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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To absolutely hate the secondary school ‘status labels’ nonsense

275 replies

Urbanhymngirl · 22/04/2021 11:48

We bought 13 year DS a mountain bike for Xmas- it’s a Halfords one but top of their range and it cost £400- which I think is bloody expensive but he’s only just got into mountain biking and we didn’t want to spend a fortune.

But apparently in the world of mountain biking, it’s a bit shit and he’s getting teased at school with his ‘friends’ slagging off his bike as it’s not cool and he’s now upset.

Aibu to hate all this nonsense- I don’t want to spend a fortune on a bike (I mean to be honest, 400 quid is hardly cheap) for a 13 year old kid that trashes stuff and changed his mind about hobbies regularly.

There’s a lot of this financial one up man ship though I have noticed- kids bragging about expensive clothes, bikes and I fucking kid you not, house prices! Really entitled & privileged. We aren’t loaded & we can’t compete & there are plenty of similar and also worse off kids at the school.

I hate it. I spoke to him this morning but he’s so upset as basically his bike is now a status symbol and he sees it as a bit shit.

OP posts:

TurquoiseDress · 22/04/2021 22:28

YANBU!

Wow £400 is quite enough for a bike...I wouldn't spend that on myself let alone the DC!

ArialAnna · 22/04/2021 22:30

Haven't read the whole thread, but I tell your son that if he's serious about mountain biking he should practise regularly and get really good. A brilliant sportsman using mediocre equipment is always going to be far cooler than someone who's 'all the gear and no idea'.

MyNameIsH · 22/04/2021 22:35

@ShrikeAttack yeah OK, there's probably some justice in that criticism. But it partly stems from defensiveness after SO many aggressive anti-private school generalisations on the education boards along the lines of 'I'd never send my child to a private school because I want them to mix with down to earth people, not live in a social bubble, not look down on poorer kids'. And even on this thread, there was very quickly a response to the OP of 'Oh, is this a private school you're talking about?'. From talking to friends, I do genuinely sense that there is greater brand pressure at some of the local state schools than at DS's. But you're right, it does of course happen to an extent at all schools, and you're also right that there are other, less overt wealth signifiers in play. As for us, we're in private education but neither old money nor new money, so fuck knows what trainers we're meant to buy .

knackeredmumoftwo · 22/04/2021 22:37

Sadly as people are saying Halfords bikes even top end ones are a bit shit compared to the bottom end of a normal mountain bike - and these start at £600 new - it's what they cost and we have always bought second hand so it's affordable. I don't think this is just kids being mean but that the bike isn't as great as you thought it was - I'm sorry this is the case. It's hard as unless you know then you won't know not to shop for bikes at Halfords if you want something decent. Maybe turn it on it's head and ask his friends what they ride instead and where they got there's from. Mountain biking is a fab sport but bikes are not cheap

Lougle · 22/04/2021 22:38

[quote EvilOnion]@Lougle what a ridiculous comment.

It's not a shame, save your pity for something that actually warrants it.

My DS (and many others on here) has been perfectly happy cycling 5+ miles most days on his shameful Carrera bike for the past 2.5 years and it's still going strong with proper maintenance.

It's very easy to see where these children get their attitudes. If it's not top brand then it's not good enough clearly 🙄

We live rurally and have no means to travel and transport a bike from a distance away.[/quote]
It's not shameful, at all, but it's not the best use of money. I can't afford to waste money, so I buy good stuff second hand.

EvilOnion · 22/04/2021 22:43

@knackeredmumoftwo - you don't think that it's mean for this kids friends to "slag off" the bike he loved, to tell him that it's a "bit shit" and "not cool". Hardly constructive criticism is it?!

@Lougle, luckily we make do with what we can and there isn't a second hand market here. My DS loves his bike and has never had an issue with it so no idea why you'd think it's a waste of money? Ah, sorry. Wrong label...

He'd be devastated if someone told him it was shit or wasn't up to the job when he's managed just fine. Bit of a dickmove really.

ShrikeAttack · 22/04/2021 22:45

You've fallen into that same trap @RosesAndHellebores.

I find it exceedingly annoying when privileged people love to bang on about how completely relaxed their privileged children are about such embarrassing trifles.

I am from a very privileged background, my children have layers upon layers.

The ridiculous faux naivety about why labels and expensive clothes are desirable to people makes me really quite angry.

It's belittling. It diminishes people.

It's also really very disingenuous. Even if you're from the oldest of old money, it was got by fighting and striving and as soon as it was got it was invested in houses and estates in the MOST ostentatious way possible.

The guilded neoclassical country house is the 18thc version of fancy bikes and bags.

And much old wealth was made through theft and credit. It's not pure by dint of being old, it hasn't been rinsed through generations, making it superior.

It is what it is.

kittycorner · 22/04/2021 22:45

Such a good learning opportunity about not being like these peers and having better values. I hope your son can stand tall, enjoy his bike and find new friends. Sorry he is dealing with this. Materialism is just dreadful.

ShrikeAttack · 22/04/2021 22:45

I'm going to let you off @MyNameIsH. You seem quite self-aware!

