Page 5 | To stop making my kids dinner?

Candycane57 · 20/04/2021 20:43

My 4yo is going through a 'yuck' phase. Aldi and Asda do veggie burgers-just potato with corn, carrots, peas in breadcrumbs that she wolfs down. I don't bother much if she won't eat other veggies, she has plenty of fruit and I put some veggies in smoothies when she's in the mood for one.

sbhydrogen · 20/04/2021 20:49

When I was in secondary school my mum would make me lunch. The only problem was that I'd forget it almost every day. In the end she just stopped making me lunch ("you can do it yourself!"), so I just didn't eat 🤣 I'd eat a big breakfast and then eat lots when I got home from school. No worries 😁

Namechangedforvanity · 20/04/2021 20:53

To offer some hope.. I came to this same realisation about three months ago, so bloody sick of the moaning and wasteat every meal time. So I gave in and it was fish fingers/burgers/nuggets on rotation plus a side of crudités for my fussy eaters and I took out a Gousto subscription for the rest of the family. Tonight a miracle happened and my incredibly fussy 6 yr old asked of her own volition if she could have what we were having tonight. This child has never eaten a herb or spice in her life and has just wolfed down a massive bowl of chow mein packed with very obvious veg. Honestly my chin was resting in my plate. Just waiting for the youngest to crack now 🤣

OverTheRubicon · 20/04/2021 21:02

@colouringindoors

I do sympathise.

But also, don't let a 4 and 7 year old chose their diet. Maybe a Friday night dinner. Healthy eating in childhood sets up habits for life, esp fruit and veg. I know some kids are fussy - my sister was one and she mostly only ate peas for veg, but she gradually improved 😁

I'd suggest as others have, reduce the portion size so they can finish. Include one or two veg types. They have to eat at least half of the veg portion if they want (insert incentive eg 30 mins cbeebies).

You can do this!

I come from overseas and find that British children eat SO many more snacks (and for toddlers, drink milk) than children in other places I've lived, then their parents wonder why they don't eat their lunch or dinner.

My children each have some things they don't like and they're each allowed a few veto meals that I don't cook. However beyond that, they know that they get what is made, they can eat as much or as little as they want, and then there's nothing for a while. We don't do multiple snacks between meals, and mostly on the lighter side, pieces of fruit or some crackers, then they can have as much as they like at mealtimes.

Original poster

CarbsAreNotMyFriend · 20/04/2021 21:05

@Namechangedforvanity

To offer some hope.. I came to this same realisation about three months ago, so bloody sick of the moaning and wasteat every meal time. So I gave in and it was fish fingers/burgers/nuggets on rotation plus a side of crudités for my fussy eaters and I took out a Gousto subscription for the rest of the family. Tonight a miracle happened and my incredibly fussy 6 yr old asked of her own volition if she could have what we were having tonight. This child has never eaten a herb or spice in her life and has just wolfed down a massive bowl of chow mein packed with very obvious veg. Honestly my chin was resting in my plate. Just waiting for the youngest to crack now 🤣

This would have moved me to tears! My youngest is much better & much more adventurous so I'm hoping this is just a phase for her. My eldest has a crazy sensitive gag reflex so is terrified of putting anything in his mouth that he's not intimately familiar with!

OP posts:

InconvenientPeg · 20/04/2021 21:07

We went with tiny portions.

Literally a shred of lettuce. It had to be eaten, honestly it was so tiny you could have inhaled and it would have gone down 🙄 but it was choked down with water and much fanfare.

And they weren't allowed to say they didn't like it. They had to say 'mytaste buds are not yet accustomed to it' 😂

Which normally made everyone laugh so much that it got us past it. And is still used now (12&17).

The day I realised it was working, was the day when salad hating ds helped himself to half the bowl of salad that was on the table and scoffed it all, he of the shred of lettuce. It was literally one day to the next.

Dd is a harder nut to crack as she's a snacker and gets full very quickly, for her, she just eats what she wants/can, and then comes back to it later (usually 30m later) when she's hungry again.

But cold, snacky meals sounds like a plan for summer anyway. There's no rule that says it has to be a hot dinner every night. We went through a phase of dinner being things one sticks. Basically a plate of stuff on cocktail sticks. They got more veg that way than they would have from a meat and 2 veg meal.

Mishmased · 20/04/2021 21:11

@wejammin

OP can I recommend the Instagram page 'kids eat in colour' and if you search 'division of responsibility' by Ellyn Scatter, you might find some good ideas. I have 1 autistic child, 1 with SPD and 1 toddler, and these 2 resources have really changed my approach to mealtimes that used to be really stressful.

@wejammin thanks for this! I just looked it up and it will help gives us more ideas once I can get past feeling nauseous. Mine are not as fussy but my 5 year old could do better.

Original poster

CarbsAreNotMyFriend · 20/04/2021 21:17

@InconvenientPeg

We went with tiny portions.

Literally a shred of lettuce. It had to be eaten, honestly it was so tiny you could have inhaled and it would have gone down 🙄 but it was choked down with water and much fanfare.

