AIBU to be annoyed when being told everyone needs to self care?😡

[GloomyWaters]

Been asked today...'So, what do you do for selfcare?"........ha ha ha!!!!! I dont have the flipping time!!!! "Well you need to make the time, everyone needs to have some selfcare"
ANNOYED.......AIBU???

Mine is cleansing, toning and moisturiser
/facial serum each day x2 - it takes 5 minutes and makes me feel great

Everyone has time for that

I think sometimes you can incorporate elements of self- care within your work/ responsibilities.
Listen to podcasts/ music/ news. Check your posture every time you walk through a doorway. Carry eyebrow tweezers in case you get a moment. Try to develop a mindset of calm and focusing on the moment, finding something to enjoy in the task you're doing.
Non negotiable are sleep, personal hygiene, and most importantly not ignoring health issues you should get checked out.

When my DD was very unwell mentally, shortly after my exH had left, and I was trying so hard to do everything, my then-manager asked me very kindly, who was looking after me... and I broke down and cried in her office. I was pretty much her hard-nosed enforcer at that point, but I just cried and cried because it was literally years since anyone had been so kind to me. She made me a hot chocolate and got me tissues... she was a mad old bat, but the kindest, nicest woman.

Looking after yourself, even in tiny ways, is essential.

@funnylittlefloozie. I had the same at work, someone gave me a hug and I just broke down and cried. I couldn’t remember when was the last time someone had touched me.

I was so busy trying to keep the boat afloat and help DS, I forgot I also needed help.

Sadly, with no family around, a long commute and a small child there was no time for self care during the day. So I started going to bed at the same time as DS and waking up at 4am, so I could have 2 hours totally for me. It worked... beautifully !

@TheSockMonster

It sounds like a euphemism for masturbation.

Which, incidentally, would fulfil the remit nicely.

Exactly what I think when "self care" is mentioned. True true true. Once "self care" act is over, person is calmer, happier, serene

Annoyed? That sounds like an odd response. Unless of course you’re the busiest person in the entire world - in which case you have every right to be angry 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷‍♀️😅

You know - a friend said to me you need to be kind to yourself when I was going through the worst divorce. She said yes just have baths, wear cosy clothes, hot chocolate.
It sounded ridiculous but it changed my mindset a bit, didn’t really do any of it but it stayed with me - the kindness to myself and accepting you’re not superhuman.

YANBU - the one that got me is the staff meeting telling us to take time for ourselves, but doing sweet FA towards reducing workload.

I have a full time job, child, husband with debilitating depression. If I did nothing to help me feel well, I'd be a mess. Audiobooks, 20 mins exercise every other day. Cooking. Occasional walks with friends. All really necessary. You can't change control much but you can do small things for yourself. Makes all the difference. No need for labels like 'self care' if that's making you uncomfortable

Self-care does not have to take hours. It can be 10 minutes here with a cup of tea, 30 minutes there in a hot tub with a book, 15 minutes sitting quietly in the garden. I will tell you this, though, if you do not make time for yourself, even in tiny doses, you will have nothing left to give to others. I learned this lesson the hard way. Have been where you are. At one point, the best I could manage was standing very still, all by myself, at the end of the day when the light goes all misty blue, and breathing in the peace for five minutes. It kept me sane.

While it is entirely reasonable to wonder how on earth you will manage this, it is rather unreasonable to be annoyed by someone telling you the simple truth. Don't drive yourself into a breakdown. If you do, you're no good to anyone at all, including you.

It is important that you get some relaxation it's a luxury you can't afford been time poor, you've to much on.
Can DS get the bus sometime? Do you wait on him? I'd chill out in the car with a hot chocolate and some good music.

The term itself is cheesy so I get it. But it's true. Doing so much for everyone else so you end up sick is not worth it. As painful as it is, there's always scope to scale back. It means other people lose out but you make sure you aren't driving yourself into the ground and then endup really unwell. I learnt this the hard way. I hope there are people round you you can pass back some of your workload onto. Sounds like you're exhausted

OP I think the fact you are so tetchy shows that you are in great need of self care.

I'm just starting to understand after a period of limiting - and in all honesty preventable - ill-health that self-care isn't a task you need to make extra time for. It's an attitude: not only about boundaries... but also simple every day choices.

My mantra now (picked up from a random book, but helpful to me) is "I am a person who prioritises my health"

As I become more self-aware about this, it shocks me how often my automatic position is that I don't matter, that I can push myself that bit more, that somehow it won't catch up with me. And also how often making the choice that helps my health is actually possible.

It’s an irritating phrase but your response indicates that you need it.

