To stop making my kids dinner?

[CarbsAreNotMyFriend]

Hear me out. I probably won't let them starve.

But it is soul-destroying making dinner every night for them to then moan and whinge, complain about any sign of a vegetable, look at the plate like it is diseased, and ultimately most of it ends up in the bin. I feel it would be easier to cut out the middle man and scrape their dinner straight into the bin.

I don't serve them anything controversial. Just things like bolognese, lasagne, chicken & rice, pasta etc. But you'd think I was serving them chopped liver.

WIBU to just give in, serve them anything in breadcrumbs or in a bun, and give them a multi-vitamin for desert? 😁

@ChubbyLittleManInACampervan

You have to stick with it I’m afraid

If you give in now, and feed them crap they’ll eat nothing but crap for life

Some beige food every now and then is fine, but being a person who will only eat junk is not usually a slim happy person...

Sorry, not what you wanted to hear!

I know you're right 😭 And to be fair to them, it's not just that they'll only eat beige. It's more that they don't like hot meals. I think a deconstructed meal is more their style 😂 I'm wondering if a picking plate of fruit, crudités, ham, cheese, sweetcorn etc. I think I'd have more chance of them eating that

Build your own meals can work too. Tortilla boats with a choice of salad stuff, protein and cheese. They grab a boat and fill it - they will probably eat more than if you gave it to them pre-made.
Also if they say they are not hungry let them go. I used to tell mine they could leave the meal if they were not hungry but if they asked for food later they would get their meal back as I wasn’t going to make an alternative. DS2 once held out until bedtime then asked if he could eat his dinner in bed - I felt that was an acceptable compromise under the circumstances. (Note - if they tried something and genuinely didn’t like it as opposed to theatrically not liking it, I would give them something else).

@Ambo21

Well they are yanking your string arent they? Make dinner that you want to eat... give small portions.. a set time to eat it..15 - 20 minutes..whatever suits you.. no discussion/no alternatives/no reaction from you... remove plates.... They will not starve themselves. You are reacting to all this... that is what keeps it going. Just engage in chat about something else and ignore ALL protestations. Dont stress, they will grow out out of this stage..then you will have something else to worry about instead!!

I've tried this previously. Obviously didn't stick to it. Willpower is not my strength 😬

@FizzyTarte

I stood no nonsense with mine over food from day dot, it was take it or leave it.. I think if you give in now you'll always have a fight. DS 17 gets a choice now of A or B. Or starve/feed yourself.

I also need you to come to my house

X post
Deconstruction of meals helped with one of mine eg plain pasta with a bowl of sauce so they could add what they wanted.

They are now teens and pretty good eaters. DS2 dislikes cheese but otherwise they eat most things.

@WorraLiberty

What is the time gap between lunch and dinner?

Is it possible to cook dinner a bit later so they're truly very hungry? No snacks before dinner of course.

We do have dinner fairly early, but that kind of works for us overall. I wouldn't want to serve it any later. I think a lighter dinner is the answer and maybe toast with banana just before bed if they are hungry (my eldest usually is and asks for supper before bed)

@minniemomo

Persevere, it gets better! You'll remember fondly the days when a burger or fish fingers were acceptable restaurant fare when they order the duck or steak

Haha! This is very true. Cheap dates they are.

Absolutely give in. Life's way too short. Why waste it cooking meals only to be scraped in the dog's bowl afterwards (my experience). Chicken nuggets, fish fingers and oven chips all the way now 😊

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude

Build your own meals can work too. Tortilla boats with a choice of salad stuff, protein and cheese. They grab a boat and fill it - they will probably eat more than if you gave it to them pre-made. Also if they say they are not hungry let them go. I used to tell mine they could leave the meal if they were not hungry but if they asked for food later they would get their meal back as I wasn’t going to make an alternative. DS2 once held out until bedtime then asked if he could eat his dinner in bed - I felt that was an acceptable compromise under the circumstances. (Note - if they tried something and genuinely didn’t like it as opposed to theatrically not liking it, I would give them something else).

I've tried the boat trick too. They love the fanfare of a boat BUT usually just put cheese and tomato ketchup in it 🤦🏻‍♀️ Sometimes some chicken if I'm very lucky 😬

@ChazsBrilliantAttitude

X post Deconstruction of meals helped with one of mine eg plain pasta with a bowl of sauce so they could add what they wanted.

They are now teens and pretty good eaters. DS2 dislikes cheese but otherwise they eat most things.

I think this is spot on, and I need to adapt for my own sanity 😁

@Bella43

Absolutely give in. Life's way too short. Why waste it cooking meals only to be scraped in the dog's bowl afterwards (my experience). Chicken nuggets, fish fingers and oven chips all the way now 😊

Yes! You need to be my life coach!

Oh god this is me tonight, I made garlic butter prawns tonight, something they loved last time, would either of them touch it tonight? Not a chance.
Can you even reheat prawns?
I've been vegetarian for so long I don't know anymore

If they will eat fruit and crudités, then why not serve that? Will they eat baked potato with cheddar? Egg fried rice? Plain pasta? With the crudités on the side. My DD had a problem with the texture of some food for a while. Bolognese and pasta, were too slimy I think. It was a phase that she grew out of, so don't despair.

And nothing wrong with fish fingers, I still love them!

I have similar drama every evening meal with DS(6) who started becoming fussy at 14 months and it’s just escalated over the years, rather than got better.

He’s seen the GP, been under a Dietician for two years, and had an Occupational Therapist assessment via phone call. All have concluded he’s just fussy as opposed to any sensory issues etc. They all agree that we have tried absolutely everything and to just keep offering a range of foods and it’s ultimately up to him to engage with trying them.

