Please help me to feel less bitter!

[Bobbin2021]

My husband and I have good jobs and work really hard but are still struggling to be able to afford our dream home. Two bedrooms, a garden and parking. Not much I know but it seems impossible.
Today i've heard another friend who works part time and her husband have bought a two bedroomed home because her father gave her her half of the money. It comes after so many of my friends either have had parents buy property for them so they are mortgage free, or others whose husbands earn enough to secure the mortgage without them being in work (one in a position to buy a 800K house). I realise that some of them also have children so are busy looking after them but it just makes me bitter. No matter how hard we work and save we seem to be unable to find a small home and to others it seems to come so easy. Sorry to rant, and it pains me as i know i should be happy for my friends, but they just have no money worries at all when it comes to securing a mortgage and or paying for it while we would celebrate even being able to afford a small modest home of our own.

It is a problem more in certain areas and moving area esp out of London and SE can make a difference.
Two beds where I live are around 160 to 175 k if you don't need a good school cat hment 150 or under.
So it very area specific which is down to demand.

The average home in the UK cost x3 the average salary. The last time I looked the average home cost x7 the average salary. I know averages are not perfect and regional variations are huge but it is a massive issue. We are middle aged and bought 22 years ago without help but it was easier.

We paid 62k for our house in 1999 and you could still buy a small terrace house for 19k in our town back then. The house next door sold for 120k three short years later and it is about to go on the market for the first time since then for 259k. It’s just madness.

@Stellaris22

Exactly. Instead of addressing the problem of the housing market, suggestions of buying small properties to let out (and charge extortionate rents on) is only making it worse. You are taking properties off the market and charging more money/month than they are worth to people stuck in the renting cycle. Those people renting aren't getting any benefit from this and instead are having money taken from them unnecessarily that could be used for their own deposit.

As someone who has been saving hard (no holidays etc) for ten years and renting, this is the attitude that angers me.

All right, it was just a thought! I don't know that much about it. However I have to say I see nothing wrong in providing affordable property for someone to rent. There are lots of people wanting to rent, sometimes temporarily, who would be delighted to find somewhere decent that didn't charge exorbitantly.

I have rented a few times earlier on in my life and was fine with it. If anything went wrong, the landlord fixed it. I had no objection to the landlord making a profit because I did not have the responsibility; I could also pick up and go when I wanted to.

When I married of course that was different, we wanted a place of our own and to put down roots.

PS: I have to say if I was starting out now, there is no way I could afford the house I live in. Young people have my sympathy.

My adult children will inherit from me in time - a long time hopefully - but if I do manage to downsize I will help them. For now they are more than happy to rent, one of them actually rents a small house with a small back garden and loves it.

Yanbu. It’s really, really hard not to have any support financially when the majority of your friends and people you know do. I’m sorry you are struggling.
What helps me is to focus not on the long term goal but make small goals. Try and be mindful that life isn’t always linear and be more present in the here and now

I'm sorry but i just don't believe that a two bedroomed home with a small garden/yard and parking should be seen as something that is so luxury and out of reach! I think in fact that it is a sad state of affairs in this country that something like this should be unattainable to two people who are both in full time work

It's not out of reach 'in this country', it's just you and many other people have decided that 'in this country' means the same small quarter of it, aided and abetted by the people who thought it was a good idea to concentrate the best jobs there.

The vast majority of the UK a couple who work full time in good jobs have a good choice of family homes in nice areas. It's just that when everyone tries to live in the same place that's the problem, simple supply and demand.

"I'm sorry but i just don't believe that a two bedroomed home with a small garden/yard and parking should be seen as something that is so luxury and out of reach! I think in fact that it is a sad state of affairs in this country that something like this should be unattainable to two people who are both in full time work"

You don't have to apologise!

I agree with you, it's just an unfortunate fact that purchasing a modest property really is beyond some people in the current housing market.

It's all very well to advise moving to a cheap area but they have to be able to get jobs there and may not want to leave their jobs if they are happy and progressing in them.

However most do manage to buy eventually.

It's going to be interesting to see the impact of bigger inheritances on future generations when these valuable homes are passed on.

I think in fact that it is a sad state of affairs in this country that something like this should be unattainable to two people who are both in full time work"

It isn't. Unless you are both very poorly paid and/or trying to buy in extremely expensive areas. IT's attainable to most people.