Of course you have time, if you don’t then your priorities are wrong. I also suspect you do practise ‘self care’ but claim not to because you’re being a martyr

Nordicwannabe

Absolutely.
We cannot poour from an empty cup.
I care for an adult with debiltating depression.
It is vital that I maintain my own well being, not only fror myself , but so I can show up for that person with authentic joy, to provide support and stabilty, to be an anchor for him when he is in stormy waters.
My own self care makes sure I am stable and grounded.

@Thirtyrock39

I have started a very intense job that Has made me feel like I am constantly juggling everything - expected to do loads of overtime (I'm working today and tomorrow) and is very fast paced and stressful. Plus husband is deputy head so kids and home mainly fall to me. I just try and find a few minutes everyday - eg when I come home I'll take a cup of coffee in the garden while I water the plants, get up even earlier to go for a 15 minute jog, try and read every evening even if just five minutes before bed. A little something everyday .

I know this comment was a couple of days ago, but I've just caught up with the thread properly and am surprised that no-one else has picked up on the Plus husband is deputy head so kids and home mainly fall to me part of this comment from a poster who also has a very intense job that requires lots of overtime.

So why, in a house where there are two full time working parents does only one of them feel responsible for the majority of the house and child stuff? While the other feels they can blissfully ignore it when it suits them?

A big part of self care for a lot of women would be to 'stop putting yourself last'. Very few men do it. I know it won't help the 'single parent to several disabled children while simultaneously being CEO of ICI' whataboutery but for all those of you who have a partner, or even when you're separated from your DCs father but he still has them regularly, concentrate on splitting the load more evenly as a way of carving out time for yourself, aka self care.

Plus having a real good think about whether half the stuff you're doing is actually necessary, because 90%+ of ironing isn't nor is daily vacuuming or bathroom cleaning.

Another Organised Time Technique important point when you're at the overwhelmed and desperate stage is to think 'what would happen if you didn't do it' and in a lot of cases, the answer is 'absolutely nothing'.

I have 4 kids 17 animals and run a charity and still have time to clean the house, tan ,makeup etc. It's just about prioritising your time and being a bit selfish sometimes(no I'm not a "karen" I'm just really particular about having me time 🤣)

This question would annow me. "What do you do for self-care?" Even when I try to take care of myselfby exercising, or sitting up straightI don't do it as "self-care" but as common sensical living. I don't care for my "self" but for a person who happens to be me, and whose well-being is instrumental for the well-being of the people I love, especially my child. But "self-care" sounds like "self-help" and "being my best self"--it dissociates us from the networks and communities were none are isolated "selves" but persons in relation to others...

Sounds like OP is one of those people who likes to constantly tell everyone just how BUSY they are, endlessly. I always find they'd be less busy if they spent less time talking about how busy they are, and stopped doing Performance Busy-ness.

@ElphabaTheGreen

It drives me mad too, OP. ‘You have to make time for yourself’ or (this phrasing just grates on me for some reason...) ‘You must carve out time for yourself’ 😤

Unless those pithy little comments come attached with a nanny, a housekeeper, more hours in the day or a lottery win so I don’t have to work anymore, it’s literally impossible and forcing more guilt on me about how I’m neglecting my self care doesn’t help!!

I made one of those comments. I had no nanny (nor any other child care), worked a low-paying job, barely made ends meet. I had a husband who thought that ALL child-rearing and housework was for women (one of the many reasons he's an ex), two children 13 months apart, and a demanding mother.

I spoke from experience. And many days, my "self-care" was that 5 minutes as the world went gently dark. Most of the time, I thought I was doing really well to get both legs shaved the same day, and without running out of hot water.

Sounds like OP is one of those people who likes to constantly tell everyone just how BUSY they are, endlessly. I always find they'd be less busy if they spent less time talking about how busy they are, and stopped doing Performance Busy-ness.

I didn't read it like that at all

I really donlt believe that some people have zero time for self care- and if you don't you can make some.

Self care can take many forms, even just a concious reminder to stop the inner critic and treat yourself with a litle more compassion. Taking a vitamin D tablet after you brush your teeth, playing uplifting music or podcasts as you drive to work or do other tasks, nurturing my inner child as I fall asleep.
And creating time by prioritising.
The world won't fall apart if you let the bedding go another few days. Hoovering and floor washing can be cut, ironing is rarely necessary.

Remember the analogy of the oxygen masks in the plane- two drop down for mother and baby- which one do you put on first?

I did my dissertation on burnout in nurses. All evidence - ie proper scientific research based studies, pointed to self care being the main protective factor.

Macmoominmamma

That's so interesting.

For me it's about an attitude. What would you do if you had a family member running themselves into the ground? Give yourself the same treatment.
Recognising when reserves are low, when your own mental or physical self is starting to suffer- and take stape to change, ask for help, offload.
A parent or carer who is worn to a thread is of little help.
Off to hit the mat for some meditation and yoga before I start my busy day.