To stop making my kids dinner?

[CarbsAreNotMyFriend]

Hear me out. I probably won't let them starve.

But it is soul-destroying making dinner every night for them to then moan and whinge, complain about any sign of a vegetable, look at the plate like it is diseased, and ultimately most of it ends up in the bin. I feel it would be easier to cut out the middle man and scrape their dinner straight into the bin.

I don't serve them anything controversial. Just things like bolognese, lasagne, chicken & rice, pasta etc. But you'd think I was serving them chopped liver.

WIBU to just give in, serve them anything in breadcrumbs or in a bun, and give them a multi-vitamin for desert? 😁

@CarbsAreNotMyFriend Nothing helpful to add, just wanted to say, cool username and these kind of threads really warm my icy heart. My father abandoned my mother and she had a business that she had to focus on so I went to foster care. I think your children are lucky and you’re a great and excellent mother.

I’ve given in to my younger ds (8) He does not eat meals as such , he just doesn’t like sauces and things mixed together. I make him a simple version of what we eat instead like if we’re having stir fry, he gets plain chicken (I just wash the sauce off 😀), chopped up raw peppers and carrots and plain rice or noodles with some soy sauce. Or he just has some boiled eggs, toast and a plate of fruit. He eats most fruit and veg raw and his diets probably healthier than the rest of us. He is limited in what he will eat but it’s not doing him any harm I think/hope

And everyone else too, you’re all wonderful mothers to care about what your children eat, I wish I could send you all on a holiday to some exotic and tropical place
🍓🍒🌺

Some of you have never had a total food refuser as opposed to just a fussy eater
Ds1 would just not eat for days if I just gave him the food he didn't like, or he would throw up if the texture of a food wasn't right when he tried it.
We tried everything even using a therapist and nothing much worked so pleAse don't assume all parents of very fussy kids are lazy or kids are spoilt ,some kids have real food phobias or issues around food .
Ds is now 17 still eats a restricted diet compared to many and still small quantities but he is close on 6ft and very sporty so somehow must get what he needs and he has got slightly better but its been a hard slow process and he still struggles.
Ds2 eats most things ( doesn't like chips) same upbringing and despite seeing his brother not eat very much , he will try most things and eats a pretty varied diet

@worriedatthemoment

Some of you have never had a total food refuser as opposed to just a fussy eater Ds1 would just not eat for days if I just gave him the food he didn't like, or he would throw up if the texture of a food wasn't right when he tried it. We tried everything even using a therapist and nothing much worked so pleAse don't assume all parents of very fussy kids are lazy or kids are spoilt ,some kids have real food phobias or issues around food . Ds is now 17 still eats a restricted diet compared to many and still small quantities but he is close on 6ft and very sporty so somehow must get what he needs and he has got slightly better but its been a hard slow process and he still struggles. Ds2 eats most things ( doesn't like chips) same upbringing and despite seeing his brother not eat very much , he will try most things and eats a pretty varied diet

But the vast vast majority of children are not food refusers, they're fussy and fed full of snacks and beige freezer food. One of my DCs is autistic and can be far too noisy in many situations. However I would still say on a thread by a mother of NT children who said she was giving up and going to let them scream, that there are tactics and tools, some to help (at least a bit) with my autistic dc and certainly with my 2 NT DCs, and that for their sake.and everyone else's, that most children need to learn.

@Billandben444

I would lay the table with what we call a picnic. Fruit and veg crudités, hummus, cubed cheese, sliced ham/chicken/beef, tinned tuna, babybels/cheese strings, twiglets, pitta breads they can stuff and some low-calorie barbecue sauce and let them get on with it. After a week of it they'll either be begging for a hot meal or you'll have cracked it!

Sounds perfect, I think this is the answer 👌🏼

[quote AutomaticMoon]@CarbsAreNotMyFriend Nothing helpful to add, just wanted to say, cool username and these kind of threads really warm my icy heart. My father abandoned my mother and she had a business that she had to focus on so I went to foster care. I think your children are lucky and you’re a great and excellent mother.[/quote]
I'm so sorry to hear that, that's heartbreaking x

My grandchildren are 9,7,4 and newborn. GD9, does not eat meat, except bacon! GS7 won't eat veggies or most fruits. GS4 used to eat everything but is now being fussy. My daughter made a chart and asked the children to taste 16 foods and record whether they liked it, could try it again, or hated it. They had to select at least three new foods to include in their meals.It had an amazing effect on GS7 who now eats several vegetables and fruits and is willing to try new things. It had some effect on GD9 and less on GS4. Worth trying though.
The older two are old enough to cook themselves an omelette or make themselves a sandwich if they won't eat the family dinner. That might help them accept what's on their plate!

