To think there is no shame in having self imposed limits with driving

[Cheeseandlobster]

I passed my test 2 years ago but remain nervous. I work 15 miles away in a city and have forced myself to do the drive but there are still parts of the city I won't drive in (it has no effect on my job), I go to the supermarket during quiet times so its easier to park, I have done the motorway but again do this at quiet times. This only affects me and the way I see it is that I went for 40 years not driving so just being able to drive myself to Aldi is brilliant. And I do still push myself to do different things but I have stopped putting pressure on myself as much as I used to as I am happy with my limits.

But on here threads from nervous drivers often contain a few posts from people who say that if you wont drive absolutely everywhere then you shouldn't be on the road etc.

I just think where else does this logic apply. I mean we don't say to people who cant run a marathon that they therefore shouldnt be running at all, or to those who are not confident cooks that they should try to cook gourmet food rather than tried and tested recipes they are comfortable with. I think we all have limitations somewhere and it is safer to do this sometimes. I know its a lifeskill but I don't depend on others for lifts so really where is the harm?

Aibu?

I don't mind with people having limits at all, just don't drive 5/10mph less than the speed limit please

not sure how that "with" got in there :/ lol

@RiojaRose

I’ve been driving for more than 30 years and have driven all kinds of vehicles in all kinds of conditions, but recently I find the glare of other people’s headlights really difficult. So I avoid driving in the dark except where there’s street lighting. The optician says there’s nothing wrong with my vision and I’m safe to drive at night, but I hate it. It’s so weird because I was always confident before. I think it’s fine to drive to your limits.

You can get lenses with anti glare coating. You don't have to have prescription lenses, just 0.00 and anti glare on them.

I use polarized sunglasses to reduce glare but obviously not practical at night!

I havent read whole thread but i will do as a particular interest to me !
Btw i have name changed as I'm starting a new thread about something else.
I'm with you OP.
Learned in my 40s and passed 2 yrs ago.
Very anxious initially and still not great confidence wise.
Pushed myself a bit and it has got easier.
I do drive more and i have and do go to new places. However, no where near what i thought I'd be doing when i passed and got a car.
I overthink everything.
Mistakes play in my mind for days(although these are getting less)

I cant see me ever going in the motorway now. It doesnt impact on my life, as prior to passing, i obviously couldnt drive anywhere!
I get mad when ppl on mn say say nervous drivers shouldnt be driving!!
Arrogant drivers far more dangerous and its been said already on this thread that its not slow drivers that cause accidents, its the impatient drivers behind getting angry and aggressive.
I dont drive slow but frequently get overtaken when sticking to the limit.

For example, where i work, theres a 20 mph residential area. Narrow roads , cars parked either side and i drivers squeeze past me when i am going 18 to 20mph. How is that safe?
Also what makes me mad is when posters say what if you have to drive in an emergency. Thats the most ridiculous thing jn the world. What kind of sudden emergency would i need the motorway or unfamilair route.
It hasnt happened in nearly 50 years and even if i did i have family,an ambulance etc!!
This logic is used on Mn as well when talking about drinking alcohol at home. That one parent must abstain in case a child needs taking to hospital!!
I dont know anyone in RL who does this unless there is a sick child or relative already!!! Dont,on a day to day basis worry some thing awful will happen out of the blue and be on red alert

On good days I can drive anywhere and enjoy motorway driving. However, I have panic disorder and can't be stuck in non moving traffic so I avoid when I'm suffering.

@Maddathanmad

I havent read whole thread but i will do as a particular interest to me ! Btw i have name changed as I'm starting a new thread about something else. I'm with you OP. Learned in my 40s and passed 2 yrs ago. Very anxious initially and still not great confidence wise. Pushed myself a bit and it has got easier. I do drive more and i have and do go to new places. However, no where near what i thought I'd be doing when i passed and got a car. I overthink everything. Mistakes play in my mind for days(although these are getting less)

I cant see me ever going in the motorway now. It doesnt impact on my life, as prior to passing, i obviously couldnt drive anywhere!
I get mad when ppl on mn say say nervous drivers shouldnt be driving!!
Arrogant drivers far more dangerous and its been said already on this thread that its not slow drivers that cause accidents, its the impatient drivers behind getting angry and aggressive.
I dont drive slow but frequently get overtaken when sticking to the limit.

