To stop making my kids dinner?

[CarbsAreNotMyFriend]

Hear me out. I probably won't let them starve.

But it is soul-destroying making dinner every night for them to then moan and whinge, complain about any sign of a vegetable, look at the plate like it is diseased, and ultimately most of it ends up in the bin. I feel it would be easier to cut out the middle man and scrape their dinner straight into the bin.

I don't serve them anything controversial. Just things like bolognese, lasagne, chicken & rice, pasta etc. But you'd think I was serving them chopped liver.

WIBU to just give in, serve them anything in breadcrumbs or in a bun, and give them a multi-vitamin for desert? 😁

@Lassy1945 Yes your contributions to the thread have been so positive and helpful, thanks for the insight! Have a great day!

Mine are really picky but eat better when they are really hungry - I feel your pain with wondering whether to cut out the middle man and transport the food from oven to the bin. Try limiting snacks and giving them small portions, I find that works best out of everything I’ve tried (and I’ve tried everything). But I struggle with the constant nagging for snacks and the hanger in the run up to a meal time and DH just lets them have what they want snack wise so we’re really inconsistent with the rules!

@Mabelann

Mine are really picky but eat better when they are really hungry - I feel your pain with wondering whether to cut out the middle man and transport the food from oven to the bin. Try limiting snacks and giving them small portions, I find that works best out of everything I’ve tried (and I’ve tried everything). But I struggle with the constant nagging for snacks and the hanger in the run up to a meal time and DH just lets them have what they want snack wise so we’re really inconsistent with the rules!

Consistency is the issue with us too. We've already tried most of the suggestions on this thread but it's very hard to stick to them! I personally find it very hard to let them go to bed hungry 😭 even if I've threatened them with that!

Maybe try letting go of the idea that meals have to be a hot, cohesive thing. It's engrained in our culture but it's not necessary for nutrition. A mezze type meal or platter of stuff is just as good an evening meal as a bowl of pasta etc.

I give my toddler all sorts of weird meals and she happily eats them up. Her ideal meal would be a slice of toast, houmous, sweetcorn, raspberries, chicken and olives. It's got carbs, protein, iron, fat, and plenty of vitamins so it seems fine to me if a bit of an odd combination.

I wouldn’t worry about it. Mine was a hugely adventurous eater until about 4yr old then everything that wasn’t fish fingers or nuggets was yuck. She might eat chicken if I told her it was lamb but other than that.. at 7ish she branched out to pasta & pesto and by maybe 10 she’d eat mince n tatties or spaghetti bolognaise. She’s 18 now and v adventurous, loves sushi and Korean food and curry and stir fries and can cook great meals. The only throw back to the fussy days is refusing to have cheese on pizza...

Mine was also epically stubborn, my mother was babysitting once when she was about 5 and tried the old school ‘you’re not leaving the table til you’ve eaten x’ after an hour and a half and all refusals of bribery my mother admitted defeat 😂

[quote CarbsAreNotMyFriend]@Lassy1945 Yes your contributions to the thread have been so positive and helpful, thanks for the insight! Have a great day![/quote]
I will
Sadly yours won’t be as soon as you serve your children dinner

@LucyLocketsPocket

Yes, just give in. Life's too short. Give them chicken nuggets, baked bean and chips. They'll eat it all up!

Quite agree.

Later on, if they are interested in cooking, you will find they eat a better variety.

Fish fingers and baked beans are good for you anyway and you say they eat fruit. Cheese is good too, jacket potatoes with cheese and beans as a filling is lovely (gosh I am hungry now!).

I remember having egg and chips nearly every day for a while. I'm still alive and well. Now I eat most things.

Seriously @Lassy1945 give it a rest

I think that dinner should be the lightest main meal in the day so it’s perfectly fine if the kids don’t eat full plates of it. I know whenever I eat a big dinner, it doesn’t sit well with my stomach. I think some of the suggestions in this thread were helpful. One of the things that works well with a lot of kids is also eating meals together as a family. I find that that way at least my kids will eat more and will not complain about the food.

@Lassy1945, for someone who's insisting the OPS children are being rude and ill-mannered, you are reading like an incredibly petulant child yourself.

My eldest has sensory issues and suspected ASD, something that his father also shows very strong traits in as well. Feeding the two of them can be like pulling teeth, as they'd both live off nuggets if they could. I compromise, especially during the week. Friday is 'eat what you like' day, and any takeaway day the children either have turkey dinos or maybe Maccys as a treat. Weekends are always home cooked, but usually something that will please everyone - my younger one and I will eat most things, but the other two may only have carrots as a side. Usually a rotation of curry, roast, homemade burgers. The rest of the week will be a compromise - usually everyone gets a chance to 'choose' something they like, such as pie or baked potatoes with x side. Life is too short to be catering to everyone every night, and I always have something 'beige' in the freezer for the days I cannot be doing with an argument (and my favourite curry place ready to go on Just Eat). Food shouldn't be a chore or a war.

Annoyingly, my husband and eldest are the only fussy people I know. My mother was the same, but I obviously was 'built differently', I love a well made, varied dinner. I watch everyone else getting to try so many things that I know would be a waste of time and money if I attempted it as a family meal (including anything pasta based), but its what it is.

@mookieotb

I think that dinner should be the lightest main meal in the day so it’s perfectly fine if the kids don’t eat full plates of it. I know whenever I eat a big dinner, it doesn’t sit well with my stomach. I think some of the suggestions in this thread were helpful. One of the things that works well with a lot of kids is also eating meals together as a family. I find that that way at least my kids will eat more and will not complain about the food.

This is a great point, as dinner is typically our heaviest meal of the day. As you say, that makes no sense! Thank you, food for thought (so to speak) 😁

[quote BrumBoo]@Lassy1945, for someone who's insisting the OPS children are being rude and ill-mannered, you are reading like an incredibly petulant child yourself.

