To absolutely hate the secondary school ‘status labels’ nonsense

[Urbanhymngirl]

We bought 13 year DS a mountain bike for Xmas- it’s a Halfords one but top of their range and it cost £400- which I think is bloody expensive but he’s only just got into mountain biking and we didn’t want to spend a fortune.

But apparently in the world of mountain biking, it’s a bit shit and he’s getting teased at school with his ‘friends’ slagging off his bike as it’s not cool and he’s now upset.

Aibu to hate all this nonsense- I don’t want to spend a fortune on a bike (I mean to be honest, 400 quid is hardly cheap) for a 13 year old kid that trashes stuff and changed his mind about hobbies regularly.

There’s a lot of this financial one up man ship though I have noticed- kids bragging about expensive clothes, bikes and I fucking kid you not, house prices! Really entitled & privileged. We aren’t loaded & we can’t compete & there are plenty of similar and also worse off kids at the school.

I hate it. I spoke to him this morning but he’s so upset as basically his bike is now a status symbol and he sees it as a bit shit.

I’m grateful my kids don’t get involved in any of that. They are happy to have primark clothes aswell as some branded sports gear. They’ve never mentioned being teased. I guess it depends on the area, what school you go to etc. I certainly wouldn’t be buying a new bike

Not seen one comment which questions why the bullying is allowed in the school.
It can be different. I’ve worked in a school where this would never happen as the respect agenda underlined everything that was ever done and said every day.
Expectation today in schools is to educate our ‘consumers’ so all resources are focused on results at the expense of morale guidance.

It's a thing boys do in early secondary. Boasting. He needs to rise above it. It's mostly lies I think.

If some real life Del boy could see an opportunity...

Byebye1to1
If I ever looked around a school and the head told me bullying didn't happen at their school, I probably wouldn't apply because that's either a huge blind spot they have, or they're showing the same arrogance as parents who'll tell everyone that their child would never say anything unkind because their family have impeccable morals. It's worthy of an eye roll.

Schools can tackle bullying, can put sanctions in place and can put a huge amount into promoting an overall ethos, but no school is totally bullying free because it is full of hundreds, if not thousands of students, all going through puberty, growing up, learning how to navigate social situations, who have social media, see their friends out of school, fall out with each other, have teen relationship drama, get the wrong end of the stick on whi said what 4 days ago, are picking up on all the socialisatipn that comes from adverts and trends, finding their own subcultures, finding their tribe, exploring their identity and so on.

I remember being teased at school for not having the cool brand stuff. It is tough. I can now afford to get my own kids branded stuff but won't be wasting my money on it... if they want the cool brands it will be second hand. Better for the environment anyway.

My DD goes to state school in a fairly affluent area and not heard of any kids wearing moncler or the likes (DD would know as she is very fashion conscious). If she goes shopping with friends, it's to new look or Primark and she asks me to order cheap tat off PLT. We have conversations about ethics in fashion, wages of who make them etc but it's hard to comprehend at that age. Brands she'd most likely wear is the usual Nike, Adidas, kickers, nothing over the top. I'd say the school has a fairly large percentage of alternative kids so maybe that's why, I suppose they can be competitive in their own way too. She has friends who are on both ends of the scale, some in huge houses and then others needing to use food banks, so I feel she is humbled by that.

Oh and she has a Samsung phone, not the newest and most expensive model either, she said lots of her friends have Samsung's so it's fine.

So yeah, not all schools, not all children are materialistic. I know the school I went to was super materialistic, was also in a deprived area. The more middle class kids didn't really need to show off that much, guess they were more secure. But the tough boys, they had all the brand's, Timberland, helly Hanson, so ridiculous but I understand it come from a place of insecurity probably on the parents part.

Those saying your kids don't care about designer clothes must have primary kids. My daughter is 13 and still wearing clothes featuring unicorns, because she likes them, but is becoming aware that her friends are all wearing the same labels, Superdry etc. so I bought her a second hand Superdry hoody from Ebay and guess which one gets worn into town with her friends? It's not pleasant, we struggle most months even with the 2 of us working, but we know it's a matter of time before the unicorns disappear in favour of brands, just as it did for us at secondary school in the late 80's early 90's

OP, tell your son to learn to wheelie lol, if you can do amazing wheelies it doesn’t matter what bike you ride lol ! Halfords bikes are great for a spin round the park or a family ride, I don’t think the quality is bad for that and they are much improved. But if mtb is a real hobby, more suitable bikes have a different geometry/design. For info, it’s best to look for forks that have as much travel as possible (ideally 130mm or 140mm plus), it’s better to have a single chain ring (say, 1 x 12, 1 x 11 etc), it’s better to have a slacker (less steep) head angle (the angle the front wheel sticks out at), and hydraulic brakes etc - these designs have better stability and performance. Full suspension is definitely not necessary when starting out (they are expensive and a hardtail will be slightly less forgiving and will build strong skills) It’s better to have these things on a second hand bike, rather than none of them on a new bike. I agree that £400 is a lot to spend - it’s not about the cost, it’s more like a suitability issue.

Get a decent helmet, and elbow and knee pads etc. My son rode his first races at 11 and was right at the back - now at 16 he rides national downhill races and his little sister rides regional downhill races, we have bikes for downhill and enduro. My children love sharing their passion with anybody who will pick up a bike, and my son will never forget his days at the back - nor the fact this his first and most ragged bike was his upgraded Specialized Myka (which is a ladies bike, FYI) which cost me £100 from eBay lol !!

I don’t think you should judge your son for wanting the right bike for the job - even if it’s second hand - he probably is really grateful for the cash you’ve spent, I feel that he would be better off selling it and buying second hand but probably feels bad himself for being unappreciative. Good luck to him and I hope he enjoys his riding.

Those saying your kids don't care about designer clothes must have primary kids
My non-caring DS is 21 . University student .
Tall , very slender and could carry off anything .
But gives not a shiney shite what covers his back.

A couple of times a year I drag him out for jeansand shoes/trainers .
He gets underwear/socks/pyjamas in his Dec 1st Box

Otherwise I think he's still waft about in the clothes he wore in Yr 12 ....and they'd probably still fit him. !

@Tessabelle1

Those saying your kids don't care about designer clothes must have primary kids. My daughter is 13 and still wearing clothes featuring unicorns, because she likes them, but is becoming aware that her friends are all wearing the same labels, Superdry etc. so I bought her a second hand Superdry hoody from Ebay and guess which one gets worn into town with her friends? It's not pleasant, we struggle most months even with the 2 of us working, but we know it's a matter of time before the unicorns disappear in favour of brands, just as it did for us at secondary school in the late 80's early 90's

Nope my dd is 16 and has no interest in labels whatsoever. Not all teens are the same!

My kids dgaf about labels
One thinks it’s tragic as she’s a social injustice warrior - or so it feels
The other is obsessed by maths only
They do appreciate something nicely made and are very definite that labels or anything obvious is try hard and missing the point

The last one will wear anything and loves sparkly and tied died and like something rejected after Glastonbury

I guess in the end kids will copy what they see in their parents to a large extent. We are well off but by clothes from supermarkets, primark and don't buy new stuff often. We have old bangers and mainly go camping on holiday in the UK. Just depends what your priorities are but your kids will pick up on that.

My friends daughters on the other hand both wear Balenciaga trainers and carry mini Vuitton rucksacks
Kids find and try a lot of tribes. Try to be compassionate for him having to cope in challenging circumstances

It's awful and part if the reason it's this way is because parents perpetuate it by bend over backwards so that their children aren't picked on.

Where we used to live, everyone had named brands but where we live now my kids won't have a label as they'll be picked on. We moved from an okay area to a more affluent area.

My child won't take foid tech things in a Waitrose carrier as it's too posh, would rather a Sainsbury's or Tesco. It's hard to get my head around as when I was at school we would die if we had to take PE kit in anything other than a Jane Norman bag, definitely feel shame and be picked on with a Netto bag. They also have a pair of Nike joggers that have never seen the light if day.

I don't think it's about age, I think it's about what your child's like, what their family's like, and what their friends/peers are like. I remember in about Year 1, all the cool girls just HAD to have Smiggle pencil cases.

With DS1 (Year 9),a new trainer experience will go something like this:
DS (the night before the start of term): Mum, my trainers are too small.
Me: You could have told me that before now! Right, which of these do you like [bringing up page of trainers on Sports Direct or similar].
DS: Err, dunno, I don't mind, they're all fine.
Me: Well which do you prefer?
DS: Dunno.
Me:Just pick one!!!
DS: OK, maybe those I guess.

It's just the way he is. DS2 is slightly more brand aware, and would definitely have a preference on style, but is still pretty easy going. I've got more of an eye on him though, he's definitely more susceptible to peer pressure than his brother, and we had a little touch of it at primary - none at secondary so far, fingers crossed.

I’m surprised that a lot of people are saying this has been happening from years. I went to high school in the 90s and never had this pressure from other kids. Although me and my friends were into music and were indie and grunge fans so maybe that’s why. Old DMs did us for years.

My niece is like this though. My sister is a single mum living in an ex-council house. She works full time too but my niece is embarrassed about her house and that she’s considered “poor” at school. Drives me insane. I buy her a lot of things to help out as does our Mum but her attitude is disappointing.

Why would my children care about designer or brand names? I've been getting them involved with buying their clothes for years. They can see the scam for what it is. My mum says "If im wearing someone's logo that big, they can bloody pay me". One if the few things I agree with her on.

I spent last week looking around a sports store with ds on the search for trainers for school P.E.
He wasn't actually looking at the trainers. He was looking for the price tag and I could see his aim was to get the most expensive I'd allow.
He's 11 yr 6.Didn't used to care about these things until this year.
I dared mention some Puma trainers that were stylish and cost £45 - not cheap- and he looked at me with utter disdain.
I remember in my day everyone coveted Reebok 'The Pump'.
I can't imagine spending £400 on a bike and it not being deemed 'good enough'. That would be a step too far for me.

I think it's worse in ks3, when kids are trying to work out their position in the pecking order. I suspect as ever, it comes from a place of insecurity. The friends I had were pretty much like me and none of us had branded stuff or the 'right' hair or way of wearing our uniform. I never understood why kids who weren't my friends anyway would go out of their way to ridicule us. But presumably they were insecure about their own position and that made them feel better. I wonder if they're all the ones now in massive debt because they just HAVE to have xyz.

As a parent, I'm torn. I don't want them brand obsessed, but neither do I want them to feel like I did from about 10-14.

I think it's quite sad, really. Where have these children got that from? Not helpful to your son, I'm afraid it's just something your son has to learn to live and deal with. One day he'll realise they're boring braggarts (like tbeir parents, most likely)

My niece is like this though. My sister is a single mum living in an ex-council house. She works full time too but my niece is embarrassed about her house and that she’s considered “poor” at school. Drives me insane. I buy her a lot of things to help out as does our Mum but her attitude is disappointing.

If her attitude is poor, stop buying her things! It's a hard but valuable life lesson! Everyone is embarrassed about something as a teen.

Round here, and we live in an area which has a lot of these kids with very high-status belongings - I would NOT be getting my kids a "status" bike if they were going out with their mates on it. We've had so many knifepoint thefts of kids' bikes and other ones nicked any time an arse wasn't on the seat of them that I wouldn't want to be taking the risk basically.

Well I went to a state school where it really mattered.

And then to a private school where it was basically a competition to see who could be the scruffiest. Any obvious branding was mocked.

My kids are at a private school where pressure seems to be over achievement rather than brands and nobody gives a fuck.
In fact there’s a veritable bunfight on the second hand uniform sale days 😂

So it’s basically insecurity I think

I’d be doing the eBay and second hand route I think if anything