I work for a complete narcissist..

[Pebbledashery]

I'm leaving my job in a few weeks.. Currently working my notice..moving onto a new role elsewhere.
My CEO is a complete narcissist.. Today she has pushed me to the absolute limit and I've broken.. She then tells me she doesn't need me crying and putting that on her as well as everything else.
I'm on a part time contract and I'm working full time hours. I'm a single parent but never ever let my personal circumstances get in the way of work. I think I'm a hard working and professional EA. I've got 15 years of experience in the industry.
I've resigned primarily because of her.. I actually feel bullied by her. Nobody seems to tell her she behaves inappropriately or speaks awfully to colleagues.. We have no proper HR department in our company..
I hate every day I have to work here. They've kept me to my 4 weeks notice and asked me to work an extra couple of days to help because its a ridiculously busy time. I agreed because I'm a good person but now feel like telling them to stuff it. I hate it. I hate my job and I hate her. I don't respect a CEO that is a bully.
No point to this thread just wanted to vent because I've been in tears all morning.

At the very least, work to rule from now on. Only set hours and only your notice period. Better still to get yourself signed off.

I love the advice about the imaginary fuck you sign. Am going to use that myself and pass it on to DDs.

OP so sorry to hear this - I worked for a narcissist too - absolutely awful woman. I handed my notice in as she was affecting my mental health (no job to go to) and agreed to work the month.

Long story short I found out the next day she'd been posting shit about me all over the internet on message boards a bit like Mumsnet. A client drew my attention to them - it was so embarrassing.

Anyway, I walked out there and then. I too worried about getting a reference but I got another job from a recommendation and the company also knew me already, I explained the situation and they didn't even ask for any references. 8 years later still with that company. Hope everything works out for you - life is too short to work for vile people.

Im definitely going to take the advice of working to my hours and essentially doing the bare minimum. I'm going to keep my phone on divert tomorrow also. She calls me around 50 times a day and tells me there's a lack of communication between us and asks me to ring her more. So yesterday I called her and she said I don't know why you're calling me when you can just email me, have you seen my diary? She's so arrogant and full of self importance. I'm going to be working with a clinical director for a hospital Trust and there is no way on God's earth she will be busier than him. Utterly ridiculous woman.

I really empathise OP. I had a horrific boss, she had me and a colleague in tears multiple times. Vile vile human being. In the end I wrote an open letter listing all the horrific things she'd done, handed it into HR packed up my bag and left 3 weeks early. My mum met me outside and we walked in the sunshine to a pub and shared a bottle of wine. I felt like I was floating on air. Do it!

Also, around 6 months after I left an ex colleague called to say how many people were fed up with her and could I help? I sent them the letter, they put it in front of the board and she was sacked.

KARMA!

@showmethegin that's definitely karma. They've advertised for my replacement this week..she's never worked with an externally recruited EA before, secretly hope they quit after 1 week.

Can you just do the bare minimum and coast along? Smile and say - oh sorry I didn’t realise I had to do that? Rather than have sick days I’d take the proverbial - long breaks, long lunch breaks, minimal effort all round.
What is it that she’s doing when you say she pushes you to the limit? Is she there in the room with you or harassing you via email? I’m wondering whether you could get away with avoiding her even with long trips to the loo.
Apologies if this sounds flippant but I can see you’re concerned about having 20 sick days on your recent record but is there another alternative to sick days or working under pressure? How much hold over you/control over your work does she have if you’re about to leave? If it’s pride in your work that is holding you back from slacking off, I’d drop the pride and do the bare minimum, while not being rude so you don’t get a disciplinary but not let her harass you.
Is that an option? Congratulations on the new job, you’ll be out of this situation very soon.

Apologies - I just realised I’ve missed part of the post and this has already been suggested. Definitely do it.

I can sympathise with you because I too had a narcissist as a boss. It completely broke me in the end and I went off sick to complete my notice period. As soon as I put my notice in things got progressively worse because he knew there would be no repercussions as I was leaving the company. I did have the final say in my exit interview and this resulted in him being investigated after I left. I also went to ACAS and claimed for constructive dismissal and won. I feel as if I can finally put it behind me now everything is finished and the relief that other people believed me and he was wrong was exactly what I needed for closure. It never had an impact on my reference, I just asked for the standard one confirming the dates I worked there. Just think you've nearly come to the end and will never have to see them again soon, the relief I felt handing over my keys was like a weight had been lifted.

