Does anyone here neglect themselves in small ways?

[FortunesFave]

Not big ways like not eating for days or never washing...but weird little ways.

I do! And I was trying to work out why...for example. I realised today that I only have about 5 pairs of knickers and they're all full of holes. I have a few fancy lacy ones but they're uncomfortable and only for fun times... no everyday ones that aren't fit for the rag bag.

I mean...I can afford them! So why haven't I got them! I went out and sorted that out today....and I started thinking that when I was growing up, after about 14 or so, my Mum just stopped buying me any clothes.

She did get me a winter coat every year and shoes but nothing else.

Could that be why I habitually forget to get things like these basics?

What about you? Do you neglect anything weird like that?

I bought a pair of nice boots 2 yrs ago, I haven't worn the because of covid. I got them out of its box and will wear them tomorrow. Thank you to this thread.

StellaLeonte

This makes me so very sad. Thank goodness that here in.Scotland we've had sanitary protection available in all girls' toilets in school for a few years now: reusable and single use which is kept topped up every day. There's also toiletries available to all kids who our pastoral care staff know need it. We work very closely with our local youth charity to identify families who need help with clothing and shoes. Thankfully, another young Stella may get the help she needs.

@Robin233 i really like your idea of “mothering” yourself, doing lovely things for yourself, good idea

Is it a punk/grunge thing or a weight thing?

The 70s and 90s alternative movements were about the rejection of consumerism. In my teens I remember cutting up brand new jeans and sandpapering holes in them, and totally missing the point.

I wear things until they're out of fashion or falling apart if classic. I do stitch up the holes in my White Stuff dresses and keep the repaired and ugly ones for home instead of work.

As I got into my 40s I accepted I wasn't going to be a size 10 again and started buying clothes that I actually liked. My 30s were spent in baggy supermarket clothes because I was going to lose the baby weight (I never did) and didn't want to waste money.

My husband buys himself nice stuff and then keeps it for best. When he's not looking I chuck his worn out stuff away (recently some garden crocs with no tread which were a serious slip hazard) and he either doesn't notice or is secretly grateful.

I love nothing more than buying my beautiful, slim adult daughter clothes (of her choosing) and we love Brighton and Camden for their goth/alternative stuff. She does nick my shoes though (Converse/DMs/Ugg's) so I have started buying brands she doesn't like so I'm not barefoot. My son nicks my husband's flannel shirts (again, he doesn't notice) and the old 90s band shirts that he's hoarded (apparently some of them are quite valuable).

Me and dh could have written this op

I shared this thread with my Dh today and we've actually been talking about it on and off all day! We laughed about the fact that I've just recently thrown out some of his holey boxers and replaced them with a fresh new pack. But besides the laughter, we talked about how and why we had both become like this. We've been through some very difficult financial years together, when we literally lost everything and had to start all over again due to some complicated finances/family stuff. Fortunately we are now much better off than we ever were before and have a lovely home and life. Dh also talked about why he thinks he's this way - how he's so obsessed with paying off the mortgage on our house as he doesn't want the dc to ever experience what he did as a youngster; losing the family home, feeling completely lost and bereft and having to financially support his parents from a very young age. So it's not just a mum thing, but can be a dad thing too! 🥲 I felt really emotional listening to him earlier about how insecure it made him feel and how stability for the kids is absolutely paramount to him as a result. For me, it was all about the dc and making sure they had everything they needed on the little bit of money I had in those days. I remember having two tatty jumper dresses that I alternated wearing for absolutely ages; new clothes for me just wasn't a priority. But we got through it didn't we and now it's time wave goodbye to the holey undies

Now that we're through to the other side though, it's time to treat ourselves !

We've planned a shopping trip tomorrow off the back of this thread 😍 so thanks op, for opening up this very important discussion.

My bush is a bit out of control.

I've just ordered two pairs of shoes!

Dh and I hand wash a lot of our dishes - just prefer it to using the dish washer when it is just cooking for our small family. We wear out the washing up sponges until it is practically shredded before 'treating' ourselves to a new sponge. It must cost pennies!

I am still wearing the soft bra from John Lewis I used to wear for comfort after I gave birth. It is full of holes. My dcs are 17 and 14!

Twenty years ago someone bought me a winter coat from Marks as a present. Cost about £200, an unimaginable amount for me to spend on myself. I wore it for a couple of years but fashions change. I put it in my wardrobe. It's still there, unworn and unwanted but I can't bring myself to put it in a charity shop as I know how much it cost. Even though I didn't pay for it I feel unable to consign it to the bin bag. Madness. Perhaps I'll keep it to be buried in.

