Please help me to feel less bitter!

[Bobbin2021]

My husband and I have good jobs and work really hard but are still struggling to be able to afford our dream home. Two bedrooms, a garden and parking. Not much I know but it seems impossible.
Today i've heard another friend who works part time and her husband have bought a two bedroomed home because her father gave her her half of the money. It comes after so many of my friends either have had parents buy property for them so they are mortgage free, or others whose husbands earn enough to secure the mortgage without them being in work (one in a position to buy a 800K house). I realise that some of them also have children so are busy looking after them but it just makes me bitter. No matter how hard we work and save we seem to be unable to find a small home and to others it seems to come so easy. Sorry to rant, and it pains me as i know i should be happy for my friends, but they just have no money worries at all when it comes to securing a mortgage and or paying for it while we would celebrate even being able to afford a small modest home of our own.

@Xenia

My grandfather was 49 when he had my father. My parents put off children for 10 years to buy a house first. I bought with my husband before we had children as did my child. So yes loads of people put off children. My siblings were getting on for 40 when they had children.

You were able to buy when you were 20. That is not possible for a huge number of people now. And putting off kids till you're getting on for 40 and female may be too late.

There is nothing wrong with having a kid in your late 30s and I had one at 37. However, if you're a woman and would like to have a couple of children then these same posters will probably be suggesting that you should have thought of it earlier and started trying at 30.

Actually I would say that having a kid is more fundamental than buying a house so if it's between having one or the other then I can understand why you'd have a kid first.

"It's not fair that you can't, but what you forget is that pretty much everyone has always been in the situation. Only the very wealthy could shop and buy the house they wanted from day 1."

Sorry, but that is just not true. If you're old enough, many of us did just buy houses "from day 1"

I left uni in the 90s. My DH and I bought a three bed house in SE England on a 100% mortgage, a few months after graduating. I was a teacher, earning 15k, and that was more than my DH. We had an okay, but not an amazing salary. It was enough though to buy a 3 bed house with gardens and parking for 90k. Never had a deposit, which is just as well, as my parents had no money to support me... I was very working class - dad worked in a factory.

Many of my friends who are a few years older bought their first houses for 30k. I'm talking around Oxford, Reading etc. Again, 100% mortgages, no deposits to save for. You just needed an okay salary. Most bought 2 or 3 bed houses in their 20s.

So no, it's not always been the case. Once upon a time ordinary working class people like me could just buy a house and a decent one on a standard salary, with no deposit. I couldn't do that today.

@sarahfic not only that - what you are essentially saying is that ordinary middle-class people who could afford to buy a house in the South East/London in the past now wouldn't be able to. Frankly, that is ridiculous. I have no idea how a teacher would be able to save 40-50k in London while forking out 800-1k for rent. A very small two-bed flat in London is now 400k - if you need to save 10% - how would you advise that people save that money. How long will it take and more importantly if you have spent 10 years saving, prices have doubled in that time. Interest rates are almost 0 which means that inflation is actually eating into your savings etc.

I get it that elsewhere you can probably still get a starter home for 150k or 200k - thats fine, but you cant in London/South East. It's a structural not an individual problem.

I do see where you are coming from op but...
"Dream house"?
I think that may be the issue tbh
Our first house with a 5% deposit was a 1950s semi in a crap area that needed totally gutting. We were 27.
We spent 12 years there in the end (kids arrived...)
We moved up the "ladder" as we moved for my eldests schooling to a 1980s detached in a nicer area.
But we ended up having to get a 25 year mortgage again even with a 10% deposit. ANOTHER house hthat neded lots of work!
Its a slog if you don't earn £££
or have money from the bank of mum and dad.

(Midlands)
And thats with both of us working ft till kids arrived...

...and even ex LA terraced houses are nearly £200k here.
Decent sized family homes with small gardens are £300-400k in a non descript of the Midlands

I don't mean to be harsh but you need to save more, spend more, or move north!

We started off in 2005 in a 2-bed terrace with a tiny garden. Needed loads of work.

2007 moved to a small 3 bed semi, with a garden, and steps at the front that we eventually managed to make into a single parking space. Needed loads of work.

2016 moved to a larger 3 bed semi with room to extend. Driveway. Garage. Needed and still needs a ridiculous amount of work.

We live in the nicest part (which is lovely actually) of a really quite undesirable town. I hate telling outsiders where we live, because they laugh. But it's lovely here, we have good family and friends around, and lovely parks etc. to walk to. Not a range of bars / cafes, but a couple.

A few years ago, we would have loved to have moved to a trendy suburb in a nearby small city. We couldn't afford it.

We've moved jobs, become self employed, had kids all in this time. It's been really bloody tough at times and realistically we've spend 5 of the last 15 years living on building sites.

