To think there is no shame in having self imposed limits with driving

[Cheeseandlobster]

I passed my test 2 years ago but remain nervous. I work 15 miles away in a city and have forced myself to do the drive but there are still parts of the city I won't drive in (it has no effect on my job), I go to the supermarket during quiet times so its easier to park, I have done the motorway but again do this at quiet times. This only affects me and the way I see it is that I went for 40 years not driving so just being able to drive myself to Aldi is brilliant. And I do still push myself to do different things but I have stopped putting pressure on myself as much as I used to as I am happy with my limits.

But on here threads from nervous drivers often contain a few posts from people who say that if you wont drive absolutely everywhere then you shouldn't be on the road etc.

I just think where else does this logic apply. I mean we don't say to people who cant run a marathon that they therefore shouldnt be running at all, or to those who are not confident cooks that they should try to cook gourmet food rather than tried and tested recipes they are comfortable with. I think we all have limitations somewhere and it is safer to do this sometimes. I know its a lifeskill but I don't depend on others for lifts so really where is the harm?

Aibu?

There's nothing to stop you buying some more time with a driving instructor; pick one who specialises in nervous drivers.. You might like some extra motorway tuition; or driving at a busy time of day.

I think it's about being able to do those things if you had to. I prefer to be on the motorway with wide straight roads, clear lanes, huge signs, no pedestrians/bicycles/horses to worry about. I find driving down narrow or twisty roads with people crossing between parked cars frightening, I still have to do it though and know I can do it when I have to. If you had to drive at a busy time or on a busy motorway would you be able to? If yes, then it doesn't matter. If no, I'd say make sure you use alternative transport then or get some confidence building lessons. My mum didn't drive for a long time and she took some confidence building lessons and feels much better for it. She still avoids the motorway but she knows she can do it if she had to.

@Allwokedup

Yabu. If you are nervous you are dangerous. You shouldn’t be driving at all.

Utter nonsense.

Some people are too nervous. But they are far less likely to cause accidents than the ones who are overconfident.

You get lots of posts on here about dangerous elderly people who drive too slowly. The odd one is dangerous when they forget which pedal is the brake and which the gas. But slow drivers only "cause" accidents because other people are too impatient. Ditto nervous drivers. Yes they are annoying, but the person causing the accident is the one overtaking them on a bend because they're fed up of doing 20mph.

@Allwokedup

Yabu. If you are nervous you are dangerous. You shouldn’t be driving at all.

Always one

@2bazookas

There's nothing to stop you buying some more time with a driving instructor; pick one who specialises in nervous drivers.. You might like some extra motorway tuition; or driving at a busy time of day.

that's very good advice.

Advance driving lessons can be helpful, especially now you've mastered the basics.

I've been driving for 15 years and have only driven on a motorway three times. The thought makes me cold. If you don't need to it's a non issue.

I know a few people that have limits regarding driving, you are not alone. As long as it's not stopping you doing anything you want or need to do, it's not a problem.

@EnterFunnyNameHere

I think the issue is if you avoid doing those things you won't get better at them, and then in an emergency when you really needed to do it, you'd be very unsafe doing so.

So avoiding motorway driving (for example) is fine if you really are never going to do it, but what about when someone is I'll and you have to get to them ASAP and that involves motorway driving? And now you're even worse at it because you have been deliberately avoiding doing it?

It is tricky though, I can certainly see your logic!

This.

If you are only going to drive in familiar places, then what happens if you have to drive somewhere unfamiliar, for example if there's a diversion?

It's OK to have preferences, I know that (where possible) I avoid single track country roads, especially in my old tank of a car. But I made myself drive down them so that, if I had no other choice, I'd be a safe driver for my sake and the sake of other road users.

Sounds fine to me.

I really wish more nervous drivers would do this. It’s exasperating living rurally and having to pootle along at less than 30mph in a 60mph zone because driver 1 doesn’t know where their accelerator pedal is located and driver 2 behind is too scared to overtake. And they always seem to remain utterly oblivious to the ever increasing line of cars behind them.

Far better if they stuck to 30mph roads...

No shame at all. I wish some other people thought the same.

I worry about how nervous drivers would cope with an unexpected incident on the road. When you're driving a vehicle weighing over a tonne, you need to be able to react appropriately to unexpected situations.

If you are too nervous to cope with an unfamiliar route or a fast road, how are you going to react in an accident? Probably not very quickly or very well.

Tbh, I don't want to be driving or cycling anywhere near someone like that.

If you are too nervous to cope with an unfamiliar route or a fast road, how are you going to react in an accident? Probably not very quickly or very well.

knowing that the majority of accidents are caused by arrogant drivers, I am more worried about them frankly!

I passed at 32 - having never driven until I was gone 30 - I am glad in a way that, due to me job, I was unable to limit myself - scary as it was using motorways and driving in cities I'm glad I had to - because the more you do something the less scary it is.

