To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?

[Boursinfan]

So my 2.5 year old DS’s grandparents look after him once a week. They dropped him back home today and said there had been an accident. He fell into their garden pond, luckily they were out there and got him out straight away. He was soaked, so his grandma gave him a bath and put some dry clothes on him.
She just messaged me and said she felt dreadful and it was a genuine accident etc.
My mind is now going over the what ifs. I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.
They’re my DP’s parents, I feel like maybe he should speak to them. But he’ll brush it off as no big deal, as DS is fine, apart from a little shaken up. I’m also concerned he swallowed some of the water by accident and might get ill. There are algae and newts in there.
Should I insist they get a cover if my partner won’t? I feel awkward, but at the same time I’m not going to be able to relax when he’s at their house otherwise. They’re usually very diligent and careful, so I’m very surprised it happened at all really.

@Localocal. In the nicest possible way you need to educate yourself about unders 5’s and drowning.

How about you offer to buy a cover or a grill for the pond? They will be very upset by all this as it their grandchild. You could just visit with your grandchild & then you can supervise? Or are they childminding for you? In which case, are they saving you a few quid which might help towards cost of the cover? 🤔

My neighbours grandchild drowned in a pond with a very small amount of water in it ..so u are absolutely correct to insist
NO POND

The safety of your DS is far more important than your relationship with your DP's parents.

"Dear M and FIL, I know nothing terrible happened to DS when he fell in your pond, but one does hear dreadful stories of children drowning, even in just 3 inches of water. Sorry if you think I am silly, but I would worry myself sick leaving DS at yours until there is a cover over the pond. I would be happy to make a contribution to the cost of a cover if that helps?"

@Bleachmycloths

Many of the responses are extremely harsh and OTT. Suggestions about never letting your DS back to his grandparents are unreasonable and cruel. Your MIL is clearly distressed and sorry and they hadn’t left him alone at any time. Could you and your partner offer to arrange and pay for safety measures?

NO

I'd NEVER let a child stay at a place which had an uncovered pond. Children can drown in 2 inches of water. It's madness to even think it.

A friend of mine's dd fell into a shallow garden pond and was found unresponsive after just a few minutes (the adults had seen her run out the door and they found her very shortly afterwards). Thank goodness paramedics were able to resuscitate her but it was really touch and go - they used paddles - she was at high risk from secondary drowning and was kept in hospital for a few days until out of danger. It was horrendous - and it happened so fast. I haven't let my little ones out of my sight near even shallow water every since. I wouldn't give it a second thought - I'd ask your PILs to fence or cover it and not leave your little boy there until it's done. It is a generational thing - but you can't afford to take that risk just not to rock the boat - especially while he's so young. You could always offer to organise, and/or pay to have it done if you think that might help and might be seen as meeting them half way.

@thenovice

The safety of your DS is far more important than your relationship with your DP's parents.

"Dear M and FIL, I know nothing terrible happened to DS when he fell in your pond, but one does hear dreadful stories of children drowning, even in just 3 inches of water. Sorry if you think I am silly, but I would worry myself sick leaving DS at yours until there is a cover over the pond. I would be happy to make a contribution to the cost of a cover if that helps?"

Op please dont write that 😂

Even if he goes with you or dp he could still drown

First, pond is absolutely a nono. Even with a cover, children might be curious and climb in. Second, take your baby to swimming lessons straight away. Third, no one can look after your kid better than yourself, so don't trust anyone. Last, life is only once, don't worry about being awkward with people when you say no.

ALL ponds where there are children MUST be covered. Its basically idiocracy to not do so. Are you playing with your sons life? This is avoidable. They should not look after your son at their house before the pond is covered. I would say; sorry but I would worry too much if the pond isnt covered and insist thry get a cover.

My friends child drowned in HER pond. I’ll leave that there. That pond needs a cover NOW.

I would not let my child be looked after by someone with an uncovered pond/pool etc! You either pay to have it covered or child does not go there - seriously this puts the fear of god in me and I hope I won’t be reading about the ‘tragic accident’ in the newspapers over the next few weeks! For those that think she’s being over cautious - shame on you!!

Sorry but they need a cover. No way would my DS be going round until it was covered.

Be honest with them - it's not what you say it's how you say it. Tell them how you're feeling.

Can you not help them get it covered, so they do not 'have to try'

@Everythingsocomplicated
Sorry but you were lucky. Please read other posts on here. Children freeze when they fall in and mud in noses etc...this is all true. Please dont say that accidents will happen. Say; we would like to avoid as many accidents as possible!!!

Dry drowning ( water in airway but not lungs)usually happens very soon after incident. I would worry more about secondary drowning. ( water in lungs causing inflammation).

@TustedFormula

I'm going to go against the grain and say he was adequately supervised. No actual harm came to him.

Yeh me too. It sounds like they were right there with him. It happened they reacted quickly just a shock for the child.

@Cherrypies

I dont think you can ever be too careful around garden ponds, my pond is very deep in places, this metal grid was over my pond as soon as the eldest grandson could toddle. Added bonus, it keeps the fish safe from any passing heron.

That wouldn't hold the weight of a 3 year old

Definitely not being unreasonable. I know someone whose wife tripped in their garden and she fell into the pond hitting her head and sadly died as she lost consciousness and drowned. Accidents can happen in a split second regardless of how careful people are.

Please please don't let your LO back until that pond has a metal grill fitted (pay for it yourself if you have to). Many years ago my DS (19 months at the time) slipped into my SILs pond in a garden full of people. He didn't make a sound and no knows how he was just floating on his back or for how long he was in the water. Thankfully he was ok but it could have been so very different. The fear of that happening will never leave you. My SIL got hers covered and had a wall built around it straight after. Please get it sorted xx. Sending you 💐

It sounds like they were right there with him.

Nah. The child had time to get to the pond, unrestrained; then drop in his toy train, unnoticed; and then go in after it. He was fully soaked.

Studywiththewordything : “it’s a generational thing”......wtf - really???!!!!

I'm so glad to read he was OK. Yes. Please insist. Buy it yourself if you have to. Accidents happen so quickly and without warning so please do.

@Boursinfan What did your DH say?