Am I being a push over parent?

[Flowers24]

Ok, son hates driving, has a car but rarely uses it. I drive him to work and back, collect him and his gf if they are out. I am now also taking his gf to work and collecting her, as well as working from home and. His car sits idle in the road. He says he doesnt like driving, or sometimes says he is too tired to drive.
Dh says this has to stop as i an running about all over the place. I am not very good at being firm so nervous as to how to deal with this, and also if ds really is nervous I dont want to push it? He passed test 2 years ago.

But it's about teaching them how to do it. Do they know how to use a washing machine, what powder etc to use, what setting to use? Are they used to planning ahead with washing so to think about what clothes they need in advance rather than realising something isn't washed until the day they need it.
All those things are skills they'll need when they love on their own and if they've never done it before they won't have them.

Yep they know how to use it, I just find it easier to pop all my loads in myself when im doing it

It’s all part of them all contributing to the household.
So they help by cooking meals a few nights, they load / unload the dishwasher, they do the washing etc...
It helps foster independence, ensures they have necessary skills for when they eventually move out and means you’re not doing everything.

Are electric scooters legal yet on public roads and pavements?

Omg TOTAL pushover! Enough already

lol, yeah. you are being taken for a ride (and doing all the driving...)

@Flowers24

Nope washing i do as dont see the point of doing all separate. GF staying here for now and mum not around , i drop her off when im here but she gets a taxi otherwise, just helping her save on that cost.

Dont understand the washing issue, I just bung it all in and they take it and put it away !

a taxi?? She could get a bicycle on what a week's worth of taxis must cost her. Is she made of money?!?

I can’t wait for my 15 year old to learn to drive and get a car (in a few years). He will be paying me back for being a taxi driver for all his sports and clubs he attends.

No more taxis for me if I go out for lunch or a few drinks with the girls - already told him that he will be picking me up. 😂

@Flowers24

Nope washing i do as dont see the point of doing all separate. GF staying here for now and mum not around , i drop her off when im here but she gets a taxi otherwise, just helping her save on that cost.

Dont understand the washing issue, I just bung it all in and they take it and put it away !

Why are you helping the girlfriend 'save on costs' when she is presumably sufficiently able-bodied enough to walk 30 minutes twice a day (unless there's an additional backstory you haven't mentioned up until now)?

If her parents aren't around, is she paying you rent or are you able to claim some kind of carers' / fostering allowance?

Sorry to be so blunt, but the more I read of your thread, the more you sound like a complete and utter mug with no boundaries (and possibly a bit of a martyr complex).

GF getting taxis... bar special needs a bike would help save money to get out from under your roof

Son old enough to have a girlfriend to stay over

But both of them incapable of getting up on time to go to work on time

DS has a car, but too lazy to drive

His GF is not your responsibility

They all need to grow up !

I mean this in the best possible way, OP, but how did you envision the future for your son and any girlfriend? Would you also be running after them to take care of clothing/work/possible babies/food/rent.... Did your DH agree on that vision?

I have difficulty understanding how this has gone on for so long. They don't need you to foresee "living life" anymore do they?

At 20, I didn't have a driver's license because I couldn't afford lessons. My mum couldn't either, she had other mouths to feed after dear old dad skipped town.
I took the train, bus and metro. Got lost quite a few times, too But I guarantee you, I wouldn't have wanted my mum trodding along to make sure I got where I needed to be.

I have a son, who's nearly 9. He has chores tailored to his age, that will make it easier for him later on, but he still has responsibilities! Help with dishes, feed the animals, helping his parents to keep the house in order, cleaning up after himself.

All those things you tried instilling in your son, he hasn't forgotten them, you know? Time for refreshing some basic skills for your 20 year old son, and for you to re evaluate how you're parenting.

Good luck!

GF gets a taxi for a 30 minute walk ?
You had the chat , they agreed no more lifts , then more or less the next day , he offered you £5 to take her ?
Have neither one of them got a shred of self respect?

Just read the multiple threads on here where the op has a feckless oh who games all day & has no responsibilities. These ginormous cfs are usually unemployed but expect their oh to pick up their costs. These men have usually been enabled by their parents to become users. People aren't born users, they are the products of their upbringing. You aren't doing his future wife/family andly favours by enabling his lazy behaviour.

please have some self-respect OP!!! Just sell the car already-he &the GF can give you petrol money-yep sorry but imo you are a well-trodden doormat not a pushover.

Trending on the relationship board right now:
Thinking about splitting up

I'd be giving them both 3 month notice to leave & rent a flat. They need to live together to see what reality is like. Encourage them to move out for privacy, they're in their 20s so why would they want to live with parents?

why is a presumably healthy adult getting a taxi for a 30 minute walk?