To think there is no shame in having self imposed limits with driving

[Cheeseandlobster]

I passed my test 2 years ago but remain nervous. I work 15 miles away in a city and have forced myself to do the drive but there are still parts of the city I won't drive in (it has no effect on my job), I go to the supermarket during quiet times so its easier to park, I have done the motorway but again do this at quiet times. This only affects me and the way I see it is that I went for 40 years not driving so just being able to drive myself to Aldi is brilliant. And I do still push myself to do different things but I have stopped putting pressure on myself as much as I used to as I am happy with my limits.

But on here threads from nervous drivers often contain a few posts from people who say that if you wont drive absolutely everywhere then you shouldn't be on the road etc.

I just think where else does this logic apply. I mean we don't say to people who cant run a marathon that they therefore shouldnt be running at all, or to those who are not confident cooks that they should try to cook gourmet food rather than tried and tested recipes they are comfortable with. I think we all have limitations somewhere and it is safer to do this sometimes. I know its a lifeskill but I don't depend on others for lifts so really where is the harm?

Aibu?

Probably been said but I think it depends on what the limiting behaviour is.

A friend of mine cannot : reverse park, reverse round a corner, in fact reverse at all, so she avoids parking anywhere that will require her to reverse. She has parked around 2 miles away from the place we were meeting as she was unable to find anywhere. If she is in a situation where she needs to reverse to let someone through, she just won’t, she keeps going forward to make them go.

She is a terrible driver all round and tbh if you can’t do something now, that you’d have needed to do on the test - that’s when you have to ask yourself if you need a refresher course.

I think I'm my case i dont enjoy driving as much as I'd hoped. Its probably not what I'm best at. I'm kind of sad i impose limits but I'm also proud i passed first time. And that i actually do drive when i need to which actually isn't that much living in a major city.
Yea I'm inwardly nervous but i focus without flapping. I dont use my phone which 90% of people i see do. I don't speed or drive under the limit unless i geninuely can't see the turning/sign clearly.

Mg parking is a bit shit due to lack of practice. I don't think I'm likely to kill someone by parking at the empty bit of Tesco or a quiet street behind the school rather than directly outside the school gates where it says no parking.

Some people could really do with limiting themselves! If you drive safely where you choose to drive, then I don't see what the issues are.

I agree that just because you don't want to drive on a motorway doesn't mean you shouldn't drive at all. We would all never get good at anything if we all took that attitude when applied to everything else.

@LolaSmiles

Yawnthisway The cyclists thing comes under driving in a way that is appropriate for the road and the conditions.

When I used to live rurally I used to joke with friends about the permanent 35mph drivers. They would plod along stretches with good visibility on NSL roads at 35mph, but then also drive through rural villages with 30 zones at 35mph. We also used to notice there were a reasonable number of people who seemed to think every corner needed to be zone at snail pace, though they weren't as annoying as the drivers in summer who were lightly tapping their brakes every 5 seconds in such a way that doesn't actually reduce their speed but sends a message to anyone behind that they're a bit of a twitchy driver. I've also pulled over to let impatient arseholes past as well as I'd rather they were in front of me on country roads than behind me sitting on my back bumper.

If people drive in a way that is appropriate for the roads and conditions then there is no reason for anyone to be crawling along tapping their brakes every 5 seconds, nor is there any reasons for excessive speed.

Yes definitely agree.

Mymycherrypie
She sounds like one of the summer holiday visitors where I used to live who would keep driving towards oncoming traffic to try and make 3 or more cars do a substantial reverse rather than roll their car back a car length and use the passing place they've just gone past.

On one occasion I was behind a bus and the incompetent driver seemed to genuinely think the bus and the chain of traffic behind it should reverse for them. I don't think they realised that their incompetence is firmly their problem.

YANBU
Driving is a means to an end. You absolutely choose which situations you want to drive in .
Knowing your limitations is not an awful thing - so drivers suffer from a severe lack of awareness of their skills !
Ignore anyone. They dont understand the anxiety. Maybe they should educate themselves.

@Happylittlethoughts
Absolutley
Its not essential that i drive
I don't actually need to for any aspect of my life.so i can pick and choose when or where I drive.
Yes i would like to be a bit more spontaneous but still.

