To stop making my kids dinner?

[CarbsAreNotMyFriend]

Hear me out. I probably won't let them starve.

But it is soul-destroying making dinner every night for them to then moan and whinge, complain about any sign of a vegetable, look at the plate like it is diseased, and ultimately most of it ends up in the bin. I feel it would be easier to cut out the middle man and scrape their dinner straight into the bin.

I don't serve them anything controversial. Just things like bolognese, lasagne, chicken & rice, pasta etc. But you'd think I was serving them chopped liver.

WIBU to just give in, serve them anything in breadcrumbs or in a bun, and give them a multi-vitamin for desert? 😁

Yes, just give in. Life's too short. Give them chicken nuggets, baked bean and chips. They'll eat it all up!

What age are they?

My DS is 8 and very fussy and I'm ashamed to admit I did stop trying. He now gets pizza, nuggets and fish fingers on rotation and I make him try one new thing a week which is always 'disgusting'. Won't eat any veg either so I make sure he has fruit (even then its only tangerines and grapes).

YANBU I've literally just put a frozen-thing-in-breadcrumbs in the oven for my toddler because I can't face scraping another lovingly prepared meal into the bin. It's thankless! I'll draw the line at a pot noodle, but anything else is fair fodder. Especially on a Monday. Who can be arsed?!

Hahaha I'm sure they could survive off crumbs for a while !

Not sure what their ages are, but one thing you could do (if not already doing) is to give them more responsibility in the kitchen at dinner time.

E.g peel the veg, cut the veg, stir the pasta and just generally having more time actually cooking the food rather than having it put in front of them. I find it encourages them to think more positively and have more pride in the food if they help repair it !

Thank you everyone! So glad to hear it's not just me who is feeling the pain (misery loves company 😁). They are 7 and almost 4. My youngest was previously a great eater, would try anything. But now has turned into her big brother.

I dread mealtimes. But I give in to the parenting guilt, and try to feed them decent meals. Enough is enough, I'm giving in to the beige platter!!

@Gottobefree

Hahaha I'm sure they could survive off crumbs for a while !

Not sure what their ages are, but one thing you could do (if not already doing) is to give them more responsibility in the kitchen at dinner time.

E.g peel the veg, cut the veg, stir the pasta and just generally having more time actually cooking the food rather than having it put in front of them. I find it encourages them to think more positively and have more pride in the food if they help repair it !

Thank you! Actually my youngest loves helping. But then turns into an asshole as soon as the plate is put in front of her 😁

Depending on their ages, they shouldn’t be being rude about what they’re served. I’m a nanny and they don’t get what they want to eat all the time, who does, but I will not tolerate picky ungrateful (this sauce tastes too much of tomato, why have you used this shape of pasta, I don’t like those sausages etc) comments. They get one meal each a week where they can choose, within reason, (usually ends up being burgers or hot dogs) but they only get the privilege of that if they are polite about the food they’re served the rest of the week. It’s be polite if you’re not that keen, compliment it if you really like it, but either way you’re eating it without being rude or pulling faces, or you can leave the table and good luck finding a restaurant 😂 I just won’t have it.

@eyebagsandgladrags

YANBU I've literally just put a frozen-thing-in-breadcrumbs in the oven for my toddler because I can't face scraping another lovingly prepared meal into the bin. It's thankless! I'll draw the line at a pot noodle, but anything else is fair fodder. Especially on a Monday. Who can be arsed?!

Frozen shit in breadcrumbs in my Ninja air fryer (best thing we ever bought!) sounds like the way forward 💪🏼

My dm actually did stop coming for me when I was about 10. She said, you never easy what I cook so cook what you want to eat. Consequently I survived on sandwiches until I learned to drive, then Macdonald's! I did learn to cook when I went to uni. I really judge her now I'm middle aged, she literally gave up on me and never cooked again. With the exception of Christmas dinner. I want even that picky! Just not motivated by food. It took me a long time to relearn how to eat properly.

Excuse the typos please!

My OH once moaned to me (under his breath) that he couldn't eat the chicken croquettes he'd ordered in the restaurant because... they tasted too much of chicken.
I blame the parents, take note!

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Depending on their ages, they shouldn’t be being rude about what they’re served. I’m a nanny and they don’t get what they want to eat all the time, who does, but I will not tolerate picky ungrateful (this sauce tastes too much of tomato, why have you used this shape of pasta, I don’t like those sausages etc) comments. They get one meal each a week where they can choose, within reason, (usually ends up being burgers or hot dogs) but they only get the privilege of that if they are polite about the food they’re served the rest of the week. It’s be polite if you’re not that keen, compliment it if you really like it, but either way you’re eating it without being rude or pulling faces, or you can leave the table and good luck finding a restaurant 😂 I just won’t have it.

Can you come to my house please? 😁 I think I'm fairly strict and definitely big on manners. They are not rude as such. It's more 'I'm not hungry', 'I don't like peas', 'how many more mouthfuls?' etc. It's painful! I've got into a bad habit of mealtimes becoming a battle zone, and I can't do it anymore!

