Does anyone here neglect themselves in small ways?

[FortunesFave]

Not big ways like not eating for days or never washing...but weird little ways.

I do! And I was trying to work out why...for example. I realised today that I only have about 5 pairs of knickers and they're all full of holes. I have a few fancy lacy ones but they're uncomfortable and only for fun times... no everyday ones that aren't fit for the rag bag.

I mean...I can afford them! So why haven't I got them! I went out and sorted that out today....and I started thinking that when I was growing up, after about 14 or so, my Mum just stopped buying me any clothes.

She did get me a winter coat every year and shoes but nothing else.

Could that be why I habitually forget to get things like these basics?

What about you? Do you neglect anything weird like that?

I've just eyed up the junk dh's discarded hobby equipment in the garage & wondered how many pairs of pants I could buy if I sold the lot!

I don’t celebrate my birthday. I feel ashamed that the children will try to make it special. I just don’t feel like anything special should be done for me. Like imposter syndrome type thinking. I’m embarrassed that they will mistakenly think I’m important.

@Cissyandflora your poor kids. You need to get some counselling before you do damage to them.

CherryPieEyes was your last comment to cissyandflora really necessary. So someone says they think they worthless and you kick them even more by telling them they will damage their children (which is a huge leap and wrong anyway). You are a nice piece of work.

Went to M&S yesterday to exchange jeans and get a couple more pairs. Intended to look at knickers whilst there. Got my jeans, browsed the trousers, tops and shoe sections, off to pay and only realised this morning that I totally forgot to even browse the knickers section. Bizarre!!! Also got thinking about the chest of drawers where I keep my knickers. It's real wood and the drawers get stuck every single time when opening or closing, takes forever!. They're so bad that I have to take out anything I need for the next day, the night before. Had just accepted it as it is for some reason. We're moving this year and I've just decided they won't be coming with us. Have put up with this for 3 whole years!

@ByeByeMissAmericanPie, not sure why I do as I used to be total opposite of how I am now. Before, it came naturally to look after myself, yet these days I have to make an effort and justify it in my head first. Have always had fair paying jobs I enjoy, can speak up for myself and am generally a confident person. I once convinced a 5 star hotel general manager to change staff uniform suppliers because the quality wasn't up to scratch. I remember the excitement of new clothes as a child, browsing and window shopping with friends as a teen. I also used to make my own clothes. Would request material as presents and design my own.
I'm also house proud and look well put together, so no one would think I was neglecting myself. Not martyrdom either as for example, I use perfume, but people wouldn't know that I'd used my M&S perfume whilst my Dior, Hermes etc sit unused on my dressing table. I have a CK perfume that's lasted almost 6 years!! I hereby challenge myself to use said perfumes from today! Its a weird thing that I can't explain.

I neglect myself in some ways and not others. My skincare regime is on point. I moisturise, use hair masks, groom. However my clothing and weight are my issues. I have let myself get overweight and won't buy new clothes as a result. So all my clothes are old and holey.

@Cissyandflora, but you do deserve the fuss. The kids will love it too. I had an ex colleague who was like this. She was shocked when I told her I celebrate my birthday for a while week, and always book the day itself off. Even when I was on my own, I'd still buy a cake, make my fave food, put balloons up and just be happy in my then rented little room 😊. She on the other hand thought she would be being wasteful etc. She vowed to change and we went out for a meal for her next birthday, her very first time and she loved it and couldn't believe she'd denied herself all those years.

I neglect myself by not eating fruit and veg... like hardly ever.
If I'm hungry it wouldn't even enter my head to have an apple or banana. But I'm militant about DD having fruit and drinking water.
I drink coke, tea and coffee and eat nothing but junk! No idea why I do it to myself or how to retrain myself!

I got rid of my old rubbish winter coat and treated myself to a new winter coat as I knew I'd be spending more time outdoors due to lockdown/restrictions. Why did I feel extravagant and that it was a treat? Actually I realise since, that it was a necessity! My new coat is actually warm and weather proof, it has a hood and big pockets.

I will darn holes in clothes and make them last, but that's a good thing. I do need new underwear though.

One thing I'll do that is neglect to myself in a small way, it not buying myself a drink when out as it seems too expensive, but I can afford it and have never been poor. I will wait until I get to the car and have a warm box of apple juice instead.

So I just want to share my undies splurge that happened yesterday

These are not ordinary knickers and bras. These are specially selected, hand picked knickers and bras by my DH 😂😍 (brought to you by m&s)

Wow @LostPencilSOS! Amazing! 😍

Haha @ByeByeMissAmericanPie thanks wearing one right now !