Drove abroad for the first time 5 years ago - was in a total sweat getting off the ferry - it's second nature now

So I think both yes and No you are(not) being unreasonable! Yes it's nice to stay in your comfort zone if you can but by doing so you are also choosing to limit yourself - when practicing the scary stuff might make them less scary

@wesowereonabreak

If you are too nervous to cope with an unfamiliar route or a fast road, how are you going to react in an accident? Probably not very quickly or very well.

knowing that the majority of accidents are caused by arrogant drivers, I am more worried about them frankly!

Firstly, is there data to prove that?

Secondly, if an arrogant driver does something dangerous / unexpected in the OPs vicinity - will the OP have the experience to react appropriately and potentially avoid a crash?

Not being arrogant doesn't make someone a safe driver.

YANBU

I have been driving nearly 30 years and am fine with the vast majority of driving but I don’t like driving on unlit roads or motorways. I do it if I have to but it makes me nervous.

If you are only going to drive in familiar places, then what happens if you have to drive somewhere unfamiliar, for example if there's a diversion?

I think this is a really valid point.

Sticking to your comfort zone may seem beneficial, but what happens when you have no choice and HAVE to drive on a motorway or unfamiliar back road because of an accident or a diversion?

How else will you get to work or where you need to go if you won't step out of your comfort zone and give it a go?

I passed my test 40 years ago and the older I get the less I like driving.

Before I get the ageist comments (which MN appear to think are perfectly acceptable) I'm not worried about my driving skills/reactions/eyesight.

However what does worry me is the sheer number of cars on the road today driven by complete idiots. It doesn't matter how good a driver I am if one of those runs into me it could be the end.

So stick to what you want to do op and ignore other people.

@Allwokedup

Yabu. If you are nervous you are dangerous. You shouldn’t be driving at all.

But I'm not nervous. I love driving except on motorways. I don't like them ever since a lorry decided he wanted to be in my lane and didn't check whether anyone else is in it. I don't drive on them because I don't need to. Why shouldn't I drive at all?

I think it depends how you'd react if there was a diversion, or something out of the ordinary cropping up.

I used to be very nervous after I first passed and I remember studying Google maps for every journey to look for something tricky and planning a route to avoid it. I now have a quick look so i know where I'm going but don't study it because actually the reality of the situation is always much less scary than I thought it would be.

I don’t think it’s about someone can’t run a marathon, so they shouldn’t run. I can’t run a marathon but if I wanted to run a marathon I would start with couch to 5K. Then move onto the 10k, half marathon, full marathon. Each time pushing myself a bit more. That’s how you train and get better at something. If you’re staying in your comfort zone, you’ll just keep running 5Ks or not running at all.

If you cook basic meals or can slowly run a 5K, it’s actually fine to stay in that comfort zone. You don’t need to push yourself to the next milestone. However, driving will usually require some driving out of your comfort zone. For example, you need to take someone to A&E, you need to visit someone in hospital, it’s snowing and your mum has had a bad fall. I think when people just stick to their comfort zone when driving, they find themselves in a high stress situation and needing to drive outside of their comfort zone. It makes for an unpleasant experience for the driver, further pushing them back into their comfort zone. It can also be quite dangerous.

I don’t like driving in the city, too many bikes, too many little narrow roads, too many buses just pushing their way out, too many pedestrians running across the road. I do it because you never know when I’m required either for my job or because I’m accessing the hospital or even just picking DH up from work when the trains have been cancelled.

It may become more of an issue if you have to start driving more for any reason, as others say there are plenty of driving instructors, IAM, Rospa groups about than can help

I am nervous about some aspects of driving, but have found them a bit better with practise. I find really narrow, windy country lanes more stressful than the motorway! I can reverse park efficiently but hate parallel parking.its fine if there are not cars waiting to get past, but I often drive round the block or look for a different space rather than do it with an audience!

YANBU. Unless you're inconveniencing others then it's no one else's business.

I always said when I was learning that I just wanted to go from A to B and that's exactly what I've done quite happily. I passed just before lockdown 1 so haven't had the chance to venture out of our town and we don't have any dual carriageways or motorways nearby so it didn't even come up during lessons - i wouldn't know what to do if I'm honest!

I’ve never understood the fear of motorways, that’s the easy driving in my opinion. I get more nervous on narrow city streets with cars parked on both sides. I’m not keen on tight parking spaces, I can do it all, but will chose the easiest option.

If your decision on not driving new routes doesn’t affect others, then no worries. But if you make excuses of not picking dear ones up from the hospital etc. then it’s time to take some refreshment/ confidence driving lessons.

I suspect the majority of people have some kind of self imposed limit on their driving and would only a minority would genuinely be happy to drive on any road, in any Country in any place on planet Earth

If you were a lot younger I would probably encourage you to go out of your comfort zone a bit more but honestly by the age of 40 I think we know ourselves pretty well and know when it feels right to push ourselves and we'll it feels right to stick with the familiar.

I am scared of heights so there is no way I could ever drive on one of those cliff edge roads you get in Italy and Greece or on one of the many roads 'on stilts' in the French Alps

I am completely comfortable with my decision