To stop making my kids dinner?

[CarbsAreNotMyFriend]

Hear me out. I probably won't let them starve.

But it is soul-destroying making dinner every night for them to then moan and whinge, complain about any sign of a vegetable, look at the plate like it is diseased, and ultimately most of it ends up in the bin. I feel it would be easier to cut out the middle man and scrape their dinner straight into the bin.

I don't serve them anything controversial. Just things like bolognese, lasagne, chicken & rice, pasta etc. But you'd think I was serving them chopped liver.

WIBU to just give in, serve them anything in breadcrumbs or in a bun, and give them a multi-vitamin for desert? 😁

OP can I recommend the Instagram page 'kids eat in colour' and if you search 'division of responsibility' by Ellyn Scatter, you might find some good ideas. I have 1 autistic child, 1 with SPD and 1 toddler, and these 2 resources have really changed my approach to mealtimes that used to be really stressful.

Are they actually hungry. I think we snack so much that DCs often aren't really hungry (nor am I quite often).

Try pureeing and hiding veg in cheesy sauces first. And make it when they aren’t there I sautee down a kg of different kind of vegetables for DN’s ‘special Dolmio’ and then puree it and put it into an Dolmio in the fridge. I also do a sweetcorn puree she thinks is marscapone sauce. It gets used in her pastas / lasagnas as appropriate.

I think I would say alternate it, so cook things you know they will like/ do sandwiches half of the time (or at least half) and then home cooked stuff the other half. Are you eating with the kids? Do they serve themselves (with guidance). Are they definitely hungry? These things can help but someone once told me you need to try things 20 times before you can decide whether you like them, so I would definitely keep trying.

Sorry that should have been Ellyn SATTER www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/

@Sstrongtn

Me too BUT my middle girl won’t eat beige food, total rejection of nuggets/pizza/fish fingers.

Other two reject cooked. We are down to fajitas, korma and mince and dumpling stew that they will all semi tolerate.

Soul destroying. Sometimes I beige food 2 of them and feed middle salami, fruit and a Nutella and fresh raspberry sandwich (oddo) which is all she’ll eat

Sometimes I beige food 2 of them 🤣🤣

This sounds torture! If I served them crackers, cheese, ham, maybe some cooked chicken fruit, some crudités etc, they would eat it. I'm just debating whether to switch to something like this. Is forcing an unwanted hot meal really necessary? 🙈

Why does the food end up in the bin? If it’s not eaten at the table it gets put in the fridge and offered again the next day. If the kids have packed lunch at school, that’s what they find in their food box the following day

Oh my poor kids, that sounds like hell on earth 😂 somethings you just don’t fancy what’s been made!

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Depending on their ages, they shouldn’t be being rude about what they’re served. I’m a nanny and they don’t get what they want to eat all the time, who does, but I will not tolerate picky ungrateful (this sauce tastes too much of tomato, why have you used this shape of pasta, I don’t like those sausages etc) comments. They get one meal each a week where they can choose, within reason, (usually ends up being burgers or hot dogs) but they only get the privilege of that if they are polite about the food they’re served the rest of the week. It’s be polite if you’re not that keen, compliment it if you really like it, but either way you’re eating it without being rude or pulling faces, or you can leave the table and good luck finding a restaurant 😂 I just won’t have it.

Same here. Absolutely no rude comments tolerated. No thank you / Yes please. Ive finished thank you. Everything on the table so they can help themselves.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Teens don’t make it any bloody easier.

One likes only whole meal pasta the other one doesn’t.
One adores kidney beans the other one hates them
One hates cheese unless it’s on a pizza or on top of pasta. The other loves it.

I leave them to pick out the bits they don’t like.

Every new dish is eyeballed with deep suspicion😭

😂😂 I was hoping someone would come on and tell me it gets better as they get older!

You have to stick with it I’m afraid

If you give in now, and feed them crap they’ll eat nothing but crap for life

Some beige food every now and then is fine, but being a person who will only eat junk is not usually a slim happy person...

Sorry, not what you wanted to hear!

@UhtredRagnarson

Also start putting less on their plate, even to the extent that there isn’t enough to fill them (keep it on the side so they can get seconds if still hungry) so they aren’t overwhelmed by the amount and there is no “how much do we have to eat”.

This is a great tip. I think I do this already, but maybe I need to reduce to a thimble-full 😁 Then I can take a small victory if they eat it all

Well they are yanking your string arent they?
Make dinner that you want to eat... give small portions.. a set time to eat it..15 - 20 minutes..whatever suits you.. no discussion/no alternatives/no reaction from you... remove plates....
They will not starve themselves.
You are reacting to all this... that is what keeps it going. Just engage in chat about something else and ignore ALL protestations. Dont stress, they will grow out out of this stage..then you will have something else to worry about instead!!