There are a lot of fussy kids around. The good news is that is seems to do little harm and they do grow out of it as long as they are eating some proper food.

However, if they are eating unhealthy foods instead of meals, then they will end up with weight and health problems and it will be very difficult to fix.

Remember you are the adult and control what they eat. If they are fussy eaters, do not have junk food around.

@Icannever

I’ve given in to my younger ds (8) He does not eat meals as such , he just doesn’t like sauces and things mixed together. I make him a simple version of what we eat instead like if we’re having stir fry, he gets plain chicken (I just wash the sauce off 😀), chopped up raw peppers and carrots and plain rice or noodles with some soy sauce. Or he just has some boiled eggs, toast and a plate of fruit. He eats most fruit and veg raw and his diets probably healthier than the rest of us. He is limited in what he will eat but it’s not doing him any harm I think/hope

This is similar to my kids, they are just deeply suspicious of anything saucy or which contains 'bits' 😂

@Hannsmum soul-destroying isn't it? I now dread dinner time. Enough is enough!

@FrozenVag

Op I had a little five year old like this

I became so fed up that I served him
Porridge every night for a week? Why not! It was the only food he didn’t turn his little snout up at

On the Friday night he galloped downstairs for salmon and new potatoes and spinach and demolishes the lot

He never moaned again 😂

His little snout 😂😂

How many snacks do they have? Mine wouldn't be hungry enough to eat tea if they'd had snacks.

* Slightly harsh! I have absolutely instilled discipline and respect in my kids. And my post was slightly tongue in cheek. They are always polite and well-mannered, but dinner time is just an area we really struggle with.*

But you also say you dread mealtimes.
The children whinge, complain turn in assholes, look at the plate with disgust.

Lunch and dinner aren’t once a year phenomenons. This is every day of your life. Every day! And I know you say they’re polite and well mannered but you and I have very different definitions of “polite” and “well mannered”.

Ok this is not PC and I will get flamed, but your children are young ie they don’t eat anywhere else other than what you serve them and this hasn’t happened overnight.

So... it goes back early and you have allowed to build up. This kind of scenario is alien to me and many others actually (but we see shot down in flames if we dare to admit that!).

I can’t imagine accepting this kind of rudeness from a 4 and 7 year old. Mine are a little older (both still primary) and it would be “ok you finish half your plate, you excuse yourself from the table, straight in to pjs and straight in to bed” if they spoke to me like that. And if that means they are in bed at 5.30pm, then so be it.

I’d then turn to the other and say if you behave like that - also straight to bed, but if you manage to eat well and eat without complaining, then you can watch some TV and okay before bedtime.

A few days of sticking to this - and they will know a) consequence of rudeness, whinging and complaining and turning their nose up at food means straight to early bed with no tv or okaying before bed
B) if they are polite, don’t whinge and try the food and give it a good go - they get tv and playing after dinner

Can you pay for school meals for them both? And then let them have a sandwich dinner?
I bet they'd eat it at school!

@Lassy1945

* Slightly harsh! I have absolutely instilled discipline and respect in my kids. And my post was slightly tongue in cheek. They are always polite and well-mannered, but dinner time is just an area we really struggle with.*

But you also say you dread mealtimes.
The children whinge, complain turn in assholes, look at the plate with disgust.

Lunch and dinner aren’t once a year phenomenons. This is every day of your life. Every day! And I know you say they’re polite and well mannered but you and I have very different definitions of “polite” and “well mannered”.

Ok this is not PC and I will get flamed, but your children are young ie they don’t eat anywhere else other than what you serve them and this hasn’t happened overnight.

So... it goes back early and you have allowed to build up. This kind of scenario is alien to me and many others actually (but we see shot down in flames if we dare to admit that!).

I can’t imagine accepting this kind of rudeness from a 4 and 7 year old. Mine are a little older (both still primary) and it would be “ok you finish half your plate, you excuse yourself from the table, straight in to pjs and straight in to bed” if they spoke to me like that. And if that means they are in bed at 5.30pm, then so be it.

I’d then turn to the other and say if you behave like that - also straight to bed, but if you manage to eat well and eat without complaining, then you can watch some TV and okay before bedtime.

