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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a push over parent?

217 replies

Flowers24 · 15/04/2021 11:44

Ok, son hates driving, has a car but rarely uses it. I drive him to work and back, collect him and his gf if they are out. I am now also taking his gf to work and collecting her, as well as working from home and. His car sits idle in the road. He says he doesnt like driving, or sometimes says he is too tired to drive.
Dh says this has to stop as i an running about all over the place. I am not very good at being firm so nervous as to how to deal with this, and also if ds really is nervous I dont want to push it? He passed test 2 years ago.

OP posts:
DDiva · 15/04/2021 12:18

Seriously he needs to stop relying on you and take responsibility for himself.

I do get the nervousness, I didn't drive for 10 years and was terrified of starting again. Maybe he should have a few refresher lessons .....

Unanananana · 15/04/2021 12:19

Manchild of the future!! God help his potential future spouse.

Cut the apron string ffs.

saraclara · 15/04/2021 12:19

Yes, this is ridiculous, and your DH is right. Just out of interest, why isn't he telling your DS and the GF that they have to take themselves to work and not ask you?

Of course you should have the guts to tell them yourself, and to a degree, your DH should expect you to. But it's still not beyond him to have conversation with his own son about growing up and being an adult who should be responsible for getting himself to work.

Macncheeseballs · 15/04/2021 12:20

You are not doing him any favours

zigaziga · 15/04/2021 12:20

@Flowers24

There arent any buses from us to his place of work or the gf though, can walk either in 30 mins I guess.
He can walk there in only 30 minutes??
PinkCookie11 · 15/04/2021 12:21

Just have a chat, explain it’s getting too much, your willing to follow him for a couple of mornings or take him out in his own car couple of times to get his confidence up.
Being nervous to drive is scary.
He’s just become too reliant on you that’s all.
Once he has his confidence you’ll feel better.

Dishwashersaurous · 15/04/2021 12:22

Why is anyone driving a healthy young adult a 30 minute walk. So what 2 To 3 miles.

He can walk

RandomMess · 15/04/2021 12:23

The best was to become more confident at driving is daily practice!!!

Too tired after staying up late??

Sorry but you are helping him stay like a child. You are absolutely failing him as a parent.

39 minute walk? My DC had a longer walk than that to school!

Original poster
Flowers24 · 15/04/2021 12:23

20 years old this year. Totally need these reponses as I knew I this was wrong so needed to see it written down in front of me. Having a chat later, he takes his gf to work now if he is here and has to get himself to work, no buses as mentioned but it is walkable. If he is late for work i guess he has to sort that out, cant protect forever, right?

OP posts:
NeverMetANiceOne · 15/04/2021 12:23

If its only a 30 minute walk then that is beyond ridiculous. Tell him to drive or walk, I assume he's at least 17, so he's not a baby.

PinkCookie11 · 15/04/2021 12:23

@Unanananana

Manchild of the future!! God help his potential future spouse.

Cut the apron string ffs.

I think this is abit far to be honest. Being nervous to drive is very common and he’s just become to reliant on her. Just needs his confidence built up. No need to be so harsh.
Motnight · 15/04/2021 12:23

Wait. It is approximately a mile and a half walk 😂

If he doesn't want to drive, he can walk it!!

Come on Op! I am all for continuing to help adult children but this is ridiculous.

Original poster
Flowers24 · 15/04/2021 12:24

Yep i am agreeing with all of you, dh gets v annoyed as has been telling me this for ages....

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/04/2021 12:24

If he is genuinely nervous then you could always suggest going out practice drives with him at quiet times if you want to help

Original poster
Flowers24 · 15/04/2021 12:25

He did say the other day could I take gf as he wanted a lie in, i took her but he came in the car with me anyway, so could have taken her himself?

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 15/04/2021 12:26

I'd say you are being a complete mug, not a pushover! Who owns and pays for his car, please say it's not you?

Dipi79 · 15/04/2021 12:27

Seriously, OP, get a grip. He can walk, cycle, hire a private jet; just stop indulging his indolence. If he loses his job due to oversleeping, that's on HIM. What else do you let him get away with? And, why on earth did you start letting his girlfriend start taking advantage of you, as well?!

LolaSmiles · 15/04/2021 12:28

You are being a pushover.
A 30 minute walk is what many of the students at my school do twice a day from the age of 11.

AngelicInnocent · 15/04/2021 12:29

DD had an horrendous crash in the snow earlier this year and has been very anxious about driving since. We never say no if she asks us to go with her for confidence but we don't drive her about. If we do, she'll never get back to driving.

Twickerhun · 15/04/2021 12:29

For the sake of the polar bears he, and she, can walk!

purpleboy · 15/04/2021 12:30

Op, stop this madness immediately. He is nearly 20 years old, does he take any responsibility for himself or does it all fall to you ? I feel this may just be the tip of the iceberg in terms of enabling behaviour.

Theunamedcat · 15/04/2021 12:30

Good grief in the kindness possible way he is out of order especially asking you to take his girlfriend because he is too tired yet coming with you in the car ffs

RealisticSketch · 15/04/2021 12:31

Your enabling his anxiety. It's never going to get any better like this is it.
If like a pp said he is such a terrible and fearful driver that driving is never going to be part of his life then he needs to start learning how to function without it. Electric bike? Whatever it is this is unsustainable and as such a crap thing to do, for so many reasons. How he has hung onto his gf when she sees him being babied like this I've no idea, maybe she's a wet blanket too.

Pepperminttea16 · 15/04/2021 12:32

Your son needs to book some refresher lessons with an instructor. You could also offer to take him out for some practice drives if you wanted.

Original poster
Flowers24 · 15/04/2021 12:33

Yes pay for the car, may not renew the insurance though as due soon

OP posts: