Does anyone here neglect themselves in small ways?

[FortunesFave]

Not big ways like not eating for days or never washing...but weird little ways.

I do! And I was trying to work out why...for example. I realised today that I only have about 5 pairs of knickers and they're all full of holes. I have a few fancy lacy ones but they're uncomfortable and only for fun times... no everyday ones that aren't fit for the rag bag.

I mean...I can afford them! So why haven't I got them! I went out and sorted that out today....and I started thinking that when I was growing up, after about 14 or so, my Mum just stopped buying me any clothes.

She did get me a winter coat every year and shoes but nothing else.

Could that be why I habitually forget to get things like these basics?

What about you? Do you neglect anything weird like that?

Inspired by you all I moisturised after my shower this morning - even using the Milton Brown stuff I was given years ago but hardly ever use as it’s too nice Now smell lovely, the sun is shining and I’m going to make a proper lunch to eat with the DC rather than make theirs then pick at food like I usually would.

I have just ordered a new raincoat. I was almost put off by the prices once I started looking - four or five different brands were all 150 for a light raincoat. But then I saw one of the same brand on sale for 45 which was genuinely the one I preferred (not a compromise to avoid spending money on myself) so that felt great! In fact so good, that I threw in a new pair of ear-rings

I've also trimmed and filed my nails, and made an appointment for a dental check up. I'm so glad I read this thread.

I've ordered new pants thanks to this thread . About £18 including delivery from M&S for two weeks' worth. Can't believe it took this long.

I think there’s a difference between some of these behaviours and the sentiments behind them. Repairing clothes and wearing them until they are worn out is normal and good for the planet. I’ve had the same coat for 7 years because there’s nothing wrong with it, not because I’m depriving myself of a new coat.
What isn’t fine is the feeling that you’re not worth it or don’t deserve it you are and you do. And that special day you’re saving things for won’t come. Every day is special so use the good stuff!

@FrankButchersDickieBow

I cannot remember the last time I bought myself new knickers. And like you, I have no idea why.

I barely buy myself new clothes or pj's.

We're far from skint.

It's odd isn't it!

I'm the same. I think I got fed up with buying knickers only to find out the arse coverage is rubbish. So stopped buying them. It's slovenly but there you go.

I'm like it with tea towels.
I keep washing the same ones over and over until they're threadbare. One is so threadbare it's see through, the other's full of holes and tea towel no. 3 is a Christmas tea towel from 2010.

Why I don't just chuck a couple of new ones in with the weekly shop I have no idea.
It's no hardship.

Also, I don't clean my glasses. I go a whole week trying to see through the clean bits before giving in and suddenly, wow, I can see!! I used to like trading myself, buying the latest fashion etc but had the same bath mat and shower curtain until they were discoloured. Looking back, it was probably after a bad break-up and weight gain that I stopped caring as much. Took years to realise as it happens gradually. Now I try to stay on top of it. Got my fav cotton knickers from George, went to get new ones and they'd discontinued them, so have been kind of waiting for them to come back, I waited about 12 years. Silly and completely irrational. Can't blame it on dm, no kids and don't remember going without when younger.
I did treat myself to a Barbour jacket though.

I'm like that with underwear as long as I wear a clean one everyday. My daily knickers are falling apart and dh thought I shat myself the other day because I must have come into contact with bleach when using the toilet and there was a orange brown spot on the back of my black knickers where he commented if I shat myself and went and got me a pack of 5 bikini briefs when I explained it's bleach!

He always tells me off for not treating myself where I can get my hair, manicure and lashes done if I wanted to. I don't take care of my skin as well and I don't use the moisturisers he buys me for my bday and Christmas. I do neglect myself, probably more since covid but is there some sort of Mh issue going on or is it that I don't like wasting my money on things I see as long as it does the job and no one sees it's okay? My dm always used to tell me how important shaving and wearing nice clean undies is just in case we are in an accident and we don't want the paramedics and doctors laughing at us 🤔

@buzzing
Well done girl. Go for it.
Think of the the good example you are setting Dc.
You'd want the best for her so when dc is a Parent they'll still be practicing self love.
Make this a habit and tell yourself 'well done Buzzing' (in your head).

I totally get this. Weirdly, I’ll buy expensive foundation and make up but it really causes me trouble to buy nice pyjamas and underwear. I’ll wear good lipstick but I’ll be too lazy to floss. These are some really f’ed up priorities and I don’t know why I am like this. The only think I can think of Is that when we were kids we didn’t get toothbrushes and toothpaste, weren’t washed but to all intents and purposes we were seen as well turned out because we had good clothes (then those eventually didn’t get replaced and us girls did our best with next to nothing). My sisters are like this too.

@BusLaneLady
Your dh sounds lovely.
I know where you're coming from.
But the odd treat now abs then does wonders fir the soul.
Try some of those moisturisers - bet your dh would be tickled pink.

Have a spontaneous trip to the hairdresser just because ..,...
I started treating myself like I'd treated my children.
I began ti mother myself (not the way I had been mothered - she did her best and I love her but it's different now)
So I take my dc for haircuts , buy them lovely clothes and make up ( age appropriate) feed them nutritious food, encourage their interests and encourage their friendships - I do the same for myself , buy myself lovely clothes , make up , salon visits , treat yummy, nutritious food,pursue my interests and see supportive friends.
I hate waste of any kind so like @PattyPan said I will mend stuff.
Will darn tights if it's only in the foot and can't be seen.
Nice clothes make me feel good.
Make up makes me feel good.
And everyone deserves to feel good.

