision.

Or get signed off sick. But feel no guilt at all.

Hope you enjoy your new job.