I’ve got to be honest it really annoys me that a driver doesn’t drive at the speed of the flow of traffic . If your on a 40mph road for example and everyone is driving 35+ but then one car is driving 30 or less because they don’t feel safer going any faster then for me that’s just as dangerous as driving too fast because it causes traffic to backlog and also the odd impatient driver will be overtaking . I don’t think people should dictate what the speed is under or over it’s set for a reason and unless you are in traffic or the weather is bad then that’s what you should drive at . The example of runners running the marathon or don’t bother is a bad example as runners aren’t causing a danger and actually a very slow runner wouldn’t be up there with the elite runners in a race because they would be in the way .

Basically people who are too slow or too fast are hazardous.

No, people who are too fast and reckless are hazardous!

Yes, it's annoying if someone is slower than you would normally drive. But it doesn't hurt anyone.

On the other hand, if a driver cannot cope with a slower driver it means they can't cope with any other hazard on the road! They are the ones causing accidents.

People drive too fast and too close if they create accidents.
Overconfident and distracted drivers kill people. Frankly if you are being a danger on the road because someone is too slow, you should not be driving.

@Imnothereforthedrama

I’ve got to be honest it really annoys me that a driver doesn’t drive at the speed of the flow of traffic . If your on a 40mph road for example and everyone is driving 35+ but then one car is driving 30 or less because they don’t feel safer going any faster then for me that’s just as dangerous as driving too fast because it causes traffic to backlog and also the odd impatient driver will be overtaking . I don’t think people should dictate what the speed is under or over it’s set for a reason and unless you are in traffic or the weather is bad then that’s what you should drive at . The example of runners running the marathon or don’t bother is a bad example as runners aren’t causing a danger and actually a very slow runner wouldn’t be up there with the elite runners in a race because they would be in the way .

It’s annoying but in your example I don’t see how it’s dangerous? The danger is the impatient driving if he overtakes inappropriately. If it was dangerous we wouldn’t allow tractors or other slow vehicles on roads.

And there are loads of rural roads that are set at national speed limits but it’s clearly not suitable to go that speed for the whole road.

@apooagnuandyou the president of the AA would disagree with you there:

www.itv.com/news/2018-12-29/spike-in-road-casualties-from-crashes-caused-by-slow-drivers

Driving like a snail is as dangerous as driving like a cheetah

There is an increase in accidents linked to slow drivers, possibly linked to more elderly drivers on the roads.

I don’t understand how someone doing 30 on a 50 road doesn’t look in their mirrors and notice the queue of traffic stuck behind them. Likewise the oblivious people doing 60 and sitting in the outside lane of the motorway when people want to legally overtake them. If they want to do 60 fine but get in the inside lane so you are not holding up other people.

I'm a very nervous driver. So nervous, in fact, that I passed my test five years ago and haven't driven since! (Only took it due to family pressure and family offering to pay for the lessons.) I hate driving. I think it's a very good idea to know your limits.

On the one hand it's sad if you wish you could do more but are too nervous. If that's the case then lots of driving instructors will do "post test" lessons and gently get you used to motorways.

On the other hand, if you don't mind living within your limits, what's a problem? Neither DH nor I drive, I have a licence but we don't have a car. And we have two (soon three) children! That limits where we can live, what jobs we do, some activities we can do, some holidays we can take. So what? We don't even notice it in our daily life. We live in London, so great public transport and nowhere to park anyway! We get the train to go on holiday. I guess if we wanted to buy a kayak and paddle the lake five miles away we'd struggle but we just don't really want to. In an emergency, we'd get a taxi or if a drastic emergency ring an ambulance.

If you're happy just driving where you're comfortable, what's the problem? You're happy, you're not bothering anyone.

Actually, what he said was:

too many motorway users hog the middle lane and drive “far below the speed limit”, which can lead to undertaking, tailgating, congestion and road rage.

And it's about time we blame the ones going into road rage!

Middle Lane hogger should be heavily fine too, but they usually are lazy and idiotic more than "nervous".

If you can't cope with a slow pace without undertaking, tailgating and road rage, you should be banned from the road.

My driving instructor had Words with me several times about it being possible to drive TOO slowly and cautiously and that being dangerous too, and I did come round to her point of view. It's one thing taking a few extra seconds to creep out from a junction where you can't see well, even if some twat behind you is honking away. But it's important to keep up the general flow of traffic and driving massively out of kilter with everyone else isn't safer if it's way out of line with what they would reasonably expect. If you have right of way (e.g. on a roundabout) then you should take it because everyone else will be expecting you to and will plan their driving accordingly. It might feel polite to wait but it's not.