Sorry @CrankyFrankie that sounds pretty awful. How annoying that you are supposed to make her feel better about (sometimes) being a rubbish parent. Shame makes people lash out, I guess. She can’t cope with feeling like crap so needs to project it somewhere else fast

Hair - last time i went was 2yrs ago.
Bras
I do nothing at all with my nails...

I wear crap clothes and frayed period pants sometimes
I delay my eye tests until I am really struggling with day to day tasks and my job
I eat boring food as I cba.
I neglect my teeth (dental visits). I do brush and floss daily.
When I'm in pain I take tablets, use hot water bottle and say nothing. Sometimes I want to cry
With the pain.
I need an aspergers or adhd assessment... But won't pursue it despite it really causing me troubles in day to day life.

Looks like there are lots of people out there in need of pants

I'm going to hit Primarni this week and stock up!!

I realised a few months ago I was doing this. So I went out and got small things that have made such a difference in just feeling a bit cared for. They are such silly things! New underwear with a nice edging and in some different colours, trainer socks, a supply of decent razor blades, a decent coat with a hood, body lotion with a pump so I will use it, a foot pumice so I will actually look after my feet, a smarter pair of trainers for the school run or the walk to the corner shop.

I spent less than £100 but it’s so worth it! I feel so much more put together without making do all the time or borrowing DH’s stuff!

I also colour sorted my wardrobe. Now everything tones with everything else. It took a couple of days but I feel pulled together even on jeans and jumper days.

I spent my early 20s buying myself lovely luxuries and I never went with cold feet or without a waterproof jacket. Then I had 3 kids and suddenly found myself sat down on a saturday night darning my socks and sewing up the holes in my primark underwear. It only dawned on me at the start of this pregnancy that buying new clothes is okay, and I don't have to wear the maternity clothes 3 sizes too big that I wore with my first babies because I can buy ones that fit now! i think sometimes I worry more about wasting good, old clothing than whether it fits me and it's purpose and keeps my arse cheeks covered.

I’ve still got my advent calendar unopened. My son buys me the Liberty calendar as my Christmas present. It is still in the cardboard box it was delivered in. It’s too much. Too good.

I have read every comment on this thread, many of them are so sad.
I can relate to some, as a child I too was bought school uniform and little else. The uniform was from Peter Jones ( John Lewis Sloane Square) and with another set of everyday clothes that was considered enough. Nearly all the items were only bought once and lasted from age 11 to 15.
Sometimes, when my mother might have felt affronted by my clothes I got a ‘treat’ dress so I could be seen out with her. Meanwhile my parents wore the best they could afford, Jaegar, Aquascutum etc.
I got a Saturday job in a small independent dress shop where the owner would buy items and tell my mother how she could see me in them. Thus shaming her into buying them for me. It didn’t happen too often.
Now, I do buy myself whatever I need, although I’m always looking for a bargain in a sale and I’m fortunate that my money is my own to do with as I please. But, I always buy lovely cotton pjs that get better with every wash, as the years go by!
DH had a completely different upbringing and although he doesn’t buy a lot, he always buys good quality things even if they’re expensive.

I don’t mean that I’m glad any of you suffered neglect as children etc but it’s comforting to know my sisters and I weren’t alone in childhood neglect if you see what I mean. I used to use wads of school loo roll for sanitary protection and I must have used to really smell etc. I get therapy for trauma based obsessive compulsive disorder (crazily cleaning and intrusive thoughts) and my therapist urged me to write a letter to my younger self. You also need to write this in your non-dominant hand. It was so upsetting to write and read it but it’s made such a difference to think that all of these little neglects and self sabotages are just coping mechanisms we learned as children to help us in horrible situations. After having done this, I’ve noticed a huge change in my self-care.

Please take care of yourselves even small things like having underwear that's not falling to bits with holes can make you feel better.
If you can't keep your undies White buy nude or colours if that helps.

Maybe like PP mentioned get into a yearly habit of getting on top of your appointments and doing a clear out to replace worn out things when you can afford it.

Definitely make those GP, optician, dentist appointments and go to the toilet if you need too.

We are all important and need to try to be happy, healthy, hydrated and well fed.

If you're hesitant about taking prescriptions speak to your GP and discuss.

I've had a traumatic life but try to be kind to myself and seek the support I need. I encourage everyone to be kind to yourself.

Thanks OP

to you all

The dentist told me off last time I was there because I hadn't been since 2017
I was honestly surprised as it didn't feel so long but I'd been religiously taking the kids to theirs at the same dentist and not booking for myself at all.

I forget to getting my prescription renewed, run out of PPIs regularly and get awful reflux that is totally preventable. I always get DDs asthma and eczema meds though

I never buy myself any clothes but always spend on the kids. I have started to get my hair cut regularly again recently but for years after having DC I never did that either.

I had a nice childhood so it wasn't that. I used to look after myself better pre DC but I think I just got out of the habit. It's hard to do anything for yourself with a tiny baby and you spend all your money and energy on them and then as they grow up just never get it back.

I wear bras with one wire in and pants fullllllll of holes, haven’t been to the dentist in years let alone the optician. I don’t collect prescriptions for asthma inhalers if I think I “can go without”. Never buy expensive make up or order the desert.

But all these tiny savings mean my dc have a decent (not perfect) standard of living. It all adds up.

Or dessert even!