Please help me to feel less bitter!

[Bobbin2021]

My husband and I have good jobs and work really hard but are still struggling to be able to afford our dream home. Two bedrooms, a garden and parking. Not much I know but it seems impossible.
Today i've heard another friend who works part time and her husband have bought a two bedroomed home because her father gave her her half of the money. It comes after so many of my friends either have had parents buy property for them so they are mortgage free, or others whose husbands earn enough to secure the mortgage without them being in work (one in a position to buy a 800K house). I realise that some of them also have children so are busy looking after them but it just makes me bitter. No matter how hard we work and save we seem to be unable to find a small home and to others it seems to come so easy. Sorry to rant, and it pains me as i know i should be happy for my friends, but they just have no money worries at all when it comes to securing a mortgage and or paying for it while we would celebrate even being able to afford a small modest home of our own.

Nope I think it's normal to feel bitter. Things are hard and some people do have it easier. My friend married a guy whose parents gave him money for a house and now she has also interited a house. They have two houses and I have none! Unlikely I'll ever be able to afford one.

Oh and due to being given houses they can also now afford cars and allsorts too and eventually will become even more well-off through renting or selling one of their houses. The rich stay rich, the poor stay poor as Leonard Cohen says.

I'm thinking of downsizing and have seen a two bed ground floor flat for £410,000. It's fairly small, has parking, a little pocket of outside space at the rear and very close to shops, restaurants and green spaces.

The people currently occupying have one small child and have been very happy there indeed.

If you're on your own or have just one child you can consider small places as long as they are enough for your needs. In a few years you will be able to buy something a bit bigger.

@plumtree391 so why are they moving? Of course they're going to tell you they've been happy there, what an odd point

@Bobbin2021

I'm sorry but i just don't believe that a two bedroomed home with a small garden/yard and parking should be seen as something that is so luxury and out of reach! I think in fact that it is a sad state of affairs in this country that something like this should be unattainable to two people who are both in full time work.

Good for those who can afford it, but expecting to buy a house with garden and parking as a first property is quite ambitious.

Frankly, if most of us had refused to settle and go for something cheaper, we wouldn't be home owner today. If you don't want to spend any less than £400k for a first home, being bitter because it's hard is not helpful.

I am in the South East! You can find way cheaper than that. (You can also find a lot more expensive, but that's not helpful).

I feel ya! It's unfair. Would you consider moving to a cheaper part of the country? We did this years ago and it was the best decision ever.

In my experience you've just gotta get on the ladder ASAP and then you can quickly move up. Prices have risen consistently since we first bought 8 years ago (and I'm sure for much longer than that but that's as far as my experience reaches). We're on our 3rd house now and I don't say that to brag - we started on a tiny flat and sold it 2 years later and now we're in a house we'll happily stay in until we die. Yes we're very lucky but also prices are going to just keep rising and rising, you can't live in hope of them falling, so you just have to find a way to get in on the action. If you want to!

@Bobbin2021

I absolutely know 400k is nowhere near the norm. Is part of my frustration i guess that prices are so vastly out of control down here in the South East. We are saving, we are budgeting and we are looking at other areas within commuting distance of our jobs so i am trying to remain hopeful we can secure something. But to repeat, i think it is mad that a small basic home should be so out of reach of normal earning folk regardless of where you are in the country.

I live in the south east, in a popular area on the coast. I have a four bed detached, lots of outside space, double garage, and it’s only worth around £400,000. You could move somewhere not too far from where you are?

[quote Cocksinsocks]@plumtree391 so why are they moving? Of course they're going to tell you they've been happy there, what an odd point [/quote]
No, I know them, have done for a quite a while, long before they put the place up for sale. They want to perhaps have another child and a bit more room, that is why they are moving, but are staying in the same area.

It was an ideal place for them for many years but they have outgrown it. I wouldn't outgrow it.

It doesn’t seem like you really want to stop being bitter tbh.

Many of us who now have forever homes started by stretching ourselves with tiny imperfect properties in less than ideal locations. You seem to want to be able to get on the third rung of the ladder straightaway- but the reality is unless you have parental help or big incomes, it just ain’t gonna happen.

It's OK to feel bitter. Set a timer for 10 mins - feel as bitter as you like.... Then go do something else

I live in the south east, in a popular area on the coast. I have a four bed detached, lots of outside space, double garage, and it’s only worth around £400,000

I live in one of the most expensive areas in the south east and I could buy a two bed property for less than four hundred grand. So I have no idea where the op lives that she can’t get a two bed with parking for less anywhere near her.

You have my sympathy as I struggle with trying it to be bitter too! It's so hard when £ comes so easily to some and you aren't one of them. I always think money comes to money as if you have a family security cushion of money you can also take more risks with less stable work, larger mortgages, buying less insurance etc and it all feels like it sets you back! I have reconciled myself now to seeing positives about where I am now which involved moving to cheaper part of the country where my money goes further for a house and also taking pride that I did it a very hard way and have skills and independence. Which obviously I'd have happily traded for all the years of scrimping but do have clear transferable benefits in other areas do my life now. Hoping also I can give my child that feeling of financial support and security that I didn't have. Also I know some large house owners who had it all
come easy to them who are pretty unhappy and don't see what they have as good.

I do think some people lack a lot empathy over the housing situation in general , renting or buying. . I think it's just shit for the younger generation and nothing will convince we otherwise and I thought we ' had it hard' in my day.

@AliceAbsolum

It's OK to feel bitter. Set a timer for 10 mins - feel as bitter as you like.... Then go do something else

This is excellent advice. I do this myself. Really, it transformed me from a person who got consumed by things to someone able to cope with crap. I highly recommend it.

@the80sweregreat

I do think some people lack a lot empathy over the housing situation in general , renting or buying. . I think it's just shit for the younger generation and nothing will convince we otherwise and I thought we ' had it hard' in my day.

Don't you feel a bit entitled to call people telling about their own experience, and how they had no chance of ever considering a house with garden and parking as their first home, "lack of empathy"?

It might be shit for the younger generation, but it was shit for the older ones too.

@the80sweregreat I do agree, but every generation has had their shit - in the 80s my parents were paying 15% interest on their mortgage.... or, they were meant to, but couldn't afford to. We pay 1.25%.

[quote PolarnOPirate]@the80sweregreat I do agree, but every generation has had their shit - in the 80s my parents were paying 15% interest on their mortgage.... or, they were meant to, but couldn't afford to. We pay 1.25%.[/quote]
Actually it might have been the 90s as I think I had been born... maybe I was influenced by your username

@the80sweregreat

I do think some people lack a lot empathy over the housing situation in general , renting or buying. . I think it's just shit for the younger generation and nothing will convince we otherwise and I thought we ' had it hard' in my day.

I agree things are difficult for the younger generation when it comes to buying a home.

I'm prepared to help mine when the time comes but that all depends on me selling my current house and moving. They haven't asked me for anything but, at the moment, are quite happy renting.

Yes I too thought I had it hard when I was young. Well it was hard, there were times when I thought it would never end! All work, little play and a grotty little house that always needed things doing to it. Makes me shudder to remember.

@Bobbin2021

I absolutely know 400k is nowhere near the norm. Is part of my frustration i guess that prices are so vastly out of control down here in the South East. We are saving, we are budgeting and we are looking at other areas within commuting distance of our jobs so i am trying to remain hopeful we can secure something. But to repeat, i think it is mad that a small basic home should be so out of reach of normal earning folk regardless of where you are in the country.

Are you London? My 2 bed in a commuter town was £350k. My one bed was £250k. I can well believe the prices. It’s crazy.

Comparison is the thief of joy!

This, absolutely.

I was you OP, for some reason all our friends came from reasonably wealthy backgrounds but for various reasons neither me or DH were ever given any handouts from our parents. It was hard when almost everyone in our circle were buying houses and treating themselves to holidays and fancy cars.

As the years went on (we're together 25 years now) our circumstances changed. We were able to save. We had a couple of small but still helpful windfalls. We worked hard and got our feet on the ladder. Our home is still the smallest and most modest of all our friends but we're very happy.

Over these last 25 years we've witnessed quite a few of those friends go through painful divorces. Some have suffered terrible losses, others have been besieged by illness or just an awful run of bad luck. Others have had fertility problems while we were blessed with DC. Others have DC that give them huge headaches. We've learned that money isn't everything and we sometimes feel better off than our friends. Indeed some of them have said they envy our lives.

Give it time, focus on your relationship and doing everything you can to save as much as you can. Don't compare yourself to anyone else. Just live your best life, that's my advice

It was hard in those early home owning years. With ice on the inside of the window in the morning and someone else's old carpets. But you have to buy what you can afford, not try to save for some dream house. That's madness, you will never get anywhere doing that.

You won't stay in the starter home forever but you do have to come out of your comfort zone to get on the ladder and then save like mad to move up it.

Sorry, just in a bad mood. I also had things tough and high interest rates etc etc ( negative equity too!) but I just think it's a lot tougher these days. Its just my opinion. I don't mean to upset anyone on here !

@Bobbin2021

I'm sorry but for two people who are working full time i do believe that owning my own small home should be a possibility but even somewhere with 2 beds here is 400k plus. *@FinallyHere* we are looking to move to other areas too within reasonable commute (the cost of which is also sky high) but is hard to move too far away as then we'd both have to look for new jobs, and have friends etc here but it may be something we will have to consider if we are ever to own.

No need to apologise @Bobbin2021. I agree with you. It is disgraceful that two people who work full-time are unable to afford to buy a small 2-bedroom home.

Why should people have to live in a grotty bedsit / horrible flatshare in order to save enough to buy a rundown property in a shitty area, in order to then spend time and £££ doing it up in order to "move up the property ladder"?? It isn't fair. Property prices in England (I'm assuming that's where you are, I can't move past page 1 of the thread without getting an error message) are insane.

You don't nessisarily know people circs op. Comparison is the theft of joy n all that.

I own my home, which isn't posh at all, I saved and made a he'll of a lot of sacrafices. Including having a small baby working and then doing it up myself at night exhausted.
My friend bought a house because her dad died young as she inherited. She'd rather have her dad alive any day!
Could u look at other options eg out of area or needs work etc? Also if u can wait prices are likely to drop for a while post the stamp duty increase.

I think the idea of a 'ladder' is outdated now because the way house price inflation and lending are going you may become trapped in this so-called cheap starter property. Letting it out can end up costing you tons, too.