Please help me to feel less bitter!

[Bobbin2021]

My husband and I have good jobs and work really hard but are still struggling to be able to afford our dream home. Two bedrooms, a garden and parking. Not much I know but it seems impossible.
Today i've heard another friend who works part time and her husband have bought a two bedroomed home because her father gave her her half of the money. It comes after so many of my friends either have had parents buy property for them so they are mortgage free, or others whose husbands earn enough to secure the mortgage without them being in work (one in a position to buy a 800K house). I realise that some of them also have children so are busy looking after them but it just makes me bitter. No matter how hard we work and save we seem to be unable to find a small home and to others it seems to come so easy. Sorry to rant, and it pains me as i know i should be happy for my friends, but they just have no money worries at all when it comes to securing a mortgage and or paying for it while we would celebrate even being able to afford a small modest home of our own.

@ultragroupie

Also the people who say "just move" - well that is crackers too. OP, if you moved to where I live you would be able to buy a 2 bed house with parking and garden for £150k .. but it's not really an option when your whole lives and support networks are 400 miles away is it?

how do you think most of us managed?

At some point, you have to make a choice.

A bit extreme, maybe, but I moved countries twice

Most people who have been renting for longer than a decade will also be extremely tired of moving. The insecurity of renting means facing unexpected evictions. Packing everything into boxes gets exhausting, so the idea of doing that just to support a 'ladder' system that is broken isn't exactly enticing.

But if you're packing things into boxes anyway, the length of the journey isn't really an issue?

It's not a matter of the OP, or any individual 'just moving', more that, on a population level, it's a mistake to concentrate jobs/opportunities into a small area of the country so that people think that they 'have' to live there and nowhere else is worth living.

This is detrimental both to the people who grew up elsewhere and feel they have to go to London to get a decent job, and the people who grew up in London who face increased competition and hence higher living costs to stay where they grew up.

If all that hadn't happened, we wouldn't have people saying 'I can't buy a house despite having a good job because a small house costs £400k' while the rest of the country see endless small family houses in estate agents' windows where they are for about a quarter of that price.

The whole buying a tiny flat thing and moving up the ladder works if you can do that at a younger age but most people can't!!! That's the point. Even small flats are out of reach. Bloody hell. Also op have you thought of moving to Asia to save up?! Fuck it why don't you just camp and use a shared toilet block. As long as you have a roof, hey?

Op I have huge sympathy. You might be priced out but at least you're smarter than some of these frankly insane ideas.

Hopefully now that so many office workers have proven that WFH is valid, now that businesses have spend the money to set them up anyway, things will no longer be so London-centric.

Unless the people who confuse work and social life have their way and office work resume as normal, there's a chance for a lot of issues and problem to become a thing of the past.

Some of my family moved countries to NE England from Ireland as jobs were better - some before the famine and some after and some during it. Others moved from within England when the Durham coal fields were booming. Similarly I moved from the NE to England hundreds of miles away from all family so no babysitting on hand and I have always worked full time even with tiny babies. Those of us lucky to have choices to make them. They can be tough choices.

I am a lawyer by choice. there are law jobs in thriving places like Manchester, Leeds, Bristol, Newcastle, Edinburgh and in house lawyer jobs all over the place never mind jobs you can do from home. My grandparents' house in Bishop Auckland, Co. Durham , 4 bed terraced with cellar costs about £120k today. It is a lovely area with large well built houses. My mother grew up near Sunderland and the house they rented sells for £50k today (I would not particularly say that was a lovely house but still it's fairly cheap).

@Cocksinsocks

The whole buying a tiny flat thing and moving up the ladder works if you can do that at a younger age but most people can't!!! That's the point. Even small flats are out of reach. Bloody hell. Also op have you thought of moving to Asia to save up?! Fuck it why don't you just camp and use a shared toilet block. As long as you have a roof, hey?

Op I have huge sympathy. You might be priced out but at least you're smarter than some of these frankly insane ideas.

call them insane, but if I can afford a house in a ridiculously expensive but convenient area of the South East, it's only because I got on with it and did some of them too 🤷

I would have preferred to just get a normal job and be able to afford a family home from the start, but sometimes you have to make choices.

@GreyhoundG1rl I think my reasoning wasn't clear.