My eldest has sensory issues and suspected ASD, something that his father also shows very strong traits in as well. Feeding the two of them can be like pulling teeth, as they'd both live off nuggets if they could. I compromise, especially during the week. Friday is 'eat what you like' day, and any takeaway day the children either have turkey dinos or maybe Maccys as a treat. Weekends are always home cooked, but usually something that will please everyone - my younger one and I will eat most things, but the other two may only have carrots as a side. Usually a rotation of curry, roast, homemade burgers. The rest of the week will be a compromise - usually everyone gets a chance to 'choose' something they like, such as pie or baked potatoes with x side. Life is too short to be catering to everyone every night, and I always have something 'beige' in the freezer for the days I cannot be doing with an argument (and my favourite curry place ready to go on Just Eat). Food shouldn't be a chore or a war.

Annoyingly, my husband and eldest are the only fussy people I know. My mother was the same, but I obviously was 'built differently', I love a well made, varied dinner. I watch everyone else getting to try so many things that I know would be a waste of time and money if I attempted it as a family meal (including anything pasta based), but its what it is.[/quote]
Thank you, you're totally right about life being too short! I definitely need to make a change as dinner time shouldn't be so painful 🙈

@Maggiesfarm I think a deconstructed meal is the way forward! 💪🏼

@AlmostInsane

Mine was also epically stubborn, my mother was babysitting once when she was about 5 and tried the old school ‘you’re not leaving the table til you’ve eaten x’ after an hour and a half and all refusals of bribery my mother admitted defeat 😂

I have a vivid memory as a child of falling asleep with my face IN the mince & potatoes I'd been served! I was told I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I'd eaten it, but I couldn't stand the texture. So I've brought this on myself 😂

It's not right to force children to eat things they do not want. I couldn't bear a lot of stuff when I was a child and at school, they tried to make you eat it.

I empowered my children to say, politely and calmly, that they did not have to eat something if they didn't want to, nobody has the right to insist etc. However they were not forced :-), so it didn't matter. After a while they took packed lunches and we always had a good meal together in the evening.

[quote CarbsAreNotMyFriend]@Maggiesfarm I think a deconstructed meal is the way forward! 💪🏼[/quote]
I think also choosing what you want to focus on but being consistent .
If you create new rules but then change them its really not good for DC as the goal posts change all the time.
Essentially insisting on no whinging, no counting mouthfuls( really off putting) and just getting the children to relax and enjoy food.
Dont want to sound critical but that might be stepping up on the behaviour /firmness but backing off with any comments / anxiety about what is being consumed.
So for a month , simple things like pizza, chicken, sausages plus bowls of cherry toms, peas, cucumber, crusty bread etc and allow them to relax and eat.
Then expand the repertoire once they are behaving well, not moaning etc
Im being honest here but I didnt catch on that you were being " droll" as you put it and the first few pages of replies were based on that and the fact you described despair and it being soul destroying.

I've just remembered one of the meals we serve every week. We call it "superfood salad", because if you were in a hipster cafe you'd pay £££ for it's amazing combination of macro and micro nutrients and novel take on fusion cuisine.

It's basically chopped up roasted veg with some extras. Always either potato cubetti or sweet potato. Then always either broccoli or cabbage or kale (we are a family of brassica enthusiasts!) with pumpkin seeds or sesame seeds. (Told you it was well posh!) Then bits of whatever! Grated carrot salad, bean salad (tin of beans with some oil, vinegar and dried oregano), pesto chickpeas (tin of chickpeas mixed with jarred pesto), cheese cubes, couscous... Usually 4-5 things in total. All in separate serving bowls on the table so people can choose what they'd like.

No fussing required as nothing goes on your plate unless you ask for it. Seems complicated but it's really one roasting tin and some chopping. It's persuaded DS to eat pesto chickpeas over the course of...um...about a year, and he has a firm stance against all pulses! And always the potato and the brassica because they'll always be eaten.

Anyway, when we stopped calling it "oh crap, what's for lunch? What have we got in the fridge? Well, there's these two odd carrots, I guess we could do something with them, and we ought to eat up this end of cheese" and started calling it "superfood salad" we went from negligent to medal-worthy overnight!

@PerspicaciousGreen

I've just remembered one of the meals we serve every week. We call it "superfood salad", because if you were in a hipster cafe you'd pay £££ for it's amazing combination of macro and micro nutrients and novel take on fusion cuisine.

It's basically chopped up roasted veg with some extras. Always either potato cubetti or sweet potato. Then always either broccoli or cabbage or kale (we are a family of brassica enthusiasts!) with pumpkin seeds or sesame seeds. (Told you it was well posh!) Then bits of whatever! Grated carrot salad, bean salad (tin of beans with some oil, vinegar and dried oregano), pesto chickpeas (tin of chickpeas mixed with jarred pesto), cheese cubes, couscous... Usually 4-5 things in total. All in separate serving bowls on the table so people can choose what they'd like.

No fussing required as nothing goes on your plate unless you ask for it. Seems complicated but it's really one roasting tin and some chopping. It's persuaded DS to eat pesto chickpeas over the course of...um...about a year, and he has a firm stance against all pulses! And always the potato and the brassica because they'll always be eaten.

Anyway, when we stopped calling it "oh crap, what's for lunch? What have we got in the fridge? Well, there's these two odd carrots, I guess we could do something with them, and we ought to eat up this end of cheese" and started calling it "superfood salad" we went from negligent to medal-worthy overnight!

That sounds super posh! My kids would be raging if I served them that (although I would love it, and am inviting myself to your house for lunch)

@Templetreebalm Thanks 😁