To think there is no shame in having self imposed limits with driving

[Cheeseandlobster]

I passed my test 2 years ago but remain nervous. I work 15 miles away in a city and have forced myself to do the drive but there are still parts of the city I won't drive in (it has no effect on my job), I go to the supermarket during quiet times so its easier to park, I have done the motorway but again do this at quiet times. This only affects me and the way I see it is that I went for 40 years not driving so just being able to drive myself to Aldi is brilliant. And I do still push myself to do different things but I have stopped putting pressure on myself as much as I used to as I am happy with my limits.

But on here threads from nervous drivers often contain a few posts from people who say that if you wont drive absolutely everywhere then you shouldn't be on the road etc.

I just think where else does this logic apply. I mean we don't say to people who cant run a marathon that they therefore shouldnt be running at all, or to those who are not confident cooks that they should try to cook gourmet food rather than tried and tested recipes they are comfortable with. I think we all have limitations somewhere and it is safer to do this sometimes. I know its a lifeskill but I don't depend on others for lifts so really where is the harm?

Aibu?

I do push myself but I dont put the pressure on myself I used to. Even if I just drive to a different part of the city I work in, I count that as an achievement and the more achievements I get the more confident I am. Lockdown hasnt helped as I haven't been driving as much but I am so much further than I was. Confidence building lessons might be a good idea though

I have no aspiration to drive in central London... it's not been a problem in 15 years, unlikely to be a problem and the train puts me there before I'd make it to Staples Corner.

My parallell parking has atrophied as it's a skill I need so rarely. On the rare occasions I need to park on-street it's normally somewhere with space to pull up or find somewhere suitable in a short walk.

Motorway, rural, urban, day/ night, fine. Unfamilar, no issue especially in the sat nav years. It wasn't an option in my novice driver, supply teacher years, armed with an A-Z.

Realistically it's about how much it does (or is likely) to impede life or impose on others.

Essentially your question is am I unreasonable not to do a thing that I currently have no need to do?

How could anyone disagree with you .

You don't seem to be saying that you'll refuse ever to do that thing if you needed to so where is the problem?

I'm the same I've been driving for over a year and still haven't been on the motorway or very far out of my local area. I find it frustrating that I'm like this as I spent a lot of time and money learning to drive so I really want to become more confident and actually go places. My car is small and old as well which makes me more wary if I had a newer and bigger car I think this would make me more confident. I've also read posts saying people like me shouldn't be on the road but I am safe and confident on roads I know.

@BramStoker

I once came upon this beauty on my drive down France - almost turned round and drove back!

Personally I think the roads would be considerably safer if more people respected their limits and stuck to their comfort zones.

But, I’d also say that 2 years is very little time, and depending on your circumstances you might not have yet found many opportunities to challenge yourself. Don’t assume that in 10 years time you’ll still be nervous, or that might be a self fulfilling prophesy.

My dc went to preschool on a windy country road, a few minutes away from the suburbia we live in and I had to get to grips with a very different type of driving. I’d qualified a few months before the dc were born, so for the first few years drove the same routes over and over. Having to meet a challenge really helped my confidence. And from them on I started challenging myself in small ways like backing into parking spaces, or having a go at parallel parking when I’d usually prefer to walk a half mile to avoid it. Little by little I’ve gained a lot more confidence.

@Cheeseandlobster

I do push myself but I dont put the pressure on myself I used to. Even if I just drive to a different part of the city I work in, I count that as an achievement and the more achievements I get the more confident I am. Lockdown hasnt helped as I haven't been driving as much but I am so much further than I was. Confidence building lessons might be a good idea though

I did pass plus. I'd had a good range of experiences in my lessons so just did motorway lessons for my 6 hours which was much better than working it out by myself!

Personally I think the roads would be considerably safer if more people respected their limits and stuck to their comfort zones.

But it's not always possible to stick to your comfort zone when you're driving. What happens if the weather turns and you're suddenly forced to drive in snow? Or what if there's an accident and the only diversion is along a motorway or a single track country road that you've always refused to drive on until that point?

Surely it's best to know how to drive on certain roads, before you're forced to do so due to an accident or emergency and you're stressed and worried?

[quote ghostyslovesheets]@BramStoker

I once came upon this beauty on my drive down France - almost turned round and drove back![/quote]
It does feel a lot safer (and straighter) than mountain narrow roads to be fair!

@Allwokedup

Yabu. If you are nervous you are dangerous. You shouldn’t be driving at all.

I think this too. So many women give other women drivers a bad name because they are scared of driving. I used to work with a lady who wouldn't drive further than our nearest supermarket and if ever we had to go to another site I had to drive, eventually I said no and work had to send someone to pick us up. I love driving anywhere but I don't like being taken advantage of.

But it's not always possible to stick to your comfort zone when you're driving. What happens if the weather turns and you're suddenly forced to drive in snow?

what should happen is that people who have neither equipment nor experience should slow the fuck down and start driving sensibly. What does happen is that a couple of morons think they are rally drivers and cause chaos.

Same thing as finding yourself in torrential rain on the motorway. What should happen is that everyone slows down, what does happen is that reckless imbeciles sprint around at 80mph when the visibility is next to 0 and kill people.

So I would much prefer a nervous driver, being sensible than a bad arrogant driver trying to kill us all.

My only concern about restricting driving to certain conditions is that you can't always ensure that you get the conditions you want. What if the supermarket car park is unusually busy? What if there's a diversion that takes you onto a motorway? Or a crash that delays you, meaning you have to drive in the dark? Etc, etc...