And they weren't allowed to say they didn't like it. They had to say 'mytaste buds are not yet accustomed to it' 😂

Which normally made everyone laugh so much that it got us past it. And is still used now (12&17).

The day I realised it was working, was the day when salad hating ds helped himself to half the bowl of salad that was on the table and scoffed it all, he of the shred of lettuce. It was literally one day to the next.

Dd is a harder nut to crack as she's a snacker and gets full very quickly, for her, she just eats what she wants/can, and then comes back to it later (usually 30m later) when she's hungry again.

But cold, snacky meals sounds like a plan for summer anyway. There's no rule that says it has to be a hot dinner every night. We went through a phase of dinner being things one sticks. Basically a plate of stuff on cocktail sticks. They got more veg that way than they would have from a meat and 2 veg meal.

Amazing advice thank you! And I love the tastebuds line, I'm totally stealing that 😂

OP posts:

SinkGirl · 20/04/2021 21:18

@LouKelly

Oh my ,how things have changed ,i ate what was put in front of me and was thankfull for it ,i would not have dared turn my nose up at anything ,a because i would have hurt my nanas or mams feelings and b because i would have not had any choice or say so would have starved and i know for a fact they would have taken it away and i would not be offered anything else ,its called discipline and respect ,try instilling it in your kids ,when i first read your message i thought maybe you were talking about adult kids ,i was litetally gobsmacked when you said they were 4 and 7 ! Un effing be lievable !

Yes, things have changed.

Luckily it’s pretty rare for children to be literally force fed the foods they dislike or for parents to reheat said food at every meal until they eat it.

Both of these things happened to me - I’m now a nearly 40 year old woman with a dreadful phobia of almost every vegetable and type of fruit. Just the smell of most make me gag.

My twins, being autistic and with limited understanding of language, can’t be coerced to eat. I would have to force feed them (especially the one who can’t go more than a couple of hours without food for medical reasons). I will never do that. Children like them existed when I was a child and when you were a child. Wonder what state they’re in now.

Beachcomber · 20/04/2021 21:19

OverTheRubicon

I agree with you. I'm from the UK but I live abroad and have done for a long time. None of the families I know have fussy children. There is always the odd child that doesn't like certain things of course. But most of them not only just eat what they are given but they enjoy, like and appreciate it.

Most of them would rather eat a plate of veg than a plate of beige.

aintnothinbutagstring · 20/04/2021 21:20

My youngest, 9yrs, is hugely fussy. I just keep it simple for him. It can still be healthy (mostly!). He does have a fair amount of breaded things, but hey its protein so I don't worry too much. Aside from that, he likes a roast dinner and will eat most of it. Things like pan fried fish with potato and veg. Basically just a meat and two veg kinda kid. Doesn't like anything sloppy or in a sauce, I guess cos he can't see what's in it. He inspects his food for any flaws or imperfections. I try and accommodate him to an extent because he's not rude about it, it's just one of his anxieties I guess (he has a serious food allergy which may be a contributing factor). He just likes plain, boring food, I'm the opposite and like spicy, strong tasting foods so it can be tough to understand him sometimes.

starrynight21 · 20/04/2021 21:24

My nephew lived on sausages and Marmite sandwiches until he was 30 - he never ate anything else. Finally changed when a girlfriend convinced him. He is a big strong fellow with no health problems . "Healthy food" isn't always necessary.

Beachcomber · 20/04/2021 21:29

And I know it sounds really holier than thou but I'm kind of fascinated by this fussy kids thing as it just isn't a thing where I live.

I had 3 kids in my house this lunchtime and I offered then green bean and tuna salad / burgers / fish fingers.

They all wanted the green beans and tuna. They ate it with a big green salad and drank water and and enjoyed their lunch.

I'm in France and I know my experience is just the way it is here. It's led me to believe that there is a cultural issue to all this.

Misty9 · 20/04/2021 21:36

I totally feel your pain and would happily lend dd to a French family to sort her out! She's 7 and extremely fussy. She doesn't snack much and I'm not entirely sure how she exists tbh. But I absolutely refuse to make it into a battle as that way longer term food issues lie. I am very strict on behaviour as a rule and no rudeness about meals is allowed. But feeding the dc is the absolute bane of my life. Her brother is 9 and eats anything! So it's not my parenting... They're both likely asd and for dd it's a texture and control thing I'm sure. She has free school meals but I've realised she's not eating them so it'll be packed lunch instead soon - meaning I can't offer that for tea 😭 and she won't even eat beige crap - if only!!

Dd will eat cold mezze type food so I'm trying that more often - but ds is constantly starving and needs a proper meal. And don't get me started on my own dietary issues... I wish there was a pill that contained all daily nutrition requirements!

Original poster

CarbsAreNotMyFriend · 20/04/2021 21:44

@Misty9

I totally feel your pain and would happily lend dd to a French family to sort her out! She's 7 and extremely fussy. She doesn't snack much and I'm not entirely sure how she exists tbh. But I absolutely refuse to make it into a battle as that way longer term food issues lie. I am very strict on behaviour as a rule and no rudeness about meals is allowed. But feeding the dc is the absolute bane of my life. Her brother is 9 and eats anything! So it's not my parenting... They're both likely asd and for dd it's a texture and control thing I'm sure. She has free school meals but I've realised she's not eating them so it'll be packed lunch instead soon - meaning I can't offer that for tea 😭 and she won't even eat beige crap - if only!!

Dd will eat cold mezze type food so I'm trying that more often - but ds is constantly starving and needs a proper meal. And don't get me started on my own dietary issues... I wish there was a pill that contained all daily nutrition requirements!

It's so hard isn't it! My youngest was an absolute dream in the beginning and would eat anything. I was so relieved that it wasn't my parenting 😂 Now she's slightly more fussy but still not as bad as my eldest. For him it's texture/strong flavours/sauces etc too. He gags easily 🙈

It's dinner that's the battleground every night though!

OP posts:

FrozenVag · 20/04/2021 21:47

Op I had a little five year old like this

I became so fed up that I served him
Porridge every night for a week? Why not! It was the only food he didn’t turn his little snout up at

On the Friday night he galloped downstairs for salmon and new potatoes and spinach and demolishes the lot

He never moaned again 😂

Misty9 · 20/04/2021 21:49

Yep. And I don't help by sticking my head in the sand after a long day at work, leaving it to the last minute when everyone's starving, and pulling random crap together for them and cereal for me I've even tried asking them what they'll eat. Dd can name one meal... I refuse to eat macaroni cheese every night! They're back with me tomorrow. I'm dreading mealtimes again for a week.

Misty9 · 20/04/2021 21:50

@FrozenVag

Op I had a little five year old like this

I became so fed up that I served him
Porridge every night for a week? Why not! It was the only food he didn’t turn his little snout up at

On the Friday night he galloped downstairs for salmon and new potatoes and spinach and demolishes the lot

He never moaned again 😂

I so wish this kind of thing would work on dd! She has a will of iron (can't think where she gets that from...

)

Fluffycloudland77 · 20/04/2021 21:59

I can’t see why you wouldn’t do a cold platter, you can get a lot more into them like that. Would they eat a homemade soup?.

Humans make free radicals constantly and you need fruit, veg, nuts, oats to provide antioxidants to stop them damaging you.

mymymy0 · 20/04/2021 22:09

Persevere. My DS was a brilliant eater, then had a go at being fussy when he started school at 4. I persevered, refused to give him anything different than what we were eating, and after a few months he was back to eating without complaining. He's 7 now and eats so well

Robbinghood · 20/04/2021 22:10

I am that fussy eater grown up. I still am ridiculous but a bit better than as a child. I came to this thread because I hate eating the same food as DH and DC, even what I cook for them. I want to go back to uni/young adulthood, it was the only time I could just sort myself for every meal, eat what I want, and I was in a happy food place.

Anyway my parents did all sorts for years, as many have described, gave up and let me go hungry. Was always underweight and I still take multivitamins. Dont worry, your kids will survive if you choose the starvation route.

Billandben444 · 20/04/2021 22:20

I would lay the table with what we call a picnic. Fruit and veg crudités, hummus, cubed cheese, sliced ham/chicken/beef, tinned tuna, babybels/cheese strings, twiglets, pitta breads they can stuff and some low-calorie barbecue sauce and let them get on with it. After a week of it they'll either be begging for a hot meal or you'll have cracked it!

NerdyBird · 20/04/2021 22:26

My dd is fussy, but in odd ways. Happily eats most veg, salad etc. Doesn't eat fish and has only started eating meat in the form of chicken nuggets recently. Doesn't really like meat substitutes either so she doesn't eat bolognese, shepherds pie etc.
Eats egg but not the yolk (the best bit!)
She has a hot lunch at school plus a snack at after school club so those days she has picnic tea as another hot meal is too much.
We think her diet is healthy enough. Now, if we could just get her to sit at the table...

Hankunamatata · 20/04/2021 22:28

We have no moan rule. You sit and try it but dont have to eat it. No faces, no moaning or electronics removed as its basic manners imo. They have to sit politely. Unfinished meals are put in oven (allowed to be eaten until bed time) and then thrown out when they have gone to bed. The beginning was bumpy but now they eat most things without complaint.

Hannsmum · 20/04/2021 22:34

@CarbsAreNotMyFriend

Hear me out. I probably won't let them starve.

But it is soul-destroying making dinner every night for them to then moan and whinge, complain about any sign of a vegetable, look at the plate like it is diseased, and ultimately most of it ends up in the bin. I feel it would be easier to cut out the middle man and scrape their dinner straight into the bin.

I don't serve them anything controversial. Just things like bolognese, lasagne, chicken & rice, pasta etc. But you'd think I was serving them chopped liver.

WIBU to just give in, serve them anything in breadcrumbs or in a bun, and give them a multi-vitamin for desert? 😁

Honestly my very thought tonight. Cook them delicious meals freshly everyday but they prefer to eat noodles, sausages, nuggets,chips all week

Thought tonight..damn it..I'm tired of fighting my 3 and 7 yr olds. They can have nuggets am,pm all week if they want