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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?

440 replies

Boursinfan · 20/04/2021 17:27

So my 2.5 year old DS’s grandparents look after him once a week. They dropped him back home today and said there had been an accident. He fell into their garden pond, luckily they were out there and got him out straight away. He was soaked, so his grandma gave him a bath and put some dry clothes on him.
She just messaged me and said she felt dreadful and it was a genuine accident etc.
My mind is now going over the what ifs. I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.
They’re my DP’s parents, I feel like maybe he should speak to them. But he’ll brush it off as no big deal, as DS is fine, apart from a little shaken up. I’m also concerned he swallowed some of the water by accident and might get ill. There are algae and newts in there.
Should I insist they get a cover if my partner won’t? I feel awkward, but at the same time I’m not going to be able to relax when he’s at their house otherwise. They’re usually very diligent and careful, so I’m very surprised it happened at all really.

OP posts:
Tanith · 21/04/2021 19:05

A toddler can drown in a couple of inches of water. Toddlers don't splash or struggle when they fall in water, they freeze. If you don't see a toddler fall in, you probably wouldn't realise it had happened until it was too late.

Oneeyeopen · 21/04/2021 19:06

@Aria999
Don’t freak out
I have a pool and we have a system when dgs comes to stay.

The most dangerous time for a child to drown is the day you arrive or the day you leave. Because you’re busy.
Be extra vigilant. Don’t get distracted emptying car or sorting beds.

To minimise accidents one adult should be responsible for dc.
No ‘I thought you had them.’ You need to be very clear who’s in charge of dc.

The pool should have an alarm or a fence.
My dgs doesn’t like noise so we let the alarm go off to show him how loud it is if he tries to go in the pool without us.

If you need to answer phone, pop to loo, be sure the other person knows they are in charge of dc or take dc with you.

Explain to your dc that they must never go near the pool without an adult.
Make sure dc cannot get to the pool out of the house on their own. Especially early morning when you may still be in bed.

EverythingsSoComplicated · 21/04/2021 19:07

Omg I'm a gamekeepers daughter and as a child I fell in far worse things then a little pond. The main thing is they were out there he was out as quickly as he went in and trust me they probably feel aweful about it but a tiny bit of pond water is going to do no harm to a child whatsoever. I Swam in marsh ditches played in dirtier water then you would probably let your dog in. Even fell In a sheep dip. Swear it's the reason I didn't have my first cold till I was 19.

I turned out fine. A few scraps and scars to tell the tales and some good stories to tell. .

It was a genuine accident. Others have said they would refuse to send their children round there now unless the pond is gone. That's a little unfair accidents happen and I'm sure they will look into securing the pond a little better. Sounds like they did all the right things to make sure he was ok.

I personally wouldn't give it another thought

Oneeyeopen · 21/04/2021 19:08

You can get lots of advise on Levi’s legacy.

nopuppiesallowed · 21/04/2021 19:09

My son was born with some sort of death wish.....Aged 7, he got off the school bus and was standing right by me as I helped his younger sister down the steps of the bus. Then I heard a screech of brakes. He'd decided to run across the road to get back to our house before us! Ambulance/ 2 operations on his leg and a set of metal pins. Two days after he came home from hospital, he came out in spots. Chicken pox.
I was 8 months pregnant at the time and we were living in Belgium with no help near by.
Then there was the time I found him on the roof of a very tall shed. I honestly don't know how he survived until adulthood!

Boymum123 · 21/04/2021 19:10

I would definitely offer to pay for the cover /net/fence as they are providing childcare for free. Accidents happen in seconds and I wouldn't want my child somewhere that wasn't safe - especially on a regular basis

JustABloodyMinute · 21/04/2021 19:11

Why do they look after him, are they not doing you a favour? You could offer to pay for something to cover it, but I don't think you can expect them to. It sounds as though they got a huge fright and I would seriously doubt they will let him near it unsupervised again.

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 21/04/2021 19:12

Awful. If they were watching him, there’s no way he should have even come close to falling in. They need a cover.

MahMahMahMahCorona · 21/04/2021 19:14

I fell into my grandparents pond when I was about the same age - it's my first real memory. All the fish went shooting downwards. Fortunately my sister was there and hauled me out - grandparents were having a cup of tea inside with my parents.... I was put straight in the bath. Still here. Probably inhaled some gross pond water along with some algae and a water boatman or two. Needless to say I didn't go anywhere near it a second time.

Aria999 · 21/04/2021 19:15

@Oneeyeopen

Thanks, there's no alarm or fence but that's all good advice. I can do that!

BingBunnyIsAnnoying · 21/04/2021 19:16

The only 100% safe option is to have the pond filled in. A net sounds like an accident waiting to happen in itself. A cover could be left off and a fence could be climbed

user1491320660 · 21/04/2021 19:16

My MIL has never and will never look after my daughter because I do not believe she will be safe at her house. In situations like this I would rather over-react than under-react

Nettie1964 · 21/04/2021 19:23

I vere between everyone is so precious now and just childproof everything! I watch my granddaughters like a hawk. Maybe not so vigalint with my kids! X

CustardyCreams · 21/04/2021 19:26

I knew a family whose grandchild was playing, tripped and fell into a pond, drowned. Utterly devastating. YADNBU. For everyone’s sake it needs a cover or ideally a fence. Politely insist, or say DC can’t visit them.

Cloverleaf20 · 21/04/2021 19:26

First thing we did was fill our garden pond in when we moved house, absolutely no way was it staying with my toddlers however beautiful it looked. I have read so many awful stories, do you want to be constantly worrying ?

ShurImGrand123 · 21/04/2021 19:32

I used to have a huge pond and my 12 yr old DS fell in it, when he was about 2yrs old . I was stood next to him and he toppled over as he was looking at the fish.

He never fell in again as he was much more careful and had learnt from his experience.

Unfortunately, as you weren’t there, you don’t know exactly what happened so I can understand your alarm. Maybe they can put a strong metal grid over it depending on how large it is?

Insanelysilver · 21/04/2021 19:39

Actually I’ve been researching ways of covering ponds Incase of pets or kids falling in. I’ve found a pofessional company who make pond covers that will actually take the weight of two men. They come and fit it.
Another company will make a raised dome which is really secure too.

Birchtree1 · 21/04/2021 19:42

My daughter fell into a small pond when out at a beauty spot and I was there and pulled her out immediately and she was fine.
If they are there and watching all the time it's fine I think but at the same time we had a pond at our last house and put a home made cover on 9nce children arrived. You could walk on it and I would do the same if we still had a pond!

embo1 · 21/04/2021 19:46

@THisbackwithavengeance

Yes, a cover is needed. However, if they look after your DS as childcare for you, then you might want to suggest that you and your DH organise and pay for it.
This
Diverseopinions · 21/04/2021 19:48

Just the association with drowning would make most people unsee the beauty in a pond - that is with toddlers and young kids around.

The poor little mites are used to carpets, grass and stair gates. They are not expecting to find anything which can kill them in the back playground. As posters have said, they don't know how to protect themselves in ponds: they freeze. It's not like tripping over on the grass where they'd stick out a hand, and no warning noise as you'd get from a busy road, to keep them away. In fact, the orange slinking fish entice them.

To me, saying it's ok is like saying a bit of coughing on a grape does you know harm if someone bangs you on the back and you cough it up. Being sanguine is like applying common sense that applies to a twelve year old to a 2.5.year old.

serin · 21/04/2021 19:48

Yep we can walk across our metal pond covering too, and it takes several people to lift it for pond maintenance every couple of years.

SingleMamaG · 21/04/2021 19:52

Maybe send your MIL a link for a cover/grid and then ask her to let you know which one she has gone for/have you bought it yet/worried it will happen again. Mum knows best. Your post gave me chills

OldYorkshirePud · 21/04/2021 19:53

We have a pond and have had since we moved in 10 years ago. Our DC was only 3 when we moved in and had friends to play when they were little. We put up a small fence around the pond and never left them in the garden without one of us watching.

Ponds are dangerous but you CAN let children play freely in the garden with a pond, it just takes a bit more vigilance.

Don’t be hard on your DILs; they’ll feel bad enough and they’re bound to be much more vigilant in future.

I would envy them to get a fence installed that will prevent your DC from getting near the pond though. They can take it down when your DC is older.

Madamesosostris · 21/04/2021 19:54

Ponds are dangerous for little children. Fact. Could you and your partner help them buy and install a cover or just do the whole thing yourselves? If they’re offended, then tough.

Bleachmycloths · 21/04/2021 19:58

Many of the responses are extremely harsh and OTT. Suggestions about never letting your DS back to his grandparents are unreasonable and cruel. Your MIL is clearly distressed and sorry and they hadn’t left him alone at any time.
Could you and your partner offer to arrange and pay for safety measures?