We can't all have the house we'd like, where we'd like it. What are you prepared to give up? £400k could buy you a fantastic house - somewhere. You're actually very lucky.

Moved 10+ times in 10 years, living in shared accommodation, studio flats, etc
This was enough incentive for me to work multiple jobs & save for deposit, plus fees

I've since moved jobs & properties several more times

Savings rates are currently extremely low
Property is still increasing in price more rapidly than savings in some areas

However, there are parts of UK where property is still a reasonable price

We all have choices

@Bobbin2021

I'm sorry but i just don't believe that a two bedroomed home with a small garden/yard and parking should be seen as something that is so luxury and out of reach! I think in fact that it is a sad state of affairs in this country that something like this should be unattainable to two people who are both in full time work.

AYBU to be bitter? That's depends. If you are from that area then no. If you chose to move there, then sorry, but, maybe. While I agree that the sort of house you want shouldn't be a luxury, the fact is that some areas are so expensive, living in them is actually a luxury. But that isn't a secret they don't tell you till you move or accept a job there, and there are plenty of other places where that sort of money would buy two, or even three, of the type of house you want. If this is the area you grew up in however, and your friends and family are all there, then no, YANBU and I feel for you.

I actually haven't anywhere like 400k for a budget. That is the cost in this area for a two bedroom terrace. And i'm sorry if people scoff at 'dream house'. I was alluding to the fact that for most i'm sure 2 beds with a garden and parking would not be their dream home but to me that's all the space we feel we will ever need. Sadly even projects are few and far between here in our budget still. As for when i had my child...not everyone meets their husband in their twenties or has secure jobs to be able to do everything in the right order nowadays. Could devote a whole new thread to that!! And sadly women do have ticking clocks when it comes to having children and in my family we haven't had the best of luck.... so please don't think you know all my circumstances. I also lost my father two years ago and my mum has struggled and is happy to have me nearby and has actually needed a lot of support from me. I mentioned it already too but our wedding was a very small but lovely afffair at the register office. Sorry if people think i live in the clouds but i'm going to repeat that i don't think i'm asking for the earth ... the crazy house prices and deposits commanded are just out of control.

Maybe you could move somewhere else more affordable with your mum in tow and create a new life for you all?

What age is your child?

I'm perplexed at all the people who think a two bed terraced house is a 'dream home', or that everyone should buy a 1 bed flat first.

The fact that a standard 2 bed house is out of reach to so many is awful.

I'm perplexed at all the people who think a two bed terraced house is a 'dream home', or that everyone should buy a 1 bed flat first.

that's not what everyone is saying, just pointing out that for decades, a 2 bed house with garden hasn't been a starter property due to prices, and that most people can just about manage to buy a 1 bed flat first.

And properties in the UK are TINY!

It IS awful. But saying it doesn't make the properties bigger or more affordable. I honestly think there should be a law imposing a certain square footage to allow a room to be called a "bedroom".

Meanwhile, you have to be realistic.

It may not be a dream home, but the area sure sounds out of reach. Come on, everyone knows that certain parts of the country and post codes are extortionately expensive and not everyone can afford it. And that's not even unique to this country. So yes OP, you can absolutely afford a house you want. But you can't afford to buy where you are renting now. That's common.

@Stellaris22

I'm perplexed at all the people who think a two bed terraced house is a 'dream home', or that everyone should buy a 1 bed flat first.

The fact that a standard 2 bed house is out of reach to so many is awful.

I think maybe you misunderstood in some way? No one thinks that, but yes some areas are very expensive and a first property is often not a two bed with garden and parking. The op will be able to buy property simply either elsewhere or she needs to lower her sights for a first home.

I understand how you feel. We bought our first home a few years ago. But only because we moved out of London up to the North East. I'm greatful. But I do struggle when people get loads of help from parents to buy in London.

I think I also struggle with the bad things about where I live. If you really love somewhere you put up with the bad for the good. Where as I feel I have to work really hard to see the good.

I'm not sure I'm helping loads but just want to share my feelings and say you are not unreasonable to feel things aren't fair.

Op where do you live? What is your budget? Deposit and mortgage? I’m afraid I don’t believe for one moment you can’t find a two bed property within half an hour to forty five mins radius of where you live for less than 400 grand. You’re not even in London.You might not get garden, parking or whatever but it seems your limiting yourself by the choice you make. Unless you’ve very little savings and earn low incomes.

@Bobbin2021

I'm sorry but i just don't believe that a two bedroomed home with a small garden/yard and parking should be seen as something that is so luxury and out of reach! I think in fact that it is a sad state of affairs in this country that something like this should be unattainable to two people who are both in full time work.

Completely agree.