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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a push over parent?

217 replies

Flowers24 · 15/04/2021 11:44

Ok, son hates driving, has a car but rarely uses it. I drive him to work and back, collect him and his gf if they are out. I am now also taking his gf to work and collecting her, as well as working from home and. His car sits idle in the road. He says he doesnt like driving, or sometimes says he is too tired to drive.
Dh says this has to stop as i an running about all over the place. I am not very good at being firm so nervous as to how to deal with this, and also if ds really is nervous I dont want to push it? He passed test 2 years ago.

OP posts:
saraclara · 15/04/2021 16:59

Here we go. All the people who haven't RTFT or bothered to check for updates...

Original poster
Flowers24 · 15/04/2021 18:50

Yes have also said to do more at home and he said yes and will start tonight washing up etc. I definately need to be firmer and just say, after all im doing the right thing by getting him to be independant.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowers24 · 15/04/2021 18:51

@saraclara

Here we go. All the people who haven't RTFT or bothered to check for updates...
I know, I have said further up we chattted and all seems positive to make changes !
OP posts:
Motnight · 15/04/2021 22:30

That sounds really positive, Op.

Nanny0gg · 16/04/2021 00:56

Lovely.

But if it was that easy, why didn't you do it before?

BlueDahlia69 · 16/04/2021 03:26

Good luck for the morning OP, as previous posters have said, you do sound very kind but you have taken the bull by the horns today, well done 🌸

CharlieSocial · 16/04/2021 07:51

You must have lots of money OP if you are wasting it on insurance for your son. And you must have lots of extra time too if you are constantly ferrying your son and his piss taking gf.

Seriously, you are being taken for a mug

Original poster
Flowers24 · 18/04/2021 10:26

Update:

I have spoken to my son and the gf and made it very clear I will only help on lifts when ds at work and I am available etc, and also ds has to get himself to work, again will drop off now and then if it fits in with me. First day ds tried to get me to take gf again saying he was too tired to drive, his back hurt, even offered me £5 to take her lol....I stood firm and said no, so he did.

I did drop him at work yesterday as I was going that way for something else but he walked home and it took him 40 mins only. He said he may save up for an electric scooter for work.
I re-iterated again today that under no circumstances am I taking the gf to work unless he is at work and im here.

I actually feel great and empowered, I CAN do this and will not let my almost adult son dictate to me, or make me feel like a mug.

Thank you MN.

OP posts:
RealisticSketch · 18/04/2021 11:19

Wow! All power to you. MN at its best. 😊

BlueDahlia69 · 18/04/2021 12:01

He would rather buy an electric scooter than drive his car that is sat on the drive Confused

so strange OP.

billy1966 · 18/04/2021 13:03

Well done OP,

Keep reminding yourself this is parenting that needs to be done.

I can't imagine the embarrassment of a future in law letting me know my child was a lazy waster because he refused to pull his weight.

As mother's many of us do to much at time..👋👋🙄...but we have to pull back and tell them to buck up and get on with it.

Otherwise WE are failing them and OUR duty.

Flowers
Chloemol · 18/04/2021 14:18

So pay for a couple of refresher lessons for him and leave him to get on with it

Stop giving him lifts

Bluetrews25 · 18/04/2021 19:51

Why can't the GF take herself to work? Is this another failure to launch?

billy1966 · 18/04/2021 20:02

@Bluetrews25

Why can't the GF take herself to work? Is this another failure to launch?
Why is his girlfriend's getting to work YOUR responsibility?
Waxonwaxoff0 · 18/04/2021 20:06

Well done OP.

I cannot drive, I'm 30 and never learned. I have been getting myself to work my entire working life since I got my first part time job at 16, my parents never once gave me a lift and I never expected them to.

If you can't or don't want to drive, you need to get yourself to work another way.

GizmoBasil · 18/04/2021 20:35

OP just checking, are you 100% sure he passed his test?

Original poster
Flowers24 · 18/04/2021 20:37

Lol yes passed 2 years ago !

OP posts:
BlueDahlia69 · 18/04/2021 21:57

Yes why is his GF past of this entire equation ?

firedog · 18/04/2021 22:40

No way on Earth I'd be doing this

Userg1234 · 18/04/2021 22:51

Sorry are you for real. You drive HIS gf about. He doesn't like driving so your her and his taxi.

I give up with MN. He's a grown man! FFs!

Changechangychange · 19/04/2021 00:21

I re-iterated again today that under no circumstances am I taking the gf to work unless he is at work and im here

Fixed that for you.

OP, loads of people have asked abd you haven’t really explained - how on earth did getting his girlfriend to work end up being your responsibility! Or even his, if they don’t live together? Why isn’t she taking herself, or asking her own mum for lifts?

HerMammy · 19/04/2021 01:10

Sell the car! Why are you paying for a car that sits unused?
I hope this pair of lazy sods are paying you their keep!!

ElizabethTudor · 19/04/2021 01:17

@Flowers24

There arent any buses from us to his place of work or the gf though, can walk either in 30 mins I guess.
They don’t need to walk. He has a car!! Fair enough if he’s a bit nervous about driving - he can book some advanced driving lessons. But you’ve got to stop being Mum’s taxi. They are both taking the absolute piss.
AppleDolphin · 19/04/2021 01:18

I'm so glad you've taken the first step OP, on untying those apron strings!

Maybe get him to do his own washing now eh?

How a 20 year old can get mummy to do his washing always amazes me!!

Hopefully it's not too late and his poor future DW won't on Mnet in a few years complaining about her ManChild.

Original poster
Flowers24 · 19/04/2021 11:20

Nope washing i do as dont see the point of doing all separate. GF staying here for now and mum not around , i drop her off when im here but she gets a taxi otherwise, just helping her save on that cost.

Dont understand the washing issue, I just bung it all in and they take it and put it away !

OP posts:
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