To think there is no shame in having self imposed limits with driving

[Cheeseandlobster]

I passed my test 2 years ago but remain nervous. I work 15 miles away in a city and have forced myself to do the drive but there are still parts of the city I won't drive in (it has no effect on my job), I go to the supermarket during quiet times so its easier to park, I have done the motorway but again do this at quiet times. This only affects me and the way I see it is that I went for 40 years not driving so just being able to drive myself to Aldi is brilliant. And I do still push myself to do different things but I have stopped putting pressure on myself as much as I used to as I am happy with my limits.

But on here threads from nervous drivers often contain a few posts from people who say that if you wont drive absolutely everywhere then you shouldn't be on the road etc.

I just think where else does this logic apply. I mean we don't say to people who cant run a marathon that they therefore shouldnt be running at all, or to those who are not confident cooks that they should try to cook gourmet food rather than tried and tested recipes they are comfortable with. I think we all have limitations somewhere and it is safer to do this sometimes. I know its a lifeskill but I don't depend on others for lifts so really where is the harm?

Aibu?

@apooagnuandyou

But it is every driver’s responsibility to gain confidence by any safe means necessary.

so... by driving on the main road.

There’s a lot more to driving than just driving on a main road.

Maddathanmad
I was far from a natural driver and was very nervous. I didn't do any extra lessons, but did pick a driving instructor with a good philosophy, who had a method that was supportive and no nonsense, and who believed in training competent and confident (in the sense of being able to drive a range of roads, range of situations, able to trust their judgements, have proportionate risk assessment processes) drivers instead of trying to get as many students through their tests as quickly as possible by drilling them in the local test routes.

I then took his advice on passing and continued to go out and keep on top of my skills in the months following the test. I had a family member come out with me to drive motorways on weekends. I'd choose day trips that were out of area and I also had to drive to different cities for work.

I'd still rather not drive in city centres and would prefer to park and ride, but I'm competent enough to make those journeys. I would say that's the difference between a driver having preferences vs an excessively nervous, fearful or hesitant driver.

there might more, but without it you are not learning anything.

It's like learning to swim laying on your kitchen chair. You might learn the moves, but until you are in the water, you know nothing!

@apooagnuandyou

When nervous drivers on this thread won’t drive on motorways because “there’s too much visual information” or “everything happens too fast”, I despair.

why do you despair? They don't go ON it! They are not in my way, happy days!

Joining the motorway and navigating between direction changes can be daunting for some because of the high speed. They acknowledge it, so what? If they want to take motorway lessons, they can, but I am happier with someone NOT on the motorway than someone treating it like a race track - and driving very badly despite what they believe.

Let's be honest, you GUESS that the self-proclaimed moron rally driver in the middle lane will suddenly overtake the vehicle in front of him and swerve right in front of you but you shouldn't have to guess. He's a menace.

The slow one on the left lane minding his own business bothers me a lot less.

I despair because if they they can’t react quickly enough to drive normally on a motorway, it’s unlikely they can react quickly enough to drive in an unexpected situation on another road.

Motorways and city roads are not uniquely challenging. All driving demands a high level of awareness and concentration. The people on here who are worried they will “lose focus” on a motorway scare the shit out of me. If they are not up to motorway driving, they should not be driving, full stop.

@Maddathanmad

Out of interest apart from all the naturally gifted drivers on MN who can drive anything and anywhere and the ones who have had extra tuition,how did the rest of you get good? Presumably whilst you were gaining experience you were also worried about tackling all of the things discussed on here?

No-one is naturally gifted, confidence and experience comes through practice. But you have to be prepared to go out and do the practice rather than permanently self-limiting and remaining unable to do the more difficult things.

The first time I drove abroad, I was naturally a little nervous. So I took it steady and had to really focus on getting the technique right (e.g. going anti-clockwise around roundabouts, which mirrors to check etc.). Now that I've driven abroad dozens of times, it feels a little weird for the first few miles to be on the other side of the carriageway, but I find I get into the swing of it because I've had plenty of practice.

