To absolutely hate the secondary school ‘status labels’ nonsense

[Urbanhymngirl]

We bought 13 year DS a mountain bike for Xmas- it’s a Halfords one but top of their range and it cost £400- which I think is bloody expensive but he’s only just got into mountain biking and we didn’t want to spend a fortune.

But apparently in the world of mountain biking, it’s a bit shit and he’s getting teased at school with his ‘friends’ slagging off his bike as it’s not cool and he’s now upset.

Aibu to hate all this nonsense- I don’t want to spend a fortune on a bike (I mean to be honest, 400 quid is hardly cheap) for a 13 year old kid that trashes stuff and changed his mind about hobbies regularly.

There’s a lot of this financial one up man ship though I have noticed- kids bragging about expensive clothes, bikes and I fucking kid you not, house prices! Really entitled & privileged. We aren’t loaded & we can’t compete & there are plenty of similar and also worse off kids at the school.

I hate it. I spoke to him this morning but he’s so upset as basically his bike is now a status symbol and he sees it as a bit shit.

It is shit. But don't give in! You can stop your boy being raised to be a mean and braggy little shit like those other boys. Good luck op!

I just can’t get my head around this competitive bullshit at 13!!

It has always been like this. It’s a looooonnng time since I was at secondary school and there were the kids with Kickers and Helly Hansen jackets etc.

I never had any of that stuff and it did suck.

If his ‘friends’ are teasing him then I’d be having words with their parents about the slide into bullying and all you can do is be straight with your son that £400 is A LOT of money and he can either ride what he has or not but in that case you will be selling the bike.

It’s too late now but in future I’d look for a 2nd hand ‘on brand’ bike, they get sold on eBay all of the time. There is also a charity near me that refurbs and sells on for 1/3 of the price top quality bikes.

Doubt talking to DCs’ parents would help!

Would focus on supporting DS to deal with this kind of bullshit!

£400 is expensive, his ‘friends’ sound like twats.

I know it's easier said than done but I've always discussed with DS how some people have lots more money than we do and how I work for everything we have so can't buy him the same expensive things. He's quite chilled about these things and has a group of friends who don't really take the piss about things like that.
He needs to feel confident in himself and confident that this crap doesn't matter.

I was going to suggest a second hand of the ‘better’ model too.
I know we shouldn’t pander, but if you pay the same and he fits in..
I remember being quite sad that I didn’t have a pixie hat with attached scarf and pompoms; my mum sewed up a normal scarf and It was just not as nice. 🙂

It was ever thus, certainly in the 70s and onwards. If it's happening in school, report it, but frankly the best bit of advice I'd give would be ask him why these people are his 'friends'?

It was always the way.

Nintendo game and watch when I was a kid. The two screen ones were very prized. And of course which game. Donkey Kong was the one to have!

1982 :D

@MazekeenSmith yes, am trying to build his confidence a bit too (aswell as questioning why he wants to hang out with such rude kids frankly) - it amazes me that these kids are so blasé about money to be honest

£400 is bloody expensive to a lot of people!
A relative of mine posted on Facebook asking about how true to size a brand of jacket ran as her 9 year old had been asking for one. I Googled (I don’t do fashion or trends) and these things start at £200!! For a jacket....for a 9 year old and this woman can barely buy a bar of soap!!
I agree with @MazekeenSmith, have a chat to him about the value of money and the shallowness of other people.
If he wants a very expensive bike can he save birthday/Christmas money for it?
It is all shit and it’ll never change.

@FelicityPike I said to him this morning that he can save up for a bike if he wants a better one and sell the current one too. He actually really likes the bike- it’s only cos these little shits have said it’s not good that he’s upset!

I went through all this shit in the early 90's. It was trainer brands then. As I got older I found my tribe at school and it mattered a lot less but also I got a part time job and bought myself the brands.

I'm a bit precious about giving the dds the brands that the other kids have because I was bullied. They have no idea that primark is cheap and hype is dear.

This stuff is really scarring sadly

Tbh I'd be more worried that it you get him a status bike it would get stolen at knifepoint in the park. It happens round here!

I always think that one day when kids with fancy stuff grow up buying things we cannot afford will backfire because they will get jobs and a fair number will realise they cannot afford to keep up with the status symbols on their salaries. So it will be rude awakening and a fair number will procede making bad decisions getting everything on credit.
My DS at 11 is not that bothered yet but i talk to him about being wise and saving up for stuff that matters... time will tell how much he’s taking onboard.

I also do try to tell DS that fundamentally family & love is the most important thing but obvs when you are 13 you don’t believe it

It’s not a new bike he needs. It’s new friends.

It was like this in my friends kids primary school. PE shorts and trainers had to be the “right” brand, as did rucksacks etc I found it really sad that it started at such a young age. Always puzzled me why it was like that at that primary, but not the one my kids went to.

And you’re absolutely right to tell him he can save for whatever bike he wants. If it’s really important to him over time he can upgrade himself and learn how we afford things in life. Hopefully he will cop on that his friends are arseholes though.

Aww your poor boy. Those 'friends' sound like absolute brats. My friend's ds in a similar age and in the same position. He bought a new jumper and it happened to be the same as one of the bullies and he was ridiculed for it and called a copy.
I guess you can't control others behaviours - it was a bit like that when I was at school, but perhaps he could build up his confidence in other ways? He may not have the best bike, but better knowledge of mountain biking or whatever that entails could trump the bullies?
Definitely do not speak to the other kids parents. You could always contact the school though and let them know that this competitive behaviour is going on. They might do a session on how not to be a dick head?

He isn't the only one and 'twas ever thus. I had the piss taken out of me for having a Halford's bike ... in 1984.

As a pp said, at some point these brand-obsessed children will have a rude awakening.

@Notimeforaname

It is shit. But don't give in! You can stop your boy being raised to be a mean and braggy little shit like those other boys. Good luck op!

I agree with you in theory however, in practice it’s the child who will have to suffer because his parent is making a stand.

Don’t under estimate the damage been teased or bullied at school can cause a child.

In my sons school this exists among the girls but not so much the boys thank goodness. The girls all have the latest iPhones and designer handbags for their school books. The boys (my sons friends anyway) don’t care as much. He likes expensive things as much as the next teenager but he accepts he can’t have everything and never made us feel under pressure to get top brands. Now that he’s 17 he works and pays for the stuff he wants himself.

Does he understand the value of money?

People who are so against uniforms are completely deluded, because this is so common.

I mean at least it's only about accessories, it's so much worst when it's about the whole outfit!

The problem is you can't chose your kids friends. If they come from poorer families obsessed with showing off and labels, that will happen.