I don’t look after myself to the same standard that I do for other people in the family.

Taking sick days from work - I have to be so ill that It will affect other people I.e sneezing all over the place before I'll even consider it. Always feel like I'd get in trouble, even as a kid I have a vivid memory of being off school sick and feeling guilty about it !

Secondly- putting up with joint pain. Took me 15 years to be diagnosed with a condition so I've sort of always had chronic pain and got on with it. Still even worn a diagnosis feel like I'm being silly sometimes.

No. I try to look after myself. Of course the children's needs come first but I don't want to role model lack of self respect to them. I also think that they would be mortified to have a mother who looked unkempt.

Underwear, socks, PJs that have holes in are thrown away. Always clean, well fitted clothes, clean shoes, hair dealt with.

It's important for life in general - school, future work, future studies etc - that kids learn that certain standards are necessary and important. No employer wants to employ someone who looks like a dirty slob.

I have never, and will never, spend £k on a holiday. In fact I'm reluctant to go on holiday at all. Do, sometimes if I'm asked me to go with someone, but it needs to be short, in UK and inexpensive. My sister and her family, my adult children, all have visited many countries with their children and spent oodles of dosh on holidays. Can't do it. It would feel so wasteful to me.

I've just ordered a few t shirts, 2 cardigans and new jeans. I have the money, it was for a birthday but I've not spent it for 7 months because I feel guilty spending it on myself, no idea why! Anyway thanks for the thread, looking forward to my new clothes arriving now

@Tppd1976 If you start your own thread on the Relationships board, you’ll be able to get proper responses to your question there all in one place - on this thread probably isn’t right to figure that stuff out as it’s a different sort of issue.

Same here, underwear and pyjama wise.

I always take the brown banana or bruised apple too, leave the better stuff for everyone else. No idea why.

Can't relate to any of this whatsoever. I've commented as it's pinged up in 'active' and I opened it in interest

Just seems that so many women are martyring themselves but for what reason? Why always take the bruised fruit for yourself? Why never buy new pants, despite being able to afford it?

It's just martyrdom where there isn't a mental health condition

It's all interesting, strange, worrying that there are very different types of upbringing on here yet so many of us feel the same. Served up last, less nice piece of dinner given to us, children have plenty of clothes and our pants are years old and or with holes. Please, all of you, buy some new underwear. No underwear, no pants at all is a worry.

Methinks there's a bit of competitive martyrdom on this thread: "I wear knickers with holes in!" "Oh but the holes in my socks are even BIGGER!" "I can easily afford it but I couldn't POSSIBLY treat myself to some new pyjamas!"

Yawn.....think about what you're modelling to your daughters and show some self respect. By doing so, you show them how to respect themselves, too. Nobody else is going to show them.

@poorsole

I have hardly any clothes which both fit and have no holes. We are short of money and there's always something else I deem more important when there is any spare but I could manage the odd thing now and then, I just don't. I've also been using moisturiser that stings my face a bit (it was part of a gift set someone bought me for Christmas) for weeks now because my usual one ran out and I couldn't justify replacing it when I knew I had something that would do. My usual moisturiser costs £2

@poorsole. Please throw that stinging moisturiser away. Please. It is hurting your skin. It could be damaging it. Buy the £2 moisturiser.

@Nonmaquillee well you've gone a little further than I did but I couldn't agree more
Of course you have to except mental health conditions and extreme poverty - these are serious issues.

But I'm agog that there are women out there who are martyring themselves and not having the 'nice fruit' on their cereal because they're just so not worthy. Or wearing boots tied round with elastic because they don't deserve shoes

I broke off reading this to go to the bathroom and then noticed how my favourite fleece zip up is too big. I looked at the size and it is three sizes too big. I told dh about this thread and how I can't justify buying one that is smaller and he said I can. It doesn't fit. I know I won't though. My wardrobe is four sizes in span but while the clothes might look better in my actual size, they do the job. I just don't look my size.

Of course my comments are not aimed at anyone with mental health issues or living in poverty; they're directed at the women who say they can afford nice, normal things but insist on wearing tatty underwear. I just don't get it. And I don't get people saying that they don't go on holidays even if they can afford it. What's the point of money in the bank if you don't enjoy it? What message are you sending your children?

I never keep anything "for best", either - just wear things you enjoy and feel good about yourself. Life's too short.

I really feel a luxury at the amount of socks I have in my drawer. I have several categories . For walking the dog, for when it is cold after I have walked the dog, normal socks after dog walking, socks to sleep in any socks for running in. These are normal socks but go for running once they are less than perfect.