To absolutely hate the secondary school ‘status labels’ nonsense

[Urbanhymngirl]

We bought 13 year DS a mountain bike for Xmas- it’s a Halfords one but top of their range and it cost £400- which I think is bloody expensive but he’s only just got into mountain biking and we didn’t want to spend a fortune.

But apparently in the world of mountain biking, it’s a bit shit and he’s getting teased at school with his ‘friends’ slagging off his bike as it’s not cool and he’s now upset.

Aibu to hate all this nonsense- I don’t want to spend a fortune on a bike (I mean to be honest, 400 quid is hardly cheap) for a 13 year old kid that trashes stuff and changed his mind about hobbies regularly.

There’s a lot of this financial one up man ship though I have noticed- kids bragging about expensive clothes, bikes and I fucking kid you not, house prices! Really entitled & privileged. We aren’t loaded & we can’t compete & there are plenty of similar and also worse off kids at the school.

I hate it. I spoke to him this morning but he’s so upset as basically his bike is now a status symbol and he sees it as a bit shit.

Ahh God love him.
It’s just shit.
Like I said earlier trends/fads/ labels all that stuff never bothered me when I was younger or now, but I can definitely see it happening with my little girl when she gets older.

It’s shit but it isn’t new. I was at school in the 90s: over sized GAP hoodies, Kicker shoes, Nike trainers, Morgan tote bags or Jansport backpacks...

I always purchased the best brands I could afford for my son because my parents couldn't afford it so I was bullied (mildly) at school and things just last longer. I am really savvy at finding name brands on sale though. Can he do extra chores for family or friends to earn towards the better bike?

My private school was AWFUL for this! Hence now i dont give a shit about labels.

Well it looks like we will be bad parents then when our eldest starts high school next year, because there is no way we will be paying hundreds of pounds for things.

Some clothes and trainers branded, maybe yes, within reason, but large ticket price items, no way. As other posters have said, it's not the kids money, it's their parents, and it is setting them up to expect everything given to them on a plate without doing anything to warn it. And also the shock when they get older that they can't afford to buy those things!

My DS is (thankfully) not bovvered about clothes brands , but I do remember the Nintendo DS games , and of course Call of Duty that ALL his friends played ( They didn't , I asked the parents . Maybe played at a cousins house or similar )

But DD - yes we had the "brands" , what is In/Not In.
Superdry jacket (actually very nice and practical, great for school) but once they aren't trendy , don't see light of day .
Shoes
Make-Up
iPhones ......ah the bloody iPhones

I know it's easy to say ignore , get your DC to plough their own furrow . But even with nice friends there's the rivalry .

I'm glad she's older now (and doesn't endlessly swoon over Instagram etc)

It was Jack wills clothes when I was at school, specifically the gillet which was £99 for a blue body warmer!! That was in 2009. I don't know how my parents taught me this but I genuinely saw it as a waste of money and a trend that would pass.
I'm sorry youre facing this op, there's no explaining the actual important things to a 13 year old... I suppose you can only ride the wave.

It is really crap, as their comment have taken the shine of your amazing present

It helps if you and DP are not really into brands, my kids have been made fun off for the juice brand in their lunch box (Lidl) and the car we drive (Seat Altea from 2007) but DH and I just don’t care about status symbols much, so our kids just had to put up with it.

I did buy them trainers they liked, and band t’s and some branded gear for birthdays/Christmas. I’m not anti-brand, sometimes branded stuff is just better (Nike trainers are very comfy and they last imo, esp the airforce 1 or whatever they are called)

Anyway, don’t sweat it. In future involve him in the decision making. Since my boys hit their teens, I will tell them what my budget is and they can choose

When DS1 wanted a gaming PC, I said my budget was £500. He wanted a good one, so saved up and did hours of research and ended up building his own, much cheaper than buying a gaming PC, abd he now helps friends build theirs.

If you involve your DS in the decision making with a set budget, he can maybe learn a bit more about the value of money

In your case, I’d do what you did: ask him if he wants to sell it and buy a second hand branded one instead

I’ve been through all this and you have my sympathy

I know this is really sad for you, but he cares so much about it because he really likes riding. It’s wrong for kids to be snobby about this type of stuff, and I disagree with it, but I feel for him a bit as my kids love riding, and racing their bikes and it’s so much better than playing video games etc and being on devices all day.

