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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To absolutely hate the secondary school ‘status labels’ nonsense

275 replies

Urbanhymngirl · 22/04/2021 11:48

We bought 13 year DS a mountain bike for Xmas- it’s a Halfords one but top of their range and it cost £400- which I think is bloody expensive but he’s only just got into mountain biking and we didn’t want to spend a fortune.

But apparently in the world of mountain biking, it’s a bit shit and he’s getting teased at school with his ‘friends’ slagging off his bike as it’s not cool and he’s now upset.

Aibu to hate all this nonsense- I don’t want to spend a fortune on a bike (I mean to be honest, 400 quid is hardly cheap) for a 13 year old kid that trashes stuff and changed his mind about hobbies regularly.

There’s a lot of this financial one up man ship though I have noticed- kids bragging about expensive clothes, bikes and I fucking kid you not, house prices! Really entitled & privileged. We aren’t loaded & we can’t compete & there are plenty of similar and also worse off kids at the school.

I hate it. I spoke to him this morning but he’s so upset as basically his bike is now a status symbol and he sees it as a bit shit.

OP posts:
apooagnuandyou · 22/04/2021 17:00

@lazylinguist

People who are so against uniforms are completely deluded, because this is so common.

Except this thread is proof that this kind of thing goes on all the time regardless of whether you have uniforms. Even about things that aren't even brought into school. In the absence of uniforms kids will find anything to focus their one-upmanship on.

literally had posters explaining that schools ended up banning accessories and imposing a FULL uniform.
EvilOnion · 22/04/2021 17:10

My teen is a biker and always asks for Carrera branded bikes from Halfords rather than other brands from the indie bike shop because they're just as good on his opinion!

Luckily most of the kids here have Carrera too so it's not an issue.

Lougle · 22/04/2021 17:21

I agree with others. You've really tried but he would have been much better off with a second hand bike that was a decent brand. It's not snobbery, it's just that the bike build would be so much better.

Londonmummy66 · 22/04/2021 18:08

It started in Year 4 for one of my DC - it was all UGGs, Juicy Couture and Hollister. I did buy some Hollister secondhand off ebay as she was one of the very few girls in her year who could actually surf and it meant she fitted in a bit. I also taught her the meaning of the word "vulgar" and explained that bragging about how much your stuff cost was exactly that.

KBILLY · 22/04/2021 18:13

It's insane, isn't it? My cousin, working minimum wage admin jobs, clothes her 10 year old in Moncler. She sold something on FB market and I googled it. It was eye-wateringly expensive and I can't believe you'd waster it on a child.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 22/04/2021 18:16

Is it private school?

Always taken the opinion that I will put in the amount I would pay for a brand/non-brand I consider acceptable, the rest had to be paid out of pocket money.

But there are a fair few brands where Ive found buying expensive once saves money buying cheap twice.

Original poster
Urbanhymngirl · 22/04/2021 18:18

Thanks for all your advice - I have spoken to him again this evening. We talked about his friends being little shits (obviously not those words
He’s just getting into mountain biking so we have agreed that he can either:

  • sell the bike & use some of his money too to buy another 2nd hand one
  • see how he gets on this year and use the Halfords bike as a ‘training’ bike while he practises mountain biking and get a better one for Xmas (after selling this one etc) and saving face with his mates by telling them that 🤪

BUT I have also talked about how life isn’t about stuff. He actually really likes his bike bless him - he wouldn’t have even thought about it if it wasn’t for the little shit kids

OP posts:
Original poster
Urbanhymngirl · 22/04/2021 18:19

And no, not a private school!

OP posts:
CovidCorvid · 22/04/2021 18:20

It’s not just school kids is it? Some adults are just as bad.

I’m friends with the owner of the local Audi garage and have been told if I want a 2nd hand Audi they’d do me one at trade price. I haven’t taken them up on the offer and a colleague was gobsmacked and asked why. He seemed stunned when I said I didn’t want an Audi and liked my Ford!

lazylinguist · 22/04/2021 18:21

literally had posters explaining that schools ended up banning accessories and imposing a FULL uniform.

And other posters saying that kids make fun of what consoles or games people have at home, what phones they have and what they have in their packed lunches. Like I say, kids like that will pick on anything.

CovidCorvid · 22/04/2021 18:21

As an adult I’m happy not to give a shit, but yes it’s harder when you’re a kid. Peer pressure is immense.