For example, where i work, theres a 20 mph residential area. Narrow roads , cars parked either side and i drivers squeeze past me when i am going 18 to 20mph. How is that safe?
Also what makes me mad is when posters say what if you have to drive in an emergency. Thats the most ridiculous thing jn the world. What kind of sudden emergency would i need the motorway or unfamilair route.
It hasnt happened in nearly 50 years and even if i did i have family,an ambulance etc!!
This logic is used on Mn as well when talking about drinking alcohol at home. That one parent must abstain in case a child needs taking to hospital!!
I dont know anyone in RL who does this unless there is a sick child or relative already!!! Dont,on a day to day basis worry some thing awful will happen out of the blue and be on red alert

I am with you on this. I do drive in the dark down a fast windy road that is awful for accidents and also has lots of big lorries with glaring headlights coming towards you. I have no choice in winter for work. I do this at the speed limit of 50, occasionally I have gone over that limit as there are lots of hills on here too and there is nearly always a car up my backside.

IF there was an emergency I would deal with it. I have driven in most conditions and road types aside from snow so could manage it. But in my everyday life I choose not to do some things and thats ok for me

And im like OP , i go to supermarket quiet times to park easier. Busier times make me anxious but i sometimes go those times.
In all honesty, i don't need to drive
Live in a city
Getting about is easy without a car
I'm not the type to go in a car for a short trip i can walk, as to me, its bone idle.so i use it for big shops or to take the Dc to activities i cant walk to.
But i think in hindsight,i shouldnt have bothered learning or buying a car as im never gonna love driving.

I dont mind the dark, dual carriageways,roundabouts. Drove a bit in snow this winter and it was horrible. Wont do that again in my little car. And more to the point i dont need to.
Like i say, i won't go on the motorway and i have no need to. If i was planning to thenM id have extra lessons.
I hadnt thought about the police directing me onty o a motorway though.
I guess it could happen
Ive never heard it happen to DH though and he drives a lot!!!

I wont drive on the m25, it terrifies me. It's our local motorway. I can get everywhere I want to without it, maybe add on 30 mins driving time.

Happily drive abroad and on other motorways but the M25 is my nemesis. It scares me because of trying to squeeze on with no gaps and all the bloody lorries heading down to Dover.

IMHO you should seek to improve your skills. You really ought to be able to handle almost any road in Britain. Even though you passed your test, more lessons to improve your skills would be a good idea if you can afford it.

YANBU to stick to your comfort zone, that's your choice to make.

That said there are a few roads and places I don't like driving in and try and avoid.

I have been driving for 30 years. It took me a while and several goes to pass my test, I wasn’t a “natural” and had no one to practise with other than my mother who was herself a reluctant and nervous driver. I’m now confident in most conditions, an automatic and satnav helps - but I would still be worried about, say, going to collect someone from Heathrow or driving abroad which I have never done. I agree that drivers who moan about people doing 25mph in a 30 zone are probably more dangerous than the ones doing 25mph!

People equate nervous driver with bad driver (and they are often linked).

The other examples you suggested, running and cooking, do not cause issues for others, they are personal. Where as a nervous driver does cause issues for other road users and can be dangerous, for example if they hesitate at junctions etc.

@idontlikealdi

I wont drive on the m25, it terrifies me. It's our local motorway. I can get everywhere I want to without it, maybe add on 30 mins driving time.

Happily drive abroad and on other motorways but the M25 is my nemesis. It scares me because of trying to squeeze on with no gaps and all the bloody lorries heading down to Dover.

I'm right by the m25 too but I've never joined and had to merge. Before every slip road it changes to 3 lanes and a new 1st lane joins on the left. The m11 though, has a slip road that joins on the right, I hate doing that one.

While I agree we should all drive regularly to keep up practice, ‘motorway driving’ and what consists it varies so wildly in the UK that it makes me suspect the people criticising OP probably haven’t got much motorway driving experience at all.

Even DH who drives regularly on the motorways as part of his job and is very experienced hesistates when going to some parts of the country. For example he struggles around Newcastle and the North East because a lot of people don’t indicate when changing lanes. And when driving through some remoter parts of the country often comes across people deliberately driving on the wrong side of the motorway as a ‘shortcut’!

YANBU

I don’t do motorways. I hate them. I drive a tiny car that rattles past a certain speed. I don’t like lane changing or overtaking on them. If you love motorways and regularly speed up and down them I am doing you a massive favour by not being on them.

@dotdashdashdash

People equate nervous driver with bad driver (and they are often linked).

The other examples you suggested, running and cooking, do not cause issues for others, they are personal. Where as a nervous driver does cause issues for other road users and can be dangerous, for example if they hesitate at junctions etc.

Hesitating at a junction isn’t bad driving; it could be for a number of valid reasons from someone not being sure of lanes / markings / where they’re going. Bad driving is clipping a hesitating car because you failed to notice and stop for the hazard.