OP tell them to name all the meals they like. You could help them out by making suggestions if they “forget” any favourites. Ask them what meals they like at school/granny’s house too. Then get them to help you write down the meals. They need to be part of this process. Then the three of you decide which days you’re going to have those meals. They need to do this part too. And you write down on a calendar which meals they pick for which days of the week and you go together and stick the calendar on the fridge/cupboard where they can see it from the dinner table. Then on say Wednesday you ask them both to go and check what is for dinner tonight so that you know what to make. It’s their job now to check. This makes the dinner choice, their choice. So when it is placed on the table in front of them they can’t say they dont want it. And if they do say it, we’ll tough, they need to choose better next meal plan.

Why does the food end up in the bin? If it’s not eaten at the table it gets put in the fridge and offered again the next day. If the kids have packed lunch at school, that’s what they find in their food box the following day.

I remember my mum also using this technique and after a week of picking at the same re-heated plate, I quickly learnt to eat what was offered. Of course compromises have to be found and some evenings there was pizza and chips just to feed us something, but food should never end up in the bin unless it’s gone bad.

Me too BUT my middle girl won’t eat beige food, total rejection of nuggets/pizza/fish fingers.

Other two reject cooked. We are down to fajitas, korma and mince and dumpling stew that they will all semi tolerate.

Soul destroying. Sometimes I beige food 2 of them and feed middle salami, fruit and a Nutella and fresh raspberry sandwich (oddo) which is all she’ll eat

@WisestIsShe

My dm actually did stop coming for me when I was about 10. She said, you never easy what I cook so cook what you want to eat. Consequently I survived on sandwiches until I learned to drive, then Macdonald's! I did learn to cook when I went to uni. I really judge her now I'm middle aged, she literally gave up on me and never cooked again. With the exception of Christmas dinner. I want even that picky! Just not motivated by food. It took me a long time to relearn how to eat properly.

Wow that was extreme from your mum! I obviously won't stop cooking dinner for them, but I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, wasting a lot of food, and stressing us all out.

Lunch and breakfast are fine, no problems with those.

@Billandben444

My OH once moaned to me (under his breath) that he couldn't eat the chicken croquettes he'd ordered in the restaurant because... they tasted too much of chicken. I blame the parents, take note!

🤣🤣 This is my fear!!

Teens don’t make it any bloody easier.

One likes only whole meal pasta the other one doesn’t.
One adores kidney beans the other one hates them
One hates cheese unless it’s on a pizza or on top of pasta. The other loves it.

I leave them to pick out the bits they don’t like.

Every new dish is eyeballed with deep suspicion😭

@UhtredRagnarson

OP tell them to name all the meals they like. You could help them out by making suggestions if they “forget” any favourites. Ask them what meals they like at school/granny’s house too. Then get them to help you write down the meals. They need to be part of this process. Then the three of you decide which days you’re going to have those meals. They need to do this part too. And you write down on a calendar which meals they pick for which days of the week and you go together and stick the calendar on the fridge/cupboard where they can see it from the dinner table. Then on say Wednesday you ask them both to go and check what is for dinner tonight so that you know what to make. It’s their job now to check. This makes the dinner choice, their choice. So when it is placed on the table in front of them they can’t say they dont want it. And if they do say it, we’ll tough, they need to choose better next meal plan.

This is a great idea actually. I will try that. Hopefully I won't end up with chicken nuggets x 7 😁

Also start putting less on their plate, even to the extent that there isn’t enough to fill them (keep it on the side so they can get seconds if still hungry) so they aren’t overwhelmed by the amount and there is no “how much do we have to eat”.

This is a great idea actually. I will try that. Hopefully I won't end up with chicken nuggets x 7

Even if you only end up with 3/4 meals you can just repeat them during the week.

@EileenGC

Why does the food end up in the bin? If it’s not eaten at the table it gets put in the fridge and offered again the next day. If the kids have packed lunch at school, that’s what they find in their food box the following day.

I remember my mum also using this technique and after a week of picking at the same re-heated plate, I quickly learnt to eat what was offered. Of course compromises have to be found and some evenings there was pizza and chips just to feed us something, but food should never end up in the bin unless it’s gone bad.

Well that might be worth a try, thanks

Is there anything they do like? One of my sisters was a big fan of lettuce or anything salad-related. She could honestly sit there and eat a whole lettuce for dinner. It’s not very nutritious but at least it’s healthy, so my mum would allow her to eat a huge plate of salad if she also had a few bites of whatever we were having. 20 years on and she still only really likes lettuce. She eats well now and has increased the ‘few bites’ but only does so out of necessity, not because she likes food at all. I don’t understand her because the rest of us are the opposite, I only like unhealthy food

@CarbsAreNotMyFriend oh yes I get a lot of ‘how much of this do I have to eat?’ And ‘these carrots are a taste like they’re a funny shape’ It drives me nuts. I would go mad if I wasn’t being paid handsomely to deal with it

Do they have hot lunches at school? DC loved hot lunches in infant school - and they were free! - gave me ideas of what to cook. We're now quite adventurous.