Nice haul @LostPencilSOS 👏👏. Aiming to get mine done before the end of April.

[quote CherryPieEyes]@SunshineCake I'm neither under thinking it, over thinking it or trying to be clever.

Merely pointing out how weird and martyr -ish it is to not allow yourself anything half decent or give yourself permission to enjoy life. And some of it sounds like hoarding type issues too

But it's no skin off my nose if you don't want to buy any clothes and can make do with ones from the 70s. [/quote]
Miaow

Wonderful @LostPencilSOS !

@sweetgenevincent1

So many ways. Second hand clothes always. Don't do the things I would really enjoy. Don't celebrate special dates. It's like it's I'm not worth it, it's only me so xyz will do. I can buy expensive things for others but never for me. I can't be seen to be enjoying life as others aren't

Daft as it might sound (I've been thinking about things since reding this thread) I think I can't allow myself to do things for me that my mother couldn't/wouldn't. Like you say - feel I'm not worth it. Also, that it seems disloyal to her (I know - stupid!).

@LostPencilSOS

So I just want to share my undies splurge that happened yesterday

These are not ordinary knickers and bras. These are specially selected, hand picked knickers and bras by my DH 😂😍 (brought to you by m&s)

Gorgeous!

I'll bet you look - and feel - fabulous in them!

Oh my god this thread has been eye opening. It had never occurred to me that I'm like this but I am!
I never eat fruit, I save it for the kids
I am still wearing one pair of trainers that are 6 years old every day even though they are so tatty
I hardly ever replace underwear
I haven't bought pyjamas in probably... Ever?! I got some for birthdays and they are old and I don't like them.
I often just eat the kids leftovers for lunch, sometimes just bread crusts!
I hardly ever buy clothes

For me it's all about guilt over spending money, but we have plenty of money! I don't even have any childhood trauma to refer back to.
When I was younger (early 20s) I would go shopping and splurge loads on clothes for myself I didn't even care if they weren't worn.
Something changed along the way and now I AGONISE over every decision. I spent months looking at trainers to replace my tatty ones and when they finally arrived I didnt like them. I make purchases into such a big deal that the result is never good enough so I send it back, and I also get so sick or researching a purchase that I don't buy it. For example I need under eye concealer but I felt so overwhelmed by all the choice that I just never bothered.
If a trainer won't match every possible outfit I won't buy it, but I could just buy two pairs?!

This thread has really made me think that I need to change my ways.

I just bought myself some new trousers

CherryPieEyes

@SunshineCake I'm neither under thinking it, over thinking it or trying to be clever.

Merely pointing out how weird and martyr -ish it is to not allow yourself anything half decent or give yourself permission to enjoy life. And some of it sounds like hoarding type issues too “

No, no. You need to get into my head, CherryPieEyes. Half decent clothes wise is fine by me. I spent 20 years in tailored business suits, heels and designer bags. if I see another of any of the aforementioned before hell freezes over, that’ll be too soon.
I am these days of relatively limited budget and would far rather knock around at home (no desire to travel anymore either) in charity shop clothes and Primark knickers while drinking craft gin, eating lovely food and spending my “disposable income” I think it’s called on lovely plants and garden toys for grandchild.
(Don’t mix gin and grandchild, obvs.) thankfully my husband is if the same mind, probably more so after 40 years in Saville Rows.
No martyrdom here

I never buy knickers until mine are literally falling apart And I only have two bras. Which is weird as Ioved pretty underwear as a younger woman. I think clothes shopping always seems so expensive now that I don't buy new day to day clothes often either. It seems indulgent & I'd rather spend it on decor which lasts longer & gives me more pleasure..

I’m (or was at least!) the epitome of Fur Coat : No knickers
Spend an absolute bomb on certain things, premium handbags/boots/shoes/high-end cosmetics & skincare and V Good jackets/designer scarves etc.

LITERALLY everything else : Department store, primark etc
Everything else.

I think many of us have thoroughly internalised the social conditioning that say that being self-sacrificing is a prime virtue.
Putting others before you is an expectation that hasn't gone away.

It's real wood and the drawers get stuck every single time when opening or closing, takes forever!. They're so bad that I have to take out anything I need for the next day, the night before. Had just accepted it as it is for some reason.

Off topic but have you tried waxing the wood? Put a plain white wax candle on a warm radiator to soften a bit, and then rub it over the wood on the sides of the drawer and on the frame where the drawer has to move in and out, everywhere the wood rubs together. It wont help if the wood has badly warped but otherwise it should make a big difference.

And it if doesn't work it doesn't matter, you're going to leave'em behind when you move!

My order has been dispatched. Yay 😁