To be shaken up by this and insistent over it not happening again?

[Boursinfan]

So my 2.5 year old DS’s grandparents look after him once a week. They dropped him back home today and said there had been an accident. He fell into their garden pond, luckily they were out there and got him out straight away. He was soaked, so his grandma gave him a bath and put some dry clothes on him.
She just messaged me and said she felt dreadful and it was a genuine accident etc.
My mind is now going over the what ifs. I gently asked if they were going to get a cover for it now and she said they’ll “try to”.
They’re my DP’s parents, I feel like maybe he should speak to them. But he’ll brush it off as no big deal, as DS is fine, apart from a little shaken up. I’m also concerned he swallowed some of the water by accident and might get ill. There are algae and newts in there.
Should I insist they get a cover if my partner won’t? I feel awkward, but at the same time I’m not going to be able to relax when he’s at their house otherwise. They’re usually very diligent and careful, so I’m very surprised it happened at all really.

When my little granddaughter comes visiting I am forever looking ahead at possible accidents, in fact even my son says I worry too much! But I have had three of my own and know how quickly accidents can happen.

There is no way I would have a filled pond in my garden at all if little ones are around. They are much, much more precious than a flipping pond! To be fair though the grandparents were outside with your son, but still I think I would say that until the pond goes he won’t be coming round.

These are brilliant even with fences / protection they’re still worth it

www.safetyturtle.com/

They need a fence around it, with a gate that can be locked. Covers ARE NOT safe - children can quite easily fall under them and have no way of being seen.

I was your son's age when the war ended. We grew up playing on bombsites where the only rule was "Never throw anything which had fins on it". Your story really sent a retrospective shudder through me. I can't believe we survived. You must cover the pond, whatever it takes. Grids nowadays allow the plants to grow, and can be invisible. Most important, the grid will allow your son to grow up in genuine safety.
Do it!

I never ever left my kids with my parents for this same reason. That and my mum would always put my dad first if there was a crisis with both.

Give them the chance to cover it up im sure they felt terrible, and give your son the credit to realise he best not do whatever he was doing again.

Agreed, a pond with young children is dangerous. How about suggesting that they drain it, fill it with soil and turn it into a bog garden. You can get some pretty plants that thrive in marshy conditions. I did this and it worked out well. Nice lockdown project for them, perhaps?

I hope your InLaws understand your expectations OP, and agree to the 'making the pond area safe' 🌸

My four year old accidentally fell into our “covered” pond to retrieve a princess shoe. It never happened again as she was too scared to go close to it again. Lesson learned.

Responses on here are freaking me out a bit. We have an Airbnb with a pool booked for a few days in may and I was just planning to stay 1 foot away from my toddler at all times when outdoors like I always do...

Goodness me- you don’t need it fenced off. Plenty of strong metal grid covers out there to secure on top. I have stated on holiday at places with a pond and a metal grid that bears an adults weight.
That’s all that’s needed and it’s safe!

You definitely aren't being unreasonable.

My DD feel into my aunt's pond stood right next to me they had a little bridge over it and she just stepped off the bridge. Her head didn't even go under but it still have us both a fright and she had nasty scrapes from the stones and what looked like a ligature mark where I grabbed her top and hauled her out (I didn't even think just reacted). As soon as they had grand kids they filled the pond in.

They are such an unnecessary risk that can be easily managed. It's far to easy to be distracted for a moment especially in familiar surroundings.

And it's completely different to visiting the local 🦆 pond, where you'd usually stand next to your child and you know supervise them! Or in my DS case hold onto your child with a death grip so he doesn't end up in the water with the 🦆.

We put a fence round our pond as soon as the grandchildren started to arrive. I think it looks quite attractive but more importantly it gives us peace of mind. We couldn’t live with ourselves if there was an accident.

No don’t drain it. Ponds are fantastic for nature and brilliant for teaching your child about nature with pond dipping etc.

However it needs to absolutely be safe as they are a magnet for children and you don’t want them pond dipping themselves.
So fences etc. Doesn’t need to be intrusive just enough to stop him. Or raise the pond with a wall round it.