He has not eaten any vegetables whatsoever since age 2, and rarely eats any fruit. Won’t eat meals that you can typically purée Vege into like bolognaise, soups, quiche etc. Basically refuses to try almost everything new or does so and says yuck etc. Loves beige food and crisps, sweets, and pudding to an obscene degree (sparingly given).

The most frustrating, and which makes me feel so angry inside sometimes, is his behaviour around new or existing food that he refuses to eat. He is so rude - it’s yuck, disgusting, bleurgh - and he can take one look at the food on the table and run off screaming. No amount of discussion or downright laying the law down on behaviour has helped. It’s embarrassing and soul destroying.

I did say to the Dietician that I’ve noticed amongst friends and family with young children that the fussy ones are usually those that did not attend full-time nursery from a baby, and that those that have eat well generally. She thought about it and said that it was an interesting point. Possible theory could be eating from a very young age with your peers encourages good eating routines, plus nurseries are less likely to cater for fussy eating behaviours. Who knows?

I was in the take it or leave it camp too from day one so they were used to eating what was served up. Once past ages 12 ish I would just say ok don’t have it end of story but no substitute or pudding. I did use a bit of blackmail sometimes with don’t eat main course don’t get pudding. As has been said the endless endless repetition gets annoying but food is something I feel strongly about

My twins are 4, both autistic and non verbal and having real issues with food. This is made worse by the fact that one twin has a medical condition which means he has to eat every couple of hours or he can get seriously ill so I can’t even say tough, eat it or no dinner. They also don’t understand much language so can’t try to reason with them.

Dinner is the worst — almost every day is potato waffles, with either fish fingers, chicken breast mini fillets or beef meatballs. Occasionally they’ll eat beans on toast, pasta or gnocchi but it’s hit and miss.

Lunch is better - they eat lots of different fruit and some veg so I just try to make sure they get a good variety of that.

They have cooked from scratch lunches at school but DT1 won’t touch them at all and just eats his lunchbox (sandwich and fruit). Sigh.

One of my DC would only eat sausage, Yorkshire puddings and gravy for around 3 years - now a thriving 20 something that eats exotic foods that I'd possibly balk at.
It'll all turn out allreet

While there obviously are children with SN who absolutely will go hungry rather than eat, this reason is always given for parents who pander to their children’s fussy eating habits.

As a general rule children won’t go hungry, and if they do, then they need a reminder as to why.

So firstly, cut out the snacks. All of them. We are far to obsessed with this need to snack constantly. There really is no need for it, and clearly it’s preventing them from eating.

Then give them whatever’s for dinner. Put it in bowls on the table if need be, don’t say anything but the rule is that they have to eat an actual meal, not just pick at it.

And if they don’t, then there’s nothing before bed. They’ll only do that a couple of times before they start to realise that if they don’t eat then they’re hungry.

At the moment there is no link for them between not eating and being hungry, because they can not eat and then be given something when they’re ready for it, so they’ve never been allowed to be hungry, iyswim.

And rudeness is a definite no. Consequences, removal of television etc for rude comments. I can’t abide bad table manners or rudeness around food. They don’t have to like it but there are ways of expressing that.

Those garlic buttered prawns sounded so nice that l asked dd 14 if she would eat them.

‘No it’s like eating bits of old skin’ was her answer😭

Omg mine where awful for a while.... every now and then they have freezer shite and they can eat it in front of the tv as a treat!!! They love it

Teen eats anything I cook, 7 yr old not that hungry after school so he gets cheesy pasta or a pizza etc.... but will try new stuff... I've never forced them to eat if they don't want it fine, nothing else

Tonight we had dominos 😬😬😬😬

Mine are 8 and 5, and up until the beginning of this year I was cooking for them and 5ish, and then again later for us. They became so fussy, they were barely eating what I would class as kid friendly meals. So I gave up, and instead cook what we want for 5.30, and they either eat it or don't. I do Gusto 4 nights a week, and go for quite a variety. I put it in the middle of the table and they choose what they want. Rules are they are not allowed to say anything is disgusting, only positive things aloud! Astonishingly they are now much better than they were before. If I know they really don't like something, I will do something slightly different for them. We had prawns tonight and I know my 8 year old really doesn't like them, so I gave him some chicken.

Mine were v. fussy kids. No hiding veg in sauce on account of the not eating sauce. No tortilla boats or such like on account of not eating those.

Favourite meal was pasta, boiled and put on a plate. I made them eat something else with it like peas and cheese but for a long time we served them v.v simple foods and no mixing, sauces. They ate enough veg for it to be OK (not just peas, also sweetcorn, carrots if they were raw and broccoli at a push). They are much older now. Eldest is 14 eats pretty much everything though is not a fan of seafood (I hate the stuff) or v. spicy. Youngest at 12 eats most things though still can't enjoy a salad or bean stew. He loves fish and seafood and curries.

I think it's an age thing. Keep it simple but balanced. No harm in looking at some of the sites which claim to help but they don't work for everyone and that's OK.

I'm on th fence.
My parents insisted on feeding me meat and veg that I didn't like the texture or taste of. Worked until I moved out and now my diet is terrible.

DD will only eat M&S kids ready meals after I gave them to her when we had the kitchen done. It's says they've veg and vitamins and stuff in and I make her have 2 pieces of fruit and she has peas or broccoli with her ready meal. Life's grand, no arguing and it's pretty cheap as she'll eat the whole meal. Life's too short to cook for ungrateful children 😀