To stop making my kids dinner?

[CarbsAreNotMyFriend]

Hear me out. I probably won't let them starve.

But it is soul-destroying making dinner every night for them to then moan and whinge, complain about any sign of a vegetable, look at the plate like it is diseased, and ultimately most of it ends up in the bin. I feel it would be easier to cut out the middle man and scrape their dinner straight into the bin.

I don't serve them anything controversial. Just things like bolognese, lasagne, chicken & rice, pasta etc. But you'd think I was serving them chopped liver.

WIBU to just give in, serve them anything in breadcrumbs or in a bun, and give them a multi-vitamin for desert? 😁

@CarbsAreNotMyFriend Haven’t read the whole thread OP but seen that you said your little one likes to help. What about more interactive meals? Like “make your own pizza” or whatever? Pitta bread with pizza sauce on then give them bowls of cheese/toppings and let them pick what they want to put on it?

Could you get a good family recipe book (I like “What Mummy Makes”) that has lots of photos of the food in and ask them to help you pick some dinners for the week?

Failing that...beige won’t do them any harm 🤣 I’m partial to a chicken dipper/mini kiev and chips dinner occasionally myself 🤣

I have two step sons and they are like this, one eats beans and one doesn't, one eats spaghetti soup the other doesn't, neither eat any form of eggs. One won't have anything 'wet'. It's exhausting.

I've a ten year old who'll eat pretty much anything except beetroot and (curiously) peas, which makes life a bit easier but I don't know how I'd cope if I had to deal with two fussy kids 24/7.

I'm a bit intrigued that your older one is often hungry before bed (because he didn't eat his dinner no doubt) and then you give him banana on toast.

So there is zero incentive for him to eat a dinner he isn't keen on. This is when you offer him his uneaten dinner when he states he is hungry later on.

Perhaps tea time is just too early for him?

I agree with what you've picked up on they don't need hot dinners or huge portions go with things they prefer but don't resort to "beige"'every meal.

Freezer tapas here... beige and breadcrumbed! Frozen sweetcorn or peas for my conscience...

Is it the not eating or is it the complaining? The words "I don't like" are banned at our dinner table. "No thank you" is the acceptable alternative, or my friend taught his kids to say "I don't care for peas" which I thought was absolutely hilarious and far less annoying!

I was a very picky child and the pressure to eat was immense and made me feel so sick that I just couldn't choke anything down knowing I was under such scrutiny. I was very happy eating the same rotation of meals every week, and looking back as an adult they were reasonably balanced so I don't know what all the fuss was about! (Chicken, broccoli and rice, or spag bol, for example) Obviously having a picky child is a social sin but was it worth all the tears and shouting? It didn't even work! I didn't start trying new foods til I left home and escaped the pressure.

I think you've really got to pick your battles. Complaining about food drives me up the wall, but I'm not too fussed about not eating a particular thing as long as they're getting a reasonable diet in general.

It's worth teaching kids a more neutral way of dealing with food preferences.

I cannot bear older children and adults making faces and going on about their dislike if foods ( especially when others are eating it!)

I dont care for peas is far better!

@CarbsAreNotMyFriend

This is the lunch I've just made for my youngest. I'm lucky with her, she's mostly a fairly good eater. It's just dinner we have an issue with. My eldest wouldn't touch most of the things on this plate, he is FUSSY (and not in a 'has a discerning-palate type of way 😂).

Why do I feel like I couldn't serve this type of plate for dinner? That's me being ridiculous. I'm taking a stand and making life easier for myself!

Looks great - can you come over and make me lunch for me?

The nanny before me taught the eldest charge to say ‘it’s not my favourite’ when she doesn’t like something. ‘It’s not my favourite’ is the bane of my existence! It might have sounded sweet and polite on a five year old but she’s 9 now and uses it as an attempt at turning down parts of the meal she just doesn’t fancy. I think she’s old enough to eat without commenting at all unless it’s something she actively is really enjoying as I find it rude. The younger one last night, on being informed there was a lovingly prepared chicken casserole for supper, said ‘do I have to eat it?’ ‘No you don’t’, I said. I gave him £10 out of my purse and told him he was welcome to put his shoes on and go and find an alternative meal where he could choose from the menu, but that we’d be at home enjoying the casserole politely at the table. He ate it without comment apart from saying thank you. If he hadn’t I’d gladly have taken him up to bed with a hungry belly, probably screaming all the way that he was still hungry and wanted something else. It’s nothing he hasn’t eaten before, it just happened to not be his first choice of meal.