The same goes for any other driving scenario. Before you do a new scary thing for the first time, read about the correct techniques, if possible choose a quiet time of day, and go for it. Practice makes perfect.

I drive lots in the snow these days, but before I first got on the road in winter, I researched and practiced the appropriate driving techniques to use.

@Eyevorbig0ne

I don't like driving in the dark because the pavement and road merge I cannot see the kerb. I navigate using central white lines or tail lights of cars in front. I get a headache from concentrating so hard so I avoid poorly lit roads. It's a pain. It's not a woman thing it's a safety/vision thing. Before covid. I cycled 2 miles each way to work. So my car doesn't get used much. But I force myself to drive.. Use it or lose it. Took me 3 goes to pass my test!

Seriously, get your eyes tested. Why can’t you see the kerb? Put your headlights on.

@Eyevorbig0ne

I don't like driving in the dark because the pavement and road merge I cannot see the kerb. I navigate using central white lines or tail lights of cars in front. I get a headache from concentrating so hard so I avoid poorly lit roads. It's a pain. It's not a woman thing it's a safety/vision thing. Before covid. I cycled 2 miles each way to work. So my car doesn't get used much. But I force myself to drive.. Use it or lose it. Took me 3 goes to pass my test!

There is an issue here. It's either your eyesight (get an eye tes & suitable glasses), you're not using your headlights appropriately (are you one of the people I see using the daytime running lights in the dark?), or you are so blind you should be off the road for medical reasons.

Nobody should be driving when they can see as little as this. You're not nervous, you're dangerous.

Gosh, I preferred city driving when I was learning! So many more "instructions" available in terms of road markings, lane signage, traffic lights, speed limits... it all felt much more predictable to me, especially as there were always other cars around so I would just always expect there to be someone braking or parking or turning.

Unlike trying out country roads where you'd be lucky to get a hint that there was an entire village hiding round the next corner with roads about two feet wide flanked by historic stone cottages, right before you merged directly out of two hedges onto a surprise dual carriageway.

I do remember having a conversation with my driving instructor about how much I hated overtaking on dual carriageways in which I very seriously told her that if I was stuck behind a horse trailer on a dual carriageway I would rather make the whole journey at 30mph downwind of the horse than overtake it unless the dual carriageway was totally clear. Obviously I could manage the overtaking or she wouldn't have put me in for my test, but she's probably still out there wondering if I meant it or not! She was a cracking instructor, though, unlike my first one. Made a huge difference to how I felt behind the wheel that she really made me practice until I was doing it all by myself and just taking her for a drive by the end.

I don't like driving somewhere I don't know/don't know where to park. Motorways I don't mind at all it is the nitty gritty bits and finding somewhere I struggle with. My satnav is always on if I am not 100% i do however think this makes me a safer driver. I am aware of my surroundings and am super vigilent which can be exhausting. I am too scared to park in town as my old parking lot is closed but drove hundreds of miles to a theme park without real anxiety. It makes no sense! My worry is that I am in wrong lanes as some are weird or that parking spaces are too tight and I break my car. I have been driving for 2.5 years but had a canny chunk off due to Covid and working from home. I invested in a more expensive car with hill assist in order to give me more confidence on hills as I would drive further if I knew it meant no hill starts!!

I was being sarcastic about naturally gifted drivers on MN.
Threads like this wind me up after a bit.
Poster comes on and is open and honest they are anxious and knows their limits. Nothing to suggest they are unsafe.
Then all you get is the replies from those who typically can drive a HGV with ease.and parallel park like ninja.
Then its "do not drive ,you are.dangerous!!!"
All very patronising.
I see dangerous driving every single day. Where i live and work is shocking.Not one of these drivers ralllying around my neighbourhood look the least bit nervous,funnily enough.