I suppose I think that there's nothing wrong with aiming for your preferred driving conditions... but I do think that every driver should be capable of driving in any condition regardless. I recognise that there is a difference between anxious and incapable, though!

I think this too. So many women give other women drivers a bad name because they are scared of driving.

first if no one was allowed to drive because they are nervous, next to no driver would ever start!

One driver is not responsible for the way people see women drivers. Who cares.
Neither is one driver responsible for the way people see BMW drivers, SUV drivers, white vans drivers and so on...

I wouldn't worry about it OP. The first rule of being a driver is to assume that everybody else on the road can't drive properly other than you (a generic "you" not you personally). Do what makes you comfortable and only worry about what others are doing not what they think.

My only concern about restricting driving to certain conditions is that you can't always ensure that you get the conditions you want. What if the supermarket car park is unusually busy? What if there's a diversion that takes you onto a motorway? Or a crash that delays you, meaning you have to drive in the dark

If the car park is unusually busy you can park somewhere else or go back the next day or later.

I had the second scenario you describe on Sunday (though it was a dual carriageway instead of a motorway). Took a country lane instead (I knew where it went so wasn't going to get lost or end up at a farm).

And I avoid (long distance) driving in the dark by leaving plenty of time for my journey. That is always going to be a difficult situation to "practice" in as I don't have to do lots of long distance driving anyway but I suppose if I was really in a fix I'd just find a Premier Inn for the night and drive back once it got light the next morning.

@ghostyslovesheets that's exactly the kind of road I prefer to avoid! (even as a passenger I have to close my eyes)

Luckily I know such roads exist so I am very cautious about agreeing to drive on the continent unless I'm very familiar with the route

I do think that every driver should be capable of driving in any condition regardless

We need to change the way we learn to drive in that case. I think it's Finland where they have a two stage test and you have to do things like motorway driving and ski pad driving so you can cope on snow.

Crack on OP. It’s perfectly acceptable to know your limits. I don’t see the problem with recognising that you don’t feel comfortable in all situations and modify your journeys accordingly.
I’m a comfortable driver in any situation but my driving “foible” is that I won’t drive automatics as I personally like to feel in control of everything.

Why is it that it's always women who are nervous drivers? I don't know any men, personally.
Are we, as a society, doing something to women and girls that makes driving into this big scary thing?

If you are too nervous to cope with an unfamiliar route or a fast road, how are you going to react in an accident? Probably not very quickly or very well

What makes you think that? How does disliking motorway driving or long distance driving in the dark affect my ability to react quickly to a difficult situation? It doesn't affect reaction times. And I can assure you I am more than capable of overtaking a cyclist safely - in fact I give cyclists more room than most, being one myself.

I agree that the people who panic when they go the wrong way can cause problems, but that's not what we're talking about here. That's a fear of going the wrong way, not certain types of driving.

Do what makes you comfortable and only worry about what others are doing not what they think.
That's easy to say and misses the fact that those on either extreme have an unreasonable idea of what is appropriate driving.

On any thread about motoring there's always loads of 'cautious' drivers who seem to think anything other than them doing their chosen speed is proof that they world is full of speed freaks when they're the reasonable and sensible ones who are just being cautious

Most people drive within an appropriate range, slowing a little when unsure, but otherwise driving in a way that is appropriate for the road and the conditions. If someone is unwilling or unable to drive in a way that is reasonable and appropriate for the conditions (be it unreasonably fast or unreasonably slow) then it is fair to question their driving.

I was a very nervous learner, and I'm ever so glad my instructor was firm but supportive in promoting a healthy attitude to driving. Undue hesitancy and driving too slowly is a problem in driving tests too, so I don't see why it should be considered acceptable to drive in an unduely nervous way day to day.

@itsnotgolf

Why is it that it's always women who are nervous drivers? I don't know any men, personally. Are we, as a society, doing something to women and girls that makes driving into this big scary thing?

it's not. It's just socially acceptable for women to be honest about it.

I don't think it's a problem as such...

I guess the question is why do you avoid busy times? Do you worry that if it gets more stressful you'll be unable to cope and might make poor decisions? If so, then perhaps you are a danger to other road users. You can't always avoid busy times - sometimes things get busy unexpectedly, so I would expect any driver to be able to deal with busy roads competently, even if they try to avoid them normally.

If however, you are completely capable of dealing with any busyness which might unexpectedly happen, and stress does not lead you to make poor decisions or to dither, then I think why not? If you can deal with stressful driving but you just don't like it very much, that's totally fine (and understandable)!

If you feel it's limiting you though, definately take some extra lessons etc - so worthwhile being able to do more. I'm from a rural area and didn't see a roundabout until a few months after I'd passed my test, so city driving was initially terrifying to me. But carefully increasing it means that I became competent quite quickly. I didn't enjoy it (and still don't) but I'm competent and it is sometimes necessary.

my driving “foible” is that I won’t drive automatics as I personally like to feel in control of everything

That may be one that needs resolving, because all hybrids and electrics are automatics. I know there is such a thing as a "mild hybrid" with manual transmission but will they be around for that long?

As for this being a woman thing perhaps it is. Maybe we have better imaginations!

I don't know why I am nervous on motorways. The dark thing is simply not being able to see properly and actually I have quite decent night sight but I can't see well when someone has full headlights on coming towards me especially with the new extra-bright ones which should be illegal as far as I am concerned.

Honest about what? Being nervous? I really doubt that the men drivers I know are secretly nervous about driving..