If that makes me a dictator so be it, but I feel my style is more benign dictatorship actually, and I’m fine with that.

Make some food, including at least a couple of things you know they will eat. Put it in the middle of the table in bowls. Sit down and eat your dinner and don't worry about what they eat. Sometimes DH and I will have a couple of interesting curries and the DC will eat plain chicken, carrots and naan. Or we will all wraps but we will put spicy prawns and fajita vegetables in our whereas they will only have sour cream and sweetcorn. All the food is available to everyone and everyone can eat what they want. Works well for us.

I've also given up. Last night they had pesto pasta, made with fresh pasta. Took me 10 min. Over it.

All three of mine were fussy eaters until about 14. DS1 would only eat beige food. Now 19 he eats pretty much everything. DD2 would only eat fruit veg or salad (no meat and no carbs) now 16 she will eat everything except spicy food. DD3 currently will eat beige food, veg, rice and pasta.

I didn't force them to eat anything DH and I had a meal and the children could eat what we were having or kid food with lots of veg. Those microwave steam veg are my friend especially for DD. I encouraged them to try what we were having and they cooked with me trying as they went. School dinners helped too

I think there is light at the end of the tunnel. Life's too short to argue about food.

We are having lamb stew for dinner the youngest will have pasta veg and cheese.

@CarbsAreNotMyFriend

This is the lunch I've just made for my youngest. I'm lucky with her, she's mostly a fairly good eater. It's just dinner we have an issue with. My eldest wouldn't touch most of the things on this plate, he is FUSSY (and not in a 'has a discerning-palate type of way 😂).

Why do I feel like I couldn't serve this type of plate for dinner? That's me being ridiculous. I'm taking a stand and making life easier for myself!

Honestly @CarbsAreNotMyFriend if that’s the kind of plate that will get eaten then that’s what I’d be serving 😊 nothing wrong with that at all! I think you’re right that we tend to get caught up in having hot meals etc! But nothing wrong with a selection like that if that’s what they’ll eat!! Pop a bit of whatever you’re having on the plate too and see if they’ll try it when it’s not the main meal 🤷🏻‍♀️

@ChubbyLittleManInACampervan

You have to stick with it I’m afraid

If you give in now, and feed them crap they’ll eat nothing but crap for life

Some beige food every now and then is fine, but being a person who will only eat junk is not usually a slim happy person...

Sorry, not what you wanted to hear!

Hear hear!

Kids have an amazing ability to extract nutrition from a fairly limited range of foodstuffs! Take the emotion and the heat out of it and enjoy your meals. I tend to adapt what DH and I are having and the only expectation is they at least try. DS will now eat chickpeas and lentils for example. He wouldn't 2 years ago! Dd14 is s nightmare for her food fads so I leave her pretty much to it. As long as she eats something that's fine. Making too much of a fuss can lead to disordered eating if it's seen to raise parental anxiety. For instance for tea now DD, DH and I will have pasta salad with avocados, feta, tomatoes, cucumber and mixed pulses plus a vinaigrette and DS will have pasta with peas and sweetcorn stirred through with grated cheddar on top. Vitamins, carbs, fats and protein plus easy and drama free.

@CarbsAreNotMyFriend

This is the lunch I've just made for my youngest. I'm lucky with her, she's mostly a fairly good eater. It's just dinner we have an issue with. My eldest wouldn't touch most of the things on this plate, he is FUSSY (and not in a 'has a discerning-palate type of way 😂).

Why do I feel like I couldn't serve this type of plate for dinner? That's me being ridiculous. I'm taking a stand and making life easier for myself!

Given your dedication to this thread, I’m more impressed you managed to test yourself away to make any kind of lunch for your DC! I don’t think I’ve ever read more posts from an OP!

@CarbsAreNotMyFriend

This is the lunch I've just made for my youngest. I'm lucky with her, she's mostly a fairly good eater. It's just dinner we have an issue with. My eldest wouldn't touch most of the things on this plate, he is FUSSY (and not in a 'has a discerning-palate type of way 😂).