@Rukaya it's not called Generation Rent for nothing.

I live in a very expensive part of the UK but there are parts of my town where £400k would buy a house. I understand why you feel the way you do in principle but as you sound totally unwilling to buy anywhere other than what must be amongst the most expensive areas in the UK I am struggling to sympathise

The op and her husband have jobs, presumably secure ones, and a child who goes to school near where they live. For all we know they have family around them who help out.

It isn't easy to uproot when you are settled and have children. Easy for someone on their own.

They will find ways to get there sooner or later, in the meantime they are renting and I presume they like their home, they just wish they owned it.

We have secure jobs that we both enjoy and have worked hard for. We do have a child (hence even more need for garden and parking) and have family and friends nearby who are a very good support network.

We can't all just get higher paying jobs, move hundreds of miles away sadly. We had a modest wedding several years ago but we met in our mid 30s. There's no way i could have afforded to buy on my own, and in only in the last few years that we have secured stable jobs to be able to consider a mortgage.

We are looking at other areas, factoring in extra cost of commute, schools, safety of the area etc

At the moment we rent a 2 bedroom flat with on street parking and a small yard but yes would very much like to own the same.

Yours is not an unusual situation, Bobbin.

I'm sure you will buy something in time, meanwhile enjoy your life and your child. Your current flat sounds pretty good to me.

Wherever you are in life there will always be people who have more and do more. It's just the way things are, no point in being bitter.

Many of us were able to buy years ago when the market was different but our children are in the same boat as you.

Sure, in an ideal world, we should all be able to afford a nice 4 or 5 detached house on 1 salary ,so the other partner could work part-time or not at all and have children.

Being bitter because you made the choice of having children before buying a property is unreasonable still. It's not wrong, having children is a perfectly valid choice, but it's unreasonable to ignore how much it changes your circumstances.

Have you read OPs actual post?

@Stellaris22

Have you read OPs actual post?

that she wants a house with garden and parking but already have a child? Yes, have you?

Do you disagree it's much harder to save for a property when you already have children? (and need space for them, childcare or reduced hours to look after them, your mortgage application reflect the number of dependents...)

It's absolute madness - through good fortune in terms of timing, I was able to buy a house in my 20s, but my relatives of the same age have no chance these days. They couldn't possibly make enough sacrifices to come up with a deposit

To really rub salt into the wound, the monthly rent is more money than the mortgage payment would be on the same property given that interest rates are so low! Great for buy-to-let landlords but rubbish for renters with aspirations to buy.

Sorry I have no solutions but I just wanted to say YANBU at all.

It all depends on the joint income. The op isn't looking for a four bed detached and thinking of being a SAHM, she would like them to be able to buy a two bed place with a little garden. That isn't unreasonable. I think she will do it, just not at the moment.

OP stated they both have well paying jobs and they aren't after a 4/5 bed house.

A lot of people seem woefully unaware of how bad the housing crisis is now.

but the point was that most people who now have houses would never have managed to buy anything if they had not made compromises, and would have not been able to save money if they had had to rent and finance a child.

It might be grossly unfair, but it's not new and it has been the same issue for most people for decades.

Also the people who say "just move" - well that is crackers too. OP, if you moved to where I live you would be able to buy a 2 bed house with parking and garden for £150k .. but it's not really an option when your whole lives and support networks are 400 miles away is it?

The idea that people can 'just move' is so idiotic. People rent where they are able to get jobs in sectors that they want to work in. Home ownership isn't possible so many people rent and make lives for themselves. Then we see ourselves being continually being priced out of where we live.

People can't just move miles away. Then you have to factor in commuting costs (rail season tickets aren't cheap).

@JensonsAcolyte

Most people’s property owning journey goes from tiny flat to modest house to family sized house. It’s called the property LADDER for a reason.

Yes and I think that some people want the final ladder straight away and they aren’t willing to compromise. We had to teach English in Asia to get our deposit together for a 2 bed house, 6 years later we moved to a 3 bed and 5 years after after that we’re now in the process of buying a 4 bed.

@ultragroupie

Also the people who say "just move" - well that is crackers too. OP, if you moved to where I live you would be able to buy a 2 bed house with parking and garden for £150k .. but it's not really an option when your whole lives and support networks are 400 miles away is it?

That’s life these days. We can’t always live near our families. This is not a right either.