It's not unreasonable to object to someone going at 20mph down the motorway because someone comes along behind them at 70mph, they're just not going to expect that disparity of speeds and will have to figure out wtf is going on and then swerve or slam on the brakes. Totally different to doing 65mph on the motorway and some boy racer driving 3mm from your rear bumper.

It's not unreasonable to object to someone going at 20mph down the motorway

no, it's not, otherwise what would be the point of the motorway anyway.

But finding it normal or acceptable that someone goes into road rage or create a crash because they were not paying attention, they didn't slow down on time is a step too far.

It could be a slow driver, it could be a dog running on the side, it could be a moron throwing a nappy by the window blocking the view of the car in front of you (true story!).. if you can't handle hazards on the motorway, you shouldn't be on it.

People stopped on the hard shoulder, motorway employees and cops even don't get killed because of slow drivers, they get killed because people over-estimate their ability and don't pay attention.

It's not unreasonable to object to someone going at 20mph down the motorway

No it’s not and that’s the type of slow driving that gets a fine and is dangerous, however it’s not the same as doing 25mph in a 30mph zone or even driving 40mph on a bendy rural road which is national speed limit.

Agree with everything apoo has said.
While slow drivers may be rubbish drivers.and inconvenience others,they don't cause accidents.
Whether they are right or whether they are wrong

Its the impatient ones behind who literally cant wait to get past.
Even in my limited expwrience i can see sok me doddery old man aint gonna cause an accident just by going slow, it the twat racing along on his phone.

Out of interest apart from all the naturally gifted drivers on MN who can drive anything and anywhere and the ones who have had extra tuition,how did the rest of you get good?
Presumably whilst you were gaining experience you were also worried about tackling all of the things discussed on here?

The fact that some (over-)confident drivers are dangerous doesn’t alter the fact that all nervous drivers are dangerous.

When nervous drivers on this thread won’t drive on motorways because “there’s too much visual information” or “everything happens too fast”, I despair. What do you think causes accidents at all? An inability to react to something unexpected.

You don’t know what dangers lie ahead on the roads. You can’t shield yourself from unexpected dangers by not travelling on certain routes or at certain times!

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

I worry about how nervous drivers would cope with an unexpected incident on the road. When you're driving a vehicle weighing over a tonne, you need to be able to react appropriately to unexpected situations.

If you are too nervous to cope with an unfamiliar route or a fast road, how are you going to react in an accident? Probably not very quickly or very well.

Tbh, I don't want to be driving or cycling anywhere near someone like that.

This. Drivers are in charge of a loaded weapon.

Nervous drivers and over confident drivers are potential hazards. They do not act in a predictable manner. Neither do drunk drivers or very tired ones.

I get not everyone is as confident as me. But it is every driver’s responsibility to gain confidence by any safe means necessary. Including continuing with an instructor.

I don't like driving in the dark because the pavement and road merge I cannot see the kerb. I navigate using central white lines or tail lights of cars in front. I get a headache from concentrating so hard so I avoid poorly lit roads.
It's a pain. It's not a woman thing it's a safety/vision thing.
Before covid. I cycled 2 miles each way to work. So my car doesn't get used much. But I force myself to drive.. Use it or lose it. Took me 3 goes to pass my test!

When nervous drivers on this thread won’t drive on motorways because “there’s too much visual information” or “everything happens too fast”, I despair.

why do you despair? They don't go ON it! They are not in my way, happy days!

Joining the motorway and navigating between direction changes can be daunting for some because of the high speed. They acknowledge it, so what? If they want to take motorway lessons, they can, but I am happier with someone NOT on the motorway than someone treating it like a race track - and driving very badly despite what they believe.

Let's be honest, you GUESS that the self-proclaimed moron rally driver in the middle lane will suddenly overtake the vehicle in front of him and swerve right in front of you but you shouldn't have to guess. He's a menace.

The slow one on the left lane minding his own business bothers me a lot less.

But it is every driver’s responsibility to gain confidence by any safe means necessary.

so... by driving on the main road.

@Maddathanmad

Out of interest apart from all the naturally gifted drivers on MN who can drive anything and anywhere and the ones who have had extra tuition,how did the rest of you get good? Presumably whilst you were gaining experience you were also worried about tackling all of the things discussed on here?

Passed my test at 17. Had an instructor, who didn’t take nonsense or crawling. Sat in the passenger seat and learned from more experienced drivers. Especially on motorways. Motorway driving is a skill.