Why do I feel like I couldn't serve this type of plate for dinner? That's me being ridiculous. I'm taking a stand and making life easier for myself!

Nothing wrong with that for dinner!!! Definitely start making life easier for yourself.

Are you British? That’s the kind of dinner I would eat many times as a kid back in my home country. It’s perfectly acceptable food and kids there are healthy and haven’t yet died from eating ‘picky’ bits in the evening! Just keep that in mind, what doesn’t look like an acceptable evening meal to you, is actually the rule in many other parts of the world and it’s fine. Not everyone needs to eat chicken pie for dinner. I hate mushy food! As long as they eat it, serve it - honestly, no one is going to judge you on how elaborate your children’s dinners are.

With this thread in mind, tonight I was determined to serve food we'd all eat, so I did:

• a plate of carrot sticks, red pepper, cucumber, olives, bowl of grated cheese
• boiled new potatoes
• sweetcorn and cherry tomatoes
• mayo, chives etc
• sliced ham

I took the ingredients for a potato salad and made that to go with my ham. Ds had the same pretty much but deconstructed, dd had ham in a wrap, some cucumber and olives and, under duress, a stick of red pepper. Dinner, done. And it was tasty!

I’m lucky that so far my toddler DS will eat anything and in vast quantities.
I was the worlds fussiest eater growing up so was worried he’d inherit that.

I’m sure at some point he’ll go through a fussy patch but without sounding terribly hypocritical I’m just not going to tolerate it.
I’m a very practical person, everyone will be served the same meal and if they don’t eat it they’ll be directed to our well stocked fruit bowl. Those are the options, take your pick.

I wish my parents had been a bit less accommodating of my fussiness tbh. It did me no favours growing into a fussy teen/young adult.

[quote KM38]@CarbsAreNotMyFriend Haven’t read the whole thread OP but seen that you said your little one likes to help. What about more interactive meals? Like “make your own pizza” or whatever? Pitta bread with pizza sauce on then give them bowls of cheese/toppings and let them pick what they want to put on it?

Could you get a good family recipe book (I like “What Mummy Makes”) that has lots of photos of the food in and ask them to help you pick some dinners for the week?

Failing that...beige won’t do them any harm 🤣 I’m partial to a chicken dipper/mini kiev and chips dinner occasionally myself 🤣[/quote]
They do like a tortilla boat, but end up filling it with mostly ketchup 🤣

@Misty9

With this thread in mind, tonight I was determined to serve food we'd all eat, so I did:

• a plate of carrot sticks, red pepper, cucumber, olives, bowl of grated cheese
• boiled new potatoes
• sweetcorn and cherry tomatoes
• mayo, chives etc
• sliced ham

I took the ingredients for a potato salad and made that to go with my ham. Ds had the same pretty much but deconstructed, dd had ham in a wrap, some cucumber and olives and, under duress, a stick of red pepper. Dinner, done. And it was tasty!

Sounds amazing!!

@EileenGC Yes, I'm British! I think it's definitely a British pressure to have '3 square meals'. That's reassuring to hear that this could pass for dinner, thank you!

Two of the most important things I taught my kids were:
-eating something you dont particularly like wont hurt you
-if someone prepares food for you be polite

Recipe for a happy life.

@Lassy1945 Many thanks for your concern about me finding time to feed my kids! And for your passive aggressive remarks throughout the thread. Please feel free to leave the thread if the number of posts is offending you! I'm trying to engage with all of the lovely posters who have offered helpful advice.

[quote CarbsAreNotMyFriend]@Lassy1945 Many thanks for your concern about me finding time to feed my kids! And for your passive aggressive remarks throughout the thread. Please feel free to leave the thread if the number of posts is offending you! I'm trying to engage with all of the lovely posters who have offered helpful advice. [/quote]
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🤣

[quote CarbsAreNotMyFriend]@Lassy1945 Many thanks for your concern about me finding time to feed my kids! And for your passive aggressive remarks throughout the thread. Please feel free to leave the thread if the number of posts is offending you! I'm trying to engage with all of the lovely posters who have offered helpful advice. [/quote]
“Passive aggressive”?
Suggesting you ask your children to excuse themselves from the table and get in their pjs if they are rude and whinge day in and day out?
Says it all really