It's not the length of the journey. If you have never experienced the insecurities of renting people won't understand.

In the space of 3 years I once had to move 4 times due to 'no reason given' evictions.

It's about having to move repeatedly when you have no choice. You aren't moving to a better property and you aren't even on the ladder yet. How are you expected to raise a deposit under these restrictions?

When you're forced to move constantly that's when the idea of moving repeatedly just to be on a broken ladder has little appeal.

Yep, bitter here too. Almost in a position to buy a few years ago, then recession hit, lost our business, went bankrupt..took 10 years to get back on our feet, scraped enough together for a 5% deposit, then, would you believe, covid hit, putting paid to that plan. We are now crossing our fingers that more 5% deposit mortgages are released because we are literally months away from being to old for a 20 year mortgage. We've worked our arses off, never had an ounce of help from anyone and each time it becomes close enough to grab, something happens to stop it happening. Yes, I'm bitter too.

Hope it works out for you cakewitch

@cakewitch we were so close a year ago, but then Sunak announced the no stamp duty and everything in our price range was yanked out of reach again (obviously we're first time buyers, and having that only available to FTB did help).

It's such a broken system and it's utterly depressing.

Sorry to hear that @cakewitch Hope it all works out for you too.

I'm sorry @cakewitch. Perhaps you could move to Asia, or perhaps seeing as you can't afford your own home you could get a buy to let mortgage instead and become a skint landlord? Have you thought about abandoning your life and moving 600 miles?

Just kidding. It sucks. I'll get in touch if I win the lottery.

You have a child, you’re married so you’ve had a wedding, that’s all money that hasn’t been saved towards a house. You don’t seem to want to make any compromise such as moving further away or to a flat, or a house that doesn’t have garden and parking. You might not have the house to show for it but you do sound like one of those bitter people who moan but don’t do anything to help themselves.

I do tend to notice that the people I know who can't afford a house, won't accept less than a house with parking and a garden in the area that they want. This is of course not true of everyone, but it does grate to be told how lucky I am to have a house when I spent several years working 6 days a week to afford my top floor flat in a block with no lift which was not in my top choice of location.
I think it is a little odd to be bitter; the areas even in the SE where 2 bed houses with parking and gardens are available for well under 400k massively outweigh those where they aren't. If you are determined to live there then

@Bobbin2021

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9475787/Woman-admits-shes-bitter-friend-bought-two-bedroom-house-help-parents.html

@Pancakeorcrepe

You have a child, you’re married so you’ve had a wedding, that’s all money that hasn’t been saved towards a house. You don’t seem to want to make any compromise such as moving further away or to a flat, or a house that doesn’t have garden and parking. You might not have the house to show for it but you do sound like one of those bitter people who moan but don’t do anything to help themselves.

Why do you assume they had a wedding because they're married? We eloped. Lots of people do or have a tiny wedding with just family for economy's sake.

Yep. I'm married but we did it with two witnesses for around £100. Being married doesn't mean you've spent thousands of pounds.

true

but having a child does mean most of your income goes into their needs!

@wesowereonabreak in the South East/London lots of people cant raise a deposit until their mid-late 30s. Do you suggest that none of them should have kids? Thats a lot of people in London who wouldnt be having children just because the housing market has gone crazy

That's exactly what a lot of people seem to think, sadly.

People should put their lives on hold while the housing crisis continues to get worse. But it's easier to blame people for wanting families than recognise how broken the housing market is.

My grandfather was 49 when he had my father. My parents put off children for 10 years to buy a house first. I bought with my husband before we had children as did my child. So yes loads of people put off children. My siblings were getting on for 40 when they had children.

[quote AOWNNs2]@wesowereonabreak in the South East/London lots of people cant raise a deposit until their mid-late 30s. Do you suggest that none of them should have kids? Thats a lot of people in London who wouldnt be having children just because the housing market has gone crazy[/quote]
I am not saying anything, I am just pointing out that it's much easier to concentrate on your job, live in houseshares or studio flats for a few years, properties that need a lot of work, not be bothered with the cost and commitment of childcare and the rest when you saving for a mortgage.

For most of us, it's near impossible to rent a house with garden, raise a family properly AND save enough for a deposit.

What's wrong with not having a child until your mid-30s anyway? That's the normal age where I live!