I work for a complete narcissist..

[Pebbledashery]

I'm leaving my job in a few weeks.. Currently working my notice..moving onto a new role elsewhere.
My CEO is a complete narcissist.. Today she has pushed me to the absolute limit and I've broken.. She then tells me she doesn't need me crying and putting that on her as well as everything else.
I'm on a part time contract and I'm working full time hours. I'm a single parent but never ever let my personal circumstances get in the way of work. I think I'm a hard working and professional EA. I've got 15 years of experience in the industry.
I've resigned primarily because of her.. I actually feel bullied by her. Nobody seems to tell her she behaves inappropriately or speaks awfully to colleagues.. We have no proper HR department in our company..
I hate every day I have to work here. They've kept me to my 4 weeks notice and asked me to work an extra couple of days to help because its a ridiculously busy time. I agreed because I'm a good person but now feel like telling them to stuff it. I hate it. I hate my job and I hate her. I don't respect a CEO that is a bully.
No point to this thread just wanted to vent because I've been in tears all morning.

Will definitely keep it factual. I'm such an emotional person though my voice breaks as soon as i talk.

Thanks for all the support everyone xx

When you have that meeting with HR on Monday @Pebbledashery if your voice breaks and you get emotional in that meeting, so be it. She has pushed and pushed and if HR actually see how stressed you are by her then they have to do something.
Even if it is telling you to go home there and then and seeing what they can do about the situation.
Don't worry about your voice breaking.

We're cheering you on through this. We've got your back!

Good luck op. This takes me back to when I worked for a horrible man who made me feel so inadequate. Nothing was ever good enough. I worked 9-3 with no lunch break ie school hours. Every week at 3 pm he would find a very urgent job I absolutely must do and I can still remember the feeling of panic and letting my dd down, running to my car. Even on her sports day, he kept me late and I missed her race. He even tried to make me work until 7 pm at night faxing court papers over to a court that was already shut. A lovely colleague could see what a state I was in and stepped in and did it for me. He didn't even thank her.

You need to go now op, go on Monday. She is squeezing the last pips out of you as though she knows you are vulnerable. It is all about her not being inconvenienced in any way. What a horrible person. I am so glad you have another job. Hope you will be happy there.

Good luck OP.

I really hope the force is with you tomorrow.

The reason you attract narcissists is because you are a good person and probably a people pleaser. I'm convinced they can smell nice people.
She is trying to punish you for leaving her. Tell HR you feel bullied by her. If you don't use the word bullied they may try to minimise. Be upset if you are. Ask to be put on gardening leave. I'll be cheering you on.

@DeclineandFall

The reason you attract narcissists is because you are a good person and probably a people pleaser. I'm convinced they can smell nice people. She is trying to punish you for leaving her. Tell HR you feel bullied by her. If you don't use the word bullied they may try to minimise. Be upset if you are. Ask to be put on gardening leave. I'll be cheering you on.

Interesting post

Will you expand please?

Thanks everyone.. I'm dreading it. I've been copied into emails from her that she's sent this weekend, she's told a colleague I'm working till the Friday before i start my new job on the Monday which is absolutely not true and I've asked to work till the Tuesday of the 4th week of my notice period.. I initially agreed to do an extra day to help but I don't feel she's deserving of my help and if i work the extra day she'll somehow use her narcissistic way to coerce me to work till the Friday and I'll be frazzled starting my new job. I'm not going to let her bully me on that because she ultimately wants me to go into my new feeling like she's broken me.

My goodness. What a shrivelled little soul your CEO must have. The battle she's having with you is so useless -and unequal - what is the point? She's driving away a hard working, conscientious person all because she is emotionally inadequate.

Seriously, I'm joining those who are saying that if you are staying until your notice period ends (and not a minute over to help her or anyone else) so correct - in writing - any "misinformation" she's putting out about your last working day.. do just work the hours you are paid for and leave at the time you are supposed to leave at the end of each day.

I cannot see many of your colleagues staying long after you have left as they will be brought into Medusa's line of sight.

Also ensure you don't read emails or texts from her after hours or at weekends, because that's not appreciated or rewarded in any way and is also not great for your mental health.

Secure your social media so she doesn't get to peek into your personal life. In fact do that now. On your last day, block her on your house and mobile phones - if she wants to contact you it will need to be in writing which you can choose to ignore, or forward to HR to deal with, if necessary.

Good luck OP! 🌹

You could reply to that email tomorrow (plenty of time to do it then) and just say "Unfortunately, Demon Boss is mistaken in saying that I will be working until the Friday and. My last day will be X day and I will not be available under any circumstances after that date. Please contact Demon Boss if you have any questions or queries relating to your business with us/the project/whatever after that date"

I think you'll find that this is narcissistic rage - google it. You can't win against a narcissist. It may be better to go of sick than let her drive you to respond or break you. Could you be self isolating?

I would also say that she is punishing you for going. Deep down she has a very fragile ego.

You may think you are helping your colleagues by doing extra work, but you are not. It is just covering up the poor staffing levels.

Once you have gone you cannot help, so don't kill yourself before hand. I was moving roles in a huge way- worked huge hours and it made not one iota of difference.

BTW if your boss says you are lazy and disorganised, why on earth would she want you to work as many days as possible? She should be pleased to see you go asap

Hope your meeting went OK, Pebble.

