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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Penis-haver

366 replies

Blue4YOU · 15/04/2021 20:56

AIBU to start referring to all men as penis-hackers (inspired by the absurd NHS policy re people who menstruate thread)?
Hi, here’s my penis-haver X who I’m married to, my penis-haver friend Y and I was assaulted by a penis-haver paediatrician?

OP posts:
MadamBatty · 16/04/2021 08:06

I do not have a cervix or prostrate.

Do I need to dye my hair blue & buy check shirts?

Mugginyouleftrightandcentre · 16/04/2021 08:10

@PussGirl

He'd be the tossee
This cracked me up for some reason Grin I'm definitely going to use the word 'tossee' next time me and DH are getting it awwwwwwwnnn.
Cailleach1 · 16/04/2021 08:12

@fairynick

Trans men are men.
I hope they are getting their prostates checked then. Because the NHS categorically states that The prostate is a small gland in the pelvis, found only in men and that Prostate cancer is the most common cancer in men in the UK.
Mmn654123 · 16/04/2021 08:13

@MadamBatty

I do not have a cervix or prostrate.

Do I need to dye my hair blue & buy check shirts?

But are you an ‘either, or’ or are you are ‘neither, nor’??
Mugginyouleftrightandcentre · 16/04/2021 08:14

a man who uses coitus interruptus as a means of birth control

There is an actual adjective to describe a man who pulls out?! (I'm presuming that's what coitus interruptus means here, I could be way off the mark)

The Duke of Hastings was a highly skilled onanist - is that correct usage?

Signalbox · 16/04/2021 08:15

This Guardian article on unwittingly highlights the issue.

Women are referred to as "people with a uterus" or "people with endometriosis", but within the same article men just get to be "men". If the idea is to be inclusive of trans people, why on earth is it only female people who are referred to by their body parts? The inconsistency here is overt and makes it clear that it is only the word woman that has become “problematic”. It is not transphobic to point this out.

amp.theguardian.com/books/2020/sep/15/the-idea-of-too-much-information-is-bad-for-our-health-its-time-we-ditched-it?CMP=share_btn_tw&__twitter_impression=true

I0NA · 16/04/2021 08:15

“ People with a cervix “ excludes cervix havers who don’t identity as people. They might identify as animals or objects . One of my children identified as Thomas the Tank Engine for years.

Of course I don’t know if he has a cervix as he’s not been assigned a gender yet. I understand from reading here on MN that this happens at birth in some countries but we live in the Uk and that doesn't happen here.

We are still waiting and he’s nearly 16. I’m hoping his gender assignment will arrive with his national insurance number in a few months.

So I think it would be more inclusive to say “ cervix havers who identity as humans , animal, vegetable or mineral “.

R0wantrees · 16/04/2021 08:16

onanist (plural onanists)

a man who masturbates
a man who uses coitus interruptus as a means of birth control

Definitions such as this will need to be reviewed to comply with inclusivity demands:

onanist (plural onanists)

a prostate haver/ penis owner/tosser/tossee/willied/spaffer etc who masturbates
a prostate haver/ penis owner/tosser/tossee/willied/spaffer etc who uses coitus interruptus as a means of birth control

Mmn654123 · 16/04/2021 08:21

@R0wantrees

onanist (plural onanists)

a man who masturbates
a man who uses coitus interruptus as a means of birth control

Definitions such as this will need to be reviewed to comply with inclusivity demands:

onanist (plural onanists)

a prostate haver/ penis owner/tosser/tossee/willied/spaffer etc who masturbates
a prostate haver/ penis owner/tosser/tossee/willied/spaffer etc who uses coitus interruptus as a means of birth control

You definitions are much clearer and more trans inclusive.
Mmn654123 · 16/04/2021 08:22

Everywhere we see ‘man’ we should use the contact us page to inform the writer of their trans exclusivity so they can correct it.

dangerrabbit · 16/04/2021 08:23

Individuals in possession of a prostate

Babdoc · 16/04/2021 08:30

Love this thread!
As a sideline, to clear up the confusion about onanism, Onan was an Old Testament chap whose brother died. Jewish tradition at the time was for the surviving brother to marry the widow and father some sons to continue his brother’s line.
Onan was happy to shag the widow, but didn’t want the expense of extra children. So he pulled out and “spilled his seed upon the ground”. Denying the poor widow the chance to have a family.
For some reason, onanism has come to mean masturbation rather than withdrawal.
Even the Times got it wrong - they published my correction last year!

Wrongsideofhistorymyarse · 16/04/2021 08:30

@2ndwaver

Welll we need to be clear here.... Are they ‘cut-cock’ or ‘skin-cock’ havers!
Roundheads or Cavaliers
Mmn654123 · 16/04/2021 08:32

@Mugginyouleftrightandcentre

a man who uses coitus interruptus as a means of birth control

There is an actual adjective to describe a man who pulls out?! (I'm presuming that's what coitus interruptus means here, I could be way off the mark)

The Duke of Hastings was a highly skilled onanist - is that correct usage?

Exactly so! Excellent example and a fine figure of a prostate haver/tosser/wanker he is.
GiveMeTulipsfromAmsterdam · 16/04/2021 08:33

Brilliant thread

Kimchidreams · 16/04/2021 08:33

@I0NA Your son should be allowed to be his authentic locomotive self Grin. He shouldn’t have to be subjected to Trainsphobia. (I’ll get my coat)

R0wantrees · 16/04/2021 08:37

As a sideline, to clear up the confusion about onanism

Many thanks Babdoc. The first time I heard onanist used (incorrectly) as euphemism for wanker was by a rather pompous CofE clergyman* many years ago.

*contested term requiring review.

Poorlykitten · 16/04/2021 08:40

@Kimchidreams 😂

GiveMeTulipsfromAmsterdam · 16/04/2021 08:42

@Katypyee

The transphobia on this thread is sickening.
No transphobia here.....point out exactly which posts are transphobic.....
lunar1 · 16/04/2021 08:46

I confused and want to check how offended I should be on a scale of 1-10 at the term 'penis havers'

Many humans own dildos, just because they come from love honey (other vendors are available) and are not attached to a human body doesn't mean they should be discriminated against.

I'm thinking the offence taken should be an 11, but what should the banner say, 'dildo owners are men?'

Mmn654123 · 16/04/2021 08:50

@lunar1

I confused and want to check how offended I should be on a scale of 1-10 at the term 'penis havers'

Many humans own dildos, just because they come from love honey (other vendors are available) and are not attached to a human body doesn't mean they should be discriminated against.

I'm thinking the offence taken should be an 11, but what should the banner say, 'dildo owners are men?'

Valid point. Weights things back in favour of prostate haver perhaps?
Tanith · 16/04/2021 08:50

“ Everywhere we see ‘man’ we should use the contact us page to inform the writer of their trans exclusivity so they can correct it.”

Take care not to do the activists/fanatics work for them.
Better to point out the hypocrisy of allowing ‘men’ but not ‘women’ and campaign for what you actually want to happen.

Mmn654123 · 16/04/2021 08:51

Even ejaculator, wanker and tosser are challenging as some non cervix havers might elect not to partake in such activities.

Poorlykitten · 16/04/2021 08:51

@lunar1 🧐

Pyewackect · 16/04/2021 08:52

@PinkyU

What in actual ever living fuck are you talking about?
Absolutely !.