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Original poster

Please help me to feel less bitter!

220 replies

Bobbin2021 · 14/04/2021 13:25

My husband and I have good jobs and work really hard but are still struggling to be able to afford our dream home. Two bedrooms, a garden and parking. Not much I know but it seems impossible.
Today i've heard another friend who works part time and her husband have bought a two bedroomed home because her father gave her her half of the money. It comes after so many of my friends either have had parents buy property for them so they are mortgage free, or others whose husbands earn enough to secure the mortgage without them being in work (one in a position to buy a 800K house). I realise that some of them also have children so are busy looking after them but it just makes me bitter. No matter how hard we work and save we seem to be unable to find a small home and to others it seems to come so easy. Sorry to rant, and it pains me as i know i should be happy for my friends, but they just have no money worries at all when it comes to securing a mortgage and or paying for it while we would celebrate even being able to afford a small modest home of our own.

OP posts:
winifredwells · 14/04/2021 18:48

Why should people have to live in a grotty bedsit / horrible flatshare in order to save enough to buy a rundown property in a shitty area, in order to then spend time and £££ doing it up in order to "move up the property ladder"?? It isn't fair.

no, it wasn't fair yesterday, it's not fair today.

But because we did it, and some of us are still stuck with ridiculous commute, we ended up being able to buy decent family homes.

It would have been great to buy a good size starter house as a first property!

winifredwells · 14/04/2021 18:50

People from older generations are also quick on telling us that we are lucky we have Primark, Aldi and the likes, and how much easier it is to live cheaply today than it was not that many years ago...

When I bought my very first property, I was told that the prices were not sustainable, that a crash was due and it was stupid to buy back then.
I am glad I ignored the advice and found somewhere to live, because I needed a place anyway!

Mintjulia · 14/04/2021 18:52

Have you considered moving somewhere less expensive?

I'm a single parent but managed it by moving area and cutting my spending to the bare minimum. DS and I shared a very grotty one bed flat before I bought our house. And I'm still driving a 12yo car but it's worth it.

SisterAgatha · 14/04/2021 18:54

I can help you.

We made a huge compromise in where we live. It’s further away from my friends and it’s not the area I wanted. But I knew it well. I had a history here and I knew the good areas and the bad ones.

We moved in to a smaller house than we wanted but still better than we had. We paid loads less for it and everyone said we’d regret being further away.

Then lockdown happened. I am next to a nature reserve. I went running there everyday. I have loads to discover still - lakes and rivers and bakery’s and shops and local bars and people doing great things. You have all these things too. Every area does. Even if you cannot see it straight off, look closer. See the beauty in the mundane.

I am deliriously happy with my crappier than most home, because it’s mine, because I spot the small things and love them. Don’t give up on the big dream but enjoy the little moments on the way, don’t resent them as “not being there yet”

Stellaris22 · 14/04/2021 19:01

A starter home only really makes sense if you are young. When you've been renting into your forties trying to save for a deposit it isn't as ideal.

Even a tiny one bed flat is out of reach when you're in your twenties due to inflated prices.

foxedme · 14/04/2021 19:24

If it makes you feel better then DH & I both had our first homes in the noughties... He sold his house with no profit to move in with me. DC2 came along and we needed a bigger house.... we couldn't sell due to house prices dropping and would've been negative equity.
So we let ours and rented... then DH lost his job, another DC and we had to lend money.
Eventually we sold my house and used the money to pay off debt.

DH has now great job, I have ok job, but we can't get enough money together to secure a big enough deposit.

To top it our city has sky rocketed in house prices.

We're late 40s and DM who has always said she'd help with deposit has changed her mind... this often happens and is her choice.

I just wish I'd made better choices but I don't know how/when.

We also need stuff doing on our rental property but scared to ask landlord in case he puts the rent up.

Sorry I've just rambled about myself but I do know where you're coming from and understand your frustrations. It definitely feels like everyone is doing better than us. But we have beautiful kids and a roof over our heads!

I hope you get what you want Op Smile

Noodledoodledoo · 14/04/2021 19:25

I do feel for people trying to get on the ladder, but like others the lucky phrase is hard to swallow.

I bought my own place, independently, but paid off the mortgage when I lost my mum at 27.

When I met my husband, we bought together and yes we have a nice house as I had all the value of my house to invest, which had also benefitted me from being bought in early 00's and sold 10 years later. A small 1 bed house, nothing massive.

I had so many people telling me I was lucky, from friends struggling to get on the ladder - yep so lucky to lose my mum.

Also you have no idea how the parents have donated money to the children, I am saving for my children, they know nothing about it, but I started putting a small amount away each month since they were 6 weeks old, who knows what the parents of your friends have also done for them since they were little.

Cocksinsocks · 14/04/2021 20:00

@plumtree391 ah so a young family have outgrown their flat so are moving but it should be good enough for OP? Got ya.

WallaceinAnderland · 14/04/2021 20:24

Even a tiny one bed flat is out of reach when you're in your twenties due to inflated prices.

Rubbish. There are tiny one bed flats all over the country that working adults in their twenties can and do buy.

winifredwells · 14/04/2021 20:25

[quote Cocksinsocks]@plumtree391 ah so a young family have outgrown their flat so are moving but it should be good enough for OP? Got ya.[/quote]
It's funny how being only a 2 people household make it more convenient to have a smaller property than a couple with children... Hmm

Stellaris22 · 14/04/2021 20:28

It's funny how people are so easily able to pretend there isn't a housing crisis
https://www.theguardian.com/business/ng-interactive/2021/mar/31/uk-housing-crisis-how-did-owning-a-home-become-unaffordable?CMP=ShareiOSAppp_Other

coronafiona · 14/04/2021 20:47

Aw don't be bitter!
I know how you feel.., some people seem to have it all, easily, but life can be very unfair. As PP have said, it really is a ladder and although you have said a 1 bed isn't ideal at the moment, perhaps it's worth considering for 18-24 months to get some equity and then look for your two bed. Or find a fixer upper?