EmeraldShamrock · 22/04/2021 22:46

It wasn't really like that at my school. The DC with branded items were envied but there wasn't many of time.
The majority understood money was tight. One lad slagged my trainer's once he was up himself.
My DC the youngest has lots of good toys in compares to his friends.
If I heard my DC being mean to those with less they'd lose their lot pronto.

knackeredmumoftwo · 22/04/2021 22:46

It's like buying him a car - his mates have fiestas etc and he has a lada or something similar - but in mountain bike terms :)
But without knowing it was a lada and thinking it was a top end fiesta :)

I think your plan sounds good - good luck and I hope he enjoys the sport.

As an FYI our son has just bought a mid range MTB helmet - £150! After a crash. He saved up for it but these things do cost , he could have spent a lot more - but did a lot of research and watched reviews, he is gradually doing up a second hand bike and parts are £80/90 and that's just mid range - it easy to see why bikes can be £1000 plus

EmeraldShamrock · 22/04/2021 22:50

@ShrikeAttack Great post. 👍

EmeraldShamrock · 22/04/2021 22:52

I find it exceedingly annoying when privileged people love to bang on about how completely relaxed their privileged children are about such embarrassing trifles.

secular39 · 22/04/2021 22:54

As an FYI our son has just bought a mid range MTB helmet - £150! After a crash

I don't blame him and good on him.. I would spend money on a good quality helmet. Brain injuries are no joke.

tttigress · 22/04/2021 22:57

Very sad to hear this, as others have said, it was ever so, however things seem to have escalated since I was at school from having to have the "right" brand of trainers, to crazy spending in all areas :(

RosesAndHellebores · 22/04/2021 22:59

I do apologise for annoying you @ShrikeAttack. However, it is disappointing that an alternative view to your own should invoke quite so much bitterness and so many assumptions.

FWIW my old money went in inheritance tax decades ago. Fortunately we live the life of Riley on DH's new money.

secular39 · 22/04/2021 23:02

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Lol at the bike snobs on here

I think they are twats but really Halfords bikes are not used by any serious mountain biker.

He is thirteen. He's not a serious mountain biker . He's just a kid riding for fun, very few people need an expensive serious standard bike, let alone a young teen.

The majority of the population can't afford top brand mountain bikes, even second hand, or live where there isnt a good supply second hand. A £400 halfords bike does just fine for a kid.

I'm not sure I understand as I think £400.00 is expensive for a bike, even if the bike is not good quality. Someone told us though that it's better to buy a good quality bike, second hand, than buy an expensive bike which is not that good.

EmeraldShamrock · 22/04/2021 23:03

I just had a quick look to see if the cycle to work scheme is available in the UK.
In Ireland you apply for the scheme chose a bike it is deducted from your wage tax free as an incentive.
Might be an idea for anyone on low income in need of a bike the DC can work it off with chores.
It's how us w.c do it.
Yes I know that's deceiving the scheme, walk to work to balance karma everyone wins

Porcupineintherough · 22/04/2021 23:07

It is shit but I'm not sure you can blame the school. Mountain biking is a very kit orientated sport, with 1k+ being totally normal price for bikes, so there is a lot of comparing and competitiveness about who rides what.

On a side note OP if downhill is your ds' thing, please, please buy him a good helmet and maybe a breastplate. I'm a woodland manager and have 2-3 bikers pulled out of the woods by mountain rescue each week - they're forever wrapping themselves round trees.

ShrikeAttack · 22/04/2021 23:08

@RosesAndHellebores, goodness. You're quite deaf to what I actually said.

The fact you immediately jumped in to call me bitter and spoke about my assumptions is very illuminating.

May I suggest that your 'riley-life' isn't quite as sweet as you imagine it should be.

EmeraldShamrock · 22/04/2021 23:09

FWIW my old money went in inheritance tax decades ago. Fortunately we live the life of Riley on DH's new money.

Maybe you could invest in a disadvantaged area buy a DC or two a worthy bike to raffle at school?

EvilOnion · 22/04/2021 23:10

@Secular39, you're right £400 is a lot and second hand is preferable but;

Some people may need to pay in installments - usually not possible second hand.

Some people may not be able to source/transport a large second hand bike.

Some people may prefer new.

The fact is, no one should be being a dick to someone else based on their material possessions.

EmeraldShamrock · 22/04/2021 23:12

FWIW my old money went in inheritance tax decades ago. Fortunately we live the life of Riley on DH's new money.
I have to re-comment your post is awful.
You're just like the sneerers.

secular39 · 22/04/2021 23:18

@Porcupineintherough

You are not wrong! Just searched mountain bikes on Google and saw one called "Cargon"? For £12,000?!??!!!!!!

ShrikeAttack · 22/04/2021 23:20

@EmeraldShamrock so, @RosesAndHellebores wants us to know she has money (and has always had money), and her new money is ok, Because she had money before.

So new money funneled into old money makes it classy?

Tech money's ok though. I know this because my family loves tech money. Everyone loves tech money.

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