Jumpers268 · 22/04/2021 18:25

Oh I feel so bad for you and your son. Shitty teenagers. I remember being savagely bullied for my trainers (we'd just moved from abroad and I had no idea about "what was in"). It was brutal. I used to hate non uniform days. So much. Kids are dicks. I'm glad he's keeping the bike as a "training bike"! It's so tough not to give in Smile.

LolaSmiles · 22/04/2021 18:33

The friends sound awfully materialistic and a bit mean about his bike.
If some of them do race or do events then I can see why they'd be able to identify different levels of bikes because there is a difference, as there is with any hobby equipment. It shouldn't matter for a teen, and the fact some bikes are mechanically better doesn't excuse any unpleasant comments.

apooagnuandyou · 22/04/2021 18:37

Of course it's not just kids but adults can just move on. Kids are stuck at school and can't do anything. It's also easy to forget how much of your life school takes over, even when you are not physically there.

It doesn't really matter if it shouldn't matter. It does, and it always has.
It starts in pre-school when one has a batman or sparkly tshirt and it never stops.

Look how quickly anything worn by Kate Middleton sells out.. and not many women have the same body shape and will look like she does, it doesn't stop the "aspirational" people..

Quincie · 22/04/2021 18:47

I would guess that if you take him out mountain biking regularly that he can name drop that he was at such and such a course at the weekend and nearly went over the top, or whatever, do these spoilt kids actually have DPs who take them out mountain biking regularly. They probably are pretty useless (unless DF or DM are hooked on it themselves).
Out mountain-biking them is a way to get back at them.

MarcelinesMa · 22/04/2021 18:50

Dear god no don’t bother telling the parents that never solves anything. It’s total cack though, you’re right, everything seems to be a status symbol. A school near where I live it is/was coats. If you don’t have a Canada goose or Moncler coat you ain’t shit. We’re talking kids as young as 11 and the parents drive it as much as the kids do, everyone wanting to outdo each other or at least keep up. Not saying that there isn’t similar issues in my own kid’s school but at least it’s not stupid over priced coats Hmm

MarcelinesMa · 22/04/2021 18:51

I feel really bad for your son though this stuff is soul destroying for them and it matters a lot what their friends and even people they hate think.

toiletbrushholder · 22/04/2021 18:52

YABU for buying a bike from Halfords thou...

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 22/04/2021 18:53

The biggest label bragger from my high school is dead from drug abuse. No good comes from label worship or the need to impress others.

Ifailed · 22/04/2021 18:56

OP, have you tried looking into whether there are any local cycling facilities/clubs that he could get into? If he can get involved in any organised mountain biking or similar he won't be judged on his bike, but his attitude.
From my own experience of track riding, the kids who didn't even have a bike but used the club ones were the ones who got the most fun and put in the most effort, rather than the ones who turned up with expensive bikes and rapidly realised that it wasn't what you rode, buy how you rode it.

Planningobjection · 22/04/2021 19:03

@toiletbrushholder

YABU for buying a bike from Halfords thou...
What’s wrong with Halfords???
Planningobjection · 22/04/2021 19:06

Loving all the advice about taking him to a track and training. If he gets to know people in the sport too who aren’t such dicks maybe he’ll get good advice for when upgrading his bike and maybe even get sold one as another teen grows out of it. I’m dreading the teen years with my son, none of us are into brands at all and we’re very low key on the gift giving with £50 for birthdays usually so whilst I’ll up it they’re going to be disappointed if that’s what teens expect.

Januaryissodull · 22/04/2021 19:09

Is this school in a really well to do area?

Round here all the kids have Halfords bikes. If they are in fact lucky enough to have a bike.

InsanelyPregnantAndSore · 22/04/2021 19:21

This was always the case at my high school in the naughties. Trainers, jackets, rucksacks and mobile phones were a huge status symbol. It wasn’t an especially wealthy area very much your average, rural Yorkshire.

I always remember one lad who was ‘a bit different’ but in a ‘I don’t give a f*’ kinda way being teased on the bus once by one of the showiest ‘our parents earn 40k and we think we’re rich’ gangs.

They usually left this kid alone as he genuinely didn’t give AF so wasn’t fun to taunt but this day they went for it. The kid just turned around and was like ‘If you were actually rich you'd be in private school not this s* hole. So either you’re not rich or your parents just don’t love you enough to pay school fees for you.’

The ‘rich’ gang just didn’t know what to say. It was hilarious. This kinda response was why they usually left him alone. As an adult now I want to be that kids parent he was awesome.

EmeraldShamrock · 22/04/2021 19:24

Little arsehole's the bloody cheek of them.
Yanbu it's ridiculous the judgement from the little shit.
DD is a goth starting September it's more awful.