I think you need to be confident on the roads otherwise you cause problems for the drivers / pedestrians around you, which is just as dangerous at those driving around like maniacs.
As long as you’re confident and safe it doesn’t matter how often, where or when you drive. You shouldn’t be driving if it makes you nervous.

@GrumpyHoonMain there’s like one main motorway in the North East and it’s mainly 2 lanes, and people don’t indicate any more or less than any other part of the country 🤣

Why don't you have some follow on lessons or do the IAM test? I got a bit nervous of driving on narrow roads a few years back and booked the IAM course, 6 very long sessions with an instructor/guide then the test I'm not sure what you have to pay now but the tuition was free in those days but the test was chargeable. It was a revelation to me, I learned so much about how to drive safely and with confidence. Once I'd done that the nerves completely disappeared.

YANBU. I can drive where I want, but I definitely have preferences. The M6 during rush hour? No thanks, I'll take an A road instead, it makes minimal difference.

I'm about to change jobs and the drive would involve some of the most traffic-snarled roads around, so I'll get a direct train instead, as it's much less hassle. I could drive there is I needed to, but if it's just going to be a miserable commute stuck in traffic, why bother?

@GrumpyHoonMain
I agree about the hestitating.
DH is very experienced and safe driver. If he hestiates whilst we are on holiday and on unfamilair roads for example,quite quickly ppl behind become impatient.
Its them that are unsafe. Getting angry at waiting a millisecond.
Just because you learn to drive and know the highwaycode and all Uk roads are technically the same, in fact they are not.
Not all signage is clear and some roads/junctions/roundabouts are more challenging.
I do think driving lessons dont prepare you though. Even for me, learning in a city. It was varied and definitely busy,but i think you just go through the motions just to pass.
I looked at extra lessons a awhile back but it all came to a halt due to lockdown. Theres No IAMS near me.
Most people dont have extra lessons though do they
So how do they all get so good?clearly dont go around 'winging it' like me,as what happens when they encounter one of these mumsnet emergencies or police diversions?!

PP mentioned about the glare of headlights, and I agree that that is starting to cause a lot of problems for me, and is one of the reasons that I'm less keen to drive at night now (and i've always had anti-glare coating on my glasses - it doesn't really do much for this level of glare). I think it's also that cars have brighter headlights now, and that my eyes don't adjust as quickly to changing light levels. I didn't really understand until now how big an issue it could be, but it does make me hesitant to drive in certain situations where there are a lot of oncoming headlights, but not very good street lighting.

You are being perfectly sensible cheese to stick to what you feel comfortable with. To push yourself when you're in the right frame of mind is sensible. Over-confidence often leads to danger so why wouldn't you want to avoid that? Driving is not a God given right and shouldn't be taken for granted. Don't let others push you around. Err on the side of common sense and you won't go too far wrong.

[quote Maddathanmad]@GrumpyHoonMain
I agree about the hestitating.
DH is very experienced and safe driver. If he hestiates whilst we are on holiday and on unfamilair roads for example,quite quickly ppl behind become impatient.
Its them that are unsafe. Getting angry at waiting a millisecond.
Just because you learn to drive and know the highwaycode and all Uk roads are technically the same, in fact they are not.
Not all signage is clear and some roads/junctions/roundabouts are more challenging.
I do think driving lessons dont prepare you though. Even for me, learning in a city. It was varied and definitely busy,but i think you just go through the motions just to pass.
I looked at extra lessons a awhile back but it all came to a halt due to lockdown. Theres No IAMS near me.
Most people dont have extra lessons though do they
So how do they all get so good?clearly dont go around 'winging it' like me,as what happens when they encounter one of these mumsnet emergencies or police diversions?![/quote]
Yes exactly. You see examples of this in Milton Keynes where it’s often the visitors from other places who have the accidents as they actually don’t know how to handle non-traffic light roundabounts or 70MPH dual carriageways on normal roads, so get cocky thinking it’s ‘easy’ and then end up crashing when they get to a roundabout formation they don’t know. For example triple roundabouts, oddly shaped ones, massive 4 line roundabounts with countless exits.

Understanding your capabilities is useful but I'd never rule out a whole section of driving. I think that is unnecessarily limiting.

It would have been easy for me to turn into one of those people who couldn't turn right. When I passed my test to get out of my road to go anywhere useful I had to turn right across a very busy A road. An option would have been to turn left, spin round the roundabout at the top and come back down. But I never let myself do it. Not once. Cos it would have let it become a thing. Much better to just get on with it. But if you feel something is beyond your capability, such as motorway driving, get some extra lessons before doing it.