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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?

440 replies

Boursinfan · 20/04/2021 17:27

So my 2.5 year old DS’s grandparents look after him once a week. They dropped him back home today and said there had been an accident. He fell into their garden pond, luckily they were out there and got him out straight away. He was soaked, so his grandma gave him a bath and put some dry clothes on him.
She just messaged me and said she felt dreadful and it was a genuine accident etc.
My mind is now going over the what ifs. I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.
They’re my DP’s parents, I feel like maybe he should speak to them. But he’ll brush it off as no big deal, as DS is fine, apart from a little shaken up. I’m also concerned he swallowed some of the water by accident and might get ill. There are algae and newts in there.
Should I insist they get a cover if my partner won’t? I feel awkward, but at the same time I’m not going to be able to relax when he’s at their house otherwise. They’re usually very diligent and careful, so I’m very surprised it happened at all really.

OP posts:
Cobb121 · 21/04/2021 14:45

I also no a three year old that drowned in a neighbours pond 😭 they would never be babysitting again if I was in your position.

SunshineCake · 21/04/2021 14:56

No consolation that dry drowning is rare if yours is the one child who dies.

Peppermintpatty24 · 21/04/2021 17:18

Hi. Horrible accident. Accidents do happen, but they can also be avoided. Would it be possible for you to purchase the cover and DP fit it???

doodledee · 21/04/2021 17:19

I insisted my PIL filled in their pond when DD's were young. Absolutely no compromise. I'm an ED nurse I've been involved in unsuccessful resuscitation attempts of toddlers who have drowned

TiredoutMum93 · 21/04/2021 17:24

Omg I wouldn’t let him go until they covered it over or built a fence around it!! My neighbour was looking after their kid turned their eyes for one minute he nearly drowned in the paddling pool! Had to be resuscitated. He survived. But it’s mental how fast kids can be

busymomtoone · 21/04/2021 17:24

Agree with nanbread - presumably you are enjoying cost free and loving/ diligent childcare ( they admitted dc fell in , and caught instantly- no harm done) you cannot insist on Ofsted style safety! There may be a myriad of reasons why they will “ try” to sort this - but if it is your issue, really feel you or DH ought to rock up at the weekend with the materials and labour and offer to fix this yourselves.

Prinzy · 21/04/2021 17:28

I think, if eyes are on him all the time there is no problem.

Having things like ponds are a huge safety concern, but they also help children learn the safety issues that come with water.

I can imagine you were awfully concerned, and I hope you’ve managed to address it as you see fit x

Bebethany · 21/04/2021 17:29

Childminders, even relatives are not being proactive and it’s a safeguarding issue if there is a pond there.

lcl · 21/04/2021 17:30

My dad was a landscaper and he never got over the fact he built a small pond for some clients abs a few years later their 3 year old drowned in it. Absolutely heartbreaking. You can never be too careful. My dad had ours covered with metal netting whilst we were you doing as a result. Trust your gut.

Localocal · 21/04/2021 17:34

Just checking, is this pond too deep for him to stand in? Some ponds are only a foot deep, and I personally wouldn't worry about that with a 2.5 year old. I'm sure your PILs will watch him like a hawk when he's outside now they see what can happen. But if it's deep I would ask them to cover it, or promise to ensure they are outside and watching him every minute he is outside. At 2 and a half they should be with him the whole time anyway, which they obviously were in this instance.

I have a deep pond, which we didn't put in until my youngest was old enough to fish himself out. But I will certainly keep it covered when I have grandchildren!

Skyelils · 21/04/2021 17:37

Why haven’t they got a cover on already if looking after your child. Very thoughtless in my opinion and where we’re they that he fell in in first place

Yogalola · 21/04/2021 17:37

Yes that pond needs a cover or they need to drain it. Far too dangerous, if they hadn’t been there it could of been far worse than a soaking!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 21/04/2021 17:37

DH parents have a pool. The kids are simply NEVER out in the garden without an adult at their side continuously.

You can get grilles/meshes which are easy to install over ponds.

Shell4429 · 21/04/2021 17:43

I am astonished at anyone who voted you were being unreasonable! I am old school and even I think they should have covered the pond as soon as they started looking after your child.

purityjonesrockedmyworld · 21/04/2021 17:43

Definitely ask them to get a cover or fence it off but please don’t demand it’s filled it, ponds are critical for loads of wildlife

threatmatrix · 21/04/2021 17:45

My kids swam in our pond ( it’s big) they are very healthy. One fell in once , I never dreamed of covering it and guess what, he never fell in again.

Ificanhelpyouiwill · 21/04/2021 17:52

YANBU! I don’t want to scare you but I know someone who lost their child age 3 because they drowned in a garden pond - when they are little it only takes a few seconds.
I’m sure the grandparents will make every effort to make it secure but I would never let my child there again without the pond being fenced. They could always remove it once your child is older.

The funeral was horrendous - it doesn’t bear thinking about.
If they are usually careful try not to be anxious when they do get it sorted though- I’m sure they feel terrible

angela99999 · 21/04/2021 17:52

My parents had a pond which was not covered but we did not live locally so we didn't spend as much time there as the OP's DS. My children NEVER went in their garden without an adult and if we'd been there more often I believe that my parents would have had a metal grid put over it. We had a pond with a trickley fountain in our own garden but it was completely full of large pebbles so there was literally half an inch of water on top. I haven't read all the posts and wonder if the pond is small enough to fill with large pebbles like this?

Ificanhelpyouiwill · 21/04/2021 17:53

...just to add it was a very shallow pond...

cherish123 · 21/04/2021 17:54

I wouldn't let him round there until the pond was covered over with a hard cover. You can get them for swimming pools. I would not worry about swallowing the water, though.

granniesbonnet · 21/04/2021 18:00

I would pay to fence it off.

LoverOfAllThingsPurple · 21/04/2021 18:01

I’m on your side with this and I’d go out of my way to make sure they got a cover. I’d also teach him how to swim and float

OverTheRainbow88 · 21/04/2021 18:02

My parents have my 2&4 year old all the time; and have 2 ponds in their garden. Due to covid they spend most the time in the garden, it’s never even occurred to me for it to be covered or gated off.
I trust my parents with my kids.

No different to them walking down the road and kid running off into the road.

Where do you draw the line?

linsey2581 · 21/04/2021 18:04

Maybe they were still in shock when you asked about a cover. It’s most likely that they will get a cover or net. I would be exactly the same as you being over anxious and what if. Maybe give them a wee call and check that they are ok. I’m positive that they will cover up the pond.

Wally1983 · 21/04/2021 18:04

Oh me! What a scare. If they don’t cover it themselves then purchase what you think is adequate and supply it and even fit it if needs be!
One of my sitters were a bit scatty but always kept the pond covered (my son actually built it with them at 3) but I remember an incident where the car seat hadn’t been strapped in with the belt and my son toppled over going round a roundabout so I checked every week at drop off it was securely fitted before I left him, they understood and never judged me for it! My parents had a pond that had a metal grate over it so again my little one couldn’t get in/fall in. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but you need to tell them it’s super important it’s covered as should something more serious happen they’d never forgive themselves!