AIBU to be annoyed when being told everyone needs to self care?😡

[GloomyWaters]

Been asked today...'So, what do you do for selfcare?"........ha ha ha!!!!! I dont have the flipping time!!!! "Well you need to make the time, everyone needs to have some selfcare"
ANNOYED.......AIBU???

So what are you doing?

I used to think this too but when I got stricter with myself about spending time online I found more time

Im juggling work, my own family, carer for elderly parent twice a week, running DS to elite sporting activity at night teice a week....I do not have to for selfcare!!!

*time

Can anything be delegated? You are at risk of burn out if you literally do nothing for yourself

Just let yourself go to shit then op.

Also being as annoyed about it as you quite rightly seem to be shows some underlying resentment. Self care could literally be a longer bath or half hour extra in bed. It doesn't need to take hours

That sounds really shit @GloomyWaters.

Having people patronise you with psycho babble must be infuriating. YANBU.

Can only assume that the person who asked thinks you are burning out? Maybe instead of being so bristling think when you could carve out time for yourself.

It depends on what they mean by self care. It means different things to different people.

It can range from anything like 10 minutes shaving your legs in the shower to booking yourself a weekend away with friends.

Find something small that pleases you and do it. No matter how busy you are, if it's small enough you can fit it in.

Self care could be ten minutes on mumsnet....

@Reinventinganna

Self care could be ten minutes on mumsnet....

Exactly, or just watching your favourite soap/TV show/reading a few pages of a novel.

I think it's the term 'self-care' that sounds naff. Even a sincere 'are you managing to take care of yourself?' sounds less irritating and more well-meaning than telling you to make time for self-care.

If you don’t make time for your wellness, you will be forced to make time for your illness.

YANBU in people keep saying it is annoying, and it seems quite trendy, however it is actually truthful. A few mins here and there, allowing your mind to wander for a little while, or checking in on Mumsnet. It doesn’t have to be a full on spa day, every minute towards looking after yourself is worth it.

Everyone has time for self care. It doesn't have to be time consuming, can be a few minutes a day. Now motivation, especially when you feel like everything is on you, is a different matter and I get that.

People don't generally ask for the fun of it so try not to be so annoyed.

Self care - always makes me think of cleaning intimate parts.

I used to have to ask this question specifically for work, and I always did a massive eye roll when I did it because I thought it was just such a bollocks question.

But then I learned . Self care =
Being able to get out of bed
Wash
Get dressed
Maybe run a brush through your hair (not necessary)
Eat

There are people who literally can't manage these things, and they're often stumbling into depression. If that person is also a lone parent...
So now I realise it's a massively important question. Sorry

I think sometimes people mean things nicely, but can't really offer very useful advice because their lives are very different from yours.

DHs mate (single, no DC) recently told us via zoom that we looked tired and to make sure we went out and enjoyed ourselves as a couple...after our side of the conversation was mainly about how tricky balancing work and childcare is/was in the pandemic

Well they're right.

People often prioritise looking after others over looking after themselves. You need to look after yourself. Do you have a partner, siblings? Can't your parents have carers visit instead of you doing it?

It drives me mad too, OP. ‘You have to make time for yourself’ or (this phrasing just grates on me for some reason...) ‘You must carve out time for yourself’ 😤

Unless those pithy little comments come attached with a nanny, a housekeeper, more hours in the day or a lottery win so I don’t have to work anymore, it’s literally impossible and forcing more guilt on me about how I’m neglecting my self care doesn’t help!!

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Making some time to look after yourself is vital to stop burn out.

As others have said it doesn’t need to be anything big but you don’t help yourself with a martyr attitude

Just the phrase ‘selfcare’ would annoy me.OP I used to be you until the kids were grown up.I understand you’re predicament totally.I have more time to do some things I would like to do now -but at a cost as now I’m not physically able to do them! Even if you get to sit down for half an hour here and there with a cuppa and read or just sit or go for a walk- is better than nothing- I would eat my food standing up doing cleaning at the same time so I could fit everything in- looking back it was ridiculous-

I totally understand OP. Yes, self care is very very important but sometimes our lives are so busy that the first priority is just staying afloat. It used to piss me off too when the DC were small and I was working FT in a busy job, with DH working long shifts. I remember thinking that my only priority was getting to the end of the day alive. Now the DC are older I’m able to spend an hour reading in bed on a Sunday afternoon and it’s wonderful, but self care was the last thing on my mind back then.

And there’s the other bingo card word which riles me: ‘martyr’

I do not chose to be exhausted with no time for myself as being a ‘martyr’ implies.

I think it could be a simple as not getting annoyed at people asking what you do for srlf care. why let it rile you? what does that actually achieve?