@Maddathanmad
MN threads often seem to attract very capable people who appear never to have struggled with anything and can come across a bit superior.
It happens if people are struggling with parenting
OP : feeling really overwhelmed with a newborn baby and toddler now DH is back at work....
Superior MN: well I went back to work 3 minutes after my youngest child was born and had a DH who worked away for 6 months at a time and 5 children under 10!

I mentioned the dartford crossing earlier as an example of information overload.ive done it hundreds of times and ignore most of the signs because either I know what they are or they're not relevant...but I think it would be quite daunting the first time you came across it. That doesnt make me a bad driver. Several studies in the last few years, some by insurance firms show that reducing signs/ the amount of information a driver was expected to look at, reduced the number of accidents.
Also I think theres a huge difference between driving slightly under the speed limit, or more cautiously, than tootling along the motorway at 30 mph.

It’s annoying but in your example I don’t see how it’s dangerous? The danger is the impatient driving if he overtakes inappropriately. If it was dangerous we wouldn’t allow tractors or other slow vehicles on roads.
No I don’t think it’s right that people can drive miles under the speed limit because they feel safer in the same way I don’t agree with someone using the road as a Grand Prix . Yes I get what your saying these impatient people are causing the accidents, and a lot are impatient even if your going at the speed limit. but driving miles below the speed limit causes congestion it’s causes people to be more impatient and it stops the flow of traffic. It’s inconsiderate to drive too slowly and your just as bad as a speeder because you’re giving no consideration to others .
If you’ve passed your test you’ve learnt about speed limits and driving on 30, 40, 50mph speed limits you can’t just merrily go about driving at 20mph on a 40mph limit . There really is no excuse to drive so slowly unless congestion or bad weather. If I’m behind someone like that I’m not going to go Oh bless her she’s a nervous driver I’ll let her chug along I’ll be like move off the road , so yes I think it’s dangerous .

I’m not a naturally gifted driver but I do drive a lot in central London through places I don’t know and it gives you a confidence like no other. I do find that on holiday I drive like an arsehole because I am not at all used to people giving way or indicating.

@Imnothereforthedrama

It’s annoying but in your example I don’t see how it’s dangerous? The danger is the impatient driving if he overtakes inappropriately. If it was dangerous we wouldn’t allow tractors or other slow vehicles on roads. No I don’t think it’s right that people can drive miles under the speed limit because they feel safer in the same way I don’t agree with someone using the road as a Grand Prix . Yes I get what your saying these impatient people are causing the accidents, and a lot are impatient even if your going at the speed limit. but driving miles below the speed limit causes congestion it’s causes people to be more impatient and it stops the flow of traffic. It’s inconsiderate to drive too slowly and your just as bad as a speeder because you’re giving no consideration to others . If you’ve passed your test you’ve learnt about speed limits and driving on 30, 40, 50mph speed limits you can’t just merrily go about driving at 20mph on a 40mph limit . There really is no excuse to drive so slowly unless congestion or bad weather. If I’m behind someone like that I’m not going to go Oh bless her she’s a nervous driver I’ll let her chug along I’ll be like move off the road , so yes I think it’s dangerous .

Who are you on about?no one has said that they do that?

Err I was replying to my other comment @Maddathanmad and this happens a lot .

YANBU OP. I've been driving for just over 10 years now, and have never had an accident (touch wood). But like you I still can feel nervous driving. Hate places with busy carparks and I tend to avoid motorways, haven't actually driven on one for years so wouldn't get on one now. I'm fine zipping up and down busy dual carriageways to work in rush hour, but this is because I'm used to the route. Think it's a confidence thing and lack of practice of driving to new locations. Lockdown definitely hasn't helped as I've just been driving to work and Tescos for most of the last year.

YANBU. It's better to be cautious and sure than to be arrogant & ill-prepared or panicky & unsafe. Others might judge or criticise you but that's their problem. They don't know you, they don't know if there is a reason behind your caution. The roads are a nightmare nowadays so maybe we need a few more careful drivers like you.