A few days of sticking to this - and they will know a) consequence of rudeness, whinging and complaining and turning their nose up at food means straight to early bed with no tv or okaying before bed
B) if they are polite, don’t whinge and try the food and give it a good go - they get tv and playing after dinner

Exactly! I read about all the whinging, disgust etc and think why arent you actually parenting your DC , instead of despairing at their behaviour Op has made a meal and her DC are whining, its so rude. Expecting manners doesnt mean force feeding or unkindness. Right from the start, allow them a simple choice of what they put on their plates, no force feeding, no rudeness or moaning. Mine had very little junk, no squash the devils drink and ate really well. Op please do your DC and yourself a huge favour. Instill better manners at meal times, focus on that and less on what they are eating. If they enjoy helping themselves to a cold selection, then do that as the dynamic you are in is awful for everyone.

Yes force feeding? Not a chance.

“You do not speak to me or indeed anyone like that. Get down from the table, get in to your pjs, I will come and brush your teeth and then straight in to bed. Yes I know it’s early and still sunny outside but perhaps you will remember this tomorrow”
And damn it - I would stick to it.
Would it be a difficult evening? Yes. Tantrums and crying? Possibly
But stick with it. Not just one night. Tomorrow too and the next day.

They will learn. You are NOT going to force feed. You are simply not going to accept rude and hurtful comments to food you have prepared.

When mine were 10, 7 and 6 i was sick of them pushing away beautiful, wholesome meals, cooked from scratch. They wanted "normal " food like their friends had! We shopped together one day and, having alerted the cashier not to start checking out, I took a trolley full of coke, chicken nuggets, chips and pizzas and unloaded it on the belt. Oh you should have seen their horrified faces!!!! Lesson learnt and they quickly helped put it all back!

This makes no sense at all. None of it.

This is a great idea actually. I will try that. Hopefully I won't end up with chicken nuggets x 7

That would be my worry with giving them choice/ ownership over it. I'm not as keen on the idea and am more "eat what's in front of you or go hungry".

If they go hungry one or two nights it's not the end of the world and they will learn there's nothing else. I really think some parents pander too much to this sort of thing and you have to be a bit more firm.

@EileenGC

Why does the food end up in the bin? If it’s not eaten at the table it gets put in the fridge and offered again the next day. If the kids have packed lunch at school, that’s what they find in their food box the following day.

I remember my mum also using this technique and after a week of picking at the same re-heated plate, I quickly learnt to eat what was offered. Of course compromises have to be found and some evenings there was pizza and chips just to feed us something, but food should never end up in the bin unless it’s gone bad.

Do you routine eat meals you don't like? Probably not. So why should kids be subjected to that?

I was forced to eat meals I hated, and guess what, as an adult I resent my parents for it.

Sounds perfect, I think this is the answer

It's really not - the answer is to discipline your kids and not pander to them.

I don't agree with making kids sit and eat a meal they don't want. Also giving it to them the next day

My parents did this to me. Not allowed to move from table until plate was clear. No pudding if You don't eat your dinner. Sitting there forcing down stone cold peas overcooked veg and fish has scarred me. Old school thinking

Maybe reduce the portion sizes so you're not wasting too much but relax. A balance of something frozen with some veg?

Kids eat intuitively. Maybe they're not hungry? If they're hungry, they'll eat.

@ChubbyLittleManInACampervan

You have to stick with it I’m afraid

If you give in now, and feed them crap they’ll eat nothing but crap for life

Some beige food every now and then is fine, but being a person who will only eat junk is not usually a slim happy person...

Sorry, not what you wanted to hear!

This is not true.

Children deserve to have their choices around food respected.

Give them freedom and they'll have to confidence to try new things on their terms.

Adding a hated food onto a plate of liked foods with no pressure to eat it is a good start. One day they may decide to try it

Would it be a difficult evening? Yes. Tantrums and crying? Possibly

Tantrums and crying? From your perfectly disciplined chicken? Surely not! How on earth can you allow that?

**Then give them whatever’s for dinner. Put it in bowls on the table if need be, don’t say anything but the rule is that they have to eat an actual meal, not just pick at it.

And if they don’t, then there’s nothing before bed. They’ll only do that a couple of times before they start to realise that if they don’t eat then they’re hungry. **

Does someone choose your meals and then send you to bed hungry?

Where is the empathy with you lot?

Children are allowed to choose what they eat! Give them new things to try on their terms and stop making it a battle.

This is not true.

Children deserve to have their choices around food respected.

Give them freedom and they'll have to confidence to try new things on their terms.

Adding a hated food onto a plate of liked foods with no pressure to eat it is a good start. One day they may decide to try it

This.

All this crap about giving them the same reheated plate of food for a week until they eat it is bullshit. No one does that. Ignore any of these bonkers suggestions.