Best to not take sick leave but to coast along and set up a bible of how to do your job - it will keep you occupied and be a good excuse to be busy you can make it as simple or detailed as you like. In most companies for every 4 weeks you work you accrue 1.5 days holiday you could use this to leave early round it up to 2 days and have a long weekend before you start your new job - you need a break before going into your new role. Lastly if your boss is being hostile get into the habit of taking your mobile and putting it on record - recorded conversations are I believe admissible in HR situations - and best of luck in your new job remember to get a new job right now when it’s so difficult you are awesome

Jesus wept, i can't believe so many have told you to go off sick. How does that help your colleagues who are no doubt as stressed as you are.

Be the better person, grit your teeth, and smile until the end....... which is in plain sight now. Do what you can, nothing more and nothing less. A company with a crap CEO is never going to be on their best game.

@ConnieCaterpillar70 easy to say don't go sick just grit your teeth and get on with it until you end up in this position. No job is ever worth sacrificing your mental and physical health for.

@ConnieCaterpillar70

Jesus wept, i can't believe so many have told you to go off sick. How does that help your colleagues who are no doubt as stressed as you are.

Be the better person, grit your teeth, and smile until the end....... which is in plain sight now. Do what you can, nothing more and nothing less. A company with a crap CEO is never going to be on their best game.

I think tomorrow I am just going to try and detach myself from it. She's a complete bully but I'm on my way out in 3 weeks.. It will be absolute hell.. But I've got a fabulous job to go to and i can already tell the people are going to be lovely to work with just by my interviews with them.. I'm taking comfort in the fact I'm extremely employable by being offered a job on the spot.. It's hard.. But as you say the end is in sight.

OP,

May I say, total hats off to you for your enormous strength, resilience and fortitude.

Your daughter has the most incredible role model with you.

Please do the fxxk off exercise, work to rule with your work load, work only your paid hours and protect yourself until you are gone.

Fuck that! Don't help her at all - do what is best for you

**Just work your contracted hours and sod her.

You don't owe her your mental health!**

^This with bells on.

I actually think if i didn't have my new job to go to I'd be walking out there and then today.

If you are going to stay realise that she cant do anything to you now . She has little power over you ..if she rants and screams do the head tilt and ask her why is she such a cow? Do the work you need to do and keep.contact to a minimum ..there is power in silence and walking away from her if shes ranting ...good luck

I hope you are ok this morning OP.

If you do return, walking away from her the minute she raises her voice and refuse to allow her to scream at you is one thing you can do.
Just walk away.

Leave on the dot, no matter what has to be done.

Good luck.

Go to the gp and get time off. It’s fine.

Oh OP I feel for you. I've had a terrible boss like this. So much so, that I look back and I'm incredulous that people like this exist.

The only thing that helped me was to inwardly laugh at her and her ridiculous demands and awful behaviour. She was so bad that it was laughable.
Of course, that isn't easy but I trained myself to do that. Also to have a huge range of awful swear words about her running through my head when she came out with her ridiculous demands.

(Like 'you fat wrinkly sweaty c**t, everyone hates you by the way)

It was the only way I could cope! Good luck

I was planning on being very detached today but this morning I received 3 emails at 6am from her ranting about her diary today and why am i over scheduling her and that she's back to back with only 2 hours free of the day 🤔..
She has said she knows im leaving but expects my work to be top standard and not sloppy and lazy.. She wants me to call all these people this morning and cancel them :( she's the bloody one who asked me to put them in for today.

My phone is on divert!

If you feel you have to be there all you can do is help yourself and leave on the dot every day.

@Pebbledashery - this sounds dreadful but your new job sounds amazing! Well done on getting it.

If you can be bothered I’d calmly counter her accusations with facts: “I am neither sloppy nor lazy” and “my work is top standard” but TBH I’d probably be detaching at this stage, doing the minimum and planning my first few weeks in my new job

Best of luck with it all - you can get through it, you’ll leave with your head high and she’ll soon realize what she’s missing. I almost pity ppl like your boss - and hopefully you too will be able to move towards pity for her soon too as that’s all the energy she deserves from you now.

Oh Pebbles I am so sorry to read this. Are you feeling strong enough for some passive aggressive responses to her eg "Are you feeling OK today? You did ask me to scheule all these meetings, have you forgotten ?" The other thing that is mentioned here a lot is the "grey rock" technique. Give her nothing back just smile and nod, smile and nod. Thinking of you my lovely. Fuck it have a huge non-MN like HUGGGGG