If it were me that pond would definitely have to be covered or fenced off before my child went back. I remember years ago being sat in hospital and hearing a woman’s piercing scream.... her toddler had fallen in their pool and got stuck under the cover and drowned, it is a sound I will never forget and I’ve been seriously paranoid with my dd around water ever since!!

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@Marigold76

That feels really harsh. My parents have 2 ponds which aren’t fenced of and I would never stop my children going there, especially with me present.

Most parks we go to have ponds. I just watch them carefully.[/quote]
It's not the same.
When you're out your attention is pretty much 100% on your child (or it should be) At someone's house, you're chatting, you're having a cup of coffee. Popping to the toilets. Going into another room for just a second...

All things that distract you. And if they can, toddlers move like lightening to something that attracts them.

It's all fine. Till it isn't...

We refused to let any of our young DC spend time at my parents home without one of us present because of this same exact reason. They eventually got rid of the pond.
Plus, I’ve heard too many anecdotes over the years from people I know and also news bulletins re. children drowning in pools whilst on holiday.

@OnTheBrink1

Goodness me- you don’t need it fenced off. Plenty of strong metal grid covers out there to secure on top. I have stated on holiday at places with a pond and a metal grid that bears an adults weight. That’s all that’s needed and it’s safe!

It's got newts in it. They're all protected to some extent in the UK.

The fence posted by @bossyrossy above is a good example of what works.

@bossyrossy

We put a fence round our pond as soon as the grandchildren started to arrive. I think it looks quite attractive but more importantly it gives us peace of mind. We couldn’t live with ourselves if there was an accident.

So now all you've got to worry about is them climbing over it and spearing themselves with those pointy sticks.

YANBU We have a large pond in the garden. We fenced it off as soon as we moved in and even so the children were never left unsupervised in the garden. Water is a genuine hazard for toddlers and smaller children. Id never have left my children with anyone who wasn’t as paranoid about it as I am.

@Localocal

Just checking, is this pond too deep for him to stand in? Some ponds are only a foot deep, and I personally wouldn't worry about that with a 2.5 year old. I'm sure your PILs will watch him like a hawk when he's outside now they see what can happen. But if it's deep I would ask them to cover it, or promise to ensure they are outside and watching him every minute he is outside. At 2 and a half they should be with him the whole time anyway, which they obviously were in this instance.

I have a deep pond, which we didn't put in until my youngest was old enough to fish himself out. But I will certainly keep it covered when I have grandchildren!

Fall in, hit head. 6 inches of water will kill them

if anything happens, they'll say you were ok with it.

@Sickoffamilydrama

You definitely aren't being unreasonable.

My DD feel into my aunt's pond stood right next to me they had a little bridge over it and she just stepped off the bridge. Her head didn't even go under but it still have us both a fright and she had nasty scrapes from the stones and what looked like a ligature mark where I grabbed her top and hauled her out (I didn't even think just reacted). As soon as they had grand kids they filled the pond in.

They are such an unnecessary risk that can be easily managed. It's far to easy to be distracted for a moment especially in familiar surroundings.

And it's completely different to visiting the local 🦆 pond, where you'd usually stand next to your child and you know supervise them! Or in my DS case hold onto your child with a death grip so he doesn't end up in the water with the 🦆.

I still do that with my grandchildren with constants calls for them to come away from the edge!

Luckily they don't like the carp in there so they're wary!

Threatmatrix you were very lucky on 2 accounts?

Having ground with a big pond and your child not drowning.

My son was 18 months old when we moved into a 1930s house with a very small pond in the back garden. A couple of weeks after we moved in, I asked two friends over with their toddlers and we all walked to the top of the garden together. Suddenly I realised my son wasn't with us. A pair of red wellies were sticking up out of the pond. When I dragged him out, he had mud in his mouth and nose. Thankfully he was okay, but we emptied the pond that evening. It happened when three adults were with him. Please. Don't risk it. Don't let your child go anywhere with an uncovered pond.