Unfortunately Halfords bikes have a really bad reputation in the world of ‘real’ bikers - I appreciate it might have cost a lot, but rightly or wrongly he will be embarrassed by it and that’s sad when it’s such a fun hobby. It’s way better to spend £400 on a second hand bike.

My view would be to chalk it up to experience and sell the bike even at a loss, and buy something else on eBay or pinkbike. He might consider a Specialized hardtail, maybe a pitch, a rockhopper or a hardrock (disk brakes though.....) or maybe a second hand dirt jumper. There are lots of brands but those are some of the cheaper decent ones - I’m sure he will know. If he doesn’t have enough for them he’ll have to save up. But I wouldn’t force him to like the one you bought, it will only put him off taking it out and that would be sad.

See if he can modify it? Put new handle bars, pedals, tyres, seat etc over time
Boys love that sort of thing, my boys all do it

This is really sad. We were ready for this with DS2 as we saw it a bit with DS1 but mostly only more affordable stuff eg the latest LFC strip. We started the discussions with DS2 now 13 a couple of years back but he just isn’t bothered about in brands. He did want an iPhone but was happy with an older much cheaper model. No longer wants Clark’s trainers ... but will have trainers for birthday or use his money to top up our budget and doesn’t go for the really expensive Nike. He couldn’t care less about the clothes so is happy with Next etc
If it will really bother him then let him see what he can get if he sells his, but it would be better if he could rise above it otherwise it will then start with everything. Ridiculing what other people have or don’t have is nasty and parents and schools need to deal with this. Mine know that if they ever did this to anyone they would be in massive trouble at home.

@Monicuddle

It’s not a new bike he needs. It’s new friends.

Exactly!

I do think it's got worse over the years and I have been shocked to hear kids discussing house prices and sizes, something that I never heard about when I was at school 30 years ago. It made me so sad to hear them competing about how many bedrooms they have. When I was a child siblings shared bedrooms, they might not have liked it but I really don't think they lost credibility at school because of it. I and the others I hung around with just accepted our peers and housing situations. There was a bit of status for clothing brands but no one really cared.

Twas ever thus. I was at school in the 90s and got picked on relentlessly for not having cool trainers, tracksuits, certain brands of bag etc. My mum did her best but we really didn't have the money for Kickers when my feet grew so quickly.
I can understand the wish to switch the bike, but it's also a valuable lesson regarding self worth and acceptance. Yet I know the feeling of being bullied about it...hard one.

Agree that Halfords bikes have a bad rep and money is probably best spent elsewhere second hand. Hopefully he will fall in with a group of inverse snobs like my brother did who regularly found it amusing to turn up to school on their mum's "shopper" bikes. And grunge culture was handy too

Yep, it was like that in the 90s - as other people mentioned it was trainers and backpacks. The trouble is that kids dont really understand money even at 13 so they can make fun of their friends but they dont really get what it means to be able to afford stuff. Lots of kids just thinks its funny that someone doesnt have the latest thing, they may also equate it to how much their parents care about them etc etc so his friends might not be little shits but just not appreciate what this stuff means.

My best mate occasionally commented on stuff she had that we couldnt afford. However, she grew up to be a super nice person but at 13 she just thought it was funny that I didnt have the same stuff as her.

But thats a reason why I didnt send my kids to the uber uber middle-class school in the right part of North London and picked one with a school uniform. I didnt want DS to be made fun of because we dont have as much as all the other parents who are frankly millionaires.

Teas ever thus, not sure why you think it's just recently?

It's just as 'mean' & stupid now as it was in previous decades.

However, Halfords bikes aren't great. They're incredibly heavy & the components are very low grade. You need to ask people what to look fir & what to avoid if he's really keen on mountain biking and his next bike, be a bit more savvy when you're buying it.

He needs empowering to tell them to stop being such dicks. Sarcasm works well.

My cousin's son is a real carrot top, his hair is almost luminous, he perfect the art of NGAF when kids ribbed him about it & being able to give witty one line retorts. He gained a great circle of friends because of his attitude.

I'm not saying it's ok what these kids are doing/saying but it happens so teaching him how to deal with it is a good idea, it's easier to change his response than their behaviour.

