To think there is no shame in having self imposed limits with driving

[Cheeseandlobster]

I passed my test 2 years ago but remain nervous. I work 15 miles away in a city and have forced myself to do the drive but there are still parts of the city I won't drive in (it has no effect on my job), I go to the supermarket during quiet times so its easier to park, I have done the motorway but again do this at quiet times. This only affects me and the way I see it is that I went for 40 years not driving so just being able to drive myself to Aldi is brilliant. And I do still push myself to do different things but I have stopped putting pressure on myself as much as I used to as I am happy with my limits.

But on here threads from nervous drivers often contain a few posts from people who say that if you wont drive absolutely everywhere then you shouldn't be on the road etc.

I just think where else does this logic apply. I mean we don't say to people who cant run a marathon that they therefore shouldnt be running at all, or to those who are not confident cooks that they should try to cook gourmet food rather than tried and tested recipes they are comfortable with. I think we all have limitations somewhere and it is safer to do this sometimes. I know its a lifeskill but I don't depend on others for lifts so really where is the harm?

Aibu?

I'm a very confident driver but I really struggle with the motorway. It makes me have mini panic attacks so I figure it is safer that I don't drive on it. I am fine with dual carriageways and driving at higher speeds but the combination of the speed and so many cars around me does something weird to my brain. For this reason I stay off them
If you feel nervous on normal roads the only thing I would say is your nerves could cause you to hesitate and that can be dangerous.

I think really the issue is you're limiting yourself.

So as long as you don't mind. Or don't our other people to trouble because you won't drive to places you need to get to. Then crack on.

I personally have always pushed myself to drive anywhere/everywhere. As I figure if other people can then so can I.

Hmm. While I do think it's sensible to stick to your comfort zone around driving to an extent, it seems very limiting and I suspect you wouldn't find many male drivers who limited themselves to that extent.

It seems to be very common for female drivers to say "Ooh, I couldn't drive at night/in the snow/on the motorway/on unknown country lanes" but men do seem to just get on with it.

I know that's a generalisation but it definitely seems very common from what I've seen on here.

I think it is that a lack of confidence can cause issue for other people.

I'm not saying you do this... But if it's a 70mph dual carriageway and a nervous driver is plodding along a 35mph, they are a hazard to other motorists.

Generally what other people do on the road isn't any of my business, as long as they aren't creating a hazard for me.

Personally, I don't mind what people do regarding driving, not driving, never going near roundabouts, avoiding motorways or only making left hand turns, until it starts to affect my life.

For example, when people have to drive out of their way because a colleague took a job knowing some travel can be required, but they don't like driving out their area. Or when planning social events has to be dictated by where someone is willing to drive because they won't use the regional motorway/don't like big towns/don't want to meet anywhere if it means being on the road at 6pm etc.

I’ll drive pretty much anywhere but I’m terrible at parking so do prefer to go to car parks when they’re quieter (I’m not really dreadful, I just don’t have a lot of confidence parking and have panics about accidentally hitting someone’s car etc. I can get in the space just fine if there are no cars either side, otherwise I lose my nerve).

YANBU

it's nobody's business what time you go to the supermarket or where you drive.

The only people I have issues with are the over-confident ones, who believe they are much better drivers than they are. The roads are full of them, and they go from infuriating to criminally dangerous!

The issue is you'll never get better if you don't practise. I understand - I didn't dare go on a motorway for about 10 years after passing my test but then found it was limiting me and so forced myself into it. Now I go on them all the time and wonder what I was worried about for all those years.

Yanbu.

I am very confident with city driving but nervous on motorways. I can do them but prefer not to. Those folks that say “don’t be silly, it’s the safest place to drive” have not been forced to clip the central reservation at high speed. We all have strengths and weaknesses in all areas dependent on our personal experience.

I imagine I will give up motorway driving altogether quite soon and I don’t care who judges me negatively.

Congratulations on learning to drive, and on gradually expanding your comfort zone in a way that is safe (as far as possible) for you and other road users.

I was a nervous learner - and I don’t understand how so many people are blasé about driving, when a slip in concentration can cost lives. I am confident and fairly experienced now but I hope I’ll never be a careless or arrogant driver. I bet you won’t be either, op, and I feel safer sharing the roads with cautious drivers than those who seem to think they are invincible.

I think the issue is if you avoid doing those things you won't get better at them, and then in an emergency when you really needed to do it, you'd be very unsafe doing so.

So avoiding motorway driving (for example) is fine if you really are never going to do it, but what about when someone is I'll and you have to get to them ASAP and that involves motorway driving? And now you're even worse at it because you have been deliberately avoiding doing it?