I stood no nonsense with mine over food from day dot, it was take it or leave it.. I think if you give in now you'll always have a fight. DS 17 gets a choice now of A or B. Or starve/feed yourself.

@EileenGC

Is there anything they do like? One of my sisters was a big fan of lettuce or anything salad-related. She could honestly sit there and eat a whole lettuce for dinner. It’s not very nutritious but at least it’s healthy, so my mum would allow her to eat a huge plate of salad if she also had a few bites of whatever we were having. 20 years on and she still only really likes lettuce. She eats well now and has increased the ‘few bites’ but only does so out of necessity, not because she likes food at all. I don’t understand her because the rest of us are the opposite, I only like unhealthy food

That's hilarious about your sister! I love salad too, but only when it's covered in lovely dressing! I've learned if I put stuff in a bun, that helps. Or if I give them crusty bread on the side, they use that to scoop up the dinner. It's just been a few days of them barely touching their dinners, and I'm upstairs hiding in bed to get away from them!

My husband is super picky. His mum tried everything, not pandering , serving the same plate at each meal, punishment, sending to bed hungry, rewards..,he can go for days without eating though (I’ve seen this when he doesn’t fancy anything available) no matter how hungry he is. In desperation she took him to the doctor who said ‘feed him something he likes’ so he got a plate every night with a bit of chicken, a pork chop night after night. He’s still very limited but I have managed to introduce him to new food.

@BashfulClam that sounds more like an eating disorder.

@Ihatesandwiches

Do they have hot lunches at school? DC loved hot lunches in infant school - and they were free! - gave me ideas of what to cook. We're now quite adventurous.

My eldest used to be before covid! I felt less pressure then because I knew he was getting a hot meal at school.

Post-covid they changed the menu to stuff they can eat at their desk, so it's packed lunches most days. I think I'm just going to take the pressure off of myself and feed them more of what I know they'll eat.

@wejammin

OP can I recommend the Instagram page 'kids eat in colour' and if you search 'division of responsibility' by Ellyn Scatter, you might find some good ideas. I have 1 autistic child, 1 with SPD and 1 toddler, and these 2 resources have really changed my approach to mealtimes that used to be really stressful.

Brilliant thank you, I will!

What is the time gap between lunch and dinner?

Is it possible to cook dinner a bit later so they're truly very hungry? No snacks before dinner of course.

Persevere, it gets better! You'll remember fondly the days when a burger or fish fingers were acceptable restaurant fare when they order the duck or steak

@Quincie

Are they actually hungry. I think we snack so much that DCs often aren't really hungry (nor am I quite often).

I think you might be right. They eat a lot during the day, and I sometimes wonder why I give in to this pressure of having a hot evening meal. They would be happy with nibbles (including veg, fruit, some protein, carbs etc, so would it really be that bad?)

@GrumpyHoonMain

Try pureeing and hiding veg in cheesy sauces first. And make it when they aren’t there I sautee down a kg of different kind of vegetables for DN’s ‘special Dolmio’ and then puree it and put it into an Dolmio in the fridge. I also do a sweetcorn puree she thinks is marscapone sauce. It gets used in her pastas / lasagnas as appropriate.

I used to purée cauliflower in Mac cheese, but their sniffer dog noses and taste buds detected it immediately 🤦🏻‍♀️

@SmidgenofaPigeonge has a limited amount of things that he’ll eat but we wheats find something. His mum is a picky too and it’s rubbed off on him. as long as he can have chicken, chips, pasta, curry, burger, steak, tuna, Turkey, potatoes, peas, lettuce , rice, pate, toast then he’ll eat. Italian restaurants are excellent as they cater very well to his tastes. Tonight we have steak and chips, I’ll have to store and mushrooms but he’ll only abide peas. It’s texture with him that puts him off as well.

@Heronwatcher

I think I would say alternate it, so cook things you know they will like/ do sandwiches half of the time (or at least half) and then home cooked stuff the other half. Are you eating with the kids? Do they serve themselves (with guidance). Are they definitely hungry? These things can help but someone once told me you need to try things 20 times before you can decide whether you like them, so I would definitely keep trying.

Yeah maybe half and half would work as a compromise, We sometimes eat with them, depends what we've got on. We serve up their dinner, as they are probably still a bit small to serve themselves

[quote wejammin]Sorry that should have been Ellyn SATTER www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/[/quote]
Mealtimes becoming joyful, healthful, struggle-free events! She's obviously never met my kids 😬