If it's 'proper' mountain biking he's doing, then sorry but Halfords bikes are shit. They have a terrible reputation amongst 'proper' bikers for being heavy, poor quality components, badly put together, etc- def not recommended for Actual Mountain Biking

If it's pissing around the streets and pulling wheelies that he's using it for, then his mates are being dicks

HTH

It's the Halfords brand that's the 'problem' not the money. Did he know you were getting him a bike ie did he have any say in the matter?
I would have expected my sons to be involved in choosing such a high end product, which does avoid some of this unwholesome, but very common behaviour.

In my day it was Green Flash plimsols.

I have told both my sons in no uncertain terms that I make no attempt to enable them keep up with all the latest trends because I think it's vulgar and I wouldn't do it even if I had an endless pot of money.

With brand named clothes I have told them while they are still growing they have a certain budget for clothes and if they want the fancy labelled stuff they can contribute the rest with their own birthday or xmas money. They can choose to get a load of stuff from e.g. H&M or fewer one thing from Hype.

I've had door slamming and rages from DS2 regarding the latest Xbox. His one is 2 years old and I am NOT upgrading it yet. He hasn't asked again for a while.

I have also explained that just because someone has the latest of everything it doesn't mean they are happier or that their family are financially more secure, and that instead of e.g. going on the fabulous across Europe holiday we did 2 years ago, I could have got him the latest iPhone, but that's not what he'll remember when he's an adult.

I'm sure he thinks I can't possibly understand and I'm just blathering on, but I think it goes in on some level.

Is is not a new thing sadly OP. Even back in my day it was a thing. I went to a private school although my mum was flat broke (i was the piggy in the middle of divorcing parents) and drove a real clapped out car. She would fetch me from school and I could see her coming down the hill because of the smoke from the car. My friend would be fetch in a Rolls....

Its not that much different now. I have dc in high school (not in UK but its the same here) and if you had to turn up for school on the first day with an unbranded rucksak, the kids are slated something terrible. It got so bad that the school brought out a school logoed bag and now its part of the uniform for those new to the school.

Our school has a civvies day every now and then (wear what you like) and some kids still wear uniform as know they will get teased for not wearing branded shoes/clothes etc.

Its not new but yes its still shit.

OP I am so sorry, it must be awful for you and your DS.

Our children go to private schools and we don’t have a huge amount of money to spend on luxurious.

I research things quite a lot and do some spot buying of more expensive things, often on eBay for clothes (Moncler jacket) and an antique (obviously well used) cello from a luthier in the middle of nowhere (oldest is a music scholar).

For most clothes, we are mainly primark, second hand uniform and they inherit clothes from each other. For us, we try very hard to encourage interest and help them become really good at those. If you are the best player in the orchestra, clothes doesn’t really matter (and the girl in an expensive dress doesn’t play better at the concert), If you are one of the best footballers on the pitch, brand of trainers matters less, etc.

Maybe if brands matter for performance in mountain biking (as some PPs have said) do look to buy a really good second hand one. If your DS loves it and is better at it than his friends with brand new ones, I doubt it will matter.

He's just needs to build some defensible boundaries and be a convincing actor. Get some badges and slogans, make posters, grow his hair.

He's green and eco and saving the planet , by being a modest consumer, recycling vintage clothes, being a vegetarian, promoting windpower, volunteering for a charity (eco of course; water aid etc) , growing a garden, and being rather sympathetic and patient with those poor unwoke saps whose self esteem and persona depend on a price tag or a designer label.

There are sure to be some other woke green socially aware  kids at the school. .

Not bikes, but a local secondary only permits school bags with the school logo. Sports bag, laptop satchel or back pack. No designer bags allowed. No trainers. Plain black polishable shoes. Plain black coats no labels on display. An attempt to keep things equitable. Very good on helping parents out if they are struggling. It's gone from failing to being oversubscribed.

People who are so against uniforms are completely deluded, because this is so common.

Except this thread is proof that this kind of thing goes on all the time regardless of whether you have uniforms. Even about things that aren't even brought into school. In the absence of uniforms kids will find anything to focus their one-upmanship on.

Sounds like he needs better, less materialistic friends.