Just remember- it doesn’t matter what she tells any colleagues about your last day. She’ll be the one who looks stupid. Quick factual email every time: “My last working day at the company is Weds X. For any outstanding issues do let me know by Tuesday X so I can add them to the handover notes. Best wishes, Pebble.”

Keep everything facts, facts, facts.
She’s baiting you but she won’t win.

Stop checking email or phone unless working hours.

@NoSquirrels

Hope your meeting went OK, Pebble.

Just remember- it doesn’t matter what she tells any colleagues about your last day. She’ll be the one who looks stupid. Quick factual email every time: “My last working day at the company is Weds X. For any outstanding issues do let me know by Tuesday X so I can add them to the handover notes. Best wishes, Pebble.”

Keep everything facts, facts, facts.
She’s baiting you but she won’t win.

Stop checking email or phone unless working hours.

100% agree with this ^^^^^

Hi all. Thank you for the supportive messages. I wish i could tell you i felt better but i don't. My organisation is a start up so we have no proper HR department.. We have a colleague who is responsible for HR type stuff but isn't a HR person. Anyway, my voice did break but I managed to stay focus and put out my concerns and the fact I will not be staying past my notice period. The person I spoke to is unfortunately a friend of my CEO so most probably won't say anything to her.
Anyway, it's been the usual shit today... Undermining me, making me look stupid in emails to clients..
Her latest thing is "Pebble is leaving us x week but I'm sure she will find the time to arrange xyz" there's an underlying patronising tone. She's also called me this morning raging about her diary for this week and saying that she hopes her new EA is "thoroughly more competent"
I'm not staying one minute more this afternoon.. Logging off at my usual time and not staying a minute past my notice period. My friend who is office manager has told me the company are sending me leaving flowers as a thank you.. I politely said DD is allergic to flowers (she's not) and I'd rather they donated some money to charity or something, I don't need a gift.

I've been reading this and really feel for you!

Just do as you're doing, head down work contracted hours and don't respond when she gets nasty, keep all responses factual.

If it was me I would make sure I went on glassdoor and indeed and left an anonymous review of the CEO and what a horrible human being she is. You don't need to put anything identifying and it might make you feel like you got the last word and hopefully it damages her reputation as she can't get it removed

I would also consider an email sent right before you log off on your final date confirming that you have thoroughly enjoyed your time there and it's such a lovely organisation etc etc so that she will be fuming you are not miserable and she didn't win in breaking you

Good luck there are so many horrible people out there who use their position to stamp all over others, says so much about them and not you!

Following on from Needagirlnightout how about gushing type out-office-response on your email when you leave...

Pebbles no longer works here. She would like to thank all her colleagues and clients for making her time at “Narc-start-up” so memorable

I could have written your post a few years ago OP, and she wasn't even my boss, she was a colleague who was so full of herself I think convinced herself she also managed me. It was horrific and I completely understand what you're going through. I ended up going for counselling to help me manage things and that really helped me to see that the problem wasn't me, all the issues were her's.

It really affected me mentally and I ended up reluctantly handing in my notice. Thankfully HR were starting to investigate her bullying behaviour and she handed in her notice on the same day as I did (she didn't know I had handed in my notice) as I think she didn't want to lose face if everything came out. My boss was happy for me to retract my notice and I ended up staying. She spun some tale about being headhunted for a fantastic job with a ridiculous salary, but last I heard she was working in a similar role in a similar company so I don't think any of it was true.

I felt instantly better the moment she left the company, and you'll feel like a weight has lifted off your shoulders when you leave, just need to power on through to get there.

Honestly can't wait to leave now. I've been working from home and she's still managed to be a complete and utter bully. My new job is 5 days a week in a hospital and I would take that any day of the week over this.
I can suspect its going to ramp up now as it's two weeks till i leave now..

It’s all been said before OP but make sure you do not work a moment over your contracted hours.
Grey rock her so she can’t see you’re upset.
Address every single inconsistency to the same audience.

Eg Pebbles is working til Friday 4th.

“To clarify, my last day is Tuesday 1st”.

Come on, OP, you got this. We are all behind you.

Not long to go and you can do this.
You need to be sickly nice to her while practising the MN stable, I am so sorry that will not work for me. Let me think about that and get back to you. So sorry but that does not work for me.
When she says you are incompetent, say so sorry I hope your next EA meets your requirements, I am so looking forward to my new job.

You are doing really well. You can push her over the edge, subtlety.
Phone on divert for the next two weeks. Leave her 15 mins between meetings but start them early and finish late (she is super woman).

Keep calm, practise smiling, do not go back to her straight away, always praise her, thank you so much for your warm email I will miss working with you. You are so kind to say those nice things about me. I have so enjoyed my 3 years here. Put in random shit.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

You need to come back on here everyday and tell what you have done.

Could you have phone problems and internet problems?
As in unplug it for several hours a day and just say your internet has gone down?

I would for the next few weeks.
Apologise profusely but turn it off,give yourself a break.

The minute your paid hours are completed, shut down everything.

Ahh I logged off bang on time :) i can see she's sent me a load of stuff to do and wanted it back this afternoon.. She sent it at 3.45pm knowing I finish at 4pm.
I haven't replied.

@billy1966 actually on my last day there is a planned power cut in my area funnily enough. They are doing major electrical work around here.

I know it's easier said than done, but ignore her. If you're polite and work your hours, all the rest is just hot air.

Try and be detached, polite and smile... and ignore everything she says.