How often do you see your mum?

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

My mum has been on her own for a good few years. Has a reasonable social life during the week, COVID permitting. But she NEVER arranges anything on a weekend and leaves her weekends free for myself and my sister to either visit her or have her over for lunch/dinner. It's expected. So every weekend I drive over to see her. She lives about half an hour away. Around once a month I'll have her over for dinner.

My AIBU is whether it's too much to expect to have a 'weekend off' once in a while? I don't want to come across as uncaring, as I'm not. I know how lonely it can be living on your own. But I have a busy life - work FT, ferrying teenagers to their social lives, etc etc. I get two days off a week. I'd just like the odd weekend to myself sometimes. If I skip a visit it's met with huffiness.

Every 2-3 weeks. We live an hour or so apart, but I work near her house.

Thankfully she is as protective as me over her free time and doesn't love to socialise too much so it works for us - we speak on the phone one, maaaaybe 2 times a week too.

I find it very odd when parents are so demanding on their adult children's lives - a close friend (who lives 400 miles from her parents) 'has' to come home once a month, for all manner of minor celebrations (the dog's birthday, anyone) or her parents start a whole campaign of complaining and wailing. And they call her for upwards of an hour each day. It's not even that they don't have friends or a social life, but they seem to expect her not to. If she misses their calls in the evening because she's busy, more guilt trips and complaining. Batshit.

I'd add, OP, that although it feels VERY alien and weird to just allow the huffiness to happen and not engage with it, practicing that will give you so much freedom. You don't have to never see her again, but get comfortable with setting your own gentle boundaries around when you do - the huffiness is on her, not you, and you aren't obliged to feel bad for wanting a weekend to yourself, that's a completely normal thing to want in a busy life with work and children. Remind yourself you are not doing something shocking or cruel, just creating some space for yourself in your life that isn't about anyone else around you, and if she huffs about it that's up to her.

Maybe twice a year. We’re not that close

That's great advice therocinante (I'm in a similar position to the OP). It's so easy to feel obligated and guilty when we're doing our best. I see my DM every weekend normally, though this weekend I'm too overwhelmed with other stuff, but my DB hasn't visited since August and he doesn't appear to feel bad!