It is tricky though, I can certainly see your logic!

I have difficulty pushing myself driving (especially city centre/insane traffic light controlled roundabouts) but I try. I've only been driving a few months, and also get disheartened reading people on here claiming if you're in anyway nervous should shouldn't be out at all. It goes around my head when I make any silly mistake or take an extra second to make sure it's safe to do a maneuver.

I think my biggest issue is that my instructor never challenged me. We just did the test routes, which covered quite a range of situations I won't lie, but it would have been much better to to throw me into random situations sometimes. It's a shame because I love driving but I definitely over think the whole process.

I love motorways and hate city driving, too many side roads and buses and bikes. Makes me nervous. So I use park and rides.
Only thing to be wary of is that your self imposed limits don't become a major issue if you suddenly had to drive somewhere you chose not too.

You can drive where and when you like surely, that's one of the main joys of being able to drive. It's nobody else's business.

I suspect the barriers are all in your mind however, if you just forced yourself to do it once you'd probably find you were worrying over nothing. Maybe give the Arc de Triomphe at rush hour a miss for a bit though.

I look at how far I have come and I marvel really. I have gone from never thinking I can do it to driving to work and to collect ds from his girlfriends house 19 miles away and doing the motorway (albeit at 6am ). And it makes me cross when people minimise the effort it has taken to get there. I do think its sadly a female thing though and have also noticed that mostly, its women who are more courteous too

I had a relative who passed her test and then rarely drove for 40 years. We had to persuade her to keep at it in case something happened to her DH which meant he had to stop driving permanently. He suffered a stroke in later life and she had to do all the trips to the supermarket, doctors, hospital and their holiday home. The area they lived in had a minimal bus service so not driving wasn't an option.

But on here threads from nervous drivers often contain a few posts from people who say that if you wont drive absolutely everywhere then you shouldn't be on the road etc

There are lots of stupid people on MN OP. I don't like motorway driving and avoid it where possible. That only affects me, in that I end up taking longer to do certain journeys, but has absolutely no affect on my very safe driving elsewhere.

Obviously putting restrictions on yourself because you are nervous isn't great, and causes inconvenience but that's up to the person concerned. As long as you are safe doing the driving that you do, that is all that matters.

I suspect you wouldn't find many male drivers who limited themselves to that extent

probably true, but maybe they should, and the death rate on the roads might be somewhat lower?

If you don’t use a skill you will lose it.

It’s been ages since I was on an excel spreadsheet. Doubt I could do much on it. It’s been so long I can’t be bothered retraining.

Same with driving. If you can do it but don’t practice it then you will lose the skill. Be it motorway driving, parallel parking, country roads, night driving etc.

Because you don’t haveto take a course to improve your skills or confidence, and driving tuition is dear, you won’t try to improve.

Then if you suddenly do need to drive on these roads etc you don’t usually drive on, you could cause an accident. eg going to slow on a motorway or too fast on a windy country road. Or hit something in a car park because you don’t usually have to park in a busy one.

That’s probably why people think if you can’t do it you shouldn’t be on the roads.

Yabu. If you are nervous you are dangerous. You shouldn’t be driving at all.

If you’re a self-confessed nervous driver, I would far rather you stuck closely within your limits, rather than take your nerves somewhere that a lack of confidence/hesitation could cause an accident.

I’m 56. Passed my test at 17. There is a horrible main road near me that I need to turn right onto. I don’t, I turn left, drive 200 metres along the road, turn right into a cul de sac, then turn around and turn left onto the same road. I’ve timed it. It takes about 3 mins longer than turning right across two lanes of traffic.

I prefer someone like you OP, than the posters who boast about becoming hysterical if someone drives 5mph under the speed limit .

I drive fast, possibly too fast, but the anger and drama about drivers dangerously triggered by someone driving a little bit too slow bothers me a lot more than a slightly slower driver!

(obviously 20pmh on the motorway is a deadly crash waiting to happen, I mean the drivers whodrive at 25 instead of 30).

YANBU.

You should drive to suit yourself and your comfort zone. I don’t mind motorway driving, country roads, the dark, etc. However, I am not keen on driving in snow/ice or busy city centres. I can and have done both of these things if needs must but if I can avoid it by getting public transport then I will.

I don’t see how that affects anyone else tbh.

@Allwokedup

Yabu. If you are nervous you are dangerous. You shouldn’t be driving at all.

overly confident bad drivers are a hell of a lot more dangerous than a nervous but self-aware and cautious driver...