KateSW1983 · 14/04/2021 21:01

I get that you are bitter OP and to those suggesting you just buy something, the trouble is that if you've been saving for a deposit for ten years, you are no longer 22 and able to live in a bedsit.

To those who've mentioned the property ladded how does it work? I've calculated that every move will probably cost about 30/40k in total, so yes you can build some equity but you also lose a large chunk of it by moving. Plus a lot of the property prices gains were made on the drop in interest, we are at rock bottom so how much higher can we go somewhere like the South East.

Chewbecca · 14/04/2021 21:02

Bluntness Essex, commuter-land.

Stompythedinosaur · 14/04/2021 21:07

Buy in a cheaper area. A two bed with garden and parking is under 100k here. You have options.

Plumtree391 · 14/04/2021 22:01

[quote Cocksinsocks]@plumtree391 ah so a young family have outgrown their flat so are moving but it should be good enough for OP? Got ya.[/quote]
Do you mean 'old person', Cocksinsocks? I'm not that old :-).

It would be good enough for me though, in fact it would be perfect, but I'm on my own so completely different circumstances.

Cocksinsocks · 14/04/2021 22:29

@plumtree391 No, I meant 'original poster'. You said a two bed flat is perfectly good for this young family you know then actually transpires it isn't and they need to move because it isn't big enough!
Rather contradicted your point I thought?
Yes as you say a two bed flat would be great for lots of single older people.

Plumtree391 · 15/04/2021 08:25

I get you, Cockinsocks.

The flat has been fine for a young couple with a small child. when they bought it they didn't have a child and they have been fine with their little one there too (it has two bedrooms), but as kids get older, you really want a bit more room so each can have some space apart from their bedrooms. They'd also like a garden and maybe another baby.

I get the impression the op's child is older (she mentioned school), so a flat like this wouldn't be suitable for her now.

In her position I'd probably stay renting for a while longer and try to find a way of making more money.

One way is buying a cheap place, preferably a flat, somewhere further out that can be let, through an agency. I know some people who have done that, the flats were quite cheap and the rent they receive is double what they pay in mortgage whilst still being quite affordable for the tenants*. The agents take a small fee. The flats have gone up in value and if sold, would give them a sizeable amount of money towards a house deposit where they live. They could also be used as security for a mortgage.

*Think £350 pcm mortgage, £750 rent.

It's just a thought.

It's so difficult to get on the property ladder nowadays in some area, people have to think outside the box.

Supersimkin2 · 15/04/2021 09:44

Awful lot of spite and 'cheer up you could die of cancer tonight' responses which make this worse, not better.

OP, you're right. It's unfair and it's not sustainable socially.

The sooner people in the UK realise they can't get anywhere, let alone a roof over their head, with just hard work and talent, the better.

Stellaris22 · 15/04/2021 09:45

the flats were quite cheap and the rent they receive is double what they pay in mortgage whilst still being quite affordable for the tenants

You say quite affordable, but just think of the money the tenant could be saving for a deposit of their own if the rent reflected the actual mortgage of the owner. This is the most unhelpful thing i've seen, and disgusting for taking advantage of other people.

Cocksinsocks · 15/04/2021 09:53

But it's madness to think a couple who can't afford their own home should have to get a buy to let mortgage to then put someone else in the same position they are in - stuck renting. Firstly you have to raise an even bigger deposit for a BTL and then you expose yourself to repairs bills, other costs and the risk your tenants don't pay the rent so you need to cover that plus your own rent. I bet you op - like everyone in her position - has considered this option and ruled it out for the reasons above.

There are always a million suggestions like this, as if we haven't already thought of them.

Cocksinsocks · 15/04/2021 09:54

That was for @plumtree391

Stellaris22 · 15/04/2021 10:01

Exactly. Instead of addressing the problem of the housing market, suggestions of buying small properties to let out (and charge extortionate rents on) is only making it worse. You are taking properties off the market and charging more money/month than they are worth to people stuck in the renting cycle. Those people renting aren't getting any benefit from this and instead are having money taken from them unnecessarily that could be used for their own deposit.

As someone who has been saving hard (no holidays etc) for ten years and renting, this is the attitude that angers me.

Rukaya · 15/04/2021 10:07

well, yes, but it's a choice

It's a choice to pay rent and bills? I suppose technically I could choose to stop paying them and be in debt and evicted and live on the street. Not what I would call an actual choice though.

FloconDeNeige · 15/04/2021 10:16

OP, if this is very important to you, there are ways. Move up North where properties are cheaper? Not easy with jobs etc. but things worth having often aren’t.

I’m in Switzerland. You should see the price of houses here! 500,000k is starting and you have to have an absolute minimum of 25% deposit; most banks want 30%. You also have to be completely debt-free to get a mortgage; no credit cards, car loans, taxes or even a Zalando bill outstanding!

We managed by buying a place that needed completely modernising (no parental gifts of money for us, unfortunately!). We had to do all the work ourselves as all our available cash went into the deposit. It was a bit of a building site for the first year (and with babies it wasn’t easy), but it’s been worth it.

Try to brainstorm all possible ideas no matter how wacky. Move elsewhere in the country, move abroad?, buy a kit